2: 2

The next afternoon, Percival came home.

He let out an exaggerated sigh. "Babe, I'm wiped out. This trip gave me a splitting headache from all the meetings."

He touched my belly, then pulled out a bag.

"I knew you were bummed about missing it. One of my coworkers actually scored some concert merch, so I grabbed it off him right away. You like it?"

I glanced inside. A commemorative concert T-shirt.

"Sure." I nodded.

Seeing how flat I was, Percival patted my cheek.

"Still down about it? Nothing we could do if we couldn't get tickets."

"Once I make it big, I'll fly that singer out here to sing for you one-on-one."

Just then the door opened, and Lottie poked her head in, grinning.

She'd always known our door code.

Dressed to the nines, she made a beeline for the couch and plopped down right next to me.

"Celeste! I came to see you!"

She pulled a tub of pink-and-green ice cream out of a dessert bag.

"Got you that ice cream that's blowing up online right now. Go on, try it!"

Guava flavor.

Percival loved guava. And I hated fruit like that, with its strange, mouth-drying tang, more than anything.

Lottie had been our friend for seven years. There was no way she didn't know.

I shook my head. "I don't want any. You have it."

Percival laughed. "You've got no idea how much of a hick she is. She won't even touch anything new like this."

"Never mind, you eat it. I'll pick her up some of those little pudding cups later. Those she likes."

Fifty-cent pudding cups.

Back in college, Percival once said he wanted to buy me ice cream.

I hated seeing him work so hard for that money, so I told him I liked the little pudding cups instead.

And just like that, I became the kind of person who only rated pudding cups.

Lottie looked at the ice cream, then at Percival, and cheerfully started eating.

Halfway through, she made a face.

"Percy, I can't finish it. I only got the big size on purpose, because I figured Celeste would want some."

"Oh, right, do you remember—" She giggled like something had just come back to her. "Graduation day, Celeste ate a whole braised pork knuckle by herself! Ha! Out of all the girls in our class, she could put it away the best."

"Nothing wrong with a good appetite. You should take a page from Celeste and put on a little weight yourself."

As he said it, Percival gave Lottie's soft, boneless arm a squeeze.

Lottie scrunched her nose, playing coy, and swirled what was left of the ice cream. "Percy, what do we do about this?"

Percival took it from her hand, scooped up a big spoonful, and shoved it into his mouth. "What else? Hand it off to me, the human trash can."

I watched him.

But he'd always said he was a germophobe.

He wouldn't touch a drink I'd already sipped. Called it dirty. Not one mouthful.

So it turned out he just found me disgusting.

"Lottie, there's a huge chunk of coconut jelly right here. Get it while it's good."

Percival scooped the coconut jelly with the same spoon he'd just used and held it out to Lottie's mouth like it was the most natural thing in the world,

and Lottie, without the slightest hesitation, closed her lips right over that spoon again.

I remembered the time I'd bought fried chicken and wanted, sweetly, to share the same piece with Percival.

In front of all our friends, he'd turned his head away in distaste, said he didn't want any, and told me to just toss whatever I couldn't finish.

I couldn't hold it in anymore. I asked, "The two of you are eating one ice cream together?"

3: 3

Percival frowned, watching me with an edge of displeasure. "Celeste, since when did you get so suspicious of everything?"

"The three of us have hung out together since college, all these years. What's the big deal about sharing a bite of ice cream?"

Lottie put on her own wounded, innocent look.

"Right, Celeste. If Percy and I actually had something going on, we'd have gotten together back in college."

Right. We were college classmates. Seven years of friendship.

Back then, Percival, Lottie, and I were all in the campus radio club.

I joined first, and later Lottie said she joined too, just to keep me company.

Lottie knew I liked Percival.

He was cheerful, always joking around, always yanking girls' hair.

It sounds ridiculous now, but I bought the best-smelling shampoo and hair mist,

all in the hope that Percival might come tug on my braid.

Lottie went out of her way to push us together, finding chances to seat me next to him.

But I was too shy and too scared, hardly able to look him in the eye.

I could only watch Lottie roughhouse with him without a care.

I poured all my secret feelings into scripts and read them on the radio club broadcast.

Little by little, the whole school knew the radio club had a talented girl who wrote beautifully.

Christmas of junior year, Percival crossed half the campus through a sky full of snow, carrying a bouquet of red roses, and confessed to me.

My head went blank. I asked him, "Are you really confessing to me? I thought you liked Lottie..."

He pulled me into his arms, his voice gentle. "Silly. Why would I ever like a girl like her?"

"Lottie's too much of a show-off, and she's high-maintenance. I only like you. You're quiet and understanding. You're the one I want to spend my life with."

Back then I was drowning in happiness, believing every word.

Quiet and understanding.

Those four words turned into a leash I've worn for seven years.

Because of those four words, I made allowances for Lottie more times than I could count.

I let it slide when she called Percival in the middle of the night to come pick her up. I let it slide when she got sick and he stayed at her side all night.

