At my boyfriend Howard's birthday party, his first love Xanthis Stuart returned from abroad.

"Howard, I'm back. Does our two-year promise still hold?"

Xanthis' appearance instantly grabbed everyone's attention.

I was ruthlessly abandoned by Howard and had to leave in a mess. In my haste, I accidentally bumped into someone.

He bent down to look at me and said, "Zoe, it's been three years. How did you manage to end up in such a mess?"

My first love had also returned from abroad.

1

To attend Howard's birthday party, I spent two hours getting ready and even splurged on a dress.

I wanted to make sure I looked beautiful enough to be worthy of Howard before I could confidently attend his birthday party.

For the past two years, I had been carefully maintaining my relationship with Howard.

But it wasn't until tonight that I discovered there was someone else from Howard's past who still held a place in his heart.

At the party, guests filled the room, and Howard pulled me aside to a corner. "Zoe, can you stay in this area? It's less crowded, and I'll be able to find you easily."

I nodded and quietly took my seat, watching as Howard engaged in lively conversations with the other guests.

Then Xanthis appeared, wearing a red dress, her makeup was exquisitely done. She radiated brightness and confidence.

In front of everyone, Xanthis' gaze burned with intensity as she looked at Howard. "Howard, I'm back.

"Does our two-year promise still hold?

"I'm here to fulfill our agreement."

Howard was initially surprised, but he quickly made his way to her side, filled with delight. "Xanthis, you're back!

"It still holds, of course!"

Sitting in the corner, all I could do was watch helplessly as my boyfriend embraced Xanthis in the center of the crowd.

I listened as he expressed his longing for another woman. "Xanthis, all these years, I've been waiting for you."

How could Howard do that?

Didn't he say he loved me the most?

I suddenly remembered that in Howard's list of special interests, there was someone with a cloud icon as a remark.

Their chat box was completely empty.

When we first got together, I set Howard as a special interest and jokingly asked him to do the same. He looked at me with disdain and said, "Childish, who does that?"

Then he turned and smiled at me. "Zoe, you're not going to blame me, right? You know I'm not interested in these things."

Since then, I quietly turned off the special interest feature.

It was not until I discovered the existence of the cloud, and my intuition tells me that this particular cloud holds a special meaning for Howard.

"Howard, who is that cloud in your special interests?" I asked.

Howard impatiently snatched the phone away from me and replied, "Just a friend. Do you not trust me, Zoe? How can you doubt me when I love you so much?"

Feeling like Howard was getting angry, I quickly said, "I trust you, don't be mad. I was just asking."

Then that thing was dropped there.

It turned out everything had a traceable explanation.

That cloud was Xanthis, Howard's first love.

Throughout the entire party, I couldn't find a chance to talk to Howard. He was busy mingling with Xanthis, introducing her to every guest with a smile. "This is my girlfriend, Xanthis."

Howard had completely forgotten about my existence as his girlfriend.

Finally, during a brief moment when they went to the restroom, I found an opportunity. Howard was standing alone by the restroom door, waiting for Xanthis.

"Howard, what's going on between you and her? She's your girlfriend, then who am I?"

Howard maintained his composure and said, "Zoe, don't joke around. Aren't we just friends?

"Don't say anything inappropriate in front of Xanthis, or she might misunderstand."

Two years of a relationship seemed insignificant compared to Xanthis' simple words, "I'm back."

Xanthis came out of the restroom and naturally linked her arm with Howard's. "Howard, who is this?"

"She's my former college classmate who came to my birthday party."

Was I really just a college classmate?

Xanthis gently extended her hand. "Hello, I'm Xanthis, Howard's girlfriend."

I shook her hand and said, "Hello, I'm Zoe, Howard's... college classmate."

2

Our hands formed a sharp contrast. Hers was smooth and fair, while mine was rough and pale yellow.

Howard left with Xanthis, leaving me standing there in a daze. Soon after, I received a text message from Howard.

[Zoe, let's break up. We were just playing around, right? Don't come looking for me anymore. Oh, and don't say anything inappropriate in front of Xanthis, or I can't guarantee what I might do to you.]

Looking at Howard's text message, I felt like I had fallen into an ice cellar, and my whole body was chilled to the bone.

For two years, I always followed Howard's lead without question.

I supported everything he did.

I liked him so much, and he seemed to like me too. Why did it end up like this? Wasn't what I did enough? Why did he abandon me?

I walked aimlessly towards the main hall, lost in my thoughts. Along the way, I accidentally bumped into someone, and he raised his hand to casually adjust his clothes.

Then he lowered his head and looked at me, his thin lips slightly parted as he spoke in an indifferent tone, "Zoe, it's been three years. How did you manage to end up in such a mess?"

It was Chris Jones.

How did he also come back?

I wondered how much of our conversation he had overheard. Maybe he came here just to laugh at me.

Well, I was indeed a mess, like a clown, only deserving of mockery.

"Yeah, Chris, long time no see. I suppose my sorry state is bothering you."

I turned around, intending to leave this place, but his hand pulled me back.

"Don't rush to leave yet. Let me show you something." Chris said, glancing at me before gesturing for me to follow.

As I looked at Chris' figure, my heart grew more bitter. After three years apart, I wondered if his resentment towards me had lessened.

