The tides of the Tideveil Sea had already told me: my three years of mourning were over, and since I had never bound my heart to anyone on land, I would dissolve into foam at dawn.

Before long, the assistant came aboard to ask me down from the ship.

The car drove a long time before it reached the old Sanchez estate.

Asher Sanchez sat in the garden, the scent of cedar clinging to him.

I stood off to the side, awkward, trying to hide the briny smell of seawater all over me.

Merfolk live on the water by nature, while Asher stayed at the old estate to look after Emily Delgado in his elder brother's place.

So we hardly ever saw each other.

He looked at me, his voice tender and pained.

"Mari, why won't you go out to sea with me?"

"You weren't like this before. Is it because I've gone so long without my memory? Are you angry with me?"

There wasn't a single ripple in his eyes.

I didn't lift my head either.

Asher sighed and took my hand.

"Mari, you're sulking again, aren't you?"

"I don't want to put you through it either, but the shipping magnate's wife has to go out to sea sometime. Emily's health is poor, and she can't do without me. Mari, I need you."

"I may have lost my memory, but I know you'll always help me. Right?"

My mother once told me: the colder a human's heart, the better they perform.

My palm curled in his, but I didn't expose him. "I'm not going."

"Asher, I'm going to die."

His brow twitched, then he rose and pulled me tight against him.

"Mari, you're only sick."

"It's nothing more than prenatal depression. Once this voyage is over, I'll take you to Bayport to find the best therapist there is."

"But…" He let go of me. "Emily's condition is more serious. The doctor said she can't be exposed to the wind. And she's about to give birth."

I lowered my eyes to the cracked, chapped skin on my hands.

He remembered that Emily was delicate and precious, that she couldn't bear the wind and brine of the open sea.

Yet he had forgotten that I, too, was once the cherished, doted-on princess of the Merfolk Clan.

Three years ago, he was dragged to the bottom of the sea by the wind and waves.

It was I who hauled him along, swimming inch by inch to a deserted island,

who tended him without rest for half a month.

I still remember that in my most hopeless moment, he had run to me, his eyes full of light.

He said, Mari, marry me, and I swear I'll never let you suffer.

And now?

He remembered Emily's due date down to the day, but the handmade balm he had promised to make me had been forgotten without a second thought.

I once believed he was different from Bradley.

Only now did I understand.

Neither of them loved enough. That was all. So one could hand me off like an object,

and the other weighed and compared, back and forth.

"Asher."

"I told you, didn't I? In the Tideveil Sea, there's a legend that if a mermaid can't marry the first person she sees after coming ashore, she'll dissolve into foam."

He froze for a moment, then frowned.

"Why are you bringing this up all of a sudden?"

"Mari, I know you want to get married. But I can't recall my love for you, so how can I marry you?"

He still thought I was pressuring him into a wedding.

So I gave up. "Fine. I understand."

"Mari. Don't be like this."

His voice dropped low, his expression grim.

"Emily just fell asleep. I don't want to fight with you. I swear, this is the last voyage. After this I'll never let you suffer again…"

Before he could finish, the sound of shattering glass came from upstairs.

His face changed, and he rushed up the stairs.

The assistant took me back to the ship, and I shut the door.

I burrowed under the covers and wrapped myself up tight.

Looking at my fingers, paler and more translucent by the moment, I gritted my teeth and tore out the sharpest scale from over my heart.

I touched my slightly rounded belly.

"I'm sorry. But Mommy can't be here to watch you grow up."

Blood slid down between my fingers, soaking through the bedding.

I'd lost too much blood, and the world kept fading to black in waves.

The baby they'd cut out of me lay against my side, pale and weak.

He couldn't even cry.

Before I could so much as touch him, Asher's assistant came again.

He didn't knock. He shoved the door open, sweat streaming down his face.

"The senior Mrs. Sanchez is having a difficult labor. The second young master says he needs your blood to keep her alive."

I said nothing. I only slid one hand out from under the heavy blankets.

The little blood I had left was drawn out of my body, and the cold made me shudder.

Something pained flickered through the assistant's eyes.

"The second young master says mermaid blood has powerful healing properties. She's hemorrhaging, barely clinging to life, and only you can save her. Don't worry, the blood-bird's nest tonic is already simmered. You'll get your strength back soon."

My eyes half closed, I nodded.

Years ago, when Asher took away my clansmen's bodies, he told me not to worry too.

For three years, every time I wanted to go and mourn them, I was stopped.

He said, don't worry, I'm here, going there will only break your heart and your health.

But I never imagined that the burial he spoke of meant sending them into a laboratory,

processed into life-sustaining blood packs to keep Emily Delgado alive.

And now, it was my turn too.

The blood was carried to the old estate, pack by pack.

My mind drifted further and further into the dark.

Faintly, I heard cheering beyond the door.

Emily's baby had been born without trouble. Mother and daughter both safe, plump and rosy.

While my baby lay in my arms, his organs not even fully formed.

My phone was buzzing. A video call from Emily.

She waved the baby's chubby hand at the camera.

"Mari, thank you."

"I really thought I was going to die. Thank goodness Asher said your blood could save me."

