"Selma, don't be angry with Sebastian. He spent forever hunting for this yesterday."

She held out the bug balm to me.

A little green tin, its lid already pried loose.

"He said you'd definitely get bitten, so he told me to keep it for you."

I looked at that little tin.

Something lodged in my chest.

So he knew.

He knew Honeymoon Island was full of mosquitoes.

He knew I would wait.

He knew I would be bitten.

And he still didn't come.

Sebastian reached over, took the tin, and pressed it into my palm.

"All right, quit sulking. He bought you the balm, what more do you want?"

The metal tin was cold.

Against my palm it felt like a hard little block of ice.

Suddenly I thought of six months ago, when he'd sent me the travel guide for Honeymoon Island.

White-sand beaches in the photos, glassy water, a dolphin someone had caught on camera.

He'd said,

"Let's go here for our graduation trip."

I asked why.

He ruffled my hair.

"You'll find out when the time comes."

Later I happened to see his search history on his phone.

Honeymoon Island proposal ideas.

Dolphin sunrise proposal.

That day I sat in the library and stared at the screen, smiling for a long time.

The afternoon sun fell across the pages, and I couldn't take in a single problem.

I thought that was our future.

So yesterday when he told me to wait, I really waited.

From the sun high overhead until the sea turned black.

From the last tourists drifting away until the ticket booth went dark.

I sat in the waiting area hugging my backpack, watching my phone's battery tick down bit by bit.

Mosquitoes hummed against my ear.

I texted him.

First message: Sebastian, where are you guys?

Second message: The last ferry's about to leave.

Third message: I'm a little scared.

He didn't reply.

I pressed the phone to my chest and heard my own heartbeat slow, one beat after another.

Like a lamp the sea wind had put out.

Now he stood in front of me, telling me to stop sulking.

I looked down at the bug balm in my hand.

My nails dug into my palm.

Katherine was still smiling.

"Selma, why don't you shower first? We wanted to go check out the night market later."

Sebastian patted my head too.

"Stop dragging out the schedule."

I looked up at him.

"Sebastian."

He gave an impatient "Mm."

I'd meant to ask him whether he'd ever once thought, yesterday, that something might happen to me out there alone.

But the words got to my mouth, and I swallowed them back.

I stepped past them, pulled open my suitcase, and dug out clean clothes.

Just before the bathroom door shut, I heard Katherine lower her voice.

"Is she angry?"

Sebastian said,

"She's always like this."

The running water covered the rest.

Hot water fell on my skin, stinging the swollen bites.

I leaned against the cold tile and slowly sank down.

My tears mixed with the water.

No sound.

I just understood, all at once.

Sebastian's promises weren't ones he'd never keep.

They only expired for me.

And the proposal I'd waited a whole night for on Honeymoon Island had left before dawn, along with the last ferry.

At four in the afternoon, Sebastian woke me.

"Come on, get dressed, we're going out to eat."

I'd only slept a little while, and my head was still heavy.

When I opened my eyes, the curtains weren't drawn tight, and the island light squeezed in through the gap, sharp enough to make my eyes ache.

"I don't want to go."

Outside the door it went quiet for two seconds.

Sebastian pushed the door open and came in, holding the half bottle of water I hadn't finished that morning.

"Didn't you say you wanted seafood? I booked that trending restaurant. Call it making it up to you."

Compensation.

The word came out of his mouth so lightly.

Light as one of those free postcards on the hotel desk, the kind a breeze could knock to the floor.

I looked at him.

"I'm allergic."

"Then eat something plain."

He kept his eyes on his phone.

"Katherine's wanted to go for ages. The table's hard to get. Don't spoil it."

Because I wanted to see just how far a person could take his bias.

The restaurant sat by the water, and the sunset turned the tables orange.

The waiter set down one plate of seafood after another.

Spicy crab boil, salt-and-pepper shrimp, curried clams.

Chili oil floated on the broth, the heat of it stinging up into my nose, and my stomach turned.

The welt on the back of my hand still burned.

I hadn't seen a doctor, but I knew I couldn't touch any of this.

Katherine, though, was delighted.

"Sebastian, you remembered I love this."

Sebastian handed the menu back to the waiter.

"Add an order of the spicy seafood soup."

Katherine picked up a shrimp and set it on Sebastian's plate.

"Sebastian, my hand hurts."

She held out the back of her hand.

Two faint red dots on it.

Sebastian took the shrimp at once, bent his head, and started peeling it for her.

Practiced. He even pulled the vein out clean.

Katherine looked over at me, her smile all innocence.

"You're not jealous over one shrimp, are you?"

I didn't answer.

Sebastian put the peeled shrimp into her bowl, then turned and saw the empty place in front of me, and his face darkened.

"Why aren't you eating?"

"I can't eat this."

"Here we go again."

He tossed his wet wipe onto the table.

"I bring you out for a nice meal and you sit there sulking. You're still holding on to that little thing from yesterday? What's the point?"

My fingertips stopped at the rim of the glass.

"That little thing?"

Sebastian looked at me like I was someone making a scene over nothing.

