Chapter 2

The hotel room was beige. Beige walls, beige carpet, beige curtains that didn't quite block the streetlight outside. I set my suitcase on the luggage rack and sat on the edge of the bed. The mattress was too firm. The pillows smelled like industrial detergent.

I pulled out my phone.

Lucien's contact photo stared back at me — a picture I'd taken last summer on the terrace, golden hour, his shirt sleeves rolled up, laughing at something I'd said. I pressed call.

It rang four times. Voicemail.

I hung up. Waited five minutes. Called again.

Four rings. Voicemail.

I didn't leave a message. What would I say? *I'm not dying. I lied because I loved you. Please let me explain.*

The words felt obscene.

I called a third time that night. He didn't answer.

The next morning, I wrote a letter. I sat at the hotel desk with the complimentary stationery and a pen that skipped every third word. I wrote four drafts. The first was too long. The second too defensive. The third dissolved into apologies that didn't explain anything.

The fourth, I sealed in an envelope.

I took a cab to Chapman Holdings. The lobby was all glass and steel and ambient lighting designed to make you feel small. The receptionist recognized me. Her smile faltered.

"I need to see Lucien," I said.

She picked up the phone. Spoke quietly. Hung up.

"Mr. Chapman isn't available."

"I'll wait."

She hesitated. "He's requested that—" She stopped. Started again. "He's asked that any communication go through his assistant."

I set the letter on the desk. "Please give this to him."

She looked at it like it might bite her. "Of course, Miss Bell."

I left. I didn't believe her.

Three days later, the letter arrived back at the hotel. Unopened. No note. Just the envelope with my handwriting on the front, returned to sender.

I held it for a long time. Then I put it in the drawer of the nightstand and closed it.

Mrs. Bell called on Thursday. "Lunch," she said. Not a question.

We met at a French place in Midtown she liked. White tablecloths. Waiters who moved like ghosts. She was already seated when I arrived, a glass of Sancerre in front of her.

"Raina." She didn't stand. She gestured to the chair across from her.

I sat.

She ordered for both of us. Sea bass. Asparagus. A salad I wouldn't eat.

"I assume you're aware," she began, "that your… situation has created complications."

I pressed my thumbnail into my index finger under the table.

"The Chapman connection was valuable," she continued. "Your father had plans. Partnerships. You understand."

I nodded.

"And now—" She sighed. Sipped her wine. "Now we're managing the aftermath of your choices."

My choices.

I wanted to tell her. I wanted to say: *I thought I was dying. I was trying to protect him. I didn't choose any of this.*

But I'd spent twenty-six years learning that Mrs. Bell didn't ask questions she wanted answered. She made statements. You nodded. You thanked her. You moved on.

"I understand," I said quietly.

She smiled. Thin. Satisfied. "Good. Then we're clear."

The sea bass arrived. I cut it into small pieces and moved them around my plate. She didn't notice.

Yasmin Webb was everywhere.

I saw her first in a business magazine someone left in the hotel lobby. A profile on Chapman Holdings' latest acquisition. There was a photo: Lucien in a dark suit, Yasmin beside him in a red gown, her hand on his arm. The ring caught the camera flash.

The caption read: *Lucien Chapman and fiancée Yasmin Webb at the annual investors' gala.*

Fiancée.

I stared at the word until it stopped meaning anything.

Two days later, a mutual acquaintance — someone from Exeter I barely remembered — sent me a screenshot. Yasmin at a charity dinner. Same ring. Different dress. This one was navy. From the designer I used to go to for every event that mattered.

The acquaintance's message: *Is this real? I thought you two were—*

I didn't reply.

I saw them once, by accident. I was walking past the restaurant where Lucien and I used to go for anniversaries. Through the window: his table. Our table. Yasmin sat across from him, laughing, her hand reaching across the white cloth to touch his.

He didn't pull away.

I stood on the sidewalk. People moved around me. A woman bumped my shoulder and apologized. I didn't respond.

Lucien looked up. For one second, our eyes met through the glass.

His face didn't change.

I turned and walked away. I made it two blocks before I had to stop. I leaned against a building and focused on breathing. In. Out. In. Out.

My thumb found my finger. I pressed until I felt the nail break skin.

The blood came slow. I watched it well up, dark and certain.

Then I kept walking.

Chapter 3

The envelope arrived on a Tuesday. Heavy paper. Chapman Holdings letterhead. I opened it standing by the hotel window.

