If I have not said this before, I am saying this again. Life is made up of a series of defining moments, most of them determined by you but a few some by others. How I choose next will define what my relationship with Isabella will become.

"So what do you say, soldier? Will you spend the night with me?"

"I...uhm...I..."

She asked me to spend the night, not have sex, it does not mean that if that is the only thing I have on my mind right now that she has. She wants to share a bed with me, to sleep, well that is what I think. What the hell does spend the night mean these days?

"I promise I don't bite, well only if you don't want me too."

"If you allow me to bite back then I will definitely stay with you."

"You can do anything you want to me, soldier."

"You say anything?"

I lean down and softly kiss the tender area at the base of her neck.

"Mmmmm carry on doing that and I am definitely chasing your brother away."

"Can you keep that mouth still for one second so I can kiss those lips?"

"And if I don't?"

"Well, then I am just going to have to pin you down to that chair."

"Start pinning soldier boy because I ain't zipping them."

"Hahaha, I am not that easy my boo."

She leans her head closer to me and her lips meet mine. The touch is passionate and filled with hunger. There is a fire rushing through my veins.

"Mmmm you taste so sweet, I need more of that."

She runs her hand down my chest, tangling her fingers in my shirt's buttons.

"And I need more of this."

"Hahaha, you need more of my clothes?"

She bites at my lower lip.

"I want what is underneath this shirt."

"If you keep on biting like that you might just get it."

"I thought you were going to bite back?."

"Who said I was going to bite your lips."

"Hahaha, are you having dirty thoughts there soldier?"

"I was talking about your neck, what are you thinking about my boo?"

I pull her hair to the side to expose the bare of her neck, gently I lay soft kisses up and down. The fire that is burning between our bodies is twisting and turning, ready to explode."

Just as I start working my way back up to her tender smooth lips, Matt interrupts

"Hey lovebirds, me and Chloe are going to head on out, she is not feeling so well."

"Sure man, let me walk you out." Before he can even protest, I am up and ready to see him at the door.

"Chloe my ass is sick," I just look at him, knowing what stunt he is trying to pull. "Why don't you guys just stay here?"

"So you can have an excuse not to finish what you are starting there."

"I am not starting anything."

"Ya right you are only about to devour her like an animal there."

"She is goddamn gorgeous, how can I not want to."

"Bro don't overthink the shit, just see how far you are willing to take it."

"Hahaha if you see me with a shiner then you know how far it went."

"Hey, she might even surprise you. Now get back there before she gets cold."

"Fuck man, you make her sound like a piece of meat."

"Bro just get your dumb ass back there. I will see you in the morning."

I show both of them out and make my way back to Isabella. That calm carefree me of before is now completely gone, once again I am terrified to be alone with her.

As I turn the corner by the deck, she is sitting there as beautiful as ever.

"Do you want more wine soldier?"

"Please boo, let me go grab a full bottle."

I make my way to the kitchen, I know what I am doing and I better stop it, it is not like I can come to the kitchen every half hour now can I. Trust me I swear I will find something else to do. Maybe I should just go home. Second thought, maybe she does not want more and I am just overthinking shit as Matt said.

I get a bottle of red from the counter and make my way back to the deck. Before I sit down again, I pour us both a full glass.

"Shame I hope Chloe feels alright."

"Com one boo, do you really think she is sick? As far as I know, her parents are away for the weekend."

"Hahaha look at me being a dumb bimbo."

"Hahaha, you said that not me."

"Hey, you better watch out soldier."

"Or what?."

She puts her glass down on the table, my body freezes.

"Or this."

Our lips crash together like colliding stars. Everything around us fades away, the only thing that exists is the passion and the spark between us. My hand moves to the back of her head and my fingers tangle in her thick brown hair, pulling her even closer. I press my tongue to the seam of her lips and delve inside her mouth.

"Mmmm you have never kissed me like this before." She says as a small moan escapes from her lips.

"Do you want me to stop?"

She does not answer, she goes to work at the buttons of my shirt. Undoing them slowly, one by one, until she has me fully exposed. Her hands work their way around my body, feeling each crevasse, each line along my perfect chest. She runs her hand down to the lining of my denim and slides it between the fabric and my skin. My entire body stiffens.

"I..I...hold that thought, I need to go to the bathroom."

