Chapter 1
Five years after we broke up, my ex bought the company I worked for and suddenly became my direct boss.
The project plan I'd stayed up nights working on—nearly killing myself to finish—was handed to someone else without a word.
My teammates were split apart, and I became his go-to example when he wanted to tear someone down. I was the laughingstock of the office.
Shawn Lubbard said it was the price I had to pay for betraying him.
Finally, I asked him what it would take for him to leave me alone. His reply?
"Only if you die."
Feeling crushed, I drove a knife into my chest right in front of him.
Maybe this terrible life should have ended long ago.
When the Maybach knocked me down, my first instinct was to get up fast, pick up the bike, and ride away.
I never expected to run into my ex like this after five years.
Shawn Lubbard got out of the car and called after me.
"After all this time, you're still out here tricking men into supporting you?"
He looked me up and down. As he put his hand on mine, it felt like he was belittling and mocking me at the same time.
Shawn's hand felt as warm as it always had, but it made me burn with anxiety.
Ever since five years ago, I had been terrified of anyone touching me like that.
I tried to pull away, but I couldn't. Shawn tugged me forward, and I nearly fell into his arms. The bike clattered to the ground.
I didn't need a mirror to know how forced my smile looked.
"Oh, what a coincidence."
"Just a coincidence? How many men have you met using that same staged crash over the years? Did you end up in their beds without trouble?"
He leaned so close that our noses almost touched. It almost looked like he wanted to kiss me.
The man who used to blush when he kissed me now humiliated me with brazen cruelty.
His fingers slid down my stomach and stopped at the most sensitive spot, which he then gripped hard.
People were walking by, and it felt as if someone might catch sight of our disgusting interaction at any moment.
My body tensed without me meaning to.
"You bring nothing but bad luck."
"Why don't you just die?"
"You're disgusting!"
I couldn't help but recall my parents' hateful words, and I began to tremble.
"No, I…" I shook my head and tried to explain, but when I looked Shawn in the eyes, it felt like someone was strangling my neck.
Back then, he had caught me and Chris Cutler in bed together.
In his eyes, I was worthless and disgusting.
"It's none of your business!"
The memories came flooding in, nearly suffocating me.
I shoved Shawn hard and jumped on the bike before fleeing in a hurry.
Our lives were on different tracks now. Since we were no longer in a relationship, we might never see each other again.
Or so I thought, until a week later…
When I saw Shawn at the company.
-
I worked at an internet company that did data work. There were about a hundred employees in total. A month earlier, we'd been bought over by a public company.
Today, everyone had been called together to welcome the new boss.
I had spent the last week pulling all-nighters on a new project proposal. I slept one or two hours a night and lived on coffee. My head was foggy.
When the director introduced Shawn as the new boss, I snapped wide awake.
I told myself we had broken up for five years. His buying the company must have had nothing to do with me.
Still, a strange unease rose within me.
When Shawn and his team arrived, the first thing he said to the director was:
"Call Fred out."
When he said my name, everybody looked at me.
My heart sank. The unease intensified.
The director called me, and I stepped forward.
Shawn said coldly and sarcastically, "You hoard the best subordinates and only produce this much work every month. Don't you feel ashamed or guilty at all?"
"I'm sorry."
He was clearly targeting me, even though I was one of the company's top performers.
I didn't argue.
Life had already ground away the proud, sharp edge I once had.
Shawn wasn't done. "This isn't charity. We want results, not apologies. Hand your project over to Steven. You're no longer the deputy project director."
With just a few words, he erased all of my effort.
After the meeting that was built around destroying me, I went to Shawn's office because I couldn't accept it.
"You think a few words from you will make me change my mind?" he asked, lounging in his chair with scorn in his eyes.
Before, he would never have treated me like this. My heart clenched, and for a second, I didn't know how to react.
Shawn spread his legs spread and leaned back. "You know better than anyone how to serve people. Need me to teach you?"
His gaze felt like a blade that cut right through me.
I clenched my fists and fought back tears. After a moment's hesitation, I started walking toward him. I knew he was doing this on purpose, but I needed the money badly.