*Miss Bell: Your presence is required at the Chapman Holdings Annual Gala to finalize documentation regarding shared assets acquired during your cohabitation with Mr. Chapman. The Plaza Hotel. Saturday, 7 PM. Black tie.*

I read it twice. Set it on the desk. Stared at it for eleven minutes.

Shared assets. Like I was a business transaction being closed out.

I pulled the black dress from my suitcase. It hung loose now. I'd lost weight in Connecticut. Lost more after I came back. The fabric that used to fit perfectly sagged at the waist.

I didn't have another option.

Saturday came too fast and too slow.

I stood in front of the hotel mirror. The dress looked wrong. I looked wrong. My collarbones jutted too sharp. My face was pale even with makeup. I pressed my hand against my abdomen. Cramps had started that morning. My period always hit hard the first day. I'd learned to manage it quietly.

I took two painkillers. Put a third in my purse.

The Plaza lobby glittered. Chandeliers. Marble. Women in gowns that cost more than my hotel room. Men in tuxedos that fit like they were born wearing them.

I walked in alone.

The whispers started before I reached the ballroom. I felt them more than heard them. Eyes tracking. Mouths moving behind champagne flutes. I kept my chin level. My hands loose at my sides.

The ballroom doors opened.

Lucien stood near the center. Dark suit. Perfect posture. Yasmin beside him in a gown I recognized immediately — the designer I used to go to. The one who knew my measurements by heart. The red silk clung to her like it had been painted on.

She saw me first. Her hand slid up Lucien's arm. Proprietary. Practiced. She leaned into him and said something I couldn't hear. He turned.

Our eyes met across two hundred people.

His face didn't change.

I walked to the bar. Ordered water. The bartender looked confused but poured it. I held the glass and didn't drink.

The cramps were getting worse. I pressed my free hand against my stomach under the bar edge. Breathed through my nose. The painkiller hadn't kicked in yet.

Footsteps behind me.

"Raina."

Lucien's voice. Low. Controlled.

I turned.

He held two glasses of champagne. His eyes moved over my face. Down to where my hand pressed against my abdomen. Something flickered in his expression. Recognition. He'd tracked my cycle for six years. He knew.

He extended one glass toward me. Loud enough for the investors nearby to hear.

"Drink with me. For old times' sake." He paused. His mouth curved. "Unless you're pregnant again."

Nervous laughter rippled through the group around us. A woman in diamonds looked away. A man in a gray suit cleared his throat.

I took the glass. My hand didn't shake. I made sure of that.

Lucien raised his own glass higher. His voice carried across the ballroom.

"A toast," he said. "To loyalty. To knowing who you can trust." His eyes locked on mine. "To the people who stand beside you when it matters. And to recognizing the ones who don't."

More laughter. Polite. Uncomfortable. Glasses clinked around us.

I stood there. The champagne was cold in my hand. The cramps twisted deeper. I felt warmth between my legs. Wetness spreading.

I was bleeding through my dress.

I didn't look down. I kept my eyes on Lucien's face. I raised the glass to my lips and drank. The champagne tasted like metal. Like shame. Like three months in Connecticut waiting to die.

I drank until the glass was empty.

Then I set it on the bar. The sound was too loud. Crystal on marble.

Lucien was still watching me. Waiting for something. Tears maybe. A scene. Proof that he'd broken me.

I looked at him. Really looked. At the man I'd loved enough to destroy myself for. The man I'd lied to so he wouldn't have to watch me die. The man who was now standing in front of two hundred people making sure I knew exactly how much he hated me.

I felt nothing.

Not anger. Not grief. Not even pain.

Just the absence of everything I used to feel when I looked at him.

I turned and walked toward the exit. My dress clung to my legs. Wet. Heavy. No one said anything. They just watched.

The Plaza doors opened. Rain hammered the sidewalk. I stood under the awning and raised my hand for a cab.

One pulled up. Yellow. Ordinary. I climbed in.

"Where to?" the driver asked.

I gave him the hotel address.

He pulled into traffic. Windshield wipers beat against the glass. I sat in the back seat. My dress stuck to the leather. I pressed my thumbnail into my index finger until I felt the skin break.

The blood came slow.

I watched it well up. Dark and certain.

Then I closed my eyes and let the city blur past.

