I had lived two lives.

In both, I followed Fenris Vargr into the quiet territories beyond the Dominion's reach after he stepped down from the Crimson Fang, living peacefully in a small den at the edge of the world, wanting nothing.

And in both, his adopted sister clawed her way into the Moonhold Citadel and dragged us down with her. Our territory was seized. Our pack, annihilated to the last pup.

It always started the same way. She would kneel outside our cabin in the frost, sobbing that the Alpha Supreme had cast her aside, that he'd chosen another wolf as his Luna.

Fenris would set down his axe and sigh. "You know I can't stand watching you cry."

Then he'd pull his dust-covered battle pelt from the chest and follow her back to Aurelia.

It took dying twice for me to understand.

All that talk of sibling devotion.

Every word of it was a lie.

——

Fenris Vargr was returning to Aurelia in triumph, and every unmated she-wolf in the territory had rushed to the gates to welcome him home.

I was the only one walking the other way.

My little sister Briar Ashgrove tugged at my sleeve. "Seraphina, aren't we going to meet him?"

I should have been. In both my previous lives, that was exactly what I'd done.

The script never changed.

I congratulated him on his victory.

He declared his courtship claim in front of the entire territory.

We mated, we grew old together, we never parted.

It took a third life to see the truth: I'd given my heart to the wrong wolf.

I tightened my grip on Briar's hand. "We're going home."

The crowd pressed in from every side, the air thick with dust and the mingled scents of too many wolves. Dozens of scent signatures tangled together until they became one choking wall of musk and adrenaline and excitement. Each breath felt like swallowing stones.

Briar pointed at my hair. "But you got up before dawn to do your hair. Wasn't that for him?"

"Did he make you angry? Is that why you won't let him see your pretty hairdo?"

I had no answer for that.

I reached up and pulled the moonblossom from my hair.

Placed it in my palm and crushed it, slowly, between my fingers. The petals bruised silver, then went dark.

Once, a bright-eyed boy had tucked a twin-stemmed moonblossom behind my ear.

He made me promise to wear one when I came to welcome him home from war.

And so for ten years, I, who never cared for anything flashy or ornate, always pinned the most vivid moonblossom I could find before going to see him.

I stood beside him through his glory days, his war markings and swift wolf-form runs across enemy lines, his meteoric rise.

And my reward was a blade through the belly and a pack in the ground.

This life, I intended to live differently.

I walked faster.

Briar rose on her toes and hurried to keep up.

Behind us, the crowd erupted. Howls split the air, dozens layering into a wall of sound that rattled in my chest.

Hoofbeats hammered closer, louder, shaking the ground beneath my feet.

"Seraphina!"

A man's voice split the air beside my ear.

My feet stopped. My body turned, stiff as a board.

Fenris Vargr sat tall on his warhorse, silver-edged battle pelt gleaming, the Crimson Fang crest burned into the dark leather across his chest. Sharp brows, striking eyes, a jaw cut hard enough to draw blood on. He was so handsome it almost hurt to look at him.

His scent hit me before his words did. Woodsmoke and hot iron and crushed juniper, and beneath it all something like scorched earth. My wolf stirred, a low involuntary pull in my ribs that I had spent two lifetimes mistaking for love.

I held still. I did not let it move me.

"Not going to congratulate me on my victory?"

He watched me, expectation written across his face.

Every she-wolf in the crowd turned to stare at me, green with envy.

Once, I would have basked in those looks.

Savored the certainty that I was the only one in Fenris Vargr's heart.

Until I saw with my own eyes what he did for Ravenna Vargr.

Then I understood. All that devotion he'd shown me was nothing but a screen to hide the feelings he could never let the world see.

My voice came out flat. "The line of wolves waiting to congratulate you stretches from one end of this territory to the other, Alpha Commander. You won't miss me."

His brow furrowed. "Three years apart, Seraphina, and this is what you have to say to me?"

I let my gaze drift across his face, calm as still water. "Oh, one more thing. When you find the time, send our scent-bond courtship contract back to the Blackthorn household."

Fenris froze.

He swung off his horse and nearly stumbled on the landing.

"What is that supposed to mean? Explain yourself."

I had no interest in explaining anything to him.

The only thought in my head was to get as far from here as possible.

She-wolves swarmed around Fenris, closing in like a tide.

I seized the chance and slipped away with Briar.

She squeezed my palm. "You don't want him anymore, Seraphina?"

"Everyone says he's a great hero who won the Territory War. They're all fighting over him!"

