Back then, Freddie would make me hangover soup and cereal and when I was drunk and out of it, he would hold me and soothe me to sleep.

Even when he didn’t have much money, he still remembered every anniversary and bought me pricey gifts.

Aside from not giving me an official title, Freddie gave me almost everything.

This was one of the reasons why I valued this relationship so much.

I always believed that, in some way, he cared about me.

Later, the company slowly gained attention and Freddie secured his role with his strong skills.

His company also started to hire more people.

Imogen joined around that time; I was the one who hired her.

Freddie said, “I don’t want you going out in front of others. You can find someone to drink for you.”

From then on, I slowly stayed behind the scenes.

Imogen, young and bold, often drank until she couldn’t stand at business dinners.

I began teaching her how to talk people into drinking, how to build up her tolerance and how to close deals at the table.

She had talent and learned fast. Because she was cheerful and good-looking, she got several good-paying contracts.

Freddie cared for her openly, making no effort to cover it up.

Besides her normal bonuses, Freddie started giving her extra gifts.

Costly clothes, bags and jewelry poured into Imogen’s hands like running water.

They began showing up together often at the company, acting close as if no one else existed.

I caused trouble more than once, but each time it ended with Freddie walking off in anger.

“Bella, don’t use dirty thoughts to judge people.”

“Bella, if you keep acting out, there’s no reason for us to stay together.”

That relationship, with me as the one hurt, almost broke me.

Staring at the clear glass of white wine in front of me, I lifted my eyes toward Imogen.

“Didn’t I show you before? Don’t push a woman to drink.” When I finished speaking, I set my utensils down and poured my wine into Freddie’s glass.

“Freddie, if you can’t handle your woman, don’t bring her out and make things awkward.” Freddie’s expression changed at once.

He pulled Imogen back. “Stop causing trouble.”

“Sit down and eat. Even if you don’t want to eat, the baby in your stomach will.”

What he said made the food on the table suddenly taste like nothing.

I suddenly felt sick to my stomach and stood. “Sorry, I’m going to the restroom.”

Once I stepped outside, the cold wind and light rain went into my coat, making it wet and cold.

I couldn’t stop shaking and the sickness eased a little.

A child. They actually had a child.

Freddie, who always said he didn’t like kids, had a child with another woman.

In ten years, Freddie and I had five pregnancies, but every time, we ended them.

Freddie had a bad habit: he refused to use condoms.

Each time, I took birth control pills and if I got pregnant, I had an abortion.

His reasons for not wanting kids were simple. He said he was focused on his career and he didn’t like children.

Every time I had an abortion, Freddie would buy me all kinds of things to make me feel better.

He often said we were still young and that all these years had been too packed for us to enjoy being a couple.

Perhaps since I loved him so much, whatever he said always moved me.

From drinking and taking birth control pills for so long, my body was already badly hurt.

During my fifth pregnancy, the doctor said that if I lost that one, I might never have children again.

On our third wedding anniversary, I prepared a table full of dishes, hoping to talk to Freddie.

I wanted to keep the baby, but I didn’t see him.

Instead, I walked in and saw him and Imogen wrapped together on the office sofa.

“Bella, who allowed you to walk in without knocking!”

“Leave!” Freddie grabbed the clothes on the floor and covered the woman in his arms.

Imogen stared at me with a helpless look, like a scared little animal.

That day, I ran out in shock.

I even remembered to shut the door behind me.

When Freddie came home that night, the whole place was in chaos.

I threw the food and the cake onto the ground, ripped up every picture of Freddie and me and broke anything I could reach.

Freddie stepped through the mess and sat down in front of me.

In the end, I was the one who spoke first, asking him when it began.

“You don’t want the answer.”

“Bella, wouldn’t it be easier if you stayed home as Mrs. Williams?”

Freddie stayed just as far away and his words hit me like something cold.

I lost control and called Imogen right in front of him.

Freddie grabbed my phone and smashed it apart. “Are you out of your mind? She has no idea!”

The room seemed to freeze.

I looked at him with a tight smile and asked, “Freddie, does she really know nothing?”

Although Freddie and I were secretly married, anyone who paid attention could tell our situation was nowhere near simple.

Imogen had asked about Freddie and me more than once; even someone clueless would get it.

“At least I haven’t mentioned anything.”

Freddie’s cold voice came out, and in that moment, it felt like my chest cracked apart.

“Bella, let me tell you, if you cause her trouble, we’re getting a divorce!”

For those three years, whenever I felt upset because of Imogen, Freddie always liked to use divorce to threaten me.

Each time, I bowed my head and gave in.

Only that one time, I agreed. “Freddie, then let’s get a divorce.”

Later, during the divorce process, Freddie set harsh terms to force me to give up, nearly telling me to walk away with nothing.

