Post-exam party. Someone suggested Never Have I Ever.

Freya Gilbert went first.

"I got guaranteed admission to Northbridge. Didn't even take the college entrance exams."

The private room erupted in whoops.

The Olympiad competition in senior year — make the national team and you earned a guaranteed-admission slot.

I'd spent the better part of a year preparing, only to end up hospitalized with a bad allergic reaction right before the exam. I missed the whole thing.

I folded a finger down without a word.

A few rounds later, only Freya and I still had one finger standing.

She smiled, sweet as anything.

"I have a boyfriend!"

The room went dead silent — then blew up.

Without thinking, I looked toward Alvin in the corner.

He'd said it so many times: "Lettie, once exams are over, we'll be together."

He was leaning against the sofa, and he never once looked my way.

Someone called out: "How do you prove you have a boyfriend?"

Freya smiled, stood up, and walked over to Alvin.

She cupped his face in both hands, and right there in front of everyone, leaned down and kissed him.

He didn't push her away. He didn't even glance at me.

I lowered my head, slowly, and folded down my last finger.

I lost.

And it wasn't just the game.

——

Whistles, screams, clapping — all of it crashing together.

"Holy shit! I knew those two had something going on!"

"When did you get together?"

Freya straightened up, cheeks flushed, grinning.

"The day exams ended! We got together right away!"

Every pair of eyes locked on the new couple.

Nobody even saw me in the corner.

I watched them.

Watched Alvin lift his hand after the kiss and casually wipe the corner of his mouth.

"Come on, tell us — how'd it happen?"

"Who confessed? Details! We want details!"

The crowd kept pushing, wave after wave.

Freya snuck a shy glance at Alvin, then started talking.

"It wasn't that big a deal, really. The day exams ended, I asked him to come out…"

She told them everything.

How she'd texted Alvin. How she'd asked him out. How she'd taken his hand. How she'd said, "Let's be together."

With every new detail, the laughter in the room got louder.

With every new detail, another pair of eyes drifted toward me.

"Wait — aren't Alvin and Letitia a thing? They grew up together!"

"Says who? When has Alvin ever looked at Letitia twice?"

"Oh, Letitia — the butch one who was always throwing herself at him?"

"Right? Like anyone wants that. Alvin's not into ugly girls."

"You know that meal she had the allergic reaction to? Alvin made it for her himself — on purpose, so she'd miss the competition."

"Freya wanted that admission slot, and Letitia was the biggest threat. Had to take her out."

"Damn. Letitia was nothing but a stepping stone."

Freya put on an apologetic face, but her eyes were pure triumph.

"Letitia, I'm sorry… I was the one who brought up the guaranteed admission thing to Al, and he just — he cares about me too much, you know? He couldn't help himself. So if you're going to blame anyone, blame me…"

So everyone had known.

Everyone except me.

Or maybe I should have known all along.

Freshman year, Alvin had already started keeping his distance.

If we ran into each other at school, he'd walk away with his head down, like he didn't know me.

I chased after him once and asked. He said, "Don't give people the wrong idea."

I thought he was just shy.

Then I'd see him in the hallway chatting with Freya, smiling so hard his eyes curved.

I walked over. He killed the smile the second he saw me. "What is it?"

I thought he was playing it cool in front of everyone.

He changed my contact name from "Lettie" to "Letitia Winfield." Deleted every photo of us from his social feed.

I thought he was worried a teacher might see.

Now I know—he was worried Freya might see.

Worried Freya might be unhappy.

So he destroyed my guaranteed admission with his own hands.

And he did it the way I'd trust most: food he cooked himself, his gentle voice saying, "Eat a little more."

The boy I grew up with, the one who said he'd marry me—he shoved me into the ER with his own hands, all for another girl.

My eyes burned, dry and raw. I forced myself not to cry.

I looked at Alvin and pushed every last bit of strength into my voice.

"Is it true?"

He sat next to Freya. His expression didn't change at all.

"Does it matter? The outcome's the same either way."

His voice was flat, not a ripple in it. My words sank into deep water without so much as a splash.

Because he didn't care.

Didn't care about eighteen years of growing up together. Didn't care about the future we could have had.

My throat clamped shut, acid surging upward in waves.

I bit the inside of my lower lip, using that small, sharp pain to hold back everything threatening to break.

I stood up and bolted out of the room. Behind me, laughter and jeering bled together.

"Letitia! Don't leave! Your childhood sweetheart's got a girlfriend now, aren't you going to congratulate him?"

"Is she actually crying?"

"So what if she is? Alvin doesn't even like her. Who's she putting on a show for?"

I stood on the curb for a long time.

The night wind dried the tears on my face.

My phone buzzed.

A message from Alvin.

Where'd you go? Come back. Don't give them something to laugh about.

