"Are you sure you don't want to go to the salon with me, doc? Don't you miss having wavy hair?" Helena, one of my close friends who married the CEO visited me at the clinic today. "No offense meant, but I always noticed your hair having split ends. Looks like your hair really needs a professional salon!"

"I use a hair treatment on my hair, Helen. Not only is the effect very fast, but I can stand it if I must wait two to three weeks for its effectiveness. That's perfectly fine with me," I hissed, not actually being offended with what she had said.

I'm overconfident to brag about the product I use on my hair to her just to let her know I won't be dependent on hairstylists at the salon anymore. I don't know if it's just me who doesn't like letting someone touch any part of my body except myself... and of course my husband. As much as possible, I want to take care of my body myself rather than relying on other people to do that work.

"I'm just worried about you. Maybe because when you start to look older than your age because of focusing more on your work, your husband would lose his interest in you." I think she was threatening me. "I mean... Let's be realistic here, Doc Andeng. We know that today's men get bored easily. They will eventually lose their taste in us or find us boring, plain and not giving them thrill and chills anymore if they begin not liking our face or body no more, and then they begin to find another woman who has a different mold and smells fresh."

I lost focus on writing the prescription because of the idea that Helen brought to my mind. Because Mike and I were fine last night, I supposed. The two of us have had sex, and I assume things between us have been fixed.

And there comes Helen... visiting me at my clinic to give me another reason to overthink.

"That's why I'm asking for your consultation, and that's why I'm here. I intend to do breast enhancement. Do you recommend me having one? Then how big should I add?" she replied laughingly. "You know... I need professional advice before I continue this, so I'm trying to ask for your help."

"Uh..." My brain went completely blank. My focus was really broken a while ago because of what Helen mentioned to me. "Is your husband the reason you want breast enhancement?"

"He's always the reason why I retouch my body, isn't he?" She's talking as if she's being proud of how desperate she has been, all because of her husband. "I noticed that he doesn't seem happy to have sex with me every time I try to entice him to do it. I'm looking at the factor, maybe he's no longer satisfied with the size my breasts have or the fluffiness it gives to him... and, uh... that's why I thought of investing money for this."

Because I don't really know what I should answer, I just agreed to whatever she wanted. It is Helen's right to do whatever she wants to do with her body, because after all, it's her body.

"Whatever choice you have for your body, go for it. As a medical practitioner, I don't see anything wrong if you choose to continue the surgery. If you know that it will be good for you and your husband, well... to make him satisfied by fvcking you... it's up to you."

"That's not the only reason why I prefer to be young in my husband's eyes." Helen kept laughing at me without realizing that it was time for her to leave my clinic. She is not my only patient. "We know that men lose their interest in their women so quickly. They are very quick to be tempted by girls who are fresher than you, so for them to stop looking into another woman aside from you... well, you must be fresh yourself and look young in his eyes, right?"

She also bid her goodbye to me after talking not so necessary words. I don't know if I still need to waste my time thinking about what Helen is saying to me or just ignore those? Where in fact, those are not helpful but more likely she's giving me reasons to doubt my husband even more. After the night he fvcked me, my doubts about him disappeared like a bubble, eh. The case comes back suddenly because Helen told me something I should overthink again.

"Doc, did you hear what I said?"

I was brought back from my trance when I heard the new patient in front of me speak. For a moment, my brain went blank because of what Helen told me... which really bothered me a lot.

"I'm sorry. What are you feeling again?"

"Uh... I said I was feeling sick. Then I haven't experienced a menstrual period for two months," said a young woman. And after all, she looks mature for a young girl. "I was worried that something bad might be happening to me, so I ran in here."

"Have you tested yourself for a possible pregnancy?"

She shook his head at me. "I'm afraid to do it. Maybe it's just a hallucination that I'm going to get pregnant, and when I find out that it's confirmed that I'm pregnant, I'm scared that my parents would know about this."

"So, what's the sense of going here? To ask me to diagnose you that you have another illness aside from the fact that you're showing symptoms of early pregnancy?"

While she's just being silent, I just shake my head at people like her... who don't want to get pregnant because their parents might reject them, but that's also their fault. They don't even use protection during sex if they aren't ready to become parents.

"I'm afraid you are," I said. "Unless you accept your situation, we will definitely be able to proceed with the next processes. For now, you have to test yourself to confirm."

I handed her a pregnancy test which is always available in my clinic. For possible cases of patients who don't know they are pregnant based on the symptoms their body is trying to show them, my clinic is always ready for those kinds of incidents.

