When Everything Is Broken And Torn

After 20 years of being a full-time mother and raising children, I held the wedding invitation and asked my husband, “Twenty years ago, you said you would hold a wedding banquet when you made money. Can you replace the can ring with a real ring now?”

My husband declined reluctantly.

“There is no need for formalism. I will ask my assistant to accompany you to pick a diamond ring next month.”

My daughter-in-law clung to my son’s arms.

“Mom, you are old now. Don’t do things that make others laugh.”

But that night I received a message sent through Airdrop. It was the wedding photos that my husband and my bestie had just taken, attached was their wedding invitation.

The date was a week later. The invitees were my son, daughter-in-law and my father.

I was immediately cold all over.

My bestie was my husband’s secretary.

A week later, it was also the anniversary of my eldest daughter’s death. I ironed my husband’s suit for the “business trip”, watched my son and daughter-in-law put on the dresses I had chosen and sent them out.

My daughter-in-law smiled mischievously.

“Mom, you have always been frugal, so you don’t have to go to the market today. We will have a good meal tonight and pack some leftovers for you to save money.”

My best friend came late and left with my husband’s arm.

Looking at their backs, I changed the password at home and sent the divorce agreement to my husband’s company.

After wasting twenty years in family chores, I should be better to myself.

——

“You are old and ugly, why do you still wear a wedding dress? Hadley, I have to fly to Drodon on a business trip tomorrow morning. Don’t bother me with these nonsense. I’ll ask my assistant to take you to buy a diamond ring. Isn’t money more practical than a wedding, which is an unnecessary event? You think about it all the time. Are you sick from idleness? Look at your best friend Hanley, who is in her forties and has been working hard for her career. She is my secretary and has not married yet. You stay at home all day and enjoy a comfortable life. You have no worries about food and clothing and no work pressure. Don’t be ungrateful.”

My husband, Bernard, put down the financial report and looked at me, his eyes full of disapproval.

As soon as he finished speaking, his daughter-in-law rubbed her sleepy eyes and came up to him.

“Mom, you are fifty years old and still holding a wedding, aren’t you ashamed? If you really do what you said, people will laugh at us. Dad’s company is at a critical moment of listing and we can’t afford to lose this man.”

My hand that was cutting fruit paused and the blade scratched my finger that was pierced when I was mending clothes two days ago and blood splattered all over the chopping board.

I put on a band-aid while enduring the severe pain and handed the cut fruit to them to eat.

“Oh, Hadley won’t understand what you say to her. She is a housewife and has not been in society for so many years. How can she understand these? It’s better for you to talk to Hanley.”

My father poked a piece of apple and put it in his mouth, looking at me with emotion.

“Hanley is about the same age as you, but she looks younger and more energetic than you.

Hadley, you grew up together. You should also reflect on yourself and think about why you are not as good as her now.”

As soon as these words came out, the atmosphere suddenly became awkward.

Bernard coughed lightly.

“Hadley, Dad is old and likes to nag. Don’t take it too seriously. Dad, you too, Hadley is your daughter after all…”

My father interrupted disapprovingly and ate the last small tomato on the plate.

“She has no future, how can I say that? You can’t see it when you are young, but the difference becomes more obvious as you grow older. If you ask me, I still want Hanley to be my daughter. She is smart and capable, unlike Hadley, who is lazy and has no ambition. She quit her job as soon as she got married and relied on men for support. Didn’t you tell me last time that you regretted getting married too early? Hanley will help your career. She is the best candidate to be your wife. Have you forgotten?”

Bernard’s face became a little ugly, but he didn’t refute.

Everyone looked at me.

I stood there motionless, my mind short-circuited and blank.

“I do admire Hanley. She is better than Hadley in every aspect, whether in appearance, talent or ability. But Hadley has been with me for more than 20 years and is my wife.”

After a long silence, I bent down, picked up the empty plate and walked into the kitchen mechanically.

The water rushed and the wound was soaked in water and hurt badly.

I looked at my peeling and red hands, clumsy and vicissitudes and suddenly some regrets arose in my heart.

Serving my father, serving my husband, serving my son and daughter-in-law.

I was on duty 24 hours a day, taking care of my family’s daily life all year round, busy like a spinning top, day after day, year after year.