I Wasn't the Mother She Wanted

When my daughter, Ruth Jensen, says for the tenth time that she wants a different mother, I don't get angry. I just calmly ask her who she wants instead.

She blurts, "Vivian."

She means Vivian Green, her tutor… and also the woman my husband has never been able to forget.

At Ruth's birthday party that day, she even openly thanks Vivian, saying Vivian takes care of her like a mother.

Looking at Ruth's young, innocent face, I finally understand that she doesn't like me. So, I stop caring for her and my husband the way I used to.

Instead, I turn around and join a classified national project.

Rather than wasting time on people who aren't worth it, I'd be better off serving my country!

The tenth time my daughter, Ruth Jensen, said she wanted someone else as her mother, I didn't get mad. Instead, I returned to my room and retrieved a confidential agreement I'd kept in a drawer.

I was a researcher in a government laboratory and a responsible one to boot. I was also capable, so my superior, Sophia Bronson, immediately approached me with an invitation to join a confidential project the moment it was announced.

However, I'd been worried about having no one to care for Ruth. She was young, and my husband, Jordan Jensen, was always busy with work.

Besides, the project would last over a decade. If I joined it, I would miss out on watching Ruth grow up. And so, I'd politely rejected Sophia's offer.

Still, at her insistence, I'd brought the confidential agreement for the project home.

I never expected that Ruth wouldn't care about me at all, though. She only had eyes for Vivian Green, her private tutor. She even went so far as to thank Vivian during her birthday party, proudly saying that the latter cared for her like a mother and that she wished she could have a different mother.

Everyone had looked at me, their gazes burning holes in me.

Instead of getting mad, I'd calmly asked Ruth who she wanted to be her mother.

She'd blurted, "Vivian."

And so, I'd turned around and left.

That night, Jordan and I had a huge fight over that. He claimed that I was being unreasonable for taking Ruth's words so seriously.

I looked at him coldly. "What should I take seriously, then? Your relationship with Vivian?"

Perhaps he felt so secure and so sure of my love for him that he couldn't care less about flaunting the fact that Vivian was his true love.

Jordan and I had met in college. We'd started dating then, and we'd worked hard by each other's sides to this day. We were financially secure and had all the major assets we needed. We'd been together for seven years, and it seemed our lives were perfect.

That would've been the case if I hadn't discovered the photo he'd tucked away. It showed Vivian in her teens. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail, and she looked youthful and vivacious.

I'd wanted to question Jordan about the photo when I found it, but I decided to swallow my grievances at the thought of our years together and Ruth. Whatever had happened between Jordan and Vivian was in the past, wasn't it?

But now, I realized how wrong I was.

I sighed softly and called my friend, Lara Snow. "Hi, Lara. Could you help me inform Sophia that I'll join the confidential project?"

As I spoke, I uncapped my pen and signed the confidential agreement.

"Huh? I thought you said you weren't interested," Lara said.

She and I worked in the same research lab, and she'd also been selected as a researcher for the project. She'd come to me when the list of members for the project had been announced, asking whether I would participate.

I'd thought of Ruth and told Lara that I wouldn't, but now, I'd changed my mind.

She was surprised, and understandably so—everyone close to me knew how much my family meant to me. Every day, I would make time to head home so I could be with them.

"Yeah, I've thought things through," I said.

After ending the call, I slipped the agreement back into its envelope. The next second, a single tear fell from my eye, landing on the envelope.

I wiped it away, but more came. I couldn't control them. How could I not be sad when Ruth was the child I'd managed to give birth to after battling death?

When I'd first gotten pregnant, I'd had morning sickness all the time because of my poor condition, and I'd been so nauseous that I couldn't eat anything. When it was at its worst, I would even faint.

Upon finally carrying Ruth to term, I'd faced complications in labor because she wasn't in the right position for birth. The doctor had issued a critical illness notice and urged Jordan to sign an agreement to terminate the pregnancy.

I'd stopped them both. Fortunately, I'd later brought Ruth into the world, and we'd both been safe.