"You dragged the whole day off schedule, Katherine didn't say a word about it, and you're the one acting hurt."

Katherine tugged lightly at his sleeve.

"Sebastian, don't be like that. Maybe Selma just isn't feeling well."

His tone didn't soften.

"She's always like this. Someone coaxes anyone else and it's fine, but she has to have everyone circling around her."

I called the waiter over.

"Could I have a glass of warm water, please."

The waiter nodded and left.

Sebastian stared at me, his brows knotting tighter.

He was probably used to me explaining, used to me arguing, used to me laying out every grievance one by one and waiting for him to rule who was right and who was wrong.

But this time I didn't.

I just took a sip of the warm water.

It was bland.

Going down my throat, it felt like it washed away the last of that leftover hope too.

After dinner we went back to the hotel, and Katherine complained the whole way about being tired.

We'd barely reached the room when she followed us in, wrapped in a blanket.

"Selma, the AC in my room seems to be broken."

She stood in the doorway, her eyes lowered at the corners.

"My allergy from yesterday still hasn't cleared up. I'm a little scared sleeping alone."

I looked at Sebastian.

He was undoing his watch, and glanced up at that.

"Then you sleep here."

I froze for a second.

"She sleeps here, so where do I sleep?"

Sebastian looked like the question had never crossed his mind.

A few seconds later, he said:

"You take Katherine's room."

Katherine murmured at once:

"That doesn't seem right."

She said it wasn't right, but her feet had already carried her in, and she sat down on the sofa.

Sebastian looked at me, his tone matter-of-fact.

"Katherine's been timid since she was little, and she's not feeling well. You've always been independent. What's one uncomfortable night?"

I looked at that big bed.

The couple's mugs, mine and Sebastian's, were still sitting on the nightstand.

One blue, one white.

Before I left yesterday, I'd poured half a glass of water into the white cup, meaning to use it for my medicine when I got back.

Now the cup was in Katherine's hand.

She took a sip and wrinkled her nose.

"It's a little cold."

Sebastian took it, poured it out, and refilled it with hot water for her.

Something in my chest went hollow.

Then, slowly, I smiled.

So it turned out that my being understanding was just their reason to move me out whenever they liked.

So it turned out my place, too, could be given away with a single sentence.

Sebastian saw me smile and it only irritated him.

"Don't be snide."

I didn't say anything.

I walked to the wardrobe and took my clothes out one by one.

I unzipped the suitcase, softly.

Katherine watched me.

"Selma, are you really going? I can put up with it, you know."

I put my toiletry bag inside.

"You don't need to put up with anything."

The smile on her face paused.

Sebastian stood where he was, as if it hadn't occurred to him that I would actually leave.

"Selma, is this necessary?"

I zipped the case shut.

"Yes."

His face darkened.

"It's just one night."

I looked up at him.

"Sebastian, last night was one night too."

The room went quiet, and as it happened, I no longer wanted to hear any more excuses.

Later in the night, I ran a fever.

Toward dawn, my dreams were all the ferry-waiting area on Honeymoon Island.

The lights were off, the sea wind blew in, and the plastic chairs were cold as ice.

I sat there hugging my backpack, watching one ferry after another pull away from the shore.

The wake at each stern flashed white, then was swallowed by the dark.

Someone was calling me.

"Selma, open the door."

I opened my eyes. My forehead burned so hot it ached.

The knocking outside came fast and bright.

"Selma, hurry up, we're going diving today."

It was Katherine.

I braced myself on the bed and sat up. The room swayed in front of me.

By the time I reached the door, the floor felt soft under my feet.

The door opened, and there was Katherine in her swimsuit, a sheer cover-up over it, her hair pinned up prettily.

Sebastian stood behind her, a waterproof bag in his hand.

He saw me and his brow creased again.

"Why aren't you ready yet?"

I held onto the door frame.

"I have a fever. I'm not going today."

The anticipation dropped off Katherine's face.

"But diving is so hard to book."

I looked at Sebastian.

"This wasn't on the itinerary before."

His eyes flickered.

"We booked it last-minute yesterday."

Yesterday.

Which was when I'd been alone on Honeymoon Island waiting for them.

They'd been in Maui booking today's dive.

My throat tightened.

"I want to rest at the hotel."

Sebastian's face went dark.

"Selma, can you not make a scene?"

"The thing on Honeymoon Island already wrecked a whole day. Now you're not coming today either. We came here to have fun, not for you to put on airs."

I raised a hand and touched my forehead.

My palm was burning.

"I really don't feel well."

Sebastian glanced at the red swelling on the back of my hand.

"Katherine had an allergic reaction yesterday too, and she was fine after resting a bit. Stop using your health as an excuse."

Katherine said quickly,

"Sebastian, why don't we just skip it? I'll stay with Selma."

But as she said it, her hand tightened around the strap of the dive bag.

Sebastian, sure enough, felt sorry for her.

"You've been looking forward to this so long. Why should you miss it?"

He turned to look at me.

"She's being this understanding, and you still want more?"

I stepped back.

"Then you two go."

Sebastian gave a cold laugh.