"Why doesn't my sister want the great hero?"

I didn't know how to explain it to her.

Probably because when a great hero decides to betray you, he does it more ruthlessly than anyone else.

He doesn't just crush your heart.

And it would cost my entire family their lives.

A mating that ended in execution and ruin was one I could not afford.

And no longer wanted.

I hadn't even made it back to the Blackthorn den yet.

The news of my severed scent-bond courtship with Fenris Vargr had already swept through Aurelia.

The visitors lined up outside the Blackthorn residence, waiting to pay their respects to my father, were the first to catch the scent of it.

One by one, they picked up their gifts and left.

"Does the eldest daughter of Blackthorn still think they're the Blackthorns of old? Bonding into the Vargr bloodline was already above her station!"

"I only wanted to get close to the Alpha Commander through the Blackthorn pack. Otherwise, who'd bother warming up to a bloodline this faded?"

"Who does Seraphina Blackthorn think she is? All she has is a reputation as the finest Omega scholar in the capital. Other she-wolves would kill to be mated to the Alpha Commander, and she's been sitting on that courtship for years. Now she severs it in public? Who is she trying to impress?"

"The Alpha Commander earned his glory young. A territory grant is right around the corner. The Blackthorns are going to regret this until their guts turn green!"

...

I listened to all of it. My heart was still as dead water.

Briar's little face flushed scarlet with rage. "They look down on you, Sister. They look down on our whole family..."

I patted her head. "Briar, what other people think doesn't matter. What matters is that our family stays together, safe and sound."

Briar sniffled.

Then her eyes lit up.

"Father!"

She threw herself into our father's arms the moment he stepped through the gate, still wearing his Pack Council robes. The faint scent of old parchment and dried lavender clung to him, familiar and steadying.

The complaints poured out of her in a torrent: everything that happened at the territory gate with Fenris, every snide remark from every fair-weather visitor who'd turned tail and left.

I clutched the edge of my sleeve, unable to meet my father's eyes.

Not until I heard him ask, "Why don't you want to be mated to him?"

His tone was gentle. He didn't seem angry.

Only then did I dare speak. "I don't have feelings for him anymore."

It was the most straightforward reason I could think of.

I could hardly tell my father that I had been mated to Fenris Vargr twice before.

That the first time, I fell from a cliff and died. That the second time, I lost my head on the executioner's block.

And that I had dragged the entire Blackthorn pack down with me, every last one put to the sword.

He wouldn't believe me even if I told him. Better to say nothing.

My father studied me, brow furrowed. "Seraphina, you have never been reckless."

"There must be another reason."

"Since you won't say, I won't press."

"But let me remind you of one thing. Fenris has been by your side since childhood. He has always adored you. A bond like that is rare. Don't do something you'll regret."

A rare bond?

I used to believe that too. That Fenris Vargr was everything I could hope for.

We were scent-promised to each other before we were born. We grew up side by side. Our wolves had brushed against each other's awareness since before we could shift.

From the first stirrings of young love, I dreamed of growing old with him. I held that dream for ten years.

Every moon-sealed letter he sent from the front, I smoothed flat beneath a paperweight and tucked carefully into a box, layer upon layer.

During the worst of the fighting, when word came that he was dead, I carved both our names into a plaque of moonpale wood. Even if he was gone, I would bond myself to his memory and never take another mate.

That was how much I loved him.

And Fenris?

To pave the way for Ravenna's entry into the Moonhold Citadel as Luna Designate, he surrendered his command and laid down his war markings.

He told me, "Seraphina, you've always been so understanding. I know you'll support my decision."

He asked me to give up my bloodline standing and follow him to the outer territories to live in poverty.

When I was carrying his pup, he turned around and marched back to the capital, all to prop up Ravenna's position.

I tried to stop him.

He said I had changed.

"The Seraphina I knew would never be this unreasonable."

I stood there, frozen.

Something cracked open in my chest, and the cold wind howled straight through.

Three years of mating. Three years in those outer territories, choking down broth made from wild roots.

Hands that once held embroidery needles split open at the knuckles from chopping firewood.

When the kindling was too damp to catch, I got on my hands and knees and blew into the stove until tears streamed down my face.

I never once complained.

And in the end, because Ravenna whispered one word of grievance,

he blamed me.

I ran after their carriage.

I just wanted to ask what I had done wrong.

I lost my footing at the cliff's edge. Two lives gone in an instant: mine, and my unborn pup's.