"Fuck soldier, you have the worst timing in the world."

I rush off my chair and go to the bathroom. Fuck! What is wrong with me, I have the most gorgeous woman in the world all over me and I keep on running away.

I drop my pants to the floor and sit on the side of the bath. I need to see how bad my leg is still bruised from the other day and if I want her to see it. I relax my leg and press the depress release button on the top part of my prosthesis. Gently and slowly I move the prosthesis just a little from the remaining part of my leg and release the button. I proceed to slowly pull the prosthetic socket from my leg. The bruising has gone down a bit but do I still want her to see it.

I put my leg back on and join up with her at the deck again.

"I almost thought you went all missing on me there again soldier."

"Hahaha, you missing me that much already."

"Come here so I can show you how much I have really missed you."

She pulls my closer by my belt and presses her lips against my rippled stomach. I gasp and a deep moan escapes my lips.

"Mmmm that feels amazing boo."

She runs her hand over the bulge that is forming in my pants.

"Oh god, Isabella!"

Is the only words I can get out before she massages me in the palm of her hand.

"Fück Isabella."

She continues to rub my ever so growing erection. I am throbbing and ready to explode.

"Boo if you keep doing that then I am going to explode."

"But that is the whole point soldier."

"Fuck I don't even think I will last for a minute."

How do I give her what she wants without having to bare myself nude in front of her, I am not ready, not today, maybe tomorrow or the day after but not today?

I lift her up from the chair around the waist and slide her ass onto the cold table. She screams at the touch. "Damn that is freezing. I knew I should not have worn a skirt."

"But then I could not have done this."

I slide my hand up her thighs and knot my fingers in the elastic of her panties. I slowly start pulling them down her legs.

"What are you doing soldier,"

"Sshh. Do you want me to stop?"

"Mmmm please don't."

She raises her knees as I pull her panties over and toss them to the side.

She works at the buckle of my pants but I push her body down onto the table and pin her down by her hands. I look at her half-naked body that is glowing in the light of the moon. I have not had a woman for as long as I can remember and I want her now.

"Isabella, I want you, I don't think I can keep it in anymore."

"Soldier, I have wanted you since the very first day we met."

"Fuck boo."

I start to unbuckle my belt and drop my pants just enough not to see my prosthetic leg.

Then before I know-how, our naked skin is moving softly together and I am inside of her. She arches her back, I grab her by the waist and I plunge into her. She screams and grabs the edges of the table. I slow down and our tongues entwine in a kiss. In seconds I am thrusting and fucking her again.

"Ohhh soldier that feels so good."

"Do you want me to go faster boo?"

"Mmmm yes go faster."

She gyrates in slow insistent circles, I rock with every thrust. Our bodies are bucking and arching and colliding in almost perfect rhythm.

"Fuk Isabella you feel so good."

"Mmmm go harder soldier."

I keep up the rhythm relentlessly. With each stroke, I slide my hot throbbing flesh completely into her. I drive in deeper, with each thrust increasing pace.

"Boo I am not going to last for much longer."

I can no longer resist the increasing pressure. It's hard to hold back, to make the moment last. I am so caught between the intoxication of the climax and extending a moment, I never want it to end.

I let out a deep growl as I find my release. With one final thrust, my body shudders, and I explode inside of her. In that split second every nerve in my body is electrified.

My body falls down panting until we both catch our breaths

Once I have regained my balance, I quickly pull up my pants before she gets off the table.

Wow, soldier where did you learn that?"

"Hahaha, definitely not at the Corps."

"Did not take you for the table kind of guy."

"Hey a man had to improvise, did not think I would make it to the bedroom."

"Hahaha, we are going to have to go to the bedroom sooner or later."

And that poses a whole new problem. I cannot sleep with my prosthesis. I might have avoided the sex part but how do I get past this one.

They say that broken people give broken love. But are all people not broken in some way, it just depends how well you sow yourself up at the start of each day.

I am not ready to show Isabella how broken I really am but I also do not want to mess up this good thing that we have.

I have one of two choices, I walk out and this ends here or I stay and might not be able to walk for the next few days. The last time I slept with my prosthetic leg on, I hurt my stump and could only use my crutches for those next couple of days. And that poses a completely new problem as I do not have crutches here. Yes, I am so over thinking this but all decisions come with consequences.

