Chapter three

Leilani

I had never thought to question my knowledge of pain. It was that feeling I had when I hit my toe hard against a table’s edge when I wasn’t looking. The feeling I got after failing a quiz after studying so hard. It was that feeling when I had fallen so hard for Caspian Illinois for the first time, only to see him confessing his undying love to my twin sister and thanking her for saving him.

And now, I realized sickly what I knew hadn’t been enough. This was pain. The sight of my husband pining for another woman. The knowledge that he would never love me like he loved her.

A heavy sense of emptiness spread inside me as I watched him walk in after her, holding her hands like they were long lost lovers. 

Caspian had found her and brought her back. In the end, I had been nothing but a place holder. The thought left a bitter taste in my mouth.

Had I meant nothing to him at all?

“Caspian…” I said jerkily under my breath. “What is going on?”

He didn’t look surprised or guilty. He just watched me calmly as I asked him.

“She’ll be staying here,” he responded coldly. Just like that. It was like a blow to the heart, and I almost swayed at the devastating pain of it. She’ll be staying here. Like I was nothing.

“Staying… here?”

“Yes.”

I looked from him to her. She just stood there, watching me with that sick satisfied smile on her face. It had always been that way. She got what she wanted, always got what was hers. Even if it was mine first. I looked from her back to him and his blank face.

“I hate you.” The words were torn out of me in a jagged whisper, and I meant it. I wished there was something worse I could say, but I was just so broken I couldn’t think of anything else.

He clenched and unclenched his fists as he watched me but he said nothing in return. Lilac pouted, whining about being tired, he looked away from me to her and led her to the room. Our room. 

I watched them, and I couldn’t even cry. Moving mechanically, I focused on getting out of this space that made me want to retire to a mad house. I stayed in character throughout the ride, feverish in my desire not to let myself think. When I stopped, I was at my parents’ house. I greeted the children in the family house smiling even as I was dying on the inside.

I just wanted respite from the abnormalcy that was my life. To my surprise, my parents welcomed me with open arms and prepared my favourite meal. No one said anything about my coming home, but I just assumed it was one of the perks of being married to a billionaire, so I enjoyed it while it lasted.

Sleep didn’t come that night, and I went downstairs to get a drink, that was the moment I realized I had been fooling myself.

Halfway down the stairs, their hushed voices drifted to me, and I listened, white-faced, as they discussed me. My father sounded grim and my mother sounded pissed. 

“We can’t leave this house, of course,” my father spoke. “Caspian bought it for us, and he might take it back if—”

“We’ve been poor before,” my mother interrupted valiantly. “I can never go back to that. I can never allow it. Even if it means removing Leila. Lilac would do much better.”

I tiptoed back up the stairs, not wanting them to realize I overheard them. I got to my room and finally broke apart. They knew! They knew Lilac was back and wanted to get rid of me?! 

My inadequacies and weakness tore at me, and I pressed my hands harder against my mouth. All my life, I had always been second. Although Lilac and I were twins, we were treated so differently. I thought I might have redeemed myself by being so obedient and present to their needs these past two years, but I had been delusional. The tears that came were hard and ugly. Just like my life.

I don’t remember how I got back home. Home? I didn’t know if it could be called home. It now felt unfamiliar and empty. I walked in slowly, dragging my steps not knowing what to expect. 

My heart stuttered painfully as I entered to find Caspian at the table, I could not bear the sight of him eating with her and I was going to avert my gaze, but he called out.

“Leilani.” I paused on my steps, not turning. “Let’s talk,” his voice was calm.

Hope. Foolish, desperate hope brimmed in my chest as I turned to look at him and came to the sight of him sitting alone at the table. Lilac was nowhere in sight. For a moment… relief washed over me. Yet, something in me felt reluctant about ‘talking’. 

“I… can we talk later?” I asked softly.

“No,” he replied. “Come now.”

My hands trembled as I made my way to him, sitting in one of the empty chairs. Something didn’t feel right, but I pushed the thought away.

His unreadable gaze lingered on me for a second and my fingers twisted together underneath the table in anxiety.

“You said you wanted to talk…”

He took a sip from his tea before he spoke.

“Lilac told me everything.” 

My breathing stopped. Everything? The truth? What did she tell him?

“What… do you mean?” I asked, confused. I expected an explanation, anything at all. But I never would have expected what he said next.

“I’m sorry,” 

The words stunned me.

“I’m sorry for the past years,” he continued, “I was wrong to blame you.”

