Chapter 3
The discharge papers are thin. Two sheets. I sign them sitting on the edge of a hospital bed that isn't mine. The nurse won't meet my eyes when she hands me the plastic bag with my clothes.
I dress slowly. Everything hurts. The infection is gone but the damage isn't. I can feel it with every movement. A tearing sensation deep inside that the doctors said would fade.
They lied about a lot of things.
I take a cab to my father's facility. The building is gray. Institutional. I've been here a hundred times. I know which elevator. Which floor. Which room.
But when I get there, the room is empty. Bed stripped. Walls bare.
A woman in scrubs is wiping down the windowsill. She glances over.
"Can I help you?"
"My father," I say. "Memphis Lawrence. His things. I need to—"
"Everything was picked up," she says. "Family came by last week."
My throat closes. "What family?"
She shrugs. Goes back to wiping.
I take another cab. This time to the penthouse. I still have my key. I don't know if it works anymore.
It does.
The apartment is silent. Afternoon light slants through the windows. I walk through the living room. Down the hall. Into Cole's study.
The urn is on his desk.
Simple brass. My father's name engraved on the front. I reach for it.
"I wouldn't."
I turn. Cole is in the doorway. Suit jacket off. Sleeves rolled. He looks like he just got back from the office.
"That's my father," I say.
He walks to the desk. Stands beside it. Between me and the urn.
"I know," he says.
"Give it to me."
"No."
The word is flat. Final. I stare at him.
"Cole. Please."
"You're moving into the estate," he says. "Upper East Side. Mother's already prepared a room."
I blink. "What?"
"Tallulah needs care during the pregnancy. You're a doctor. You'll provide it."
The floor tilts. I grab the edge of the desk.
"I'm not a doctor anymore," I say. "You made sure of that."
"You still have the training."
"I'm not doing this."
Cole picks up the urn. Turns it in his hands. Casual. Like he's examining a paperweight.
"Then I'll have this disposed of," he says. "There's an incinerator in the building. Industrial. They use it for medical waste."
My vision blurs. "You wouldn't."
He sets the urn down. Looks at me.
"Try me."
I can't breathe. Can't think. The room is too small. Too hot.
"How long?" I whisper.
Cole tilts his head. "What?"
"How long do I have to stay?"
"Until the baby is born."
Six months. Maybe seven. I look at the urn. At my father's name.
"I'll move in today," I say.
---
The mansion smells like lilies and furniture polish. Elizabeth is waiting in the foyer when I arrive. One bag in my hand. Everything I own.
"Your room is on the third floor," she says. "Staff quarters. You'll take your meals in the kitchen."
She doesn't wait for a response. Just turns and walks away. Heels clicking on marble.
I climb the stairs. Find the room. It's small. A single bed. A dresser. A window that overlooks the service alley.
I set my bag down. Sit on the bed.
The mattress is thin. I can feel the springs.
---
Tallulah's breakfast preferences are taped to the refrigerator. Egg whites. Gluten-free toast. Fresh berries. Almond milk.
I make it every morning at seven. Bring it to her room on a tray.
She's always awake. Propped up on pillows. Silk pajamas. Hair perfect.
"Good morning, Reese," she says. Every single day. The same words. The same smile.
I set the tray down. Check her vitals. Blood pressure. Pulse. Temperature.
She watches me the whole time.
"Your hands are shaking," she says one morning.
I don't answer. Just write down the numbers. Leave the room.
---
Elizabeth makes me clean the library on my knees. She stands in the doorway. Watching.
"You missed a spot," she says.
I go back. Scrub harder.
My hands are raw. The infection left scars. Internal and external. Every movement pulls.
But I don't stop.
Elizabeth smiles. "Good."
---
It happens on a Thursday.
I'm in the kitchen. Chopping vegetables for dinner. Tallulah walks in. She's wearing white. Always white.
"I need a snack," she says.
I rinse my hands. Start slicing an apple.
Tallulah picks up the knife I was using. The big one. Chef's knife.
"This is sharp," she says.
I glance over. "Be careful."
She smiles. Then drags the blade across her forearm.
Blood wells. Bright red. She gasps. Drops the knife.
I'm moving before I think. Grabbing a towel. Pressing it to her arm.
"What did you do?" I say. "Why would you—"
She screams.
The sound is piercing. Hysterical. She shoves me away. Stumbles back.
"Help!" she shrieks. "Someone help me!"
Footsteps. Running. Cole bursts into the kitchen. Elizabeth right behind him.
Tallulah collapses into Cole's arms. Sobbing. Blood soaking through the towel.
"She tried to kill me," Tallulah gasps. "She—she grabbed the knife—"
Cole's eyes snap to me. I'm standing by the counter. The knife at my feet. My hands covered in her blood.
"No," I say. "She cut herself. I was trying to help—"
"Liar," Elizabeth hisses.
Cole lifts Tallulah. Carries her out. I hear him calling 911.
Elizabeth steps closer. Her voice is low. Venomous.
"You need professional correction," she says. "Cole and I have already discussed it."
She leaves. The kitchen is silent.
I look down. At my hands. At the blood.
I don't recognize them anymore.
I don't recognize anything.
Chapter 4
The brochure called it a retreat.
Women's Reformation Retreat. Upstate New York. Discreet. Exclusive. Designed to help troubled wives rediscover their purpose.
