3: 3

Maybe it was because my feelings had hit their peak, but the last take came out well.

When I got back to the villa, Keith was sitting on the couch, drinking.

He was an extremely controlled man. He never let too much emotion show in front of anyone, and he never let alcohol dull him.

Maybe it took Yuki showing up to make him lose his composure like this.

"You're back. Why so late?"

"Cast dinner. We ate late."

I didn't want to say anything more to him. I was afraid that if I said a few more words, I wouldn't be able to hold back the question buried in my heart, afraid of hearing the answer I dreaded.

I walked straight toward the bedroom, but I'd barely taken a step when Keith caught me from behind.

Three years together, and he'd rarely held me like this.

The gesture was too warm, too tender for what we were.

This embrace was too gentle, and too heavy, like the last bit of tenderness before a storm, plainly marking the end of this relationship.

Before I could react, his voice came from behind me.

"You've been in a bad way lately. Nothing you want to say?"

I shook my head.

Say what? Ask him when he planned to send me off, or ask what day his wedding was set for?

"I'm tired. I'm going to bed." I pushed out of his arms.

Keith didn't say anything more. But that night, he kissed me, again and again.

I answered his kisses, but inside I felt like some piece of me had gone missing.

When I woke the next morning, Keith had already left. All he'd left on the table was breakfast and a note.

"Breakfast is on the table. Don't forget to eat."

He was always this thoughtful. So how could he not see the news flying everywhere, how could he not sense that I was falling apart?

I sat in a bedroom full of my own things, and felt no sense of belonging at all.

I'd never been one to fight for anything. In middle school I always waited for everyone else to finish eating before I went to the cafeteria. In college I refused to compete for any award or honor. In this industry I wouldn't claw myself bloody over a role.

I'd never pursued anyone, either. If I fell for someone who had many admirers, I'd give up without hesitation.

Whatever fate gave me, I took. Whatever it wanted to take away, I let go.

I always felt that fighting someone for something was too humiliating, too ugly.

But with Keith, for the first time, I wanted to fight for myself.

I went to his company, thinking of all the things I wanted to say the whole way there.

I wanted to ask if he was really going through with the marriage alliance with the Chandlers, wanted to ask if he still couldn't let go of Yuki.

But turning it over and over, what I most wanted to ask was whether, in these three years, he had ever liked me at all. Even a little. Even that, and I wouldn't want to let go.

4: 4

I went to his company, a place I'd barely set foot in these three years.

The old me never knew what standing I had to walk in, or what reason I had to meddle in his affairs.

This was the first time I worked up the courage.

When I reached the office door, it stood open, and I saw Yuki inside.

Keith's voice came from within.

“Even now I still care. I'll take responsibility for you.”

All at once I couldn't think at all.

“I've arranged everything, so don't worry. If nothing else comes up, let's make it next month.”

Next month. Just like the media said.

“Then have you told her?” I heard Yuki's voice from inside the office.

“Not yet. There's no rush.”

“But I'll find the time. You don't have to worry about that.”

Then Yuki wrapped her arms around him from behind.

“I knew it. You're still the one I like best.”

Something buzzed in my head, and before I'd even caught up to it, my body had already moved and carried me away from there.

I drifted through the whole way back in a daze, no idea how I even got home.

Keith didn't come back that night. I didn't ask. I knew I had no right to.

I was only a kept bird in a gilded cage. What right did I have to question anything he did?

And soon enough, even that place would be gone.

I slept, and in the dream Keith held out a bouquet and a diamond ring and asked me to marry him.

But when I woke, there was nothing beside me.

The sky was already turning gray, and I couldn't sleep anymore.

I rolled over and felt something under the pillow digging into my head.

I pulled it out, and the dream and the waking world folded into one.

It was a ring box.

I opened it. The ring was beautiful, almost exactly the one I'd pictured in the dream.

Engraved inside the band was a P&Y, plainly meant for him and Yuki.

I gave a small laugh. She'd been back in the country only a few days, and Keith had already arranged the wedding and prepared the ring.

I didn't want to guess anymore, didn't want to hang my future on this hollow, weightless thing. I gave up.

Just then I heard footsteps outside the door.

I put the ring back under the pillow, wiped my eyes dry, and pretended I knew nothing.

Keith was back. He looked a little tired, but I still caught that faint trace of perfume on him.

The moment he saw me, he spoke “You came looking for me yesterday? Why didn't you wait for me? You just left.”

“Is there nothing you want to ask me? Let's talk……”

Calmly, I said the words I'd never had the courage to say before.

“Let's break up.”