Chapter 2
The socket was angry the morning of the shoot. Red at the edges. Hot to the touch. I pressed my thumb against the inflamed rim and hissed through my teeth.
"Cassius." I stood in the doorway of the bedroom. He was on the bed, tying his shoes, phone wedged between his shoulder and ear. "I can't wear the prosthetic today. Look at it."
He didn't look up.
"I said I can't—"
"I heard you." He tied the second shoe. Slowly. "Take some ibuprofen. Kessler is bringing the whole board. They want to see the wife."
"The wife."
"Elise." His voice thinned to a wire. "Don't start."
He stood up. Straightened his cufflinks. Walked past me like I was a piece of furniture that had shifted an inch out of place.
I stood there a long time after he left. Then I went to the bathroom, swallowed three pills dry, and slid the socket over the raw skin. The pain flared white behind my eyes. I gripped the counter until the room stopped tilting.
I put on the dress he had chosen. Ivory silk. High neckline. Long sleeves to hide the collarbone that had gotten too sharp over the last year. I painted my mouth the color of wine and looked at the woman in the mirror.
She looked like someone I used to know.
---
Grant Corp's lobby smelled like new money and gardenias. The photographer's crew had already set up under the marble arch — softboxes, reflectors, a bank of monitors humming quietly. Cassius stood near the coffee cart, laughing at something a junior associate was saying. He glanced up when I walked in.
He did not smile. He did not come to me.
He lifted his chin an inch, which meant *stand there*.
I stood there.
"Beautiful," the photographer said, circling me with his lens. "Just — can we do something about the — " He gestured vaguely at my leg. "The shift in weight. Can we hide that?"
"She'll lean on me," Cassius said, walking over. His hand landed on the small of my back. His palm was cold through the silk.
That was when the elevator chimed.
She stepped out the way certain women step onto runways — as if the floor had been arranged specifically for the sound of her heels. Red dress. Skin the color of warm honey. Hair loose down her back. She was tall enough to look Cassius in the eye without tilting her chin.
"Everyone," the photographer called out, "this is our model — Avianna James."
Cassius's hand went still against my spine.
I knew before I knew. My body knew. The way a body knows a coming storm.
Avianna's eyes swept the room and landed on me. She smiled. It was a beautiful smile. Wide. Bright. The kind that got you booked for toothpaste ads.
"Oh," she said, walking toward us. "You must be the wife."
"Elise," I said.
"Elise." She turned the name over in her mouth like she was tasting it for flaws. "I've heard so much. That interview — God, I cried. Truly." She placed a hand over her heart. "You were the ballerina, weren't you? Before."
*Before.* The same word he had used.
"I was."
"That's so brave." She tilted her head. "Still coming out to things like this. On the — " Her eyes dropped, just for a beat, to the hem of my dress. "You know. I don't think I could. If it were me, I'd want to just, like, disappear for a while. Let myself heal."
Someone in the crew laughed. A short, uncertain bark that died fast.
"Fashion moves so quickly," Avianna went on. Her voice was sweet as poured syrup. "Some women just can't keep up with the pace, you know? It's not their fault. Bodies expire. That's just biology."
My hand found the edge of the marble console behind me. The stone was cool. Steady.
I looked at Cassius.
He was looking at his phone.
He adjusted his tie with two fingers. He did not lift his eyes. He did not speak. He simply stood three feet away from me and let her carve.
"Well," Avianna said cheerfully, "let's get this shot. Cassius — you're with the wife first?"
"With Elise," I said.
She blinked. "Sorry?"
"My name is Elise."
She smiled wider. "Of course it is, sweetheart."
---
I don't remember the drive home. I remember unlocking the door. I remember sitting on the edge of the bed and rolling down the silicone liner and seeing the blood — a bright ring of it where the socket had been grinding all afternoon.
I didn't turn on the lamp.
I sat in the dark and watched the city come on across the river. Windows lighting up one by one. Somewhere out there people were making dinner. Kissing hello. Meaning it.
Four hours passed. I know because the microwave clock kept blinking at me from the kitchen, green and patient.
He did not come home.
---
Across the East River, in a small apartment in Queens, my father was sitting at his kitchen table under a single yellow lamp. He had a leather scrapbook open in front of him. Every one of my performance programs was pressed inside it. He was writing on a legal pad in his neat stage manager's hand — dates, times, a hotel name in Midtown that Cassius had claimed was Chicago.
He wrote a name on the outside of a manila envelope.
*Marcelo Castro.*
He underlined it once. Then he taped the envelope to the inside back cover of the scrapbook, closed it gently, and placed his palm flat against the leather for a long moment, as if making a promise to someone who could not yet hear him.
Then he switched off the lamp.
Chapter 3
They called it a heart attack. Stress-induced cardiac failure, the coroner said. Natural causes.
I stood in the hospital corridor with the paperwork in my hands and thought about how nothing about my father's death was natural. He was sixty-three. He ran five miles every Sunday. He'd carried stage equipment up four flights of stairs three weeks ago without breaking a sweat.
