Chapter One

Leilani

Caspian Blaize was never meant to be mine.

Even now, two years into this marriage, that truth sat heavy in my chest like a lump of unshed tears. 

He was supposed to marry my sister. Lilac. The one everyone loved. The one he loved.

But Lilac disappeared the night before the wedding. And by morning, I was standing at the altar in her place. A replacement and a solution. A mistake he would never forgive.

He never touched me after the wedding. In his eyes, I was the reason Lilac was gone, the reason she had been crippled years ago and the reason everything fell apart.

Caspian had never raised his voice at me or mistreated me. But living with him… had been its own kind of quiet torture. Watching him search for her desperately like a lost kid calling out for its mother. Hearing him mutter her name in his sleep. Seeing him sometimes look at her picture with longing. Her pictures were hung everywhere in the house. None of mine existed. Not even the wedding pictures. All I had was his surname.

“Through your vicious scheming. You have wrecked my relationship with Lilac.” His words from our wedding night still echoed clearly in my mind. “The title of being my wife is all you’ll ever get.”

And he had kept that promise.

We lived in the same house first like strangers, then roommates, but never lovers. 

Today was our second wedding anniversary. Or rather, the anniversary of the day he lost her.

Every year, he left without fail. He would disappear for the entire day, or longer. While I stayed home to celebrate another year of loneliness. 

So when I heard the sound of his car pulling into the driveway that evening… I froze. I almost thought I was imagining things until I heard clearly the familiar hum of his car's engine cutting off. 

My heart began to beat faster as I moved toward the window, almost afraid of what I would see. And then… there he was, standing outside. Our eyes met from where he stood and a strange shiver ran down my spine. He was… grinning at me? 

My heart skipped without warning. I had never seen him look so boyishly happy and excited. Like he had been waiting all day to see me.

I didn’t have time to understand what was happening before my bedroom door flung open. He walked in without knocking and the scent of alcohol reached me first. My fingers curled slightly at my sides in understanding. He was drunk. Yet the realization did nothing to calm my racing heart. I hated how he still affected me even after all these years.

“Caspian…?” I called softly.

He didn’t answer. He just kept looking at me. But not with the cold distance I had gotten used to seeing. His tie hung loose around his neck, his chest slightly exposed. His raven dark hair fell over his forehead and though I could smell the alcohol from this distance, his eyes were transfixed on my every move. He watched me like a predator tracking its prey. Like a man hungry and starved. He had never looked at me that way. Like he wanted me… desired me…

“Lilac…”

My breath caught shakily. Of course. It wasn’t me. Feelings of pain, humiliation and anger coursed through me.  

His shirt hit the ground and for whatever reason my lungs refused to function normally. All  the questions I had to ask had disappeared as he stalked towards me.

Caspian reached me and I shuffled backwards, wanting to keep the distance between us. But he persisted until there was no space between us. His hands, when they touched me, were gentle. Careful. Like he was afraid I might break.

I found myself shivering. I should have stopped him. I tried to stop him…

“Caspian please. We… can’t do this,” The protest was weak as it left my lips. He pulled me closer, cupping my head and leaving a kiss on my chin, my neck, and behind my ear. He was ravenous, impatient. His lips searched lower and lower until they got between my breasts, his hands grabbing them. I stopped him.

Looking down at him was a mistake. He watched me with eyes filled with adoration and something close to obsession and need. He was waiting for me. Waiting for her. Something inside me broke. 

 “I love you”  He whispered as his lips came down on mine.

The sudden heady shot of desire that coursed through me was something I never prepared for. Our first kiss. He loves her. He still loved her.

I fought against the urge to give in, thinking about another woman while being with me was reason enough. But I was beyond reasoning as I caved, brick by brick, surrendering my body to a man who would never love me. Just for one night… I allowed myself pretend.

Morning came too quickly. When I opened my eyes, he was already awake sitting at the edge of the bed with his back to me.

He had one hand pressed tightly against his forehead like he was trying to piece together fragments of a night he didn’t want to remember.

My heart clenched and unclenched as I sat up slowly. What was I to say? Apologise? Explain? Walk out? The silence was suffocating and I felt like fish out of water as I struggled to breathe. 

He turned and the moment his eyes met mine, the softness was gone. All that remained was cold, sharp hatred.

