The Sixtieth Time He Chose Death, I Chose to Leave

My husband, Lucas Powell, chose our anniversary for his sixtieth suicide attempt. He thought he had succeeded when he jumped into the sea. Unfortunately for him, the next day he opened his eyes, his gaze met my cold face.

“You made me miss Veronica’s airport pickup by forcing me to celebrate our seventh anniversary. How could you be so cruel!” he shouted angrily.

To Lucas, I was always the cruel one. Every time something small happened with Veronica Rutherford, he tried to kill himself. This time, it was because Veronica finally came back to the UK and we were still at sea.

Since my husband missed meeting her, Veronica ignored him and he jumped off the yacht we were on. I had already slipped his suicide note into the box. Sixty times. I took out a divorce paper I had prepared long ago.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“What are you up to? Are you pretending to play hard to get?”

Lucas then threw the agreement in my face. I just kept my eyes down and said nothing.

He then continued, “You’ve been clinging to me all these years. I have always loved Veronica. Now she ignores me. You want to leave me? No way!”

Years ago, Lucas had rescued my father in the mountains. Before my father died, he told me to marry Lucas to repay that kindness.

I touched the baby in my belly. I had almost repaid his kindness already. Within a month, I planned to leave him after the baby was born. I would take my baby away from the man who did not love us.

***

The day Veronica returned to the UK, Lucas was on the yacht with me when he got the call. He looked anxious. I was nine months pregnant and stared at the dark clouds on the horizon.

It was typhoon season. If we tried to get back to shore now, the storm could sweep us away. Still, he went into the bridge and insisted we return.

“Isn’t it just our seventh anniversary? Can't we celebrate another day?” he asked.

“Just wait a few days. I want time with Veronica and some time with you. You don’t need to be touched.”

Lucas wanted to turn back. The friends and family on the yacht looked at me as if I were unreasonable. I stood in front of the cockpit trying to stop Lucas from driving.

Suddenly, the wind picked up and the yacht began to drift with the waves. I could not trust this man with my life or the baby’s life. Dark clouds rolled in and a storm formed.

He frantically pulled out his phone and dialed, but the other person would not answer. Angrily, he slammed his fist against the cockpit door.

“You cruel woman! If it weren’t for you, I would have called Veronica ages ago!” he yelled.

“Veronica is ignoring me. What’s the point of living?”

Then he rushed off the yacht and jumped into the sea. This was his sixtieth attempt.

I stared at the waves. For years Lucas had tried to kill himself over small things with Veronica. A missed reply, an ignored message.

Today, in front of everyone, he made me look selfish. People rushed to the railing and stared, then began to blame me.

“Isn’t it just picking up a woman? Did she really have to drive him to suicide?”

“I must have wronged him in some way!”

“Is she acting powerful because she’s pregnant?”

I watched the churning sea without panic. When Lucas surfaced, I threw the life ring and pulled him out.

The next day I was met with scolding. At every prenatal visit, Lucas claimed to be busy with work. But I knew he was always contacting Veronica. I rubbed my belly and decided I would divorce him.

“Cruel woman! Don’t even think about getting away!” he shouted.

Then, his phone lit up. With sudden joy he opened it and said, “Veronica, you finally answered. I love you so much.”

That sweet, clingy voice was something he never used with me. I did not care how long the call lasted. I was already in bed, so I needed rest for the baby’s sake.

The next day, I went to the clinic alone. The doctor said the baby was not well and asked me to call my husband so they could decide on a treatment plan together. I hesitated, then called Lucas.

When the call connected, I heard him say, “All these years, you were always the only one in my heart. I will open my heart to you.”

His tone sounded sincere. My blood froze. Then a young woman’s proud voice came through, “Kneel down and beg me.”

“Please. After all these years of waiting, be with me. I don’t want a man like you. Men and toothbrushes can’t be shared.”

I heard it clearly over the phone. Lucas was on his knees, banging his head. I felt a cold wave wash over me. He I thought was arrogant and strong was groveling to another woman.

“Veronica, baby, if you want, I will go dump that woman right away!” he begged.

I held my phone tight and touched my belly, feeling smaller and lonelier than ever.