"Boo."

"Yes, soldier?"

"Come here."

I pull her closer.

"Yes, soldier?"

"I just wanted to taste your sweet lips."

"You starting something again?"

"Sshhh. Just kiss me.

She lifts herself up on her toes, and my face goes down to hers. I kiss her. The kiss speaks. It begs. It wants, it wants more than I am willing to give. Her fingers grip my hair, pulling me closer. My veins throb and my heart explode. I have never wanted anyone as much as I want her. She plays with the stubble on my face. Her touch feels warm and soft. My hands are everywhere, I want her closer and closer. I want to breathe her, taste her, touch her, I want her to consume my senses.

"Do you want to go to bed," I ask quite nervously for I have no idea what I am going to do now? "I think it's something past midnight."

"I got some sweats from my husband that should fit you."

"How can I say no to that?"

"Hahaha ok, that sounds bad unless you want to wear mine."

"As much as I am tempted to slip on your pink sweats, I am sadly going to have to pass."

This could just work. She disappears off to the guest room and comes back with a pair of grey sweats.

I quickly head off to the bathroom while she goes into her bedroom.

"Are you scared to change in front of me, soldier?"

"Can't let you feel and see it all on one day now can I."

"What? You telling me I have to work for it?"

"Boo this is all yours if you want it, you ain't going to work for anything."

I slowly walk up to her and pull her closer and wrap her in my arms. With her, in my embrace, it is as if the world has stopped still. There is no time. My mind is at peace. How could it be that I have not noticed this before? She is pure, unselfish, and undemanding. This is what I have waited for. A woman like this is to be cherished for life. Finally, I feel like I am at home

"Boo."

"Yes, my soldier?"

"There is something we need to talk about."

"Fuck, am I pregnant?"

"Hahaha, I somehow think that would be far better news than this."

"What is the matter then?"

"Would you like me if I was any less of a man than you think I am?"

"How can you possibly be any less of a man?"

"Just humor me. What if I am not all than what I seem to be?"

"I don't understand you soldier?"

"What if my body does not work all the ways it should be?"

"Trust me your body works perfectly fine."

"Hahaha trust you to see the silver lining to something you don't even know about yet."

"Soldier, I know where you came from, I know that your mind might be a bit broken and that does all."

I can't do this. My mind is the last thing she needs to worry about but then again the nightmares show that maybe that is also not quite all there as well.

"Do you get nightmares at night?" she asks me as I can see the clear concern in her eyes.

"Whenever I close my eyes, it's the same thing over and over again."

"Mark also used to have those, he used to scream himself awake at night. He used to go sleep in the guest room just so he won't wake me up."

"Boo, what happened to him?"

"Their Humvee he was traveling in hit a mine, he was blown to shit. They sent what was left of him home in a body bag just big enough for a child."

"God Isabella, I am so sorry."

I wrap my arms around her and stroke her long brown hair. She buries her face into the crook of my neck and we stand like this for a while, she cries and my heart aches for her. I don't want her to hurt. It feels as if when she is in my arms all her pain will go away. If we could only stay in each other's arms forever, we will be safe from the world.

"Come boo, let's go to bed."

I lay down next to her on the bed, laying on my right-hand side, keeping my leg away from her. I fall asleep with her wrapped close to me. For some reason tonight, with her in my arms, my sleep is not riddled with nightmares.

Morning comes too soon. When I open my eyes, she is not next to me. I get up to go find her but I am rocked to my core with incredible pain.

"AAHHH FUCK!"

She comes rushing into the room.

"Are you okay soldier?"

"Yes, I think I must have hurt my back sleeping funny."

"Shit, I don't even have painkillers."

"It's fine boo, I will get some from home."

I try to get up but the pain shoots straight through my stump.

"FUCK!"

"Please tell me what I can do? What must I do?"

"I'm fine boo, I just need to get home."

I try standing up again.

"GODDAMMIT!"

"Must I phone Matt?"

"Please boo, ask him to bring the car."

She rushes to go find my phone. I muster all my strength and bite on my lip as I walk the way to the lounge.

"FUCK!"

"He is on his way soldier, just hang in there."

"Please come here boo."

She moves closer to me.

"Thank you."

"For what soldier?"

"For being you."

