3.

Eighty competition-level math problems.

My daughter scooped herself a bowl of rice, tossed some meat and vegetables on top, and got up in a hurry.

"I'll go correct my mistakes while I eat."

"That way I can save time."

I agreed.

"Your uncle's idea really was a good one. You're finally shaping up."

"Go on, then."

The study had bright lights and clear glass walls, so I could see everything she did in there without missing a thing.

I finished eating, then went to the bathroom to do my skincare routine.

Only then did I have the leisure to go watch her.

On the desk, her bowl of rice had a few bites gone from it and hadn't been touched again.

She was working hard at the problems, and after only a little while her wrist cramped.

She didn't cry out. She lifted her hand to her lips and bit down.

That bite must have taken a lot of force. I could clearly see the teeth marks on her wrist.

It startled me, and I wanted to rush in, but then she went back to normal and kept working.

In the end my hand never pressed down on the door handle.

It was just a couple of bites. It wasn't like her arm had broken.

I cut up some fruit and brought it in.

Hearing the sound, her first reaction was to hide her hand behind her back.

"Mom, Mom, can I not eat this fruit?"

"I'm scared I won't finish the problems in time."

She'd barely said it before she hurriedly took it back.

"No, no, I didn't mean that. I'll finish. I'll do it right now."

"Mom, you made this plan because it's good for me. I'll get to it now."

For some reason, a sour ache welled up in me.

I pulled myself together quickly and set down the fruit.

"This is free from me."

"It won't be added to tonight's problems."

Her eyes were blank. She nodded and bent her head back down.

She really had gotten a lot more obedient.

Two days later came the next round of her treatment.

I got dressed, ready to go with her.

She turned me down.

"Thank you, Mom, but I can handle my own things myself."

"I'll come home tonight and keep working on my tasks."

I paused for a moment and didn't say anything.

Going by herself wasn't out of the question.

She was already an adult.

I took out my phone and transferred her the money.

"I sent a little extra. After the treatment you can go grab a simple bite to eat."

Then I turned around and went shopping with a new friend I'd just made.

But by the time I got home that night, the money I'd transferred out still hadn't shown any notice of being received.

I looked at her, a little puzzled.

"Without the money, how did you go to chemo?"

"Did you not go? How can you care so little about your own health? Did the money I paid for your chemo before just go to waste?"

"You're being this willful. Do you want to go back to that place again……"

4.

She flinched like a startled bird.

Then she dropped to her knees in front of me.

"Mom, Mommy, it's not like that. I did do my chemo."

"Look at the needle mark. I went."

"It was just this once. A woman said she'd overpaid, said she wanted to shed the bad luck, so she just put it on my bill and told me to use it."

"Really?"

She nodded over and over.

"It's true, Mommy. I'm not lying."

"You can go ask the doctor."

She knelt there in front of me, her voice shaking, bowing her head to the floor again and again.

"Mommy, don't send me there. I'll behave."

"I'll be good."

Watching her apologize like that, so afraid, something tightened in my chest.

I'm her mother. I'd never hurt her.

Did she really have to be this scared?

"You—"

"Do you think I'd actually eat you alive?"

"Forget it. Use whoever's money you want. But don't fall behind on your studies. If you need money, come to me."

She started taking her homework to the hospital.

At night she came home and shut herself in the study until every problem was done, and only then would she come out to say a word to me.

The dinner I set on the table, she wouldn't touch.

Ask her, and she'd say she'd already eaten.

Her treatment fee covered a meal.

"Coming home to eat at night wastes too much time, Mom."

"I'll just eat at the hospital. That saves time, and I can finish the plan right on schedule."

"You really don't have to push yourself this hard. Your health matters more."

I felt our conversations turning dry and hollow.

I meant to show her I cared.

Somehow the words came out contradicting myself.

"Forget it. Do whatever you want."

After that, things between us froze completely.

I cut fruit for her. She'd look at it, but she wouldn't eat.

Instead she pulled out a slip of paper and wrote it down.

"This plate has melon and strawberries. Converted into problems, the melon is ten, the strawberries are fifteen."

"I'll go finish them right now."

My body went rigid, and I hurried to explain.

"No, these last few days those don't count as problems."

She still didn't move. She shook her head.

"I can't eat fruit that isn't counted into the problem quota. You said so before."

"Everything in this house has to be traded by problem quota. That's the rule. It can't be changed."

"So I won't eat it for now. Thank you, Mommy."

The tight, suffocating weight in my chest grew heavier and heavier.

Finally I couldn't hold it in.

"Do you have to talk to me like this?"

"I'm your mother."

My voice startled her.

Her somewhat hollow eyes shifted and turned toward me.

Her voice was very small, very light, when she asked back:

"But Mommy, I'm only following your rules."

The anger burrowed right back down into my gut.

Once again I felt the failure of it.

"I understand."

Every piece of that untouched fruit, I threw into the trash.

The last round of chemo ended.

The test results came back. Her condition was completely under control now.

From here on, all she needed was to recover.

I wanted to share the good news with her, but I found a strange woman at the top of the stairs, stroking her head.

"My goddaughter's finally well. Once your exams are over, I'll take you traveling."

"Don't wear yourself out with studying lately. Your health matters most. You've got a godbrother now, too. When you're in college, if anyone bullies you, you come to him."

She was laughing, so happy.

Her eyes curved like crescent moons, and the hollow silence I always saw in them when I was around was gone.

I stood where I was and called out, my voice trembling:

"Selina?"

She turned toward the sound, and the smile on her face vanished at once.

"Mommy, I'll go home and do my problems right now. I'm the one who wasted time."

"This time, I'll add two extra as punishment."