The nurse who'd been with him said he'd arrived by ambulance from his apartment. Alone. Clutching his chest. Gone before they could get him stable.
I asked if he'd said anything. She shook her head. Her eyes were kind.
Cassius stood beside me in the hallway, one hand on my shoulder. The pressure was light. Performative. When I turned to look at him, he was checking his watch.
I saw him do it.
I didn't say a word.
They let me sit with the body for twenty minutes. My father's hand was cold and heavy in mine. His wedding ring — my mother's ring, the one he'd never taken off — caught the fluorescent light. I traced the band with my thumb.
"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I'm so sorry."
For what, I didn't know. For marrying Cassius. For not listening. For being the reason he'd spent the last three years watching me disappear into something he couldn't fix.
I didn't cry. Not in front of Cassius. Not in front of the nurses. I sat there holding my father's hand until they told me it was time to go.
Cassius drove us home in silence. I stared out the window and felt absolutely nothing.
---
Two weeks later, Cassius suggested Vermont.
"You need rest," he said. He was packing a bag on the bed, folding shirts with the precision of a man who'd never had to think about what rest actually meant. "Fresh air. Time away from the city. It'll be good for you."
I stood in the doorway. The prosthetic socket was angry again. Red. Hot. I'd stopped mentioning it.
"Okay," I said.
He looked up. Smiled. It was the first time he'd smiled at me in months.
"Good," he said. "We leave tomorrow."
---
The cabin was small and clean and smelled like pine. There was a fireplace. A view of the mountains through the front window. Snow everywhere, thick and silent.
Cassius made coffee the first morning. Brought me a cup on the porch. Kissed the top of my head.
"See?" he said. "This is what we needed."
I sipped the coffee. It was too hot. I didn't tell him.
That night we sat by the fire. He scrolled through his phone. I stared at the flames and felt the phantom ache flare hot and sharp in the leg that wasn't there.
His phone rang at eleven.
He looked at the screen. His face changed.
"I have to take this," he said, standing. He walked into the bedroom and closed the door.
I heard her voice through the wood. High. Frantic. Sobbing.
When he came out, his face was white.
"Get your coat," he said.
"What?"
"Now, Elise. We need to go."
I stood up too fast. The prosthetic shifted. Pain shot up through the socket. I grabbed the arm of the couch.
"What's happening?"
"Avianna's been in an accident. She's on Route 7. She's hurt."
I stared at him.
"Get in the car," he said.
---
The road was dark. Empty. Snow piled high on both sides. Cassius drove fast, his knuckles white on the wheel. I sat beside him and watched the trees blur past.
"How far?" I asked.
He didn't answer.
Ten minutes later, he pulled onto the shoulder. The car idled. He didn't turn off the engine.
"Wait here," he said.
"What?"
"I'll be back. Just — stay in the car. I need to find her."
He got out. The cold rushed in. He slammed the door.
I watched him walk around to the driver's side. He looked at me through the window. His face was unreadable.
Then he got in and drove away.
I sat there for a long time. Watching the taillights shrink. Disappear around the bend.
The cold crept in through the seams of my coat. My breath fogged the air.
I waited.
Five minutes. Ten. Twenty.
He didn't come back.
I got out of the car.
---
The socket was already failing. I felt it in the first hundred yards. The fit was wrong. The skin underneath was raw. Every step sent a spike of pain up through my hip.
I kept walking.
The road stretched out ahead of me, dark and endless. No headlights. No houses. Just trees and snow and the sound of my own breathing.
I thought about stopping. Sitting down. Waiting for someone to find me.
But I didn't.
I walked.
The prosthetic ground against the inflamed tissue with every step. I felt the skin tear. Felt the warmth of blood inside the socket. The cold turned it to ice.
I walked.
I don't know how long. Hours, maybe. The pain stopped being pain and became something else. A white noise. A hum.
I couldn't feel the leg anymore.
I thought about my father. About the last time I'd seen him, two weeks before he died. He'd hugged me at the door of his apartment and held on a little too long.
"You can always come home, sweetheart," he'd said.
I hadn't understood what he meant.
I understood now.
The trucker found me on the shoulder just after dawn. I was sitting in the snow. I don't remember sitting down.
He loaded me into his cab. The heater was on. It felt like fire.
"Hospital," I whispered.
He drove fast.
I closed my eyes and felt nothing at all.
Chapter 4
The doctor was young. Too young, I thought, for what he was about to tell me. He had the kind of face that probably smiled easily under other circumstances. He wasn't smiling now.
"The infection has reached the bone," he said. He was looking at my chart, not at me. "We need to operate immediately. There's no time for a hospital transfer."
I stared at the fluorescent light above his head. It had a crack running through the plastic cover.
"Okay," I said.
"Mrs. Grant." He finally looked at me. "We don't have general anesthesia here. I can give you a local block and something for the pain, but you'll be conscious for the procedure."
The room was very quiet. Somewhere down the hall, a phone was ringing. No one answered it.
"How long will it take?" I asked.
"Forty minutes. Maybe less."
I nodded. My hands were folded in my lap. They looked like someone else's hands.
"Okay," I said again.