I dropped to my knees, licked my dry lips, and trembled as I undid his belt. I lowered my head.
Shawn moaned with pleasure and suddenly pressed my head down.
His taste filled my mouth. I fought it, but the dark, nauseating memories from the past flooded in uncontrollably.
"No, please don't!"
I shoved him away and stood up, my face pale.
Shawn flinched and glared at me. "Fred!"
In his face, I could see the same twisted expression I had seen on Chris. It was a mix of fear, anger, humiliation, and disgust. All these emotions came together until my chest felt like it would explode.
After a week of sleepless nights, the aftereffects hit me hard. I grew dizzy and nauseous, my legs wobbled, and I collapsed.
Before I fell, I thought I saw Shawn's face fill with sudden alarm and concern.
But he hated me and blamed me. How could he possibly care?
Chapter 2
Feeling groggy, the memories I had tried so hard to bury came flooding back.
The first time Shawn and I met was on a rainy, slippery day. His driver couldn't stop in time and hit me with the car.
I injured my left calf and needed two or three months to recover.
I was a freshman then, while Shawn was a junior.
We happened to go to the same college. He felt guilty about the accident and pushed me to class in a wheelchair every day. He even brought me meals. After a while, we became close.
He was two years older than me. We were in the same age group, but very different from each other.
I hung out with friends and went for dinners, shopping, and trips together with them.
Shawn, on the other hand, would go back to the company to learn how to run the business. Apart from classes, he went to plays and concerts, rode horses, shot arrows, and played golf.
Our worlds were completely different, yet from the start, we grew very close.
Shawn didn't understand why people wasted time on video games, why anyone would like the foul-smelling cheese, or why someone would haggle for thirty minutes over twenty bucks, but he would do those things with me.
I didn't understand why some people enjoyed such exaggerated, dull theatrical performances, or how they could hear a few syllables and read a whole stormy plot, but I went along gladly every time.
I always thought we were just good friends, like my other friends.
Until the day Shawn got drunk, kissed me, and confessed.
Everything fell apart.
We became a couple.
"Fred, I like you," Shawn said. "I can't live without you. You won't regret choosing me!"
He said it so firmly that I thought we would be together forever.
But then, it happened…
-
Clang!
The sound of something heavy dropping snapped me awake. When I opened my eyes and saw the hospital ward, the color drained from my face.
I was lying in a hospital bed. Shawn sat next to me with furrowed brows.
At the doorway, Chris stood with a dark expression. There was a food container at his feet, but the food inside had spilled all over the floor.
"Why do you seem so surprised? You and Fred planned this. Have him cozy up to me and take my money, right? You don't mind your boyfriend being dirty, but that doesn't mean others don't feel disgusted. Seeing him makes me sick!"
Shawn kicked the food container hard and stormed past Chris.
I had heard worse, but what he said cut deep, leaving me aching inside.
Chris came up to me. He sounded furious. "Look what he's done to you! Fred, don't tell me you still want to be with him! Think about your mom and dad—"
"Get out!" I snapped at him.
We used to be inseparable friends. Now, just the sight of him made me afraid and had my stomach churning.
It had been five years, but he still wouldn't leave me alone.
Chris looked hurt but didn't leave.
In the end, I shoved him out.
The doctor called and told me Chris had paid my mother's medical bills.
At first, I wanted to throw the money back in Chris's face and tell him I didn't want his filthy cash. But at the thought of my lost commission on the company's project, my anger deflated like a punctured balloon.
I went to my mother's ward, but didn't dare go in. I just stood at the door and looked inside.
She was in bed. Despite still being in her forties, she already had a head full of gray hair.
She had gotten thinner since I last saw her two weeks ago. She was skin and bones, looking like a soulless puppet.
Now, she didn't react to anyone except me. When she saw me, she spat the vilest, cruelest curses and said she wished I were dead.
I felt I deserved it.
But if I died, nobody would take care of her.
"Why are you sneaking around? Which sugar daddy are you cozying up to this time?"
Suddenly, a familiar voice asked from behind.
