Chapter 3
The fever started on Monday night.
By two in the morning, my skin felt like paper held too close to a flame. My mouth was dry. I went down the back stairs for water, one hand on the wall the whole way.
The laundry room light was on. The door was open an inch.
"Your mother's hearing is in March, isn't it?" Giselle's voice. Soft. Almost kind. "It would be awful if someone called immigration first."
A wet, shaky breath. Clara Jenkins, the nanny. Twenty-two. She hummed lullabies off-key.
"Please, Mrs. Harrison. I can't."
"Five thousand tonight. Five more after. Five-thirty, before the house wakes up. The bench by the carousel. You wait there until I call."
"What if he cries?"
"Then you rock him. That's your job."
I stood in the dark with my hand on the rail. The floor tilted under me. I told myself it was the fever. Fevers make you hear things.
I went back upstairs without the water.
—
At six-fifteen, the scream came.
Not a baby this time. A woman.
I pulled myself to the third-floor landing. Below me, Giselle was on her knees in the hallway in a white silk robe, her hair wild. Staff rushed from every door. Mrs. Pell. Rosa. Denise, the maid who brought Giselle tea every morning.
"He's gone!" Giselle sobbed. "His crib is empty. Barrett, he's *gone!*"
Barrett ran out of the master bedroom, shirtless, gray-faced. "Where's Clara?"
"I don't know! I don't know!"
Then Giselle lifted her head. She looked straight up the stairwell. Straight at me.
Her arm rose slowly. Her finger shook.
"Ask her."
Every face turned up. Nobody said a word.
—
They searched for hours. Police cars idled on the street. I heard it all through the floor. I couldn't get out of bed. My teeth chattered under three blankets.
Around noon, my door slammed open.
Barrett's eyes were red. His hair stuck up on one side. He looked like a stranger wearing his face.
"Where is he?"
I pushed myself up. My arms trembled. "I don't know."
"Don't lie to me."
"I've been in this bed… since last night. I can barely walk, Barrett. Look at me."
He didn't look. He crossed the room in three steps, hauled me up by the shoulders, and slammed me against the wall.
Then his hands closed around my throat.
"Tell me where my son is."
He squeezed. My heels lifted off the floor. Pressure built behind my eyes, hot and huge. I clawed at his fingers. His knuckles were hard as stone.
I knew those hands. They had held a pencil over my blueprints in the Avery Library. They had traced the line of the staircase I drew and said, *This is where our kids will race down on Christmas morning.*
The edges of the room went black. Then gray. The ceiling stain blurred.
"Say it, Emory. Say it!"
I couldn't. There was no air to make words with.
His phone buzzed in his pocket. Once. Twice.
He held me one second longer. Then he let go with one hand and answered.
"Yes?" A pause. His whole body sagged. "Carl Schurz Park? Clara has him? Is he okay?"
He let go.
I slid down the wall and hit the floor. I dragged in air. It burned like swallowing glass.
Barrett stood there with the phone against his ear. He looked down at me. For a second, I waited for it. *I'm sorry.* *I was scared.* *Are you hurt?*
He rubbed his temple with two fingers.
Then he walked out.
The door stayed open. I heard his feet on the stairs. I heard Giselle's sob turn into a gasp of joy. I heard her say, "Oh, thank God, thank God," like a woman in a movie.
The bench by the carousel. I had heard her say it. Eight hours before anyone knew he was missing.
—
In the morning, I looked in the bathroom mirror.
The bruises had come up overnight. Purple, black, a yellow edge. Four marks on the left side. One on the right. A perfect print of his hand.
I touched them. Then I turned my grandmother's bracelet once. Twice. The emeralds were the only green thing in my face.
I wrapped a gray scarf around my neck and went downstairs. I needed tea. I needed to prove I could still walk through this house.
On the back landing, I stopped.
Clara was crouched on the service stairs below, phone pressed to her ear. Her apron was crooked. She was rocking.
"No, Mama, listen. Listen." Her voice cracked. "She made me do it. She told me where to take him. I sat on that bench for six hours, and he was so cold, and I kept thinking…" She choked. "No. I can't tell anyone. She'll call them. She'll call them on you."
Below her, in the kitchen doorway, stood Denise.
She was holding Giselle's morning tray. The teacup steamed. She had heard every word. I could see it in how still she was.
Our eyes met across the stairwell.
Denise looked away first. She lifted the tray a little higher and walked toward the front stairs. Toward the master bedroom. Her face was calm. Like she'd heard the weather report.
Clara hung up. She wiped her face with both hands. When she stood, a scrap of paper fell from her apron pocket and fluttered down two steps.
She grabbed it so fast she almost tripped. She crushed it in her fist. Then she saw me.
She went white. Whiter than the scarf on my neck.
"Ms. Collins, I…"
She stopped. Her eyes went to my throat. To the dark edge of a bruise above the gray wool.
Her chin shook.
She didn't finish. She ran down the stairs and out the service door. It banged shut behind her.