Following Chris through the main hall of the banquet, I suddenly felt the gazes from all directions upon me.

But I knew they were only looking because Chris was by my side.

Chris remained as dazzling as before, drawing eyes wherever he went.

We arrived at a relatively secluded spot where we could see Howard and his close friends, overhearing their conversations.

Xanthis was not present.

"Howard, now that Ms. Stuart has returned, what about the girl before her?"

Howard replied nonchalantly, "I was just playing around with her. We've already broken up. I'm telling you. You don't know how funny she was just now. She almost cried."

Everyone agreed, "Of course, Howard's charm is irresistible, and she is completely infatuated."

Seemingly pleased by their words, Howard wore a smug expression while feigning regret. "Ah, if Xanthis hadn't come back, I could have played with her for another two years. She really had a nice face, great for showing off.

"She was just too conservative and boring, otherwise, I would have fooled her into being mine long ago."

So this was how Howard saw me during these past two years. I couldn't bear to listen any longer.

But then again, how could I, someone like me, be worthy of him? There was no comparison between me and Xanthis, we were completely different people.

It must be because I didn't do well enough that Howard didn't like me.

"Chris, did you intentionally come here to laugh at me? If so, you've achieved your goal. Can I leave now?"

Seeing that I didn't grasp his meaning, Chris became somewhat angry yet also helpless. "Zoe, open your eyes and see. Is a normal relationship supposed to be like this?

"Haven't you figured out what kind of a man Howard really is? Are you insane from being in love? You were not like this before."

Chris' handsome face was filled with anger. I was puzzled by his intense reaction.

Shouldn't he be happy to see me in such a mess after being heartlessly abandoned by Howard?

I indirectly caused the death of someone he liked. It was only natural for him to hate me.

Chris pulled me in front of a mirror and sternly questioned. "Zoe, what have you experienced in these three years?

"Take a look at yourself. Is this still you? Are you still you?"

The person in the mirror had a gaunt face, dry and yellowed hair, and was wearing an ill-fitting white dress.

Was that really me? How did I become like this?

What was I like before?

3

In the years I spent with Howard, it seemed like I had completely changed.

I could barely recognize myself anymore.

In a moment of enlightenment, I suddenly realized that I had been manipulated by Howard for a whole two years.

Because this relationship was unequal from the start, and I allowed myself to be manipulated by him.

Instantly, my world spun upside down, and I saw Howard for who he truly was.

Due to an accident, I became insecure, sensitive, timid, and cowardly. My parents even cut ties with me, leaving me to fend for myself.

It was during this vulnerable time that Howard entered my life, offering me fleeting affection.

At that time, I was working part-time. The sun was scorching in the summer and I was handing out flyers in a heavy doll costume.

Most people just passed by, ignoring the flyers I handed out. But Howard was different. He not only took one of my flyers but also bought me a cup of coffee.

He came to the same spot several days in a row, sitting in the coffee shop, waiting for me to finish work.

"Zoe, this job is so tough. Quit and be with me. I'll treat you well.

"Zoe, you're working every day, and you don't have time to spend with me. Quit and spend my money."

Gradually, we started dating, but I never asked him for money. I reduced my time at work and devoted more time to being with Howard.

Howard never publicly acknowledged our relationship. He portrayed me as just a close female friend.

"I don't want to make our relationship public. I don't want others gossiping about you. You know me, I hate trouble."

But now, as soon as Xanthis returned, Howard couldn't wait to openly announce her in front of everyone.

It turned out he wasn't afraid of trouble. He just didn't treat me the same way.

In the past two years, the words I heard the most were "Zoe, I truly like you. Everything I do is for your own good."

"Zoe, I'm the only one who loves you the most. Without me, you won't find anyone who loves you more than I do."

"Zoe, look at you, you have nothing. I am the only one who wants to be with you."

"Zoe, you look good in white dresses. Red doesn't suit you. Don't wear it anymore. You should also lose some weight, otherwise, you'll look a bit ridiculous."

Under Howard's manipulation, I gradually became worse and worse. My self-confidence diminished, and my image management deteriorated.

Even my own preferences were subtly influenced.

I didn't actually like the pure and clean color white, I preferred hot and lively red.

Chris clenched my hands and raised it in front of my eyes. "Look at your hands. Are they still the hands of an artist? What have they become under your mistreatment?"

My hands were wrinkled, scarred, and even calloused.

I worked as a dishwasher, handed out flyers on the streets, and worked as a cashier in a supermarket. I did all sorts of dirty and tiring jobs.

In the freezing winter, I even cooked for Howard because he didn't like eating outside. Every meal he had was prepared by me.

"Chris, I understand now. Let's go."

All of this was just a case of consenting to be mistreated.

Howard didn't truly love me, and I didn't genuinely like him either.

I willingly treated him well, allowed him to suppress and manipulate me, and believed every word he said. I deluded myself into thinking that I had climbed higher by being with him and showering him with unlimited kindness.

Being ruthlessly abandoned was what I deserved.

Throughout these three years, I kept numbing myself, believing that only by leading a miserable life could I ease the guilt I felt towards my sister.

I transferred all my guilt towards my sister onto Howard because I was responsible for her death. I was trying to atone for it.

And the person Chris liked was my twin sister, Yuri.