Turning, I saw Shawn's mocking expression and froze.
He reached out and pushed the ward door open.
If he went in, everything would be exposed!
Chapter 3
"Who's there?" asked my mother, Lyla Sadler.
Her voice, weak and hoarse, called from inside as I yanked Shawn into the stairwell.
I couldn't let him see my mother! She wouldn't be able to take it.
There were some things I never intended to let Shawn know.
All I wanted was to keep him away from that ward. Nothing else mattered.
Once the stairwell door shut, I realized in a panic that I was practically pressed against Shawn, pinning him to the wall.
Embarrassment hit me a moment later, and I tried to back away.
Shawn's gaze darkened. Without warning, he grabbed my chin and kissed me.
We were already broken up. He hated me, and I hated him. We should have been like two parallel lines that never crossed each other's path. That would have been best for both of us.
I turned my head to avoid his kiss.
However, my resistance seemed to anger him. He yanked my hand up above my head and shoved his other hand under my shirt, rubbing my most sensitive spot.
My body reacted before my mind could. Physically, I wanted more, but a crushing shame and fear flooded over me. Before me, I saw Chris' twisted, lustful expression and heard his slick, disgusting breathing in my ear.
Staring at Shawn, I couldn't tell if I was in the present or being dragged back into the past.
"Don't touch me!" I screamed hysterically and shoved him away.
A flash of something unreadable crossed Shawn's eyes. He wore a look of contempt and wiped his mouth roughly.
"Who would want to touch you? You're so easy that anyone who paid could get you. You really think someone like you would interest me?"
His nasty tone was nothing like the lover I remembered.
I tried to keep my composure, but my hands and feet went cold.
"Since you hate me so much, stop showing up in my life! It just makes me think you're pretending to be tough when you can't let go."
I wanted to tell him to just disappear. I wanted the Fred in his memory to be proud and dazzling, not filthy and cowardly like right now.
"You've got some nerve!" Shawn sneered before walking past me.
The door swung open and slammed shut with a loud bang.
I covered my face with my hands and slid down the wall.
My commission on the project was gone. I was buried in debt and couldn't afford time off, so I rushed back to the office that afternoon.
Having my project stolen and my team parceled out was only the beginning.
The company had performance targets. Every employee, except interns, had a quota of 500 grand. Miss it, and your bonus would get docked.
I had just hit 500 grand, but they docked my entire bonus.
The director told me, "Fred, I can't help it. Mr. Lubbard said you have to close at least one million in deals each month to be qualified."
If one failed for six months in a row, they would be demoted.
I had missed the target only for the first month under him, but I was dropped two ranks to a regular employee, and my salary was halved.
To chase deals, I was out all day.
The next day, they labeled me absent without cause for the day before and said I had lost my perfect attendance record for the month. If it happened again, they would make me leave.
That was just one of the snarls I had to deal with.
People could see that Shawn was singling me out and quietly kept their distance.
I clenched my jaw and put up with it for three months, but in the end, I couldn't hang on any longer. I wasn't as strong as I initially thought.
Distraught and at the end of my rope, I tracked Shawn down.
"Can you stop pushing me like this? It's not entirely your fault we got here, but it's not only mine either."
He sneered. "You cheated on me and used me as an ATM, and yet you have the gall to say that? You're even more shameless than I expected."
I took a deep breath and kept my voice steady. "I'm only telling the truth. Let's act like we've never met. That's better for both of us—"
But Shawn treated me like I was making excuses and dismissed me.
He believed I owed him.
"I'm taking Steven to choose a car. If you've got nothing else, get out," he said impatiently and called Steven in.
Steven had been my rival at the company. Now, he was his new lover.
Shawn was cruel to me and doting toward Steven. Whether he truly liked Steven or was just tormenting me, I didn't know, and it didn't matter anymore.
In desperation, I asked one last time, "Shawn, what will it take for you to leave me alone?"
To that, he stepped up close and said slowly, "Only if you die."
Those four words killed my last sliver of hope.
My heart sank.
I pulled a knife from my pocket and, while Shawn stared in shocked panic, drove it deep into my chest.