I stared at Asher beside her and didn't speak.

"Mari, don't be angry with Asher."

"He's too young, he still has his immature moments. The two of you found each other against the odds. Don't give up on him."

She exchanged a glance with Asher and smiled.

"Years ago, your eldest brother-in-law and I were the same. We'd have died for each other. I think the two of you are just the same."

Asher's face changed for an instant.

"She's not like you."

"Tonics poured into her like water, and she still let herself waste away into this dying state. Isn't it just to make me feel sorry for her?"

I looked at him.

"Do you know that you and her look just like a family of three?"

My voice was very faint, because I had no strength left.

But Asher reacted even less. "My brother's setting sail. I'm going to keep him company."

"Emily came to thank you, not to listen to your sarcasm."

All at once I felt how absurd I was.

Even now, I was still secretly envious that Emily could be loved that much.

While my own feelings were like a stone dropped into the deep sea.

No one there to catch me. I could only sink to the bottom without a sound.

"All right. Emily, you need to rest."

"Mari, you should rest too. Tell Cary Lambert if you need anything. Take care of yourself, don't hold up the voyage."

I'd heard those words countless times.

Asher was like the ocean. Generous with his hand, and yet stingy.

Tonics, jewelry, money. Whatever I asked for, he gave. But he never gave me love.

Even this child in my belly was an accident, conceived after he'd been drinking.

That night he murmured Emily's name,

and I thought he simply hadn't had enough, so I sat with him and opened several more bottles of fine wine.

The call ended. My gaze moved frame by frame, settling on the table piled with tonics and medicinal dishes.

I threw myself at the table and forced them down my throat, mouthful after mouthful.

But my stomach churned, bitter, sour bile rising up,

and I clutched the table and vomited until the floor was a mess, my throat burning raw.

I dragged myself to the edge of the bed, tore the bandage off my wrist, and forced out a few drops of blood.

They fell onto the baby's cracked lips, and he wouldn't swallow.

I passed out.

Somewhere in the haze of it, the scent of cedar drifted to my side.

"How is she?"

The doctor kept his voice very low. "Not good. Miss Marisol has lost too much blood. She's far too weak. If she goes back out to sea, there's a good chance she won't come back."

"Is there any way?"

Asher Sanchez didn't say it outright.

But everyone knew it wasn't a way to save me. It was a way to keep me going out to sea.

The sea was brutal.

The salt wind cut across your face like a knife, the blazing sun split and peeled the skin. Sometimes a swell came, and one missed footing sent you into the water, never to make it home again.

How could he ever bear to send Emily out there.

"This child is underdeveloped. He survives entirely on Miss Marisol's blood."

"Unless you give up the child, Miss Marisol's blood won't be enough. Sooner or later something will go wrong."

This time, Asher was silent for a long while.

I could feel his hand touch the baby, and then, cruelly, carry him away.

"Then we won't keep him. He's a monster anyway."

"Emily's already booked the postpartum center. My brother's out at sea, so I have to stay with her. It'll have to fall to Marisol."

So this was the taste of despair. So bitter.

Tears slid into the corner of my mouth as I struggled to open my eyes.

"Asher Sanchez."

He turned his head. There was still blood on his hands.

I gave a small smile. "Give me back my heart-scale."

A woman of the Merfolk Clan gives her heart-scale to the one she loves, praying to the Sea God that his life be smooth,

that every disaster fall only upon herself.

I had decided I would not love Asher Sanchez anymore.

"Why?"

He walked back and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Marisol, you can take it out on me. But losing the baby isn't my fault either. Even with my memory gone, I'm still grieving too."

He didn't understand.

He took my withdrawing my love as a fit of temper.

I stared at him until he turned his face away.

"I gave it to Emily."

"She said she thought it was unique, so she had it made into a necklace."

"It's just a scale. Be generous about it."

Generous.

He was always telling me to be generous, to let things go.

But he never once asked whether I was willing.

He said his memory loss made him slip up, but I had to be generous and understanding, to forgive him.

One day he would remember, and turn back into the man who loved me.

But that day stretched endlessly out of reach.

And I couldn't afford to wait any longer.

"Once this voyage is over, I'll—"

"Marry me?"

He was silent. "Once I remember, I'll marry you."

But a love that had never existed in the first place, how was he supposed to remember it.

My voice was shaking. "When you slaughtered the Merfolk Clan, you couldn't remember your love for me then either. How would you remember it now?"

"Marisol. Has someone told you something?"

He stood up, his steps unsteady.

I grabbed hold of him, and the wound on my wrist split open.

Blood dripped onto the back of his hand, and he flinched as if scalded. "They're lying to you."

"You're the one lying to me. Asher Sanchez, hundreds of lives. Have you forgotten them all?!"

"You... you know everything?"

"It was an accident. I only wanted to cure Emily."

I let go of him.

The last shred of feeling in my heart died too.

"It's time. Emily panics if she wakes and doesn't see me. You should rest."

He stepped away, and I followed behind him.

We walked out of the cabin, and the edge of the sky was slowly brightening.

I stood on the deck and watched the hurry in his steps.

The sea wind moaned, as if pleading with him to stay, and seeing me off.