The building looks like a spa. Stone facade. Tall windows. A circular driveway lined with hedges.
Cole parks at the entrance. Doesn't turn off the engine.
"Two weeks," he says.
I stare straight ahead. My suitcase is in the trunk. Packed by Elizabeth. I don't know what's inside.
"Cole," I say quietly. "Please don't do this."
He doesn't answer. Just gets out. Opens my door.
I don't move.
He leans down. His voice is low. Flat. "Get out of the car, Reese."
I get out.
---
The director's name is Douglas Pratt. He's fifty. Maybe older. Gray suit. Soft hands. He shakes Cole's hand. Nods at me.
"Mrs. Webb," he says. "Welcome."
I don't correct him. The marriage is fake. But he doesn't need to know that.
Cole signs papers. A stack of them. He doesn't read them. Just flips. Signs. Flips. Signs.
Pratt watches me the whole time.
"We'll take excellent care of her," he says.
Cole finishes. Hands the pen back. Looks at me once. Then walks out.
I hear the car start. Hear it pull away.
Pratt smiles. "Let's get you settled."
---
The room is small. Concrete floor. Metal bed frame. A thin mattress. No sheets.
There's a bucket in the corner. A single overhead bulb.
Pratt stands in the doorway. "Orientation begins at five a.m. Someone will wake you."
"Where's the bathroom?" I ask.
He nods toward the bucket.
Then he closes the door. I hear the lock click.
I sit on the mattress. It smells like mildew and sweat. I pull my knees to my chest.
The infection scars pull. I press my hand to my stomach. Breathe through the pain.
The bulb flickers.
I don't sleep.
---
They wake me at four.
A woman in scrubs. No name tag. She doesn't speak. Just gestures for me to follow.
We walk down a hallway. Fluorescent lights. Concrete walls. Doors on both sides. All locked.
She opens one. Points inside.
It's a shower room. Tile. Drains in the floor. No curtains.
She turns on the water. It's freezing. I can see my breath.
"Strip," she says.
I hesitate.
She grabs my shirt. Pulls it over my head. I'm too tired to fight. Too cold.
She shoves me under the water.
I gasp. My whole body seizes. The cold is a knife. Cutting. Slicing.
She holds me there. Counts to sixty. Then turns off the water.
Tosses me a towel. Gray. Rough.
"Get dressed."
She hands me clothes. Shapeless gray cotton. Pants. Shirt. No underwear. No bra.
I dress. My fingers won't work right. Everything is numb.
She leads me to another room. Long table. Metal chairs. Six other women already sitting. They don't look up.
I sit at the end.
A man walks in. Not Pratt. Younger. Thick arms. He's holding a baton.
"Hands on the table," he says.
We all put our hands on the table.
He walks down the line. Slaps the baton on the table beside each woman. The sound is sharp. Loud.
When he gets to me, he stops. Leans down.
"You're the doctor," he says.
I don't answer.
He smiles. Taps the baton against my knuckles. Not hard. Just enough.
"Not anymore."
---
The days blur.
Five a.m. Ice water.
Six a.m. Breakfast. Thin oatmeal. No salt. No sugar.
Seven a.m. Labor. Scrubbing floors. Moving furniture. Digging in the yard.
Noon. Lunch. Broth. Stale bread.
One p.m. More labor.
Six p.m. Dinner. Same as breakfast.
Seven p.m. Reflection. We sit in a circle. Pratt asks questions.
*What did you do wrong?*
*How will you be better?*
*Do you understand your place?*
The women answer. Voices flat. Rehearsed.
I don't answer.
Pratt doesn't push. Just writes something in his notebook.
Nine p.m. Lights out.
I lie on the mattress. Stare at the ceiling. Count my breaths.
I'm on day three when I hear the lock click.
---
It's past midnight. The bulb is off. The room is black.
The door opens. Light from the hallway spills in.
A man steps inside. Not Pratt. Not the guard. Someone else.
He's dirty. Clothes torn. He smells like alcohol and something worse.
He closes the door behind him.
I'm on my feet. Pressed against the wall.
"Who are you?" I say.
He doesn't answer. Just moves toward me. Slow. Smiling.
I grab the chair. It's metal. Bolted to the floor.
I pull. It doesn't move.
He's closer now. Reaching.
I kick. Hard. My foot connects with his knee. He grunts. Stumbles.
I grab the chair again. Pull with everything I have. The bolt snaps.
I swing.
The chair leg hits his shoulder. He shouts. Grabs for me.
I swing again. This time his head. He drops.
I'm screaming now. Wordless. Raw.
I hit him again. And again. Until my hands are slick. Until he stops moving.
I back into the corner. Chair leg still in my hands.
Footsteps. Running. The door opens.
Guards. Pratt. They look at the man on the floor. Then at me.
Pratt's face is calm. "Clean this up," he says to the guards.
He looks at me. "Impressive, Mrs. Webb."
They drag the man out. One of them mops the floor.
Pratt stays. Watching.
"Someone paid extra for that," he says quietly. "Wanted to see if you'd break."
I don't answer. Just stare at him.
He smiles. "You didn't."
He leaves. Locks the door.
I slide down the wall. Sit on the floor. The chair leg is still in my hands.
My palms are bleeding. I don't let go.
I don't sleep.
I don't close my eyes.
I just sit. And wait. And survive.