I stood alone on the landing. The house was quiet. Somewhere above me, Giselle laughed at something Denise said.
This stairwell carried sound. I had designed it that way.
I used to think that was a beautiful thing.
Now I understood. In this house, everyone could hear everything.
They just chose who to listen to.
Chapter 4
It happened on a Wednesday, in the foyer I had tiled myself.
I was coming down the main stairs. The scarf was still around my neck. Hezekiah sat in the leather armchair by the fireplace, both hands folded on his gold-topped cane. Mrs. Pell stood near the door with his coat. Denise was polishing the hall mirror.
Giselle stood at the bottom of the stairs in a pale lavender dress. She was waiting for me. I could tell by how still she was.
"Emory," she said softly. "Can we talk? Please?"
"No."
I stepped past her. She caught my sleeve. Her fingers were cold.
"I know what you heard," she whispered. Only I could hear it. "In the laundry room."
I looked at her. She smiled.
Then she bit down.
I saw her jaw move. Something small cracked between her teeth. A dark red line ran from the corner of her mouth down her chin. It dripped onto the lavender silk.
She let go of my sleeve. She swayed. She grabbed the banister with one hand and pressed the other to her chest.
"Please," she gasped, loud now. Loud enough for the whole house. "Please stop. I can't… I can't do this anymore."
Then she folded onto the marble like a dropped ribbon.
Denise screamed. Mrs. Pell dropped the coat.
"She hasn't touched her," I said. My voice sounded far away. "I didn't touch her. It's a capsule. Look in her mouth."
Nobody looked in her mouth.
Giselle coughed. More red came up. She curled toward Hezekiah's chair and reached for him with a trembling hand.
"Every day, Grandfather," she wept. "Every single day. She threatens Noah. She threatens me. I'm so tired. I can't live under the same roof as her. I'll die. I know I'll die."
A door opened upstairs. Barrett came to the second-floor railing. He looked down. He saw the blood.
His face went white.
Hezekiah rose from his chair. Slowly. He was eighty-one, and he still filled a room like smoke.
His cane came down on the marble once.
Crack.
The sound went up the stairwell. All three floors. I had designed it that way.
"Remove the Collins girl from this house."
He didn't look at me when he said it. He looked at the wall.
Two men in dark suits came out of the hallway. I had seen them before. They drove his car. They never spoke.
They took my arms.
"Let go of me." I twisted. Pain shot through my back, right where the ladder had dropped me. "Barrett. Barrett!"
I found his eyes across the foyer. Up on the railing. Hands gripping the wood.
I didn't say anything else. I didn't need to. Seven years were in that look. The library. The blueprints. The chapel steps. *I'll come back to you. I swear it.*
He looked at me.
Then he looked at the floor.
That was the moment. Not the fall. That.
They didn't take me out the front door.
They took me up.
I kicked. I dragged my heels on every stair. My scarf came loose and slid away down the steps. The bruises on my throat showed. Nobody cared. We passed the second floor. We passed Barrett. He stepped back to let them by.
"You're making a mistake," I said to him. "You know what she is."
He rubbed his temple with two fingers.
The third floor. The little hallway. The French doors to the balcony I'd drawn on graph paper sophomore year. I'd wanted a place to watch the snow. Barrett had kissed my pencil hand and said, *Add a railing. I don't want to lose you.*
They opened the doors. Cold air hit my face. The sky was flat and white.
"Please," I said to the man on my left. "Please. Just put me on the street."
He didn't answer. His grip didn't change.
They lifted me.
My hip hit the iron railing. My hand clawed for anything. The bracelet caught for one second on a curl of ironwork, my grandmother's emeralds holding on when no one else would.
Then it slipped free.
There was no sound when I fell. Just wind. Just the windows going past, one, two. The nursery. Barrett's study.
The limestone courtyard came up fast.
I chose that stone. Pale. Indiana limestone. I thought it looked soft.
It wasn't.
—
After that, there were only pieces.
A siren. A man shouting numbers. Bright lights rushing over me, one after another, like a train in a tunnel.
A mask over my face. Someone saying, "Pelvis. Left femur. Spleen. Get her in now."
Then nothing for a long time.
Then beeping. Slow and steady. A tube in my throat. I couldn't move my legs. I couldn't move anything. I couldn't open my eyes. But I could hear.
Two nurses were talking near my feet.
"Nobody's called her family?"
"Mr. Harrison is listed as her contact. He signed for everything."
"She has parents, though. It says Seattle on her license."
A pause. A clipboard clicked.
"He said no outside calls. Family wishes. Admin approved it."
"That's not right."
"It's the Harrisons." The second nurse lowered her voice. "Just do your job."
Their shoes squeaked away.
I tried to scream. Nothing came. The machine breathed for me. In. Out.
*Dad,* I thought. *Mom.*
I had promised to call if anything happened.
I tried to move my right hand. Just one finger. I felt the weight on my wrist. Cool. Heavy.
They hadn't taken the bracelet.
I held on to that the way I'd held on to that railing.