There was even one New Year's Eve when we were playing a game,

and Percival actually dug up the diary where I'd written about my crush on him, and read it out loud right in front of Lottie.

I was mortified and furious, and the two of them just roared with laughter.

What did he ever think my feelings for him were worth?

"I'm tired. I want to go lie down for a while." I stood up.

"Go on, go on, get some rest." Percival waved me off, then turned to Lottie. "So, the two of us hit that new sushi place tonight? You've been going on about it for days."

"Yes, yes!" Lottie clapped happily.

I got up quietly, walked into the bedroom, and shut the door.

That sushi place. I'd made a reservation there ages ago.

But Percival kept putting me off with one excuse after another, dragging it out until now.

Three years together, one year married,

and we'd never once eaten a proper meal at a decent restaurant.

Did he just not want to go, or did he not want to go with me?

The thought pushed me past what I could stand, and I finally opened the door and walked back out.

4: 4

I forced a calm smile.

"I've thought about it. Let's all go get sushi together after all."

For a second the air went quiet.

Percival and Lottie traded a look.

Percival smiled at me. "What made you change your mind? Weren't you just saying you were tired?"

I only murmured, "Mm."

Lottie cleared her throat. "Then… then you two go. I'm always the third wheel between you. Celeste's obviously upset. I'll just head home."

Percival clicked his tongue, glanced at Lottie, then turned back to me.

"Fine, then we'll eat here. Lottie and I will go pick up some groceries and cook. You rest, Celeste."

Listen to him.

As if the two of them were the loving married couple,

and I was just some distant relative who needed to be entertained.

That was when Percival's phone rang.

"Good afternoon, sir. This is Pinewood Sushi."

"The cake you custom-ordered for Miss Barnes just arrived at the restaurant. Would you like us to keep it chilled in the fridge for now?"

I heard every word of it.

Percival scrambled to hang up, his eyes darting away.

I looked at him calmly and asked, my voice soft, "What was that?"

"What cake for Miss Barnes?"

Percival cleared his throat and explained, "Celeste, don't get the wrong idea. Lottie just bought a new dress, and she kept insisting we throw the dress a birthday party…"

I let out a short laugh. "A birthday party for a dress?"

"You know how she is, she's got a kid's temper, never grows up. As her friends, we just play along."

I looked at him.

So now he could be understanding.

Back when we were newlyweds, on my birthday, I saw a cup with little bunny ears I wanted to buy. What had he said then?

He'd laughed, half-joking, that a grown woman trying to act cute was embarrassing,

that the older you got the more shameless it was to still make a fuss over a birthday.

And when it was Lottie, suddenly it was a kid's temper that deserved company.

Percival tried to smooth the whole thing over. "Enough. I'll call my mom over to make you some pregnancy meals. You stay home and behave, all right?"

"I'm doing this for your own good. Sushi's all cold and raw. It'll only upset your stomach."

I stayed where I was and didn't back down. "I can order the cooked things. Sushi places have tempura. They have sukiyaki."

Percival heard that and his brow shot up. "Celeste, can you not be so backwoods?"

"Ordering cooked food at a sushi place? Cooked salmon, are you serious? You'd only be wasting the food."

"I'm going today." I stared at him and said it word by word.

Percival froze.

In seven years, I had never once spoken to him in that tone.

Lottie saw it and hurried to her feet, catching Percival's arm.

"Percy, don't be angry with Celeste. You two go eat. It's all my fault, I shouldn't have brought up the birthday thing…"

Her stepping back only enraged him completely.

He swept her behind him, and the look in his eyes when he turned to me was pure disgust.

He said over his shoulder to Lottie, "Don't mind her. This stupid bitch is all over the place with her pregnancy hormones, acting like a lunatic every day, paranoid about everything. I've spoiled her rotten!"

The word went through me. I stared at him, unable to believe it.

Stupid bitch.

This was the man who had stood in the snow holding roses, saying he wanted to spend his whole life with me.

Then he fixed me with an ice-cold stare.

"Celeste, such a small thing, and you just have to make a scene, don't you?"

"Let me tell you, I'm not taking you today, and that's final!"

He grabbed the car keys and pulled Lottie with him toward the door.

"Percy, this isn't right, doing this to Celeste…" Lottie's voice came from outside.

"Who cares. I've let her get away with too much."

The security door slammed shut.

I was the only one left in the living room.

Percival texted me. *You made me lose face in front of Lottie. There's nothing I could do.*

*I bought sukiyaki broth and beef. I'll have my mom cook it for you. Be good.*

I didn't reply.

I just packed a few clothes and booked myself a very expensive sushi restaurant.

Ordered a whole table of sashimi, took a photo, and posted it to my feed.

The next morning, the time for my scheduled procedure arrived.

I was standing in the hospital when Percival called, beside himself.

"What is wrong with you?"

"I told you not to eat raw food and you ate it anyway. You take care of yourself this badly, what's going to happen to the baby?"

I glanced at the exam room and answered calmly, "There is no baby anymore."