Then came the second life. I was careful beyond measure, steering clear of the cliff, making it back to Aurelia alive. I said every kind word I could think of, poured out every ounce of devotion I had. But he still raised his warpack and stormed the Moonhold Citadel for Ravenna Vargr's sake. The entire Blackthorn bloodline was sentenced to annihilation because of it. I stared at him through burning eyes and asked, "Why?" Why sacrifice so many lives for one Ravenna Vargr? He reached up and wiped the tears from the corner of my eye. "Because she's my sister." "I would betray the whole world to see her happy. What's the erasure of three bloodlines compared to that?" In that moment, I finally understood. Childhood scent-bonded, steadfast mates, all of it was a lie. The only person Fenris Vargr had ever cared about was Ravenna.

……

I pulled myself out of the memories and unclenched my fists, my palms aching where my nails had dug in.

"Father," I said quietly, "I want to enter the Moonhold Citadel."

He blinked in surprise. "You mean you want to join the Alpha Supreme Heir's Luna Selection?"

I nodded.

His lips moved soundlessly for a moment. "Seraphina, even if you don't mate with Fenris, there are plenty of fine young Alphas in Aurelia worth considering. A mating bond is too important a matter to decide out of spite."

I cut him off. "Besides the Alpha Supreme Heir, who in this Dominion outranks Fenris Vargr?"

"The Blackthorns aren't what they used to be. You've already been generous enough to let me sever the scent-bond courtship with the Vargr pack on a whim."

"But I refuse to let our bloodline keep declining."

"Besides, a daughter of pureblood lineage will have to present herself at the Citadel sooner or later. If not me, it will be Briar."

Father let out a long sigh. His scent shifted, the old parchment and dried lavender growing heavier with worry.

The Alpha Supreme Heir was cold by nature. Nothing like Fenris, who knew how to charm. In my previous life, only Ravenna had set her sights on the Heir's inner circle. She had been singularly obsessed with becoming Luna Designate.

The Alpha Supreme was wary of the Heir forming alliances with powerful pack commanders. Fenris had to surrender his command of the Crimson Fang before Ravenna could be admitted to the Heir's court. To prove his loyalty and pave the way for her, Fenris had also handed over every last coin of the Vargr household's war-treasury, including my mating dowry.

The day we left Aurelia, Ravenna came to see us off in tears. She leaned close to my ear and whispered, "Rest easy in the borderlands, sister. I'll put your dowry to good use." That sour sweetness of overripe berries clung to her breath, and beneath it, something hollow.

My heart sank like a stone. So my dowry had never been surrendered to the Fang Throne. It had gone straight to Ravenna.

That was the first time I discovered Fenris had lied to me.

……

Father sent for the finest portrait painter in Aurelia to capture my likeness for the Luna Selection scroll. I had barely settled into my pose when Fenris came storming through the territory gates.

He spotted me, faltered mid-stride, and took a moment to compose himself before closing the distance. I caught his scent before he reached me: woodsmoke and hot iron and crushed juniper, and beneath it all that new acrid thread of decay he could not wash away, the rot that had crept in since I severed our bond. My wolf went still inside me, watchful and cold.

His expression was ice. "You don't think you owe me an explanation for this broken bond?"

I lifted my gaze to meet his. "I wanted it broken, so I broke it. What is there to explain?"

"Or does the great Alpha Commander intend to force a mating?"

In the past, I had been nothing but gentle and considerate in front of him. Never willful. Never a harsh word. Fenris's brow creased. "What's gotten into you?"

"Are you upset that I didn't write these past few moon cycles?"

"I figured I'd be marching home soon enough. There was no need to waste riders on sealed parchments."

I let out a mocking laugh. "Funny. I hear Miss Vargr received one every single day, delivered by express courier."

"What happened to not wasting riders, Commander?"

Fenris looked at me with open disappointment. "Ravenna is my sister. You're really going to make an issue out of a few family letters?"

"Seraphina, we haven't seen each other in three years. When did you become so jealous?"

His sister. The same excuse. The same lie, told to me and to himself.

I wiped the smile from my face. "What I've become is none of the Alpha Commander's concern."

"The courtship contract has been returned. We're both free. Don't let me keep you."

"Seraphina Blackthorn!" Fenris seized my wrist. His grip burned with an Alpha's strength, and I felt the ghost of where his scent used to sink into my skin and find welcome there. It found nothing now. "There's a limit to throwing tantrums."

"Our scent-bond courtship was settled before we were even born. You can't just tear it apart!"

He thought I was throwing a tantrum.

He had no idea that reaching this moment had cost me two lifetimes.