I gently lean in and give her a kiss on her warm soft lips. It is slow, soft, and comforting. My hand rests below her ear, my thumb caresses her cheek as our breaths mingle. She runs her fingers down my spine, pulling me closer until there is no space left between us and I can feel the beating of her heart against my chest.

Then there is a knock on the door.

"Come in Matt"

Matt comes into the lounge

"Bro, what is wrong?"

"I messed up my back, I need to get my pills."

He knows full well that I am lying. But he helps me up and walks me to the car. I give Isabella a kiss before getting in.

"I will speak to you later boo."

"Please rest soldier, I will speak to you soon."

With that Matt pulls off and heads home.

"I take you did not tell her?" Matt asks with both concern and sadness in his eyes.

"Matty please do not grind my ass now, I just need to get home."

"Bro I am just worried about you, what happened?"

"I was laying on it the whole night. The pressure must have restricted my blood flow so it has swollen now and the damn friction has to cause fucking blisters."

"I see, you fucked yourself up because you were too proud to tell the girl you in love with."

"What did I say about grinding my ass?"

"Well the old man is on his own mission, I just hope he does not start his shit with you because you never went home last night."

"Fuck I forgot to send mom a message, she is going to kill me."

"Don't worry, I did. I knew you would be too busy scoring. I hope you damn well did, especially after fucking yourself up like this."

"Don't stress man that one was easier to get past than the sleeping bit."

"Damn dog."

"And no, you are not getting any details."

"Bro, I don't even think you lasted a minute."

"Your ass, I at least made it to five."

"Hahaha, it is still something I won't brag about."

We come to a stop in the driveway at home. I brace myself for the shit that is about to go down.

"Do you want me to help you?" Matt asks as he climbs out of the car.

"Nah, I think I will manage."

I get to climb out of the car.

"AAHHH FÜCK!"

"Bro let me help you."

"It's fine, I am taking it off."

I pull up my denim as far up as I can and take my buddy off. I can see the horror on Matt's face as he watches me do it. His expression is blank and his mouth is almost gaping."

"Can you help me now, I don't think I have the strength to hop it on my own."

He stands there wordless just staring at my leg.

"Matt!"

He does not move.

"Matt! It's just a damn leg. Please help me."

"Sorry bro, that shit is sick."

"Hahaha, what is going to be sick is if I smack you against your ass. Please help me before the old man comes."

But it's too late, mom comes rushing out the door. "Clay, baby, are you okay? Matt said you got hurt."

"Nice going Matt," I glare over to where Matt is standing next to me. "For someone that lies to woman all day long, you are sure a bad liar when it comes to mom."

"Clay, what can I do?" my mom asks concerned for she has no idea what to do. "Tell me what you need?"

"Mom let Matty just get me inside first."

And then all hell breaks loose. My dad comes storming outside in full force.

"What is the commotion outside here for? You boys don't come home then you come throw up noise so early in the morning."

"Oh Richard just keeps quiet," my mom snaps at him. "Clay is hurt, just keep your judgemental ass comments to yourself."

"What are you on again about Denice?"

"

My father comes around to where Matt is helping me out the car. "WHAT THE FÜCK!

I completely ignore him as he speaks. "Matt, mom, please just help me up."

"Clayton what happened to you?" he carries on. "FUCK I told you not to go to that place. What happened to you?"

"Dad, please, not now" I beg as another sharp pain stings through my leg.

"Don't not now me," he completely ignores my plea. "What the fuck happened to you. Why don't I know about this? Why does everyone else know and I don't? What the fuck is going on here?"

"Dad can we please talk after I have looked at my leg."

"NO! We are talking now! When did this happen? I told you so many times not to go and you did not want to listen, look now what has happened."

"Richard shut the fuck up and get out our way! NOW!"

"But Denice look at the child,"

"Yes Richard, look at the child, he is your son, and right now he needs to look at his leg and not listen to your shit. Now get out the way. Now!"

Matt and mom take me to my room and I sit down on the bed.

"What do I need to do Clay?" my mom asks as they sit me down on my bed.

"Mom just bring me some warm water and soap. I got some gauze and bandage in that bag."

"Where is your painkillers bro?" Matt asks.

"In the bathroom, thanks."

"Do you want water with that?" my dad surprisingly asks

"Yes please, dad."

