Loving Her Was My Only Mistake

My girlfriend was always mixing up my name with her ex's.

While she cooked, she'd call out without thinking: "King Mike, grab the bowls and chopsticks, dinner's ready."

The birthday gift she gave me came with a card that read, Happy birthday, my darling Mike.

Even in our most intimate moments, she'd whimper softly against my ear, "Mike, can you go a little easier."

After being called by the wrong name a thousand times over, my initial irritation had worn down into resignation.

All I could do was turn her face toward mine, hold her gaze, and say it again and again: "I'm Edgar James. Not Mike."

In time, before she said my name, Samantha would pause for two seconds, thinking.

Then she'd get those two syllables right: "Edgar."

I thought she'd finally broken the habit.

Until later, when her idealized love, Mike Fox, joined the same company we did.

After that, on the gift card at the company year-end party, she wrote Mike's name instead of mine again.

The red roses delivered to the office listed Mike as the recipient too.

Even during the proposal, kneeling in front of me, the name she called was—

"Mike, will you marry me!"

The I do jammed in my throat, stuck halfway, neither up nor down.

The excitement drained out of me all at once.

And suddenly I thought: what a complete waste of time this was.

……

When Samantha realized her mistake, her face went blank for a beat.

She scrambled to her feet to call out to me, but even then she stalled for two seconds before speaking.

"Edgar, I—"

The irony spread through my chest.

Even at a moment like this, she still had to think before she could say my name.

I knew what she wanted to say.

It was just habit, or maybe she was too nervous.

Three years together, and I was sick of hearing it.

I stepped back, out of reach of her hand.

"There's no need to say it."

"Let's break up."

"No—"

Samantha started to say something more.

But the coworkers nearby had heard the commotion and were gathering around.

When they saw the proposal, the place erupted.

"Oh my God, Director Mason actually proposed herself, and at the company retreat, no less!"

"Mike, so this is what's going on between you and Director James? Why didn't you ever tell us?"

I turned around and only then saw Mike standing a short distance away.

A tree by the path had blocked me completely from view.

From far off, it really did look like Samantha was kneeling in front of him.

Mike's eyes went wide with surprise, and in the next second, delight and disbelief rose in them.

The coworkers crowded around him, cheering and egging him on, pushing him forward toward Samantha.

Someone passing by yanked hard at my arm.

"They're in the middle of a proposal, what are you doing standing in the way like a third wheel?"

I stumbled.

Someone stepped on the cuff of my custom trousers, and the pin on my shirt snagged on something, tearing a hole clean through the fabric.

I shoved my way out of the crowd, a wreck.

When I lifted my head, the two of them were already ringed by circle after circle of people.

Mike, in his white shirt, stood at the center like a groom waiting for happiness to descend on him.

And I was just like everyone else around them, an extra in the crowd looking on at their joy.

Across the crowd, I met Samantha's eyes.

Her expression was complicated.

I saw her mouth open, as if she wanted to explain.

But seeing Mike so happy he'd broken into tears, she swallowed every word.

Smiling, she slid the engagement ring meant for me onto his ring finger.

I pulled my lips into a bitter curve. I didn't make a scene, didn't demand answers.

I just turned around in silence and walked away from the celebration that should have been mine.

The sky had darkened, and the wind off the river cut to the bone.