The Love I Couldn’t Have

When I finally mustered the courage to confess my feelings to him, he just turned and walked away. When I finally emerged from the shadows and began a new chapter in my life, he was gone.

Was it depression? I couldn’t believe it.

I had to find out the truth about how he died.

Samuel Lewis handed me the glass of milk and stood quietly to the side, just watching me, Isaac Carter.

I was already used to his little gestures. I pressed the glass to my cheek for a moment before taking a sip.

He smiled and ruffled my hair.

"I'm practically your dad, taking care of you and all. I doubt you'd last a day without me."

Looking at his handsome face, my heart skipped a beat, and heat rushed to my cheeks. I lowered my gaze, afraid he might notice my feelings.

Just then, a bold classmate burst into the classroom. She clutched a test paper and ran straight toward Samuel.

"Samuel, do you know how to solve this problem?" she asked.

I was in the arts track while he was in the science track, and he was a grade ahead of me. There was no way I could join their conversation, so I quietly stood off to the side.

After Samuel explained the problem, the girl blushed and said, "You're so nice. Thank you for helping me."

Before he could even respond, the demands of the student council pulled him away. He left the classroom in a hurry, leaving just me and the girl.

With Samuel gone, she turned to me with a grin. "Do you like him?"

Her bluntness startled me, but I didn't feel the need to hide anything in front of her. I admitted it freely.

"Who wouldn't like someone like him?"

The girl, Hannah Smith, frowned. "Don't you think that's kind of gross? You're both guys. Stay away from me. You're weird. If he ever found out you said that, he'd probably be grossed out too."

Her words annoyed me, but part of me felt embarrassed too. How could she be so sure?

I was determined to make Samuel know how I felt. After school, I pushed through the crowd and grabbed his arm.

"I like you."

"Don't joke around."

Everyone around us was as shocked as Samuel, but I didn't care. My heart was so full of love for him that it felt like it would burst, and all I wanted was for him to hear it.

"I'm not joking. You're so good to me, and you're amazing at school. I like you because—"

Before I could finish, Hannah pulled Samuel away. She led him straight into the throng of students.

"Do you think he's gross too? I say we stay away from him. People like that are too weird," she said loudly.

All the while, she held Samuel's hand as they moved through the crowd. More and more eyes turned toward us, whispering and pointing, talking about me.

"Oh my god, he likes guys?"

"So that's why he's always clinging to the student council president."

"Doesn't he find himself gross? How creepy."

I was trapped in a storm of whispers, my chest tightening with fear and embarrassment, but also with a fierce refusal to back down. I summoned every ounce of courage and ran after Samuel, grabbing him again.

"Do you think the same way about me? I don't care what anyone else thinks. I just want to know how you feel."

He didn't expect me to be so bold. His expression turned awkward, and he quickly pulled his hand free before hurrying off with Hannah toward the school exit.

After seeing Samuel's reaction, Hannah turned to gloat at me.

"I told you he'd be grossed out. Just go away."

Samuel didn't look back. The sight of him walking away left me feeling utterly rejected. Tears streamed down my face, and no matter how much I tried to wipe them away, they just wouldn't stop.

"Sorry..."

It was as if God himself sensed my embarrassment, unleashing a torrential downpour that left me drenched from head to toe.

Samuel didn't like me, and I couldn't blame him. However, I couldn't forgive him for leaving me there, humiliated and alone, while everyone stared and whispered.

After that, Hannah made it her mission to make my life miserable. Every day after, she'd wait for me at the classroom door under the pretense of student council inspections, just waiting to harass me.

The moment I stepped out, she'd intercept me. At first, it was just shoving. Then it escalated. She pushed me harder, even tried to shove me down the stairs more than once.

Hannah was popular among the other students, and I was naturally left isolated.