After My 99th Suicide, I Forgot My Alpha

In the three years since I became Zander's mate, I've tried to kill myself ninety-nine times.

Kidnapped by a rival pack in my youth, years of torture nearly destroyed me.

I clawed my way back to the Crescent Moon Pack, only to find my place had been taken by an adopted daughter, Vivian.

My Beta parents doted on her, and my fated mate—the Alpha himself—had eyes only for her.

I begged them, told them my kidnapping and my suicide attempts weren't accidents, but all I ever heard was:

"Ember, you're delusional. You just wandered off and got lost."

"You tried to drown yourself in the river."

The people closest to me, and not one of them believed me.

Until the ninety-ninth time. Another "suicide."

When I woke up three days later, I rubbed my aching head. My eyes were vacant, my own gaze foreign to me.

I had forgotten who I was, forgotten the humiliation I'd endured, forgotten the desperate girl who had thrown away her dignity for a scrap of her Alpha's affection.

At the pack ceremony, while everyone waited for me to fawn pathetically over Zander, a single tear slid down my cheek for reasons I couldn't comprehend.

I wiped it away and, under the shocked stares of the entire pack, announced calmly:

"Zander," my voice was steady. "I don't love you anymore. So I, Ember of the Crescent Moon Pack, hereby reject you as my mate."

"This little act again?" Zander sneered, his eyes glinting with the same casual contempt they always held for me.

But he didn't know.

This time, I was leaving him for good.

It wasn't until I vanished completely that the ones who'd never believed me were the ones who truly went mad.

In the three years since I became Zander's mate, I've tried to kill myself ninety-nine times.

Kidnapped by a rival pack in my youth, years of torture nearly destroyed me.

I clawed my way back to the Crescent Moon Pack, only to find my place had been taken by an adopted daughter, Vivian.

My Beta parents doted on her, and my fated mate—the Alpha himself—had eyes only for her.

I begged them, told them my kidnapping and my suicide attempts weren't accidents, but all I ever heard was:

"Ember, you're delusional. You just wandered off and got lost."

"You tried to drown yourself in the river."

The people closest to me, and not one of them believed me.

Until the ninety-ninth time. Another "suicide."

When I woke up three days later, I rubbed my aching head. My eyes were vacant, my own gaze foreign to me.

I had forgotten who I was, forgotten the humiliation I'd endured, forgotten the desperate girl who had thrown away her dignity for a scrap of her Alpha's affection.

At the pack ceremony, while everyone waited for me to fawn pathetically over Zander, a single tear slid down my cheek for reasons I couldn't comprehend.

I wiped it away and, under the shocked stares of the entire pack, announced calmly:

"Zander," my voice was steady. "I don't love you anymore. So I, Ember of the Crescent Moon Pack, hereby reject you as my mate."

"This little act again?" Zander sneered, his eyes glinting with the same casual contempt they always held for me.

But he didn't know.

This time, I was leaving him for good.

It wasn't until I vanished completely that the ones who'd never believed me were the ones who truly went mad.

...

The next time I woke, I was in a room in the pack infirmary.

"She's awake! Go get the Beta and his mate!"

The stark white light made me squint. The cloying scent of antiseptic burned my nostrils and made my stomach churn. I struggled to sit up, my head splitting. My mind was a perfect blank. I couldn't remember a thing.

"Another suicide attempt, Ember? Is faking amnesia your new strategy?"

A middle-aged couple sat by the bed. The moment I opened my eyes, they were frowning at me. The woman's voice was laced with undisguised disgust.

"Who are you trying to fool with that innocent act? Don't go thinking you're the real Luna. If your bloodline hadn't suddenly awakened during the Moon Goddess ceremony, the Alpha would never have been forced to mark someone as worthless as you."

Her wolf surfaced slightly in her anger as she spoke. "He doesn't care about you. It doesn't matter how many 'accidents' you stage for his attention. All these years, has he ever given a single damn whether you live or die?"

"We've already spent thirty thousand dollars saving you from yourself," the man said coldly. "Do you have any idea how much Vivian contributes to this pack? She is the Luna this pack deserves."

"This time, she was the one who found you trying to drown yourself in the river. She saved your life, Ember. The least you can do is step aside for her."

I stared at them, bewildered. My own wolf was terrifyingly silent, as if it had been completely suppressed.

Through their merciless tirade, a shattered version of myself began to take shape.

My parents told me my name was Ember, the eldest daughter of the Crescent Moon Pack's Beta family.

They said I was a willful, difficult child who had run away from home, breaking their hearts. I hadn't been able to make it on my own in the outside world and had come crawling back with wild stories about being kidnapped—lies spun from jealousy, they claimed, because they had given their love to another.