I froze. Caspian was… apologizing? My heart clenched painfully as I watched him in silence. He held my gaze with a softness I wasn’t used to seeing. It looked like…pity, and I hated it. 

“You’ve suffered because of me,” he continued. “I can’t give you back the wasted years but, I’ll compensate you.”

I was too shocked to say anything in return and the silence persisted for a while before he moved, reaching  down and pulling something up from beside the table. It was a briefcase. He placed it in front of me.

“You can take it.”

My brows furrowed in confusion as I slowly reached forward and opened it. My eyes widened at the stacks of money inside. My hands started to shake.

“What… is this?” I asked faintly, an ominous feeling warning me.

“Your compensation,” he said calmly.

The word hit me like a punch to the stomach. Compensation? For all the things he did to me, he was going to pay me off? While I tried to make sense of what was happening, he slid another document across the table. It stopped right in front of me. My eyes dropped to it and my world stopped rotating.

Divorce Agreement.

My vision blurred instantly. The ominous feeling was now at its peak.

“No…” I whispered.

My fingers trembled as I picked it up, my heart pounding violently in my chest.

“No… this isn’t…”

“This is the best solution,” he said.

I looked up at him, my entire body shaking.

“Solution?” My voice broke. “You just said you were going to compensate me–!”

“I was,” he replied.

“Then why are you doing this?” I cried. “Why are you giving me this?!”

“This marriage was never meant to happen, Leilani,” he said finally. “I’m setting you free.”

Chapter Four

Leilani

I don’t know how long I stayed there in the chair before I could gather enough strength to walk out of his house. Numb. Dead on the inside. By the time I got to Asaph’s apartment, my hands were shaking so badly I could barely knock. The door opened almost immediately.

“Leila?” she frowned. “What happened to you—”

I  stumbled forward, tears blurring my vision. I leaned in her arms and sobbed so hard I couldn’t breathe.

“He… he gave me money,” I cried. “Like I was nothing… like I was something he could just pay off and throw away…”

Asaph stiffened. “What?”

“And… and a divorce letter,” I whispered, my voice breaking into pieces. “He said it was compensation…”

Her grip on me tightened.

“That bastard,” she muttered angrily. “That heartless bastard!”

I shook my head, crying harder. “He apologised… he said he was wrong… and then he still left me…”

Asaph didn’t say anything else. She just held me as I cried like my world had ended. The nausea that had been building up inside me all day peaked, and I vomited all over her. The bitter taste of bile in my mouth made me cry even harder and I apologized to Asaph who had been soaked in my vomit, even as I cried. She invited me into the house, cleaning me up and giving me new clothes. Everything was blissfully quiet and dark afterwards. 

Sometimes I would just sit there, staring into space, hearing his voice over and over again, and each time, it hurt like it was happening all over again.

I felt weak and sick. I had been forced by Asaph to take in breakfast but again I threw everything up. Asaph followed quickly. “Leila? Are you okay?”

“I… I don’t know,” I whispered, holding onto the sink. We were in the hospital moments later, my heart pounding loudly in my chest as I sat there, waiting for my results. Asaph had suggested a pregnancy test and I had taken it just to prove to her that it was just malaria or my emotional stress taking its toll. But deep down…I was afraid.

The doctor smiled gently as she walked to the waiting room, giving me the results.

“Congratulations,” she said. “You’re pregnant.”

My fear was confirmed. I was carrying his child. It was from the one night we shared. Tears filled my eyes and an influx of feelings. A mix of fear… pain… and something else.

What was I supposed to do? Go back to him? Beg him?

My chest tightened painfully. He had already made his choice and I didn’t want him trapped or hating me again.

“I’m keeping the baby,” My voice was a little more than a croak as I whispered to a concerned Asaph.

She had tears rimming her eyes as she stared at me deeply. “Leila. Are you sure?”

I nodded slowly.

“It’s mine,” I whispered. “Even if he doesn’t want me… this child is mine.”

She reached for my hand and squeezed it. 

“I’m so sorry about this, Leila. We’ll figure it out together.” She pulled me into a comforting hug as I bawled my heart out.

Three months later, I left quietly without telling anyone. I changed my name, starting a new life in a different city.

Six years later…

“Ms. Vale, the meeting is in thirty minutes.”