Chapter 4

The hotel room was silent. Rain drummed against the window. I sat on the edge of the bed in the ruined dress. The fabric stuck to my thighs. Cold. Wet. The hem left a dark stain on the beige carpet.

I didn't move for a long time.

Then I pulled out my phone. The screen lit up. Contacts. I scrolled past names I hadn't called in months. Past Lucien's number. Past the Bells. I stopped at a name I'd kept for years and never dialed.

Dallas Murray.

My thumb hovered over the call button. I pressed it before I could think.

Two rings.

"Raina Bell." His voice was steady. Unsurprised.

"You knew it was me," I said.

"I've had your number saved since Exeter."

I closed my eyes. "Are you always this honest?"

"With you? Yes."

Silence stretched between us. Not uncomfortable. Just there.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

The question cracked something open. "No."

"Where are you?"

I told him. Hotel name. Room number. The words came out flat.

"Have you eaten today?"

I tried to remember. Couldn't. "No."

"Okay," he said. Just that. Then: "I'll call you back in five minutes."

He hung up.

I sat there holding the phone. The dress dripped onto the carpet. I should shower. Change. Do something.

I didn't move.

Four minutes later, my phone buzzed. Dallas: *Food's on the way. Twenty minutes.*

I stared at the message. Typed: *You didn't have to do that.*

His reply came fast: *I know.*

Twenty-three minutes later, someone knocked. I opened the door in the hotel robe. A delivery driver handed me a bag. The restaurant name printed on the side made me stop.

I knew this place. I'd mentioned it once. Three years ago at an alumni reunion. Someone asked where I'd eaten that week and I'd said the name. Once. In passing.

Dallas had remembered.

I set the bag on the desk. Opened it. Pasta. The kind I'd ordered that night three years ago. Bread. Sparkling water.

I sat down. Ate slowly. The food was warm. Real. I hadn't realized how long it had been since I'd tasted anything.

My phone rang. Dallas again.

"Did it arrive?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Good."

I swallowed. "How did you remember?"

"I remember everything you've ever told me, Raina."

I set down my fork. "Why?"

"Because you're worth remembering."

I didn't know what to say to that. So I said nothing.

"Eat," he said quietly. "Then sleep. Call me tomorrow if you want."

He hung up before I could respond.

I finished the pasta. Drank the water. Then I sat at the desk and stared at my phone for a long time.

The next morning, I called him.

It became a pattern. Every day. Sometimes twice. Conversations that stretched longer than either of us planned. He asked what I was reading. I told him about the novel on my nightstand. He said he'd read it in college. We argued about the ending for twenty minutes.

He didn't ask about Lucien. Didn't ask about the gala. Didn't ask about Connecticut or the three months or the lie.

He asked if I'd seen the new exhibit at the Met. If I still drank tea at night. If I remembered the winter we both got snowed in at Exeter and spent six hours in the library because nowhere else was open.

I remembered.

Two weeks in, he said: "My house in Seattle is too big for one person."

I was walking through Central Park. The phone pressed to my ear. "How big?"

"Too big," he said. "I'm not sure why I built it this size."

I stopped walking. Watched a jogger pass. A dog off its leash. "Maybe you were planning for something."

"Maybe."

Neither of us said anything else. But I heard it anyway.

Mrs. Bell called that afternoon. Third time in two weeks.

"Raina, darling." Her voice was warm. Unfamiliar. "How are you feeling?"

I sat on a park bench. "Fine."

"I've been worried. You haven't been returning my calls."

I'd returned exactly one. "I've been busy."

"Of course. Of course." She paused. "I'm sending you something. A cashmere scarf. No reason. I just thought of you."

No reason. I pressed my thumbnail into my finger.

"That's kind of you," I said.

"We should have lunch soon. Catch up properly."

"Maybe."

Another pause. Longer this time. "I heard you've been speaking with Dallas Murray."

There it was.

"Yes," I said.

"He's doing very well. The Murray portfolio is quite impressive. Your father and I were just saying—"

I hung up.

The phone buzzed immediately. Mrs. Bell calling back. I declined it. She called again. I turned off my phone.

Then I sat on the bench and watched the park move around me. Joggers. Dogs. People who had places to be.

I stayed until the light changed. Until the shadows stretched long and the benches emptied.

Then I walked back to the hotel. Alone. The word didn't feel as heavy as it used to.

I Pretended to Cheat So My Boyfriend Wouldn't Watch Me Die

Chapter 2 : Avery Vale
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