Everyone goes their way to grab whatever it is that I need. If I did not insist on keeping it from my boo, I would not be sitting here in pain but hey, at least my dad knows now.

I have been out for nearly two days. I got an infection in the sores on my stump and the painkillers the doctor prescribed for the agonizing pain has had me knocked out sleeping most of the time.

I have not spoken to Isabella in these two days at all. I am sure she must be worried sick. I look for my phone on the side table but it is not there at all. I try to get up but my body is too weak.

"MATT!"

Matt comes rushing into my room, "Bro are you okay? What is the matter? Do you need anything?"

"Where is my phone? I need to speak to Isabella."

"It's in the lounge but bro there is a problem."

"What? Did she call? Did she tell me to leave her alone?"

"No bro, no nothing like that. The thing is, she was very worried about you."

"Matt what did you do?"

"Your phone was ringing the whole time and she was worried because you did not answer."

"Matt, what is going on? What is happening with Isabella?"

"Bro she is in the kitchen with mom. She has been here since early this morning."

"What!? Fuck! Does she know?"

"No, we just told her that you had hurt pretty badly and that the doc said you must stay in bed."

"I guess there is no running from it now. Has she seen my laying like this in bed?"

"No, she said she will wait for you to wake up. Must I call her for you?"

"Just help me up and give me that thick blanket so I can cover myself up."

Matt helps me to sit up straight and put the blanket over my leg, "Here you go. I will go call her now."

He leaves to go fetch Isabella. It feels like my whole world is crashing down around me into pieces. I can hardly breathe, my body is shaking and my mouth has gone dry. It feels like the pain in my stump is shooting straight to my heart.

Then there is a knock on my door. I can barely utter the words as I try to speak. "Come in."

She peaks her beautiful face around the door, "Hey my soldier boy."

"Hey, gorgeous boo."

"You mind if I come to sit with you a bit?"

"I would mind if you don't come here and give me a kiss."

"She moves slowly on over to my bed and gently sits down next to me, "I missed you, do you know that?"

"Sorry, I think I did kind of went all AWOL there."

"It is fine, your mom told me that you have been out for a bit but I am glad that you are back."

"Boo, you don't know how happy I am to see you here."

I wrap my arms around her shoulders and pulled her close. Despite the heaviness in my stomach, it flutters at the feeling of her body pressed against mine. Her touch makes everything better somehow. My lips seek hers and they lock in a passionate kiss. She tastes like vanilla and a slight hint of honey. I lose myself into her, the kiss turning into a deep desire and a burning hunger. I slowly pull away and rest my head against her forehead.

"Fuck boo, you have no idea how much I want you, but there is something we need to talk about."

"What's wrong soldier? Are you about to break this girl's heart?"

"Boo, I have a better chance of having my heartbroken."

"I will never break your heart, I am too in love with your sweet ass."

"God Isabella, you making it hard on this man."

"Come soldier, just tell me, we can get through it, it can't be that bad."

"I don't know the best way how to tell you this, I am just going to have to show or let you feel it for yourself."

"Mmm show or feel? This sounds interesting soldier. I will go for feel, I am an all hands-on girl."

"Can I just say one thing boo, that no matter what happens from here on, I have fallen just as hard in love with you? And I am sorry for lying and not letting you know sooner."

Before she can speak, I gently take her hand in mine, slowly moving the blankets away just a slight bit, I slip our hands underneath it. I take a deep breath and close my eyes, but not for long. Gently placing her hand at the top of my leg at my groin, I slowly start moving us down, watching her face with every inch we crawl. Just one more slight stretch...

"Soldier what are you doing?"

"Boo, ssshhh, just one more second."

Then...

We at the edge and I stop. Confusion sets in her face, I slowly run her fingers over the bottom of my stump. Her face lights up...

"Boo...?"

It turns from confusion to horror...

"Boo...?"

She holds her hand there, she does not move. I see her close her eyes and a tear roll down her cheek.

"Boo...?"

She looks at me and slowly moves the blankets down my leg revealing my entire eighteen-inch stump. There is terror and fear mixed on her now pale face, her hand is slightly trembling as she pulls the blanket back up to my waist but she keeps her one hand firmly in place on my leg.

"Boo please say something."

Then she speaks, "What happened soldier?"