I nodded, adjusting my blazer as I looked at my reflection. Leilani was gone and I was someone else. I was the CEO of Palmfrond enterprises, a fast growing multi-million dollar enterprise, known internationally. A proud mother to Lisande, a beautiful and smart five year old, and one of the city’s most powerful investors.

I was back as a different person. But the city hadn’t changed.

“Ms. Vale,” someone greeted politely. “Your potential partner is already inside.”

I nodded in response and turned to look at my reflection, smiling proudly at how far I had come. 

I had prayed for answers, but nothing came to me, and it hurt to think that even God had been silent. And so I had simply worked. My job and my child made me feel important, and that was the next best thing to happiness. My job made me feel respected, even if I was unloved. So I worked, and worked, and worked, until I couldn’t breathe anymore.

Now I was back in the city that raised me, to expand my name.

Chapter Five

Caspian

She was not the woman I fell in love with. She had changed beyond reasoning and I was left wondering how it all started and where it all went wrong.

“Where are you coming from, Lilac?” I asked solemnly, knowing she had not gone to the fashion show she had told me about. A glance at the clock brought my eyes to the time. 2:45am.

She didn't respond as she smiled slyly, reaching for my shirt and unbuttoning it as she dropped breathless open-mouthed kisses around my chest and down my neck.

There was the scent of a different fragrance on her. A man’s perfume. Unbothered by her ministrations, I asked again. “Who were you with?”

“Who?” She asked distractedly, her fingers trailing down to my pants.

I caught her hand, my hold tight enough that she whimpered, her green eyes searching mine in confusion.

“I told you where I went Cass! I went to the fashion show.” She whined, returning to my chest but I stopped her again.

I had been noticing her suspicious involvement with other men but waved it off as me being suspicious but I had a guard follow her and got reports that she had gone to House of Mami. A place known for unmarried women who were not sexually satisfied in their marriages. 

I smiled wryly and in self pity as she got off of me. I was surprised to find her eyes glistening with tears. I stared at her, completely baffled. I, Caspian Blaze, was being cuckolded and deceived by my fiancee. 

“When are we going to get married, Caspian?” She sighed softly, grabbing me by the sleeve. She had tears in her eyes as she looked up at me. “You said you were not going to touch a woman you are not married to. I want you Cass.”

Six years ago, if anyone had told me I would feel nothing but disgust from Lilac’s touch, I would have called them a liar. 

“Go to sleep, Lilac. Let’s talk later.” I ended curtly, releasing my wrist from her. 

She stared at me with parted lips in surprise as I made my way out of the room. 

For some reason, the tears did not stir me as much as hers had done when I divorced her years ago. My heart had squeezed painfully as I watched her cry because of me, as she left. 

Leilana.

Just the thought of her name ignited something in me, and for a moment all I could see was her long blond hair spilling over her shoulders and down her back in luscious curls and those expressive Hazel green eyes that tormented my nightmares and dreams. The way she used to look at me like I was her whole world. And the way I destroyed it. This was how it started every night- my sleeplessness. It was my own karma, a torture for the years I had her punished.

Morning came very slowly, and I was more than desperate to go straight to the office. I needed a distraction and work was the only thing that still made sense. But the moment I stepped in, I knew something was wrong.

My assistant hurried toward me, her face tense.

“Sir… we have a problem.”

I didn’t stop walking. “What is it?”

“The investor from the Ardent deal… pulled out.”

My steps slowed.

“What?”

“He signed with another company this morning.”

My jaw tightened. “Which company?”

She hesitated.

“Palmfrond Enterprises.”

I stopped completely.

That made it the second time in one month. Two major investors were gone, and both times… the same company took them.

“Get me everything on them,” I said coldly. “I want a meeting with their CEO. Today.”

By noon, the meeting was set with Palmfrond Enterprises. I had heard of them. A fast-growing tech company. Quiet and strategic. Something about them didn’t sit right with me. I arrived at their building fifteen minutes early. It was clean, modern and looked expensive. They were doing very well.

At the reception, I gave my name.

“I have a meeting with your CEO.”

The receptionist smiled politely. “You’ll have to wait, sir. They’re currently in a meeting.”

I nodded in answer and took a seat. Time passed slowly and my patience was wearing thin. Just then, the conference room doors opened and everything stopped functioning.

She walked out looking confident, and composed. Every bit the CEO of a company that could snatch investors from me, twice.

But that was not what shocked me. It was those eyes… Those same eyes that had followed me for years. That haunted my sleep.

My breath caught as I came to a slow realization as our eyes met.

Leilani.