I made a clean choice and signed the divorce papers.

Back then, there was no waiting period for divorce and we quickly got our divorce documents.

At the doors of the City Hall, Freddie clenched his teeth and warned me not to regret it.

Freddie acted like he was sure I would change my mind, that I would regret it, but I didn’t.

For five years, I had almost never thought about him.

If Cindy hadn’t pushed me to attend the reunion, I wouldn’t have crossed paths with him again.

As something landed on my shoulder, I saw a black suit jacket placed over it.

A well-known cool scent reached my nose.

It was Freddie.

“Bella, five years. I never thought you would really refuse to come back.”

Without thinking, I lifted the coat off and passed it to him.

“Come back to be your mistress?"

Freddie, his face blank, caught my wrist and pulled open my inner shirt.

Across my pale stomach were tight marks.

“Bella, did you give birth to my child five years ago?”

Since the wind was strong, I couldn’t hear Freddie’s voice.

My sight went blurry and I felt like I was back in those days of having nowhere to go five years ago.

During that time, Freddie and I ended our divorce and I walked empty-handed.

With the divorce and being pregnant, I didn’t even dare step near my own family home.

Three years of being a full-time wife had left me with no useful job skills.

I had no money for another abortion, so I tried home tricks to make the baby leave on its own.

I tried jumping rope, chewing raw herbs that were said to move the blood and going without food for three days, but the baby stayed strong.

In the end, I couldn’t keep forcing it.

I became foolish, holding on to the idea of giving birth to my ex-husband’s baby.

I lived in a small basement room, worked a part-time shift at a diner and supported myself and the tiny life growing inside me.

I talked to him every day, telling him about my daily life.

I bought him many tiny outfits, even finding a crib at a used market.

I gave him the nicest things I was able to buy.

I thought everything would stay steady, but one night I suddenly had heavy bleeding.

“The placenta has dropped low all of a sudden, almost covering the whole cervix.”

“You need to stay in the hospital to keep the pregnancy, or you won’t be able to keep the baby.” The doctor’s flat voice felt like a hammer hitting my heart.

The price for keeping the pregnancy was too high; I couldn’t afford it.

With painful tears running down my face and blood under me think of Freddie.

Lying on the hospital bed, after struggling inside, I finally called Freddie.

The ringing dragged on.

When Freddie answered, it felt like forever.

“Hello?”

“Who is this?” Freddie’s voice came out in shaky breaths, mixed with short groans.

My hands started shaking right then and I quickly hung up the phone.

Awful memories pulled at my nerves and I slowly made out Freddie’s face.

Freddie grabbed my hand in a rush, his hold getting tighter.

“Bella, where is the baby? Is the baby still there?”

I pulled away from him. “Freddie, if you’ve lost your mind, go talk to a doctor.”

“Stop watching those silly rich-boss shows. I’m not dumb, not stupid enough to have my cheating husband’s kid!”

Freddie didn’t accept it, pointing at my belly. “Then how did these marks show up?”

“I didn’t see them before.”

I furrowed my brows in anger. “Nonsense.”

Just as I was about to walk off, Imogen’s voice sounded behind me.

“Bella, let us drive you home.”

“It’s hard to find a taxi at this hour.” Imogen hurried over, holding my bag.

I lifted my chin and agreed.

Once we sat in the car, Imogen started talking nonstop about her pregnancy checkup.

Freddie replied with no interest.

In the rearview mirror, his eyes kept drifting toward me. “Bella, this is my first baby with Freddie.”

“Freddie cares so much about him, he even asked someone to find the best maternity hospital!”

“If you ever need anything, I can introduce you to someone.”

With a small smile and her eyes narrowing, Imogen said to me, “Oh, right, I still don’t know where Bella lives!”

“St. Bernard, Zone 5.”

In surprise, Imogen’s mouth fell open. “St. Bernard, Zone 5 on Phoenix Road? That place costs a fortune. How do you stay there?”

With a raised eyebrow, Freddie looked at me with clear doubt.

She went on, “Bella, you’re not just saying that to look good, are you…”

I cut off Imogen’s nonstop talk. “Yes, I work there as a babysitter.”

With a soft laugh from Imogen, Freddie nodded with a look of understanding.

The tight air in the car felt dangerous and I almost couldn’t breathe.

“Sorry, my morning sickness has been really bad lately. I only wanted to open the window for some air.”

Tires screeched loudly and I stopped myself from getting hit by holding my belly.

Imogen wasn’t as quick; a large bump swelled on her head.

She turned toward Freddie with tears on her face, trying to sound pitiful, but Freddie only shifted his eyes to me.

His eyes looked dull and empty, like something faint was blocking them.

“You got married?”

I straightened my back a little and nodded.

“Yes, I ended my divorce and then got married again.”