As they spoke, a deep, instinctual revulsion rose in me. I knew, in a place deeper than memory, that this was not the truth.

Later, during the Moon Goddess ceremony, my bloodline finally awakened, and I found my fated mate—I shared a destined bond with the Crescent Moon Pack's Alpha, Zander.

But I never could have imagined that even the place of Luna in his heart was already reserved for Vivian.

Broken memories flooded my mind—fractured phrases, all dripping with his undisguised contempt.

"The position of Luna? You think you're worthy?"

"This all belongs to Vivian."

"You were a rogue for too long, Ember. Why can't you learn your place?"

Even after I came back, I was an afterthought, a ghost in my own home, constantly overlooked. Not by my parents, and not by my fated mate.

And I was lying here this time because, after countless agonizing and helpless attempts to change my fate, I had finally chosen to end it in despair.

This was, apparently, the ninety-ninth time.

And I still hadn't managed to die.

"That's enough. We need to go help Vivian prepare her gown for the Moon Goddess Festival," my father said, rising. His powerful Beta stance radiated impatience. "If you've truly lost your memory, then all the better."

"At least you'll stop pestering Zander and causing him trouble."

The moment the heavy wooden doors of the infirmary closed, a pain so sharp it felt like it was tearing my soul apart shot through my chest. I had no memory of them, yet the feeling of being abandoned by the entire world was terrifyingly real, as if etched into my very bones.

So it was true. Parents could exist who didn't love their own blood, and an Alpha could exist who cared nothing for his fated mate.

What was even more horrifying was that these people, the ones who should have been my closest allies, were the ones who had driven me to this edge.

I didn't dare to think too deeply about it. Just hearing these unfamiliar stories of my past made my heart ache as if it were being carved up by a silver blade.

I slowly pushed myself up and staggered out of the infirmary. But as I stood in the center of the pack's main square, I had no idea where to go. I couldn't remember where my parents lived, or where Zander's house was.

The sad truth was, neither of those places was a home to me. Neither would welcome a "waste" like me.

Suddenly, a commotion erupted at the entrance to the square. A powerful Alpha's presence washed over the area like a tidal wave. I looked up to see a man bursting through the crowd, a woman cradled in his arms.

He was tall and powerfully built, radiating an Alpha aura that screamed dominance. The woman he carried had a cascade of dark hair, and even her pale complexion couldn't hide her beauty as she pressed her face against his chest.

He held her protectively, his arms tightened in a display of primal possession. He even softened his steps, as if afraid of jostling her in the slightest.

"Move!"

His voice was low, but it held an undeniable command that had the onlookers parting for him like the sea.

"Gods, is that our Alpha?" someone behind me whispered, their voice trembling.

"Who else could it be but Alpha Zander? Who else in the entire Crescent Moon Pack has that kind of presence? Didn't you see how the other wolves scattered...?"

I froze, my blood turning to ice.

So this was my Alpha husband, Zander.

And the woman in his arms had to be my adopted sister, Vivian.

As the man rushed past me, his stride faltered for a fraction of a second. His eyes, dark as the abyss, swept over me, as cold as an arctic wind. In that instant, my wolf thrashed instinctively, wanting to answer its mate's presence, but it was pinned down by some invisible force.

Then, just as quickly, he looked away, hurrying toward the pack's healing sanctuary with the woman in his arms.

My frail body trembled violently, whether from cold or despair, I couldn't tell.

Just as I was about to leave, I heard heavy footsteps behind me. Zander had returned and was walking straight toward me.

"Ember," he said, stopping in front of me. His voice was flat. "You're recovered?"

He seized my wrist, his grip so tight I thought my bones would shatter. "Do you still remember the ancient purification prayer?"

Before I could answer, he was hauling me toward the sanctuary like I was nothing more than prey.

"Vivian was cut by a cursed silver blade. The poison is consuming her wolf. Only a cleansing ritual to the Moon Goddess, channeled through our fated bond, can save her."

"I don't understand..."

Before I could finish, Zander grabbed my shoulders and forced me to my knees before the sanctuary's lunar altar.

"You don't need to understand. Just do as you're told."

"Start the chant. Now!"

I looked at him blankly, unable to recall any such chant. A flicker of impatience crossed his eyes before he grabbed my hand, forcing my wolf to connect with his.

A violent pain shot through my entire body. I could feel what little lunar energy I had left being forcibly drained from me, channeled through the ritual and into Vivian. My vision blurred, and I nearly passed out.

When the ritual was over, I collapsed before the altar, barely able to stand.

"I told you, Ember. Vivian saved you from your own foolishness, despite the lies you've spread about her. You should be thanking her. The least you can do is return the favor."