There is a pain in her eyes and I just know that I have just lost this girl.

"Boo..." I continue slowly and tell the same story I have told so many times over for this past week.

"Sort of like Mark but you just got home in one piece, well less a leg but still alive."

"Boo, I am so sorry."

"No soldier, I am sorry. How did I not feel this the other night?"

"Cause I got good at hiding things."

"Yes and now you are stuck in bed because you wanted to hide it from a girl, this girl. Soldier, I am not worth all that pain."

"But boo, you are, I have never been so happy in my life than I was with you for this past week."

"Soldier, you hardly know me, why would you want to cause yourself so much pain for a few days of happiness?"

"Look in the mirror Isabella and you will find the answer."

We sit in silence as the tears roll down our cheeks. This is so not how I imagined the day would be when I will tell the woman that I wanted to be my soulmate that I am in love with her. As hard as this is killing me, I need to let her go.

"Boo, you don't have to stay here, you can go."

"Are you sure soldier?"

"Yes boo, I think I am going to sleep."

I feel as she slowly slips her hand off my leg and gently places a kiss on my cheek. I look deep into her watery eyes and I just know that this is the last time I will be looking into them.

"Get rest soldier, I will speak to you later."

"Boo...?" I stop her before she can walk off.

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

"For what soldier?

"Thank you for making this broken man happy."

"Soldier I will see you when you feeling better."

With that she is out the door and out of my life, I know that I won't be seeing her when I am better, I don't know if it is because I kept it from her or if I am a sore memory of what happened to her husband, I just know that I will never see her again.

I spent much of the rest of the day falling in and out of sleep, no nightmares of losing my leg haunting me but definite ones reminding me of what just walked out of my life.

The next morning I am wide awake early, strong enough to move around. I grab onto my new crutches as I hop on out of bed and make my way to the kitchen. For once, a very rare once, my father and Matt are not having a go at each other."

"Morning son," my father greets me with which sounds a heavy heart.

"Hey dad"

"Did you sleep okay bro?" Matt looks at me with a sad face.

"Why, did the yelling keep you up again?"

"Nah you were actually very quiet," Matt says.

I see a look of tenderness in my father's eyes as he reaches out to me, "Sit, let me grab you a coffee."

I signal for Matt to leave me and father alone.

"Listen, dad..."

"Clay," he immediately stops me from carrying on. "I understand, you don't have to apologize. I have been an asshole to both of you boys. You followed your dream and did your country proud and here I am bitching because you never became a doctor. I am proud of you son."

My dad pulls me into a big old man hug and I can feel his body shake as the tears stream from his eyes.

"Thank you, dad."

We both wipe our faces and sit back in our chairs.

"So where is this medal of yours?"

"Hahaha. I was waiting for that one."

I hop off my chair to go back to my room and fetch it for him. I pause for a brief second and look at my phone.

There is no messages from Isabella. I sort of knew there wouldn't but still, there was that little boy in me that is besotted in love that hopes there would. Would things have been different if I told her from the start, well I have learned very early on when this happened that you should not dwell on the ifs in life.

I make my way back where mom and Chloe have joined dad and Matt in the kitchen.

"Hey my son, are you feeling better today?"

"Much better mom, thanks for looking after my stupid grown ass."

Chloe looks a bit confused around but when she finally feels confident, she asks, "Can I be the only one that is going to point the obvious?"

"Yes babe," Matt smiles and winks at her. "We know, he is missing half a leg."

"Hahaha. It's more like two-thirds man." I jokingly play along with them.

"Well," Chloe says. "I kind of think you look hot for a broken soldier and all."

Everyone burst out laughing but the tears are stinging in my eyes. Mom can see but she does not say a word. She moves around the counter and comes to rest her hand on my shoulder. "Clay she will come around, just give her some time."

"Mom I don't think I can bear being away from her for all that time. I have learned to know the fear and look in people's eyes and I don't think her fear will bring her back to me."

Mom pulls my head close to her chest like she always used to do when we were young boys. Her hugs used to be so infinite. In her arms I am safe and my worries disappear. In her embrace, I am cocooned better than any butterfly-to-be. I feel her soft skin, I feel her warmth and the smell of freshly laundered clothes. No matter what, mom's hugs always used to take my pain away and they do still.