Just in case, I wondered why she didn't want to pick up the PT lying on the table.

"Let me ask you a question," I said to get the woman's attention. "Have you gone into sexual intercourse recently?"

"You say I'm showing symptoms of early pregnancy, and now you're trying to ask have I had sex with someone?" She laughed at me while rolling her eyes at me.

"In my fifteen years in the medical field, none from my patients have been rude to me-"

"Okay, I'm sorry," she apologized. "Of course, I had sex with someone recently. That's why I'm afraid that maybe when it's confirmed that I'm pregnant... Apart from my parents, I'm also afraid that the father of my baby... I'm afraid he won't choose us."

"Why does he have to choose?"

"He has his own family. He has a son and a wife. He's a married man. And I'm still not sure that if he finds out that he got me pregnant, he'll be ready to trade his family for his son and me. He'll be willing to leave his own family and just choose us and his baby with me... and we'll start a new life."

I suddenly got stuck in the process of organizing the folders in my table cabinet. I immediately returned to my composure and made myself presentable as I looked at my patient with fear on her face.

Because if my beginning doubts are not mistaken, maybe this young lady I was facing is a mistress.

"You will not have a good future by being a mistress. And I'm saying this not just because I'm a doctor. I also have my own family and it's just sad that you would choose to be a mistress rather than a woman that is being brought to the altar. You'll never experience the feeling of being a legal wife if you remain that man's mistress." If this woman thinks that I'm interfering in her life, then go on. As much as possible, I will find ways to stop those mistresses making themselves multiply.

"May it be a legal wife or a mistress, I don't care. If I know we love each other, I won't let him down. I will not break our relationship," she said firmly and went to the bathroom inside my clinic carrying the PT.

When she disappeared in front of me, I just made sure I found the time to breathe easy. Since I realized that she got pregnant by a married man... and that she is a mistress, my brain never stopped overthinking again and again. Add to that, one thing I noticed about her—that her lips are wearing lipstick the same color as the lipstick I found in Mike's pants pocket.

There is a big possibility that it might just be a coincidence. It's not just because only one person can have the same shade of lipstick that I saw on my husband. But as a desperate wife trying hard to find the truth and nearly got crazy a little more push, I just can't control myself thinking that the woman who got pregnant by a married man and whom she loves so much...

What if it's Mike?

"Here it is, doc." My overthinking was severely interrupted when the PT was placed on my table. "How long do I have to wait?"

"It's just a moment."

I didn't have to wait long for the PT the woman used to have results. It was only later that it showed the result... It shows two red lines... which means she is indeed positive for pregnancy.

"It should be great news to you that you're pregnant..." I returned the PT to her and showed her the result. "But I'm afraid the result is not as great news to you now, I believe."

I felt sorry for her when I saw tears forming in her eyes. She may not be vocal with me, but as I have many patients that I interact with... sometimes I can read my patient's mind by just looking at them. And with the young lady I'm facing right now... it's really bad news for her to know that she's pregnant.

Of course, that was a shame for her parents once they knew that the father of their daughter's baby happened to be a married man.

"I'll go first, doc," she said and stood up from the chair.

I couldn't stop her even though there was one more thing I wanted to tell her—that I hope she wouldn't reach the point where she would decide that just so she wouldn't disgrace their family name, she would abort the child.

—

"She said she had a stroke, mars. She couldn't bear to know that her husband has another woman, so there she was... she used to treat the patients and now she's the patient who shall take care of," Kath told me. She is one of my friends who is also a doctor.

"Attorney Herbert got a mistress? I don't think that's believable?"

Because I personally know Meann's wife, the one who had a stroke and a doctor with us in the field. Herbert has been loyal to Meann since his college days!

"Since when did those men have done a good thing? They have not changed. They are not consistent. They make good only at the beginning." I felt the bitterness in Kath's dialogue. "I know what you're thinking, huh? I am not bitter." She rolled her eyes at me then.

"You're bitter about the part where you generalize that men are good at first. Maybe not all, mars," I defended. Of course, I have a husband, and I want to defend that Mike is different from cheating men. "If I were you... you'd go and find yourself a boyfriend! In that way, you stopped yourself being bitter in someone's relationship!" I teased her.

"First of all, I'm not bitter. I'm not jealous if I'm the only unmarried doctor in the hospital. If all of you have your own family, and I'm the only one who doesn't, I don't care! I still won't change my view of the men in the world who, after promising so many things in their marriage with his wife, will still dare to cheat and womanize!"

