: The Cinnabar Mole

The day I was admitted to the hospital, Sean Valerius took a phone call and left.

The next day, he stood before me, exhausted, and said he had gone to work overtime last night after seeing I was fast asleep.

He said that for the next few days, work wouldn't be a distraction, so he could stay and keep me company.

I scrolled through a group photo someone had sent me on my phone. In it, Eve Shaw was leaning her head on his shoulder, her face blooming with a smile.

Sean Valerius was smiling too, a light shining in his eyes.

That very light in his eyes once illuminated my entire youth.

'But now, I don't need it anymore.'

After a moment of silence, I said, "Sean Valerius, let's break up."

Sean Valerius stared at me in disbelief, as if he'd just heard something as impossible as boiling water freezing over.

He said, "Serena Sterling, you must be delirious from your illness."

1.

Sean Valerius and I went to the same university.

Eight years ago, he and I registered on the same day. Amid the vast sea of new students, I spotted him in an instant.

He was wearing a clean white t-shirt and a backpack, just standing there under a plane tree, smiling at me.

Sunlight filtered through the dense leaves of the plane tree, casting mottled shadows. It painted bright, warm patches across his face, just like the light in his eyes.

That single ray of light swept away the gloom of my past eighteen years.

I never dared to dream of a boy like him, but I never imagined that one day he would become my boyfriend.

It was the day we registered for our sophomore year. Snow was fluttering down from the sky, and even from a distance, I recognized the dark figure standing in the snow as him.

His back exuded an undeniable air of sorrow and desolation.

I stopped and watched him for a long time, thinking he would be just like before and never turn around.

But this time, he suddenly turned and looked at me. Under his jet-black umbrella, his eyes were as dark and inscrutable as undiluted ink, betraying no emotion.

"You like me, don't you?"

he asked, his gaze lowered, standing just half an arm's length away.

I don't know what came over me, but I admitted it.

"In that case, Serena Sterling, will you be my girlfriend?" His voice was low and raspy, tinged with that same undeniable sadness.

Amidst the swirling snow, I looked at him under his umbrella and nodded. "Okay."

It wasn't until three days later that I learned his Scarlet Mark, Eve Shaw, had gotten engaged at home that day.

: Blind Love

2.

It's hard to imagine, but for all four years of university, my attention was focused solely on Sean Valerius—all because I was so in love with him back then.

Those layered memories washed over me again, threatening to drown me.

Back then, I never dared to take the initiative for this love, yet everywhere I looked, there he was.

I couldn't bring myself to do what they do in TV dramas, like deliberately falling down in front of Sean Valerius and refusing to get up.

Then crying out pitifully, "Hey, handsome, please help me!"

Or asking my best friends to get his WeChat for me.

Or publicly declaring my affection for him on the Campus Confessions Wall.

Sean Valerius's love was something I could only dream of, always out of reach.

He once told me with deep affection, "Serena Sterling, I've actually liked you for a long time."

His words plunged me into a joy so deep I couldn't pull myself out of it for a long, long time.

After I accepted Sean Valerius's confession, something unexpected happened: he fell gravely ill.

One night, during a violent storm, he insisted on going to see an old friend. He ended up getting soaked and catching acute pneumonia.

He was gentle and refined, with a calm and mild temperament.

He already looked delicate, but after falling ill, he became frighteningly thin.

He was in agony every day. When I tried to feed him porridge, he would frown and say, "I have no appetite. You should go to class. Don't worry about me."

How could I bear to leave? I coaxed him in a soft voice, "Just one spoonful, okay?"

Watching him force it down, my own heart twisted in pain.

His tastes were pickier than I'd imagined. He didn't like cilantro or onions, couldn't eat anything spicy, and couldn't even tolerate a single shred of ginger in dishes with a strong, gamey smell.

I turned out to be a little genius in the kitchen, and I took great care of his dietary needs.

When I cooked his favorite dishes for him, I would even take a taxi to a market far away just for one fresh ingredient.

I thought the hospital's public washing machines were dirty, so I hand-washed all of Sean Valerius's clothes myself.

Under my attentive care, Sean Valerius finally recovered.

Once he was better, Sean Valerius was considerate and warm—the perfect boyfriend everyone envied.

Sean Valerius would wait for me outside the women's dorm every day after my classes ended.

He'd attend classes with me, bring me my favorite milk tea, and order me the newest chocolate sundae.

Our classmates always liked to tease us, making jokes that made my face flush and my heart race.

At moments like that, I never knew where to look, so I would just gaze at Sean Valerius with a bashful smile.

Sean Valerius would then gently pull me close and warn everyone, "Alright, break it up. Don't tease Serena Sterling."

This would only be met with another round of even more exaggerated, suggestive laughter.

Sean Valerius was great at planning little surprises. On special holidays, I would always receive the most unique gifts.

For our first Valentine's Day together, I received a bouquet of roses made of chocolate.

And a pair of sparkling high heels.

The perfumed card read: Sean Valerius will forever love Serena Sterling.

We were just like most inseparable couples, deeply attached to one another.

At least, that's what I thought.

Back then, I sometimes felt that something was off with Sean Valerius. He had a habit of staring blankly at a certain spot for a long time.

I didn't know whose spot it was.

Or what it represented.

Once, during a break between classes, he was leaning on my shoulder, half-asleep, and mumbled a name: "Eve Shaw."

But I chose to ignore it. 'Everyone has a past,' I thought, 'and that past is a part of Sean Valerius, too.'