“Last night was the biggest mistake of my life.” He said unflinchingly. 

His words hit me hard, my chest hurting like someone drove a knife through me. I sat there trembling, with anger and pain and incoherent thoughts.

A bitter laugh slipped out before I could stop it.

“Is that all you’re going to say?” I asked.

He paused slightly, without turning.

“I expected that,” I continued, my voice shaking. “It’s always my fault, right? I’m the villain in your love story.”

His shoulders stiffened but he remained quiet, putting on his clothes. I stood up, clutching the sheets around me.

“For two years, Caspian,” I said, my voice rising, “you’ve looked at me like I ruined your life. He watched with eyes as cold as a reptile's. Like I was putting on a show for him.

“You think I took your precious Lilac away from you?” I went on. “You think I crippled her? That I made her disappear?”

My chest rose and fell with each word.

“I’m not doing this with you. You succeeded in getting what you wanted by seducing me–”

“I seduced you? You married me,” I cut in sharply. “You had the choice not to yet you did! It’s absolutely normal for a married couple to have sex!” My throat tightened with emotion. I didn’t want him to see me cry.

“Do you realise that I too had lost my sister? But you never cared about that, did you?” I said, looking straight at him.  “You were too busy hating me for something I didn’t do.”

The tears I fought hard to keep, rolled freely from my eyes. For a moment I thought I saw something shift in his expression. Guilt? Pity? But it disappeared just as quickly. 

“Are you done?” he asked flatly.

The words felt like a slap. His gaze swept over me with disgust and impatience.

“Whatever you think you’ve convinced yourself of doesn’t change anything.”

My fingers tightened around the sheets.

“Last night was a mistake,” he repeated, dipping me in icy water with his words. “And it will never happen again.”

“From now on… we’ll stay in separate rooms.”

And with that he was gone, leaving me alone, a crumpled crying mess.

Chapter Two

Leilani

I didn't expect to see him the next morning when I descended the steps. His intense gaze was lasered on me as I descended the steps. He was seated at the dining table, his food untouched.

“Good morning.” I greeted, cautiously.

“Good morning.” He responded coolly and picked up his utensils the moment I settled in a chair. I had thought it would be a one-off thing, but instead it had become a

daily occurrence. Caspian waited for me before he ate. What time he finished with work didn’t matter. He would always be there, waiting, even as we ate together in tense silence.

And he always looked so handsome when he prepared for work in the mornings. So damn gorgeous. 

I raised my eyes to steal a glance only to find him already staring at me.

Oh my God.

Breathe, Leila. Breathe. But I had to tear my gaze away from him in order to do so. 

“Are you alright?”

“Yes. I’m fine.” I forced my lips to move, careful not to meet his eyes. I hadn’t expected him to say anything to me. 

He nodded once and went back to eating. I gripped the edge of the table deciding to take the opportunity to talk. “We need to talk.”

His hand paused. “About what?”

“Last night.”

His expression hardened. “There’s nothing to talk about. It was a mistake.”

The words stung, but I forced myself to continue. “Maybe for you. But for me, It wasn’t nothing.”

He let out a quiet breath and his jaw tightened. “It shouldn’t have happened.”

“It was my first time.”

He went completely still and his eyes lifted to mine, searching. “You’re lying.”

“I’m not.”

He leaned back slightly, running a hand through his hair, visibly thrown off.

“You should have told me,” The gentleness in his gaze shocked me as he

spoke the words.

I thought nothing of it and gave a faint, sad smile. “Would it have changed anything?”

He didn’t answer.

I pushed my chair back, heading out and leaving him with his thoughts. Later that day, my best friend sat across from me in a restaurant.  

The restaurant was warm, filled with happy people and laughter, but none of it reached me.

“I’m serious, Leila,” Asaph said, leaning forward. “You need to get a job. Do something with your life.”

I let out a tired sigh, stirring my drink absentmindedly. “It’s not that simple.”

“It is that simple. You were the best graduating student in Business Studies. People would fight to have you.”

I shook my head slowly. “Not anymore.”

She frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I tried,” I admitted quietly. “I asked to work at Caspian’s company.”

“And?”

“He said his wife doesn’t need to work.”

Her expression darkened. “He is just controlling you!”

