I said, “Don't worry, I know myself.”

I had never touched it before and I would never touch it in the future.

Richie did not hear anything unusual, nor did he care what I was doing. He went into the study as usual and did not come out for the whole night.

I stared at the closed door in a daze and laughed at myself. 

Richie could not even bear to sleep in the same room with me again.

**

In the next few days, I was preparing to go abroad and had no time to pay attention to Richie.

Until that afternoon, when I had completed the resignation procedures and was leaving the orchestra, I received a call from Richie’s good friend, “Letha, Richie is drunk and it's useless for any of us to persuade him. Do you think you can come over when you are free?”

On the phone, the other party's voice was helpless.

I was a little surprised. Richie said that drinking would affect the operation, so he rarely drank. Why did he drink suddenly?

But I did not delve into it further. I asked for the address of the party and took a taxi to go there to find him.

As I arrived at the place, the party was almost over. 

The strong smell of alcohol mixed with cigarettes hit me in the face. I coughed lightly twice and saw Richie at a glance.

The lights were dim. He was wearing a white shirt and looked handsome and elegant. 

Perhaps he had drunk some wine, as he was resting on the sofa with his eyes closed, holding a petite girl in his arms.

Tiffany was wearing a light blue dress and leaning against someone shyly.

As the lights turned, she looked up at me, a hint of subtle provocation flashing in her delicate eyes, just like the faint smell of perfume on her body.

It had the sweet scent of gardenia, the same scent as the perfume that I had taken time off from work to buy that day.

Tiffany's lips curled up slightly. She gently pushed Richie and her soft voice made people feel pity in their hearts, “Richie, your fiancée is here.”

Richie did not even raise his head and chuckled, “What fiancée? Aren't you my fiancée?”

The careless tone was like a heavy hammer, hitting my heart hard.

The dull pain almost made it difficult for me to breathe.

There was a sudden silence in the box and several eyes fell on me one after another.

Richie finally noticed me at that time and his eyes quickly regained clarity. He glanced at Tiffany beside him, his expression changing, “I, I'm drunk... I thought it was you just now.”

I slowly clenched my hands at my side and said calmly, “Let's go.”

Seeing that, Richie seemed to be secretly relieved. He stood up shakily and walked towards me. His indifferent eyes seemed somewhat gentle under the light.

“Okay, I'll listen to you.”

As soon as he finished speaking, he leaned on me as if he had no strength left. 

The smell of alcohol was mixed with a sweet scent of perfume like a sharp silver needle, it pierced her heart.

I had loved Richie for seven years, more than two thousand days and nights. Liking him had almost become an instinct. Even if I was planning to let go, I would still feel sad because of his betrayal.

Richie drank a lot of wine and lost consciousness completely after leaving the box.

I carried the man into the car with great difficulty, but found that he had no keys on him.

I guess he did not bring it out.

I turned back to the box and was about to knock on the door when I suddenly heard Tiffany's half-joking, half-sarcastic voice, “Why did you call her here? It was so embarrassing just now.”

“I'm afraid she'll cry. Who of you will comfort her then?”

The people in the box laughed and spoke in a mocking tone.

“Of course, we have to call her over so she can face reality.”

“That's right, she is not worthy of Richie, but she has no self-awareness and keeps clinging to him shamelessly.”

“Now that you're back, she should go somewhere cooler.”

The merciless ridicule and condescending contempt trampled me into the mud. I listened expressionlessly and suddenly pushed the door open heavily.

The voice suddenly stopped.

They all looked back and were somewhat surprised and uncomfortable, but they did not feel apologetic. After all, they believed they had said nothing wrong.

I raised the corners of my lips, walked forward to pick up the car keys and said as if nothing had happened, “It's okay, you guys continue.”

After saying that, I turned and left.

Behind me, there was silence.

I brought Richie home with great difficulty. 

When we entered the building, the drowsy man suddenly became uncooperative and leaned against the door, refusing to move.

“Richie, hold on a little longer, we will be able to lie down soon,” I tried to coax him.

