I was Never Theirs

“Sabrina… I was hoping you could come visit me soon. I’m in the hospital, and the doctors… they’re still running tests.”My mother's voice was weaker than I’d expected, a frail tone I’d never heard from her before.

My grip on the phone tightened, worry seeping in around the edges of her words. “What’s going on? Is it serious?”

She sighed softly. “I don’t know yet. But I’d like you to come. I’d like to see you, sweetheart.”

“Of course, Mom. I’ll book a flight as soon as I can.”

Her relief was almost palpable. “And one more thing…” She paused, and I could tell she was choosing her words carefully. “I’ve been thinking a lot lately. About you. And your future.”

The conversation was taking a turn I hadn’t expected, but I waited, my heart twisting slightly.

“Sabrina, before… before anything happens, I want to see you happy, settled. I want to see you married.” Her voice softened, carrying a gentle urgency. “I’ve even arranged a date for you. He’s a good man, someone who will take care of you.”

I swallowed, my throat tightening as a mix of emotions welled up—grief for my father, irritation over Savvy, and now this. But the look in her eyes when she used to celebrate my birthday with Dad flashed through my mind. They’d divorced years ago, but for me, they always put their differences aside, marking that day together every year. It hurt to know that those celebrations were memories now, shadows of a life I couldn’t reach anymore.

“Mom, I agree to date him.” I said finally.

She sighed with relief. “Thank you, Sabrina. I can’t wait to see you.”

The call ended, and I stood there in the quiet, looking around the empty room. Everything felt different now, like I was watching the world I’d known drift further and further away, a little more each day. My family, my childhood friends, my city—it all felt suddenly foreign, like a place I no longer belonged to.

I stood in the doorway outside Savvy’s room, my heart twisting with the familiar ache that always came with this day. Today was the anniversary of my father’s death, and I should have been on my way to visit his grave, not here—dressed up, waiting for a birthday party I didn’t even want to attend.

Inside, Savvy’s voice rose in a singsong lilt. She adjusted her dress in the mirror, batting her lashes at her own reflection, acting as if she didn’t notice me standing there, looking like I’d rather be anywhere else.

“Sabrina, seriously? You’re going to make that face all night?” she asked, turning to me with a laugh that had nothing to do with humor. “It’s my birthday. You know, a time to celebrate?”

I took a deep breath, the pressure of everything pressing down on me. “You know what today is,” I said quietly, though the words felt like shouting.

Her eyes narrowed just slightly, almost imperceptibly, and then she sighed, loud enough to make a point. “You think you’re the only one who misses him?”

“You don’t get it, Savvy,” I replied, my voice catching. “Today… it should be different. I need to be somewhere else.”

She walked toward me, her gaze softening for a moment before the calculating gleam returned. “I get it, Sabrina. But maybe I’m tired of everything being about you. Just once, can we focus on something else?”

Her words sliced through me, but I couldn’t muster a response. She wanted this, didn’t she? My silence. She was counting on me to just stand there, to watch as she went downstairs, floating like a queen through her own birthday party, leaving me to take whatever scraps were left behind. It was always like this since she’d come to live with us, and somehow, she managed to take everyone and everything with her.

She moved past me, and suddenly the tension snapped. I reached out, but before I even touched her, she stumbled, catching her foot on the edge of the rug. And then it happened—all at once, everything spinning into slow motion. She fell back, eyes wide, arms flailing. Her scream pierced the air as she tumbled down the stairs, her body rolling, limbs limp. I froze, my heart seizing with shock as she crashed onto the landing below, coming to a stop with a whimper.

Before I could even breathe, Nicolas and Harvey appeared, drawn by her cries. They rushed to her side, their faces etched with alarm. Nicolas reached out, his hands hovering over her as he checked for injuries, while Harvey pulled her to sit up, his arms strong and steady around her.

“Sabrina,” Nicolas said, his voice laced with disbelief and hurt. He looked at me like he barely recognized me. “What happened?”

I opened my mouth to explain, to make them understand, but Savvy clung to Harvey’s arm, her face twisting into something I’d never seen before—a look that made me sick to my stomach. She trembled, her voice weak as she murmured, “She… she pushed me. I didn’t… I don’t know why.”

The words fell from her lips like poison, and I felt the room shift around me, the pressure of her lie pressing down on me as Nicolas and Harvey exchanged glances.

“Sabrina,” Harvey’s voice was edged with something cold, something sharp. “What were you thinking?”

“I didn’t push her,” I managed, my voice hoarse, barely audible over the pounding of my heart. “She… she fell. I swear I didn’t—”

But Nicolas shook his head, his hand settling on Savvy’s shoulder, his expression unreadable. They turned their backs on me, guiding her down the hall, already talking in low, comforting voices about getting her to the hospital. I watched them go, my chest tightening, as they left me alone with a silence that felt colder than anything I’d ever known.

They didn’t even look back.

A lump formed in my throat as I remembered the past, when these same two boys—no, these same two men—had been my whole world. After my mom left to pursue her career, it was my dad who’d stayed, who’d kept me close and safe. When he was gone, it was Nicolas and Harvey who’d stepped in, filling the void he left behind. They’d stood beside me, my silent protectors, warding off every cruel whisper at school, every hurtful word about my broken family, every comment about my heart condition.

But since Dad’s death, Savvy had crept in, spreading her roots into every corner of my life, until it felt like there was no place left for me.

They didn’t even remember what today was. And maybe that was the worst part of all.

I turned, my legs carrying me down the stairs and out of the house, the air thick with the scent of autumn as I stumbled into the bustling New York streets. The city lights blurred as I walked, aimless, my heart hammering with the reality of what I’d just lost. Not just Dad, not just the anniversary of his death, but my friends—my lovers—the ones who had once been my safe haven. They’d chosen her, over and over, and left me to carry this heaviness alone.

Somehow, I found myself on the familiar path to the cemetery, my steps slowing as I neared the grave. A low breeze rustled through the leaves, and I knelt down, brushing my fingers over the smooth, cool stone.

“Dad,” I whispered, voice cracking. “I don’t know what to do anymore. They don’t… they don’t see me, not really. I miss you so much. Everything’s different without you.”

A tear slid down my cheek, falling onto the stone, and I felt a heaviness settle over me, a heaviness I hadn’t realized I was still carrying. It felt like Dad was here, his presence woven into every inch of this place. But I knew that no matter how long I sat here, how many tears I shed, he wasn’t coming back. And I couldn’t keep holding onto what had been, to who I’d been, when everything was slipping further from my grasp.

I closed my eyes, breathing in the stillness of the night. Nicolas and Harvey… they had once promised to protect me, to stand by me. And for years, I’d trusted that. I’d believed in it, clung to it. But now, I could feel that part of my life fading, leaving behind only the sharp ache of something I couldn’t hold onto anymore.

I rose, brushing the leaves from my coat, and looked one last time at the stone. “I have to go, Dad,” I murmured. “I don’t belong here anymore. Not like this.”

As I turned, the city lights gleamed ahead of me, drawing me forward, and I realized I didn’t need anyone else to tell me who I was or where I belonged.