 I forced a small smile. “Even if I wanted to apply elsewhere, it wouldn’t matter. My surname alone would get me rejected. No one wants to deal with… complications.”

She stared at me, clearly frustrated. “So you’re just going to sit at home and waste yourself?”

Before I could answer, my phone rang. I glanced at the screen and my chest constricted painfully. My parents. It was never good when they called. I hesitated… then picked up.

“Hello?”

“You’ve been quiet,” my mother’s voice came through immediately. “We need money. Your father’s business isn’t doing well.”

I closed my eyes briefly, my hands wedging my forehead.

“I sent money last week.”

“And it’s finished,” she snapped. “What do you expect us to do? Starve? If only your sister was the one married to a billionaire. She’d never complain!”

Pain settled heavily in my chest.

“I’ll send more,” I said softly.

“Make sure you do,” she added before the line went dead.

I slowly lowered the phone.

My friend was watching me, her expression annoyed.

“Let me guess,” she said. “More money?”

I gave a weak nod.

She leaned back, shaking her head. “Leila… you’re being drained from every side. Your husband controls you, your family uses you, and you’re just… allowing them.”

Her words hit hard. “I don’t have a choice,” I whispered. Or did I?

I got home to a quiet house. Caspian must have gone to work from when I left the house but it was already evening and he would be back soon. I pulled out my phone and called him and he picked up after a few rings. 

“I’ll be home late.”

“Okay,” I said softly. Before I could say anything else, the line went dead.

I went about preparing dinner. I was going to try again and see if he would concede. I stayed up waiting for him to return but he never did. I had no idea when I fell asleep but when I woke up, dinner had gone cold and it was 2am. I assumed he was busy and went to bed. 

The next day, he didn’t come home. The day after that too. His phone stopped going through and just went straight to voicemail whenever I tried reaching him. It left me worried because it was something he hadn’t done before.

I called his office and they told me he hadn’t been in. That’s when fear really set in. This wasn’t normal. I paced the living room, my heart racing.

Should I call the police? Was something wrong? I barely slept or ate as I worried and I already was at the peak of my worry by day four when I heard the sound of the door unlocking. 

My heart jumped as I got out of my sitting position. He was back. Relief flooded through me so fast it almost hurt. I rushed to the door, feeling tightness in my chest, a thousand emotions crashing at once.

“Caspian, where have you—”

The words died in my throat. My eyes widened in horror and shock, and then in recognition. It wasn’t Caspian who stood at the door. It was me. Or at least, someone who looked exactly like me. Same face. Same eyes. Same everything.

The woman tilted her head slightly, a slow smile forming on her lips.

“Hello there Sister…” she said softly.

Chapter three

Leilani

I had never thought to question my knowledge of pain. It was that feeling I had when I hit my toe hard against a table’s edge when I wasn’t looking. The feeling I got after failing a quiz after studying so hard. It was that feeling when I had fallen so hard for Caspian Illinois for the first time, only to see him confessing his undying love to my twin sister and thanking her for saving him.

And now, I realized sickly what I knew hadn’t been enough. This was pain. The sight of my husband pining for another woman. The knowledge that he would never love me like he loved her.

A heavy sense of emptiness spread inside me as I watched him walk in after her, holding her hands like they were long lost lovers. 

Caspian had found her and brought her back. In the end, I had been nothing but a place holder. The thought left a bitter taste in my mouth.

Had I meant nothing to him at all?

“Caspian…” I said jerkily under my breath. “What is going on?”

He didn’t look surprised or guilty. He just watched me calmly as I asked him.

“She’ll be staying here,” he responded coldly. Just like that. It was like a blow to the heart, and I almost swayed at the devastating pain of it. She’ll be staying here. Like I was nothing.

“Staying… here?”

“Yes.”

I looked from him to her. She just stood there, watching me with that sick satisfied smile on her face. It had always been that way. She got what she wanted, always got what was hers. Even if it was mine first. I looked from her back to him and his blank face.

“I hate you.” The words were torn out of me in a jagged whisper, and I meant it. I wished there was something worse I could say, but I was just so broken I couldn’t think of anything else.

He clenched and unclenched his fists as he watched me but he said nothing in return. Lilac pouted, whining about being tired, he looked away from me to her and led her to the room. Our room. 