The days ran together. Surgeries. Fever. Dark. I learned the time by the shift changes. I learned that nobody brought flowers. Nobody sat in the chair.
Once, very late, I heard the door open. Familiar footsteps. Leather shoes. They stopped at the foot of the bed for a long time.
Then they left.
He never said a word.
Across town, I knew the brownstone was still standing. The lights were on. Someone was setting the long walnut table for dinner. The stairwell was carrying their voices up and down, warm and easy.
And nobody in that house was listening for me.
Chapter 5
Five weeks after the fall, the hospital gave me a two-hour pass.
My physical therapist said fresh air would help. I could walk now, slowly, with a cane. My left leg was held together with a titanium rod. I took a cab to Marchetti's on Madison. It was the place where Barrett and I used to split tiramisu after studio nights.
I didn't go there for him. I went to prove the city still belonged to me.
I sat in the corner. I ordered soup I couldn't taste.
Then the door opened, and Giselle walked in on Barrett's arm.
She wore pale pink. She saw me right away. Her eyes didn't widen. They didn't even blink. She just smiled and tapped one finger against her thigh. Tap. Tap-tap. Tap.
She'd known I would be here.
I reached for my cane. Too late.
A man in a gray hoodie pushed through the front door. His hand came out of his pocket. Steel flashed under the candlelight.
"Wallet! Now!"
He lunged at Barrett. Glasses shattered. Someone screamed.
Giselle moved before Barrett did. She stepped right into the blade. It was neat. Clean. Low on her stomach, just left of center. Like she'd marked the spot in lipstick.
She folded into Barrett's arms with a soft cry.
The man didn't run for the door. He turned and came straight at me.
He grabbed my wrist. His fingers dug into the bracelet.
"Give it."
"No."
I pressed my other hand flat over the emeralds. I pinned them to my skin. He yanked. My shoulder screamed. My bad leg buckled, and I hit the table edge. The clasp bit into my wrist until I felt blood.
I didn't let go.
My grandmother wore this bracelet to her wedding in 1961. She gave it to me on the dock in Seattle. She said, *This is how you find your way home.*
"Let go, lady!"
"You'll have to break my hand."
He looked at me. Something in my face made him hesitate. Then a waiter shouted, and he bolted out the door into the dark.
I sank back into my chair. My wrist was bleeding. Nobody came to my table.
Across the room, Barrett knelt on the floor, holding Giselle. Paramedics rushed past me. They lifted her onto a stretcher. She was crying. Even crying, she looked lovely. Tears like pearls. One hand reaching for him.
Barrett walked beside her all the way out.
He never looked back at my corner.
—
They brought her to my hospital. Same floor. Four doors down.
The next afternoon, I took my cane and walked the hallway for therapy. That was my excuse. Her door was open a hand's width. The whole family was inside. Hezekiah in the chair. Barrett at the bedside. Two aunts I'd met once at Christmas.
Giselle lay back on white pillows. Her fingers were laced over the bandage.
"The doctor said…" Her voice trembled and broke. She waited. Let them lean in. "He said my uterus is too damaged. I can't ever have another baby."
One of the aunts gasped.
"I don't want anything," Giselle whispered. "I'd do it again. I just saw the knife, and I thought, not Barrett. Anything but Barrett."
I watched his face through the gap.
I'd seen it break before. When his diagnosis came. When his mother died. But this was different. It caved in from the center, like a roof with no beams left.
"You saved my life," he said hoarsely.
"Then that's enough for me."
Hezekiah's cane tapped the floor once. "It is not enough for this family."
I walked on before anyone saw me. My leg ached. My wrist throbbed under the gauze.
She hadn't screamed when the knife went in. I kept thinking about that.
—
That night, I couldn't sleep.
I went to the vending machine at the end of the hall. The consult room beside it had a glass panel in the door. The blinds were half drawn. Light leaked out in stripes.
I heard Barrett's voice. Then an older man's. Smooth. Unhurried.
Dr. Julian Ward. I knew him from the Harrison gala. He'd toasted Hezekiah for thirty years of "generous friendship."
"It's experimental," Ward said. "But it's been done. A living donor. Healthy tissue. Young."
"Is it safe?"
"For the recipient? Reasonably."
A long pause. I pressed a coin into the machine. It dropped. Neither of them noticed.
"The donor's already in the building," Ward said. "Her bloodwork is on file. I'd need about three days."
"And the forms?"
"My office handles the forms. They'll say what they need to say."
I waited for Barrett to ask something. *Does she agree? Did you ask her?*
He didn't.
I heard the scratch of a pen. Then his voice, very quiet.
"Book it."
I picked up my water bottle and walked back to my room. I thought they were talking about some stranger. A cousin, maybe. Some poor girl the Harrisons had paid.
I felt sorry for her.
I lay down and turned the bracelet once. Twice. The scab on my wrist pulled tight.
Down the hall, a nurse wrote something on a chart outside my door. She glanced in at me. Then she looked away very fast.
I didn't think about it.
I should have.