He brought me a leather belt. Told me to bite down on it when I needed to. A nurse with gray hair and steady hands helped me onto the table. The local injection burned going in. I counted the ceiling tiles while we waited for it to take effect.
Twelve tiles. Three were stained.
The doctor's voice was calm. Clinical. He told me what he was doing as he did it. I bit down on the belt and tasted copper and salt. The sound of the saw was worse than the pain. High and mechanical and wrong.
I screamed into the leather. The nurse held my hand. Her palm was dry and warm.
When it was over, I lay on the table shaking so hard my teeth rattled. The nurse covered me with a heated blanket. It didn't help.
They moved me to a recovery room. Four walls. One window. A chair no one sat in.
The doctor came back an hour later. He pulled the chair close to the bed and sat down heavily, like a man who'd been on his feet too long.
"You're going to be okay," he said. "The infection is out. You'll need IV antibiotics for a week, but you'll heal."
I nodded. I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open.
"There's something else." He paused. Looked down at his hands. "When we ran your bloodwork, we found elevated hCG levels. You're pregnant. About eight weeks."
I stopped breathing.
The room tilted sideways. I gripped the bed rail.
"Are you sure?" My voice didn't sound like mine.
"Yes."
I turned my head toward the window. It was dark outside. Snow falling in the cone of light from the parking lot lamp.
"Does my husband know?" I asked.
"No. We haven't been able to reach him."
I closed my eyes.
"Don't tell him," I said. "Not yet."
The doctor was quiet for a moment. Then he stood up.
"Okay," he said softly. "Get some rest."
He left. The door clicked shut.
I lay there in the dark and put my hand on my stomach. Flat. Empty. Except it wasn't.
This was mine. The last thing I had that Cassius hadn't touched. Hadn't ruined.
I would say nothing. Not yet. Maybe not ever.
I fell asleep with my hand pressed against the secret I was keeping, and dreamed of my father.
---
Cassius didn't come back that night. Or the next morning. The clinic called him six times. The calls went to voicemail.
I told the nurse I didn't want to try anymore.
On the third day, he walked in with flowers. Lilies. My least favorite. He set them on the table beside the bed and sat down in the chair.
"Jesus, Elise." His voice was rough. "I'm so sorry. Avianna was in bad shape. I couldn't leave her."
I looked at him. Really looked at him. The expensive coat. The perfect hair. The face I'd once loved more than my own life.
"She wasn't in an accident, was she," I said.
He blinked. "What?"
"There was no accident."
He straightened his cufflinks. "You're not thinking clearly. You've been through a trauma."
I turned my head toward the window.
"My father's memorial is in four days," I said. "I need to be there."
"Of course. I'll arrange everything."
He reached for my hand. I pulled it away.
He stood up. Smoothed his coat.
"I'll be back tomorrow," he said.
He left the lilies.
I threw them in the trash after he was gone.
---
The chapel was full. Broadway people. Neighbors from Queens. Students my father had mentored over the years. They filled the pews in dark suits and dresses, their faces soft with grief.
I sat in the front row in a wheelchair. My body wasn't strong enough yet for the prosthetic. The new amputation was bandaged beneath a long black dress. I kept my hands folded in my lap and stared at the closed casket.
Cassius stood beside me. One hand on my shoulder. He greeted people as they approached. Shook hands. Accepted condolences with a somber nod.
He was very good at this.
I sat very still and felt the secret growing inside me. Eight weeks. Nine now. A small flutter of cells that didn't know yet what kind of world it was coming into.
The service started. A colleague from the Shubert spoke about my father's dedication. His kindness. The way he remembered everyone's name.
I didn't cry. I'd run out of tears somewhere on that frozen Vermont road.
Halfway through, the chapel doors opened.
A woman walked in.
She was wearing white.
I heard the whispers ripple through the pews. Heads turning. Someone gasped.
Avianna James walked down the center aisle in a white dress that clung to every curve, her heels clicking on the marble floor. She didn't look at anyone. She walked straight to the front and stopped.
She looked at me.
She smiled.
"I'm so sorry for your loss, Elise," she said. Her voice carried in the silence. "Your father was a good man. He didn't deserve what happened to him."
Cassius's hand tightened on my shoulder.
"Avianna," he said quietly. "Not now."
She turned to him. Her smile widened.
"Not now?" She laughed. Soft. Musical. "When, then? When is the right time to tell her the truth?"
The chapel was absolutely silent.
She turned back to me.
"That car accident," she said. "The one that took your leg. It wasn't an accident, Elise. Cassius was on the phone with me. I'd sent him pictures. Intimate ones. I told him I'd leak them if he didn't leave you. He panicked. He wasn't watching the road."
She tilted her head.
"He was thinking about me," she said softly, "when he ruined you."
The room spun.
I tried to stand. The wheelchair rolled backward. Cassius grabbed for me.
Something inside me tore.
I felt it. Warm and wet. Spreading.
I looked down.
Blood. Soaking through the black dress.
"Elise—" Cassius's voice was far away.
I collapsed forward. The floor came up fast.
The last thing I heard was someone screaming.
I think it was me.