Richie suddenly opened his eyes and looked fixedly at me.

Under the light, his eyes were sharp, as if he was looking at someone extremely disgusting. Before I could react, I was suddenly pushed away by him, “Go away, don’t touch me.”

I fell to the ground unexpectedly and felt a sharp pain in my tailbone.

I turned pale with pain and looked up at Richie, only to see that he was just leaning against the door, looking down at me. 

His indifferent eyes were like a basin of ice water in the cold winter, completely extinguishing my lingering feelings.

At the same time, it also woke me up from the illusion I had been having for years. It turned out Richie had never actually loved me.

My tears welled up in her eyes, I stood up and left as if escaping.

Behind me, Richie slid down the wall and sat on the ground, seemingly having fallen asleep, but I had no time to wonder whether he was cold or comfortable.

I sat on the sofa all night until it was dawn outside the window.

Richie came out of the room with his hands covering his forehead, his face gloomy, “Why would I sleep on the floor, you..."

Before he could finish his words, he saw my appearance and suddenly remembered something.

He showed a rare look of guilt on his face. After a pause, he apologized, “Sorry, it was my fault last night. By the way, I'm free the day after tomorrow. Can I take you to ride a hot air balloon?”

Staying up late made my head feel dizzy and my nerves felt like they were being torn apart.

I raised my head in a daze and the face of the man in front of me seemed unfamiliar. I stared at him absentmindedly until he showed impatience.

“Okay,” I responded calmly.

After getting the answer, Richie felt relieved and left impatiently.

I looked at his back, closed my eyes and leaned back on the sofa.

Time passed quickly and it was the appointed day. Richie wore a white sportswear, which was rare for him. 

His hair fell naturally in front of his forehead and he looked just like he did in college.

“Let’s eat first. It's quite far over there and there's nothing to eat on the way,” he said casually.

I listened to his familiar tone and paused slightly, but said nothing.

After finishing our meal, we drove to their destination.

That day was a weekday and most of the tourists there were students and young couples. Their faces were filled with excitement and anticipation and they chatter away, making the two of us who were silent seem like oddities.

I turned around, wanting to say something to break the silence, but saw Richie concentrating on looking at his phone.

It was the same scene that had happened countless times in the past month.

I thought I had gotten used to it, but for some reason, my heart still felt clogged.” Richie, can you concentrate on accompanying me today and not look at your phone?”

Richie raised his eyes and the words that were about to come out of his mouth were swallowed back subconsciously the moment he saw my eyes.

He paused for a moment, nodded and said, “Okay.”

I was somewhat delighted by the unexpected answer. I started talking and enthusiastically pulled Richie to discuss the scenery there.

Although Richie did not react much, he would occasionally give a brief reply.

Soon, the line reached there.

I was about to step forward, Richie's cell phone suddenly rang.

The sharp and abrupt ringing sound instantly tightened the string in my mind and then continued to pull and stretch it. 

The smile on my lips fell back and I looked at Richie with a slight pleading look, “Richie, it's our turn, let's go up first.”

Richie pursed his lips and said, “I'll be back soon.”

“What phone call? Is there so…."

Before the word ‘important’ could be said, Richie had already left.

The staff member urged impatiently, “Do you want to ride or not? If not, get out of the way.”

Complex emotions rushed through my heart and soon calmed down. I looked at Richie's back and said in a hoarse voice, “Sorry, I will go now.”

I sat in the hot air balloon. The moment the flames lit up above her head, I saw Richie walking out hurriedly through the crowd.

He had not even thought about explaining anything to me.

The hot air balloon slowly rose into the sky and Richie's figure gradually shrank until he got into the car and drove away. My clenched fists loosened and I completely lost all hope.

There was bitterness in my eyes, but I told myself in my heart, ‘It does not matter, I don't want Richie anymore.’

Half an hour later, I returned to the ground and my cell phone suddenly vibrated in my pocket.

I took it out and found that it was in the friend group that Richie and I were in and everyone was chatting.

[Richie was too crazy today, he just rushed over like that.]