I stared at those words, and all I could think of was being seven years old, bawling at our kindergarten graduation ceremony. The other kids laughed at me. He marched right up. "She can cry if she wants to! Mind your own business!"

Back then, he was all the courage I had.

Now he was telling me not to give them something to laugh about.

That was just a dare I lost. Come back, I'll explain everything.

A dare.

I gripped my phone. My palm was slick with sweat.

A taxi rolled past. The driver honked twice.

"Getting in or not?"

I didn't move.

All those years came flooding back at once—ten years old, burning up with fever, and he scaled the wall to bring me medicine, got chased three blocks by our dog. Twelve, and I'd bombed a test, and he tore up his own award certificate: "This thing's useless. Next time I'll help you get first place." Fifteen, and someone was shoving me around, and he threw himself into the fight, took three stitches by his eye, and still grinned at me. "Doesn't hurt."

Had he changed?

Or had he always been this way, and I just never said what I felt?

Had I been lying to myself the whole time?

"Getting in or not?" The driver honked again.

I clenched my jaw, turned, and ran back.

Full of hope, I pushed open the door to the room.

A bucket of cold water hit me from above.

Ice water ran down through my hair, blinding my eyes, soaking through every layer of clothing.

I stood there shaking, unable to move.

Shrill laughter tore through the room.

"She actually came back! She really came back!"

"Freya, you're insane—how'd you know that tomboy would come running?"

"A bet's a bet! Al, hand over your lucky jade charm!"

Freya was leaning against Alvin, shaking with laughter.

"Told you she'd come back!"

She reached over and crooked a finger at Alvin.

"She's basically your dog, Alvin—can't get rid of her no matter what you do!"

Alvin's mouth curved, and he reached up and unhooked a red cord from around his neck.

A lucky jade charm hung from it.

I had one too.

We'd gotten them when we were seven, both families visiting the temple together.

One each. We'd worn them since childhood, never once taken them off.

He said they were our pledge—proof we belonged to each other.

The day we got married, we'd exchange them.

Now he placed his in Freya's hand.

She held it up to the light, turning it over, her eyes crinkling into a grin:

"Pretty. This is mine now—and so are you!"

I wiped the water from my face and looked at Alvin.

He turned his head, gave me a sidelong glance, and the smile dropped:

"What? Since when do I need to run it by you before I give someone my stuff?"

I hadn't gotten an explanation. What I got was a bucket of cold water and a roomful of cruelty.

He wasn't the boy who would've done anything for me anymore.

Someone called out: "Let's go, let's go! Next stop KTV, I already booked it!"

The whole group headed for the door.

When Freya passed me, she stuck out her foot.

I pitched forward and my knees cracked against the threshold, the pain sharp enough to steal my breath.

She looked back at me, smile sweet as sugar:

"Oops, sorry. Didn't see you there."

Then she hooked her arm through Alvin's and walked out.

He let her pull him along, right past me.

He glanced down.

The look was so brief I couldn't even read what was in it before he turned away.

And followed her out.

I knelt on the cold floor, blood seeping from my knees, water dripping from my hair and hitting the tile.

Drop by drop. Like all the years of my heart I'd given him for nothing.

I didn't dare go home.

If Dad saw me looking like this, he'd worry himself sick.

I found a hotel and checked into a room.

I stood under the hot water for a long time before the warmth finally sank in.

When I came out, there were several messages on my phone.

From Alvin.

Your dad called asking when you'd be back. I told him you were with me. Go home soon.

Where are you? Are you safe?

Then a video call request.

I hesitated, then picked up.

His face filled the screen, still impossibly handsome, a dimly lit hallway behind him.

He frowned. "You're at a hotel?"

"Yeah."

"Which one?"

"None of your business."

A few seconds of silence. Then:

"Then stay put. I don't want to have to explain to your dad."

"Alvin."

I looked straight at him. "You really gave her the lucky jade charm?"

He said nothing.

"When we were kids, you said it was our pledge. That we'd exchange them on our wedding day."

"…"

"You gave yours to Freya. So what about me?"

His mouth opened, closed, and the only thing that came out was:

"It's not like it was worth anything."

I laughed.

"Yeah. Not worth anything."

"Just like me, right."

"Letitia—"

I hung up.

Half an hour later, the doorbell rang.

A delivery.

A tube of ointment for scrapes, and a bowl of hot porridge.

I sat on the hotel bed. The class group chat wouldn't stop buzzing.

People were sharing videos.

Freya and Alvin, singing a duet at KTV.

Her head resting on his shoulder, both of them holding microphones, singing some love song I'd never heard.

The chat blew up underneath:

"Alvin, the way you look at Freya is so sweet it hurts!"

"Please, I'm begging you two—just kiss already, do it for the rest of us!"