I watched them, and I couldn’t even cry. Moving mechanically, I focused on getting out of this space that made me want to retire to a mad house. I stayed in character throughout the ride, feverish in my desire not to let myself think. When I stopped, I was at my parents’ house. I greeted the children in the family house smiling even as I was dying on the inside.

I just wanted respite from the abnormalcy that was my life. To my surprise, my parents welcomed me with open arms and prepared my favourite meal. No one said anything about my coming home, but I just assumed it was one of the perks of being married to a billionaire, so I enjoyed it while it lasted.

Sleep didn’t come that night, and I went downstairs to get a drink, that was the moment I realized I had been fooling myself.

Halfway down the stairs, their hushed voices drifted to me, and I listened, white-faced, as they discussed me. My father sounded grim and my mother sounded pissed. 

“We can’t leave this house, of course,” my father spoke. “Caspian bought it for us, and he might take it back if—”

“We’ve been poor before,” my mother interrupted valiantly. “I can never go back to that. I can never allow it. Even if it means removing Leila. Lilac would do much better.”

I tiptoed back up the stairs, not wanting them to realize I overheard them. I got to my room and finally broke apart. They knew! They knew Lilac was back and wanted to get rid of me?! 

My inadequacies and weakness tore at me, and I pressed my hands harder against my mouth. All my life, I had always been second. Although Lilac and I were twins, we were treated so differently. I thought I might have redeemed myself by being so obedient and present to their needs these past two years, but I had been delusional. The tears that came were hard and ugly. Just like my life.

I don’t remember how I got back home. Home? I didn’t know if it could be called home. It now felt unfamiliar and empty. I walked in slowly, dragging my steps not knowing what to expect. 

My heart stuttered painfully as I entered to find Caspian at the table, I could not bear the sight of him eating with her and I was going to avert my gaze, but he called out.

“Leilani.” I paused on my steps, not turning. “Let’s talk,” his voice was calm.

Hope. Foolish, desperate hope brimmed in my chest as I turned to look at him and came to the sight of him sitting alone at the table. Lilac was nowhere in sight. For a moment… relief washed over me. Yet, something in me felt reluctant about ‘talking’. 

“I… can we talk later?” I asked softly.

“No,” he replied. “Come now.”

My hands trembled as I made my way to him, sitting in one of the empty chairs. Something didn’t feel right, but I pushed the thought away.

His unreadable gaze lingered on me for a second and my fingers twisted together underneath the table in anxiety.

“You said you wanted to talk…”

He took a sip from his tea before he spoke.

“Lilac told me everything.” 

My breathing stopped. Everything? The truth? What did she tell him?

“What… do you mean?” I asked, confused. I expected an explanation, anything at all. But I never would have expected what he said next.

“I’m sorry,” 

The words stunned me.

“I’m sorry for the past years,” he continued, “I was wrong to blame you.”

I froze. Caspian was… apologizing? My heart clenched painfully as I watched him in silence. He held my gaze with a softness I wasn’t used to seeing. It looked like…pity, and I hated it. 

“You’ve suffered because of me,” he continued. “I can’t give you back the wasted years but, I’ll compensate you.”

I was too shocked to say anything in return and the silence persisted for a while before he moved, reaching  down and pulling something up from beside the table. It was a briefcase. He placed it in front of me.

“You can take it.”

My brows furrowed in confusion as I slowly reached forward and opened it. My eyes widened at the stacks of money inside. My hands started to shake.

“What… is this?” I asked faintly, an ominous feeling warning me.

“Your compensation,” he said calmly.

The word hit me like a punch to the stomach. Compensation? For all the things he did to me, he was going to pay me off? While I tried to make sense of what was happening, he slid another document across the table. It stopped right in front of me. My eyes dropped to it and my world stopped rotating.

Divorce Agreement.

My vision blurred instantly. The ominous feeling was now at its peak.

“No…” I whispered.

My fingers trembled as I picked it up, my heart pounding violently in my chest.

“No… this isn’t…”

“This is the best solution,” he said.

I looked up at him, my entire body shaking.

“Solution?” My voice broke. “You just said you were going to compensate me–!”

“I was,” he replied.

“Then why are you doing this?” I cried. “Why are you giving me this?!”

“This marriage was never meant to happen, Leilani,” he said finally. “I’m setting you free.”