Until one day, Eve Shaw suddenly appeared before us.

The girl stood in the crowd, her smile radiant. She had shoulder-length hair and wore a snow-white gossamer dress, looking gentle and beautiful.

At the time, I didn't understand why two people who were supposedly strangers would have such a strong reaction upon seeing each other.

Eve Shaw saw my arm linked with Sean Valerius's and asked him with a choke in her voice, "Who is she?"

"It's none of your business!" Sean Valerius's gentle demeanor vanished. He snapped harshly at Eve Shaw, then grabbed my hand and pulled me away.

We stumbled along.

"Sean Valerius," I said, stopping to rub the back of my hand, which had been scratched by a plum branch. "What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry, I..." He looked at me, his eyes filled with a hidden pain. "Serena Sterling, I like you."

He pulled me into his arms and, without any warning, pressed his lips to mine.

In that moment, my mind went completely blank.

What I didn't know then was that Sean Valerius had suddenly lost control because Eve Shaw was standing right behind me.

The person Sean Valerius had braved the storm to see back then was also Eve Shaw.

And yet there I was, still completely oblivious, dreaming about my future with Sean Valerius.

3.

The scent of antiseptic hung in the air.

The hospital was quiet in the dead of night.

Sean Valerius was staring down, meticulously peeling an apple.

The thick apple peel broke in his hands. He looked up at me, his expression aggrieved, and continued his earlier explanation.

"Babe, I was really late because I had to work overtime."

Yesterday, I had dinner with Sean and had an allergic reaction to peanuts.

Sean brought me to the hospital. The allergy wasn't severe, but something else was wrong, and it required treatment, so I chose to be admitted.

He said he would take time off work to take care of me at the hospital.

But by nine-thirty at night, I still hadn't gotten the bowl of hot congee I was waiting for.

The person who had promised to come take care of me still hadn't shown up.

The elderly woman in the next bed asked me compassionately, "Dear girl, why haven't you eaten so late?"

I gave a bitter smile. "I'm still waiting for my boyfriend to bring me something."

She asked if I'd met a heartbreaker, saying that a good man wouldn't break a promise so easily.

I lowered my gaze and replied, "Maybe."

Thirsty and hungry in my hospital bed, I finally gave in and ordered takeout.

When the delivery guy handed me the steaming hot food, I suddenly felt that none of it mattered anymore. Even the congee I'd been dreaming of all day had lost its appeal.

It wasn't until much later that Sean rushed in, panting. "The work is finally done! I'll be with you wholeheartedly from now on."

I looked at his empty hands and smiled faintly. "Sean, you can go. I don't need you anymore."

Then, I called my best friend, Jessica Thorne, and asked her to come to the hospital to take care of me.

Jessica only found out I was sick when she answered my call.

I could tell from the tone of her voice that she was worried about me.

But Sean was even more displeased than I was. He said angrily, "Serena Sterling, can't you stop being so petty? I told you, I went to work."

He didn't get to finish his sentence.

Because I held up my phone in front of him. On the screen was a photo that someone had sent me anonymously an hour ago.

The picture was taken at a karaoke bar. It was a photo of two people.

Eve Shaw, looking gentle and charming in a lavender dress, was leaning her head against Sean's chest.

Both of them looked very happy.

Sean panicked. His face was pale, and he looked utterly defeated. "I didn't know Eve was going to be there. I just dropped in for a bit."

Seeing his frantic expression, I found it utterly ridiculous.

His "working late" was actually a long-awaited reunion with his old flame in a neon-lit karaoke bar, where they poured out their hearts to each other.

And I was just a prop to highlight their great love story.

"That's enough, Sean. I don't want to see you racking your brain for lies to cover for someone else. It makes you seem so pathetic."

"It even makes me doubt myself, wondering if I've loved the wrong person all this time."

The light in Sean's eyes died instantly, and he slumped back into the chair, defeated.

I closed my eyes, unable to look at him any longer.

I still remember the summer of my junior year of college. Six months after Sean and I started dating, I asked him out for hot pot for the first time.

"Sean, a new hot pot place opened up near campus. Let's go try it."

"Okay!"

We ordered each other's favorite dishes, but just as the food went into the pot, he took a call and left.

He said he'd be ten minutes, but I ended up waiting for four agonizing hours.

I stood on the street, looking around aimlessly as couples in love passed by, laughing and bickering.

A boy wrapped his arm around a girl's waist, stealing a kiss with a mischievous grin.

It wasn't until ten o'clock that he sent me a text: "Babe, where are you?"

When he found me, reeking of alcohol, he apologized pitifully, just like today. He claimed he'd run into some friends on the way and got dragged out to eat.

He stroked my face and said, "I don't see that friend often. Running into him was fate. I really couldn't say no."

He said he'd been forced to drink a few wheat beers, dozed off for a bit in a daze, and that's why he was so late.

Back then, he was my entire world.

After hearing his explanation, I resolutely ignored the pain in my own heart and chose to believe him.

The ridiculous part is, back then, I actually felt touched.

'He got drunk, but he still rushed over to find me and apologize without stopping.'

'He loves me. He really has me in his heart.'

"Are you still dizzy? I'll make you some honey water when we get home." I supported him as he shook his head with a smile and whispered in my ear, "You're my remedy for sobering up."

My face flushed red, and the four hours of misery and exhaustion were completely swept away.

But today, I couldn't keep lying to myself and believing him anymore.

I was tired.