"So, look at Meann? Isn't what happened to him pitiful, Andeng? If we who know Herbert didn't think he would cheat on Meann, what more to his wife?" Kath is still not giving up on her argument. "So don't be too complacent about your husband, mars. Your husband cried at your wedding, didn't he? Herbert also cried at his wedding with Meann. Do you see the sign-"

"You're not funny if you're joking!"

"I'm not kidding." She put her arm around me and led me to the window of the second floor. Kath was pointing something at me down the window. "It's Mike, isn't it?"

My eyes narrowed as I watched the man's face carefully. He was wearing a cap so I couldn't see his face properly, but if we talk about body shape, he looked like my husband.

He was carrying a bag—that shoulder bag that was small and just right for a woman. He was handing it to the car door, but suddenly Mike backed away when the car opened, and a woman came out of the door. She approached Mike and quickly kissed him before she went inside again with a smile—and from here I could see the woman's face—because I can't make a mistake about that woman who came here to the clinic and cried when she found out she was pregnant... And now I find out that she was my husband's mistress.

Until now, I couldn't believe what my eyes were seeing. Earlier, I felt very sad for the woman who showed herself as my patient after finding out that it is clearly confirmed that she is positive in pregnancy. I sympathize with her. I almost thought I know the struggle she's been facing for being afraid of telling her parents about how complex her situation is now... only to find out that young lady is Mike's mistress?!

My heart seemed to be beating faster as I looked out the window. So much pain in the eyes… and so much pain in the heart I have feeling right now. I wanted to convince myself that I was only dreaming. I hope that everything I see with my eyes is not true.

That man can't be Mike!

"Mamsh, are you okay?" I heard Kath’s voice talking to me. She had her arms around me and was patting my shoulder, moving my body away from the window. “I know you're having a hard time processing everything right now. Because even myself, literally I was surprised by what I saw, and I know you… I know it’s more painful for you."

I shook my head and walked away from Kath. The tears welling up in my eyes, I quickly wiped them away, I made sure to face my friend with a smile on my face.

"My eyes saw that the woman kissed Mike. But only on the cheek. Maybe they are just friends. Maybe that doesn't mean anything, right?"

What I'm saying is stupid. I'm aware of that. If what I'm doing now is called stupidity at its finest, I don't care. It's true that the girl kissed Mike's cheek earlier, so maybe that doesn't mean anything. Maybe there is no malice. I hope that... even if these thoughts are just my imagination, they will become reality.

"Are you really... able to think of such a thing behind what your eyes saw earlier, Andeng?" Kath's face looked at me unbelievably it while questioning me... like even my friend thinks I’m so stupid.

I immediately looked away from her. "I shouldn't just look from one angle, right? Because... yes, from the angle I saw earlier... I can’t imagine that… that woman is really my husband's mistress. But when I try to find things further... maybe... is there another reason why that woman kissed my husband? I can't immediately attribute malice to what I saw when in fact it doesn't really have any other meaning? I don't want to judge people right away."

I really fought hard to defend Mike with my friend. Just by Kath's appearance, I knew she wanted to suspect that the woman we saw earlier was my husband's mistress. Add to it, Kath still doesn't know that the woman we saw together is the same person who became my patient just now—who is pregnant. And the same shade of lipstick she used is the same shade of lipstick I saw on Mike's pants the other day-

I don't really know what to think. The details are too jumbled in my brain.

"I hope you made the right decision to let yourself know the whole truth first. Because if the angle you saw earlier is not really enough, I hope you find an angle that will prove that that woman is not your husband's other woman." Kath patted my shoulder before she left me in the area.

Even I, myself, am not sure what I'm doing. As for the things I think about, my head is hurting too much from mixed suspicions and thinking about things to defend my husband from what my brain is trying to prove. Those arguments keep popping into my head, but I keep ignoring it because I don’t want to believe it. I’m just not… so prepared for that. Because that girl is too young for my husband, or that girl for my husband... which obviously has a big age gap between them.

"It's absolutely impossible for Mike to love someone younger than him."

—

I was eating in the hospital’s cafeteria by myself. Kath and I will not eat together since she will have duty in the Operating Room. Instead of waiting for the surgery to be done there, I went first. It’s just that I am so hungry today that I couldn’t let myself starve for too long.

And for my meal today, I have no other choices but to order a Sulit Meal here at the cafeteria; on a plate there is a burger that’s full of not so tasteful bun in the first bite, then there is also spaghetti that is sparingly in sauce, in the ingredients and the cheese, and lastly there are french fries that are limper than to a sick person.