[I can't believe that such a calm person would actually fight.]

[There are many things you can't see. Richie did everything for Tiffany before, including smoking, drinking and fighting. The only thing missing is a tattoo.]

My eyelashes trembled as I scrolled through the chat history until a video appeared. 

After clicking it, the scene was in a French restaurant. It was crowded with people, but Richie and Tiffany could still be seen.

In the background, someone was yelling, “I'm having a meal with a woman, what does it have to do with you? Get out of here!”

Amid the noise, Richie's calm but firm voice penetrated the screen and reached my eardrums, “She is mine.”

A silent muffled sound echoed fiercely in my mind, shocking me to the point of trembling with fear.

Tiffany was his, but what about her?

Was I a victim of unlove, or a burden that had long been discarded?

My eyes were swollen and painful and my thoughts suddenly went back to a month ago, when I had just learned of Tiffany's existence. Everything in the past was like an illusion, falling apart before my eyes.

I stumbled back home, looked at everything familiar and began to call Richie repeatedly, hoping that he would come back and tell myself that it was all fake.

But after the call was connected, a female voice came from the other end, “Richie, there's a call for you.”

“I don't want to answer it. It's very annoying.”

Just a few numbers, but they become a sharp bone scraper.

I was in so much pain that blood was dripping from my eyes. I opened Richie's WhatsApp, [3.]

Memories came flooding back like a raging flood, making up that dark rainy night.

As I was performing outside, I accidentally broke my left leg. I called Richie and asked him to pick me up. I was prepared to be rejected, but unexpectedly he agreed.

I was nervous but could not help feeling happy. My heart, which had been floating in the air for some time, finally fell back to its original place, but was soon crushed by his own hands and scattered everywhere.

It was because on the way back, Richie received a call from Tiffany and learned that her dog was lost, so he left me behind without hesitation.

I stood on the deserted roadside, crying miserably.

As a result, I continued to send messages with trembling hands, [2.]

The message was sent, but just like my clown-like mumblings over the years, I would never get a response. Even in Richie's mouth, it was a heavy burden.

“Letha, can you put your focus on yourself?”

“You're suffocating me.”

“Letha, can you give me some freedom?”

Each sentence echoed in my mind like a spell. I pulled myself out of my memories and sent out the last message with red eyes, [1.]

Richie, I give up.

I left the hot air balloon base and returned home without even the energy to wash up. I just threw myself on the bed and fell asleep.

But I did not sleep well and my dreams were full of messy and chaotic scenes.

In the ward filled with the smell of disinfectant, the man said in a deep voice, “Let's be together.”

Sometimes it was that late night when I was panic-stricken and at a loss. I was struggling hard on the end of the phone and Richie said nonchalantly on the other end, “I don't want to answer it. I'm very annoyed.”

The scattered voice, like a lingering spell, trapped me.

I woke up in suffocating sadness and felt something cold on her cheek. As I raised my hand and touched it, I saw water stains on her fingertips and realized they were tears.

My throat was severely blocked and there was a lingering pain in his heart.

Suddenly the phone rang, bringing her back from her emotions.

It was my best friend, Reba Rollins, calling, “Letha, where are you? I'll be there in twenty minutes. Remember, room 805 is there, don’t go to the wrong place.”

I then remembered that I had recently talked to Reba about going abroad, so we made an appointment to have dinner that day.

I stood up hastily, “I'll leave now.”

Half an hour later, we met at the agreed hotel.

Reba ordered a table of dishes generously and teased me with a smile, “Come to think of it, you always insisted on Dr. Arnold before, how come you are willing to leave him now?”

That was how much I cared about Richie before, but it did not exist anymore.

I curled my lips and was about to speak when I was interrupted by the ringing of the phone. It was the director of the hospital.

“Ms. Forbes, why did not Richie come to work today?” He said anxiously, “He has an operation to perform this afternoon, but I can't find him now.”

My mind flashed with the scene from yesterday. 

I frowned slightly. Was Richie ignoring even his own patients for Tiffany?