Well, if I really had company I wouldn't be here to have lunch at the cafeteria. When Kath and I eat together, we go out and look for a restaurant that is close to here to eat. Who else would handle the food here though?

"Looks like you've had that meal for a week, huh?"

Just a while ago I was sitting at my table staring at my food so that I would have the desire to eat it... but suddenly someone occupied the seat across from me. So, I raised my head to see who was sitting.

“Hey, Morgan? Why are you here? It’s been nice to see you again!”

He's been my friend since college. We were a trio back then with Kath, but Morgan parted ways from us when he decided to go abroad and work there. It’s just so sad that after finishing our years in college, I didn’t anticipate there will come a time the strong friendship we built during that time will have to face some… we call a massive breaking apart.

"My grandmother was confined here because of a heart attack. I just visited.” He dropped the large plastic bag he was holding on the table and began to take out its contents. "And of course so that I can provide you and Kath a meal for today. Have you forgotten we had a deal back then? When I finally come back here in the Philippines, I’m going to treat both of you to your favorite meals,” he giggled as he said.

Morgan knows exactly how ticklish Kath and I are; Korean foods of course. Gimbap, kimchi, cooked fried noodles, rice cake, and he also has tacos, lasagna, nachos, spaghetti and pizza. These are the foods that I really crave to eat, unfortunately they are not available in the hospital’s cafeteria.

“I’ve known you for so long, Andrea. And I definitely know when you’re starting to lose appetite, food is something that you almost consume for a week.” His continuous laugh is so painful in the ears.

I was so hungry, I started gobbling up Morgan's food, I kind of forgot to thank him before I ate it all. As I mentioned earlier, my stomach really needs food to digest as soon as possible. I can’t wait any longer.

"Thank you," even though my mouth was falling open, I spoke.

"Don't speak when your mouth is full." Laughing, he took a tissue and came slightly closer to me to wipe the corner of my lips. "I always remind you in college that you don't need to thank me, right? As long as I can see that the food I bought is delicious, that's okay with me. And as well as I could see in your eyes that you’re enjoying the food I gave to you, I’m satisfied with that."

I quickly chewed what was in my mouth and swallowed, and then I started talking while giggling. "You’re speaking like you really thought you were the one cooking the foods you gave to Kath and me before. While it's all from fast food!"

"But I made an effort. I'm still the one who bought it, and it's my money that's being spent," he boastfully implied to me. And because Morgan entertains me during my lunch time, at least now I can laugh again—at least somehow.

"You won’t be safe to me, or perhaps your secret behind the sadness in your eyes. Since I arrived, I've been noticing it for a while. Do you have a problem?" he said suddenly, which I fully thought he wouldn't notice that he saw me in trouble here today. "Just don't tell me that your problem is about your love life, huh? You already know the answer to that."

"What?"

"Just backread our conversation on June 23, 2017. All the advice you need, I already told you there."

I rolled my eyes at him when he suddenly laughed at me. There is nothing so funny about my situation.

"You're sulking again. I'm going to make it up again with my crush who has friendzoned me before." To this day, Morgan is still laughing when he pulls his chair next to me. I stopped eating when he put his arm around me and patted me on the shoulder. "Of course, as a man who loved you before, it hurts me to know that the woman I valued so much until now, will only be hurt by her husband. Because it's like slapping me in the face, Andrea, that... I made the wrong decision to leave you to your husband now if he's going to hurt you too."

"Because, to tell you honestly... I loved you so much that day... that I couldn't bear sleeping every night without regretting letting you go. But I chose to let you go and leave you to Mike... because you love each other. Who am I to stop you from being happy, right? Of course, wherever or with whom you are happy, I will be happier, too. For you..."

I moved away from the contact of my body with his, and I faced Morgan… without realizing that I was in tears. “I really love my husband, Morgan. So I can't bear it if we just break up-”

"So, you and Mike have a problem?"

I was trapped by my words, so I nodded in response.

"As long as you can solve it, you will overcome it. As long as the problem is not too big, talk about it. I don't want to see you hurt because of your relationship with Mike. That hurts more for me, Andrea."

I couldn't do anything but hug him. And there is no malice since Morgan and I are just friends. I can't even bear to tell him that I suspect that my husband has a woman. I know him, he will react once he knows that leaving me to a man who can't keep all the promises he made to me when we got married might lead to nothing.