2: 2

2

When I woke again, three hours had passed.

I found myself lying in a hospital room.

An IV catheter was still taped into the back of my hand.

Cold fluid crept down the transparent line, drop by drop, into my veins.

The suffocating pressure in my chest had faded, replaced by a raw, tearing ache.

The room was quiet.

So quiet I could almost hear the fluid dripping through the line.

While changing my IV bag, the nurse asked,

"Miss, where's your boyfriend? Why isn't he here with you?"

Just then a familiar woman's voice came from beyond the door.

"You don't have to hold me up, I'm fine now, I can walk on my own."

It was Corinne.

Jayden sighed, the way you'd coax a child who wouldn't listen.

"Still, you can't be careless. Low blood sugar isn't something to take lightly. You're Jeanette's best friend. If something happened to you, how would I ever face her?"

The two voices drifted farther and farther away.

A bitter laugh rose in me. I never thought Jayden would remember I existed at a time like this.

I tugged at the cracked corner of my mouth, mocking myself.

"He's busy."

Busy taking care of his girlfriend's best friend.

The nurse sighed, a flicker of pity in her eyes, then turned and walked out.

I turned my head toward the nightstand.

My phone was sitting on it.

I lifted it with effort and opened my messages.

In Jayden's thread, one unread message waited.

*Corinne needs a while longer for observation. Be good, just grab a cab home yourself.*

It had been sent two hours ago.

Back then I was still in the emergency room, fighting to breathe.

I stared at that line of text and suddenly it all felt absurd.

"Be good" again.

That was what Jayden said to me most.

In his eyes I didn't seem like his girlfriend. More like a pet dog he kept around, there or not, it didn't matter.

Something to tease when he was bored and happened to think of me.

He hadn't asked how I was.

Hadn't asked if it was serious.

So it turned out that, somewhere underneath it all, Jayden considered my life and death of no importance at all.

I set the phone down and didn't reply.

After the IV finished, they observed me another half hour.

Only once the doctor was sure I was truly fine did he write me a prescription and let me go.

I grabbed a cab home.

I pushed open the door, and the first thing I saw was the little shelf by the entrance.

That was where my medicine kit used to sit.

My asthma inhaler was inside it.

But now, in its place, stood a clear glass jar.

Full of brightly colored lollipops.

My medicine kit had been shoved into the far corner, buried under a thick layer of dust.

From the living room came the hum of a hair dryer.

"Ow, be gentle, are you trying to scald me to death?"

Corinne sat cross-legged on the rug, scolding him with a pout.

"Fine, fine, gentler. You're impossible to please."

Jayden sat on the couch behind her, holding the dryer and moving it back and forth in slow sweeps.

His long fingers threaded through Corinne's half-damp hair, again and again.

His mouth complained, but his hands were unmistakably gentler than his words.

His expression was focused, serious, as if he were handling some fragile, priceless treasure.

It was like countless fine, long needles driving straight into my heart.

A dense, prickling pain spread through my chest.

Once, during my period, my stomach was cramping and I asked Jayden for a little help.

What had he said then?

"I'm a grown man. I can't dry a woman's hair right."

He'd frowned and taken the dryer with visible impatience, waving it over my head a couple of careless times.

The hot air burned my scalp, and he blamed me for being too delicate.

Only now do I understand.

It wasn't that he couldn't dry a woman's hair.

He just didn't want to dry mine.

3: 3

3

I pushed down the sting in my eyes, drew in a deep breath, and stepped into the living room.

"Nettie!"

The moment she saw me, Corinne cried out, delighted.

She started to get up, ready to rush over to me.

But Jayden's hand came down and held her in place.

Not hard, yet with a firmness that left no room for argument.

"Where do you think you're going? Your hair isn't dry yet. You'll be complaining about a headache tomorrow."

"I know how close you two are, but drying your hair won't cost you more than a few minutes."

Corinne shot him a look, cheeks puffed out, her voice carrying that sulky, coaxing edge.

"Nettie, look at your Jayden."

"He's so fussy. He watches over me more than my own dad does."

Corinne grumbled with her mouth, but her body was honest, settling right back down.

She even leaned back a little, shifting into a more comfortable position.

If this had been before,

I would have taken Corinne's side without hesitation, joining her to gang up on Jayden and his bossy, high-handed ways.

But this time, I said nothing.

Jayden kept at it for a while longer.

Only once he'd confirmed every root of her hair was dry did he switch off the blow-dryer in his hand.

"There. Done."

Corinne got up at once, eager, and looped her arm affectionately through mine.

"Nettie, you're finally home."

"You have no idea how over the top Jayden is. I just have low blood sugar, it's not like I've come down with something serious, and yet he actually goes limiting my freedom..."

Corinne chattered on and on, unstoppable.

She meant it as complaining, but it came out exactly like a couple's flirty little bickering.

Before, I would have listened with genuine interest to every word, then tossed in a few comments of my own.

But today, all I felt was that her noise made my head throb.

"I'm not feeling well. I'm going to my room."

My voice came out cold, and a flicker of surprise and awkwardness crossed Corinne's face.

I pulled my arm back and turned to go into my room.

Jayden finally noticed something was off with me too, and followed me in.

"What's wrong? Why do you look so awful?"

He reached out to touch my face the way he always did.

But I tilted my head slightly and dodged his hand.

"It's nothing."

Jayden froze, his hand stiff in midair.

Then he sighed, his tone weary.

"What's gotten into you?"

"You've been carrying on all night. Still not done?"

"When are you going to grow up a little?"

"Do you have any idea how worried Corinne and I were about you? Corinne especially. She thought something had happened to you, got so frantic she nearly called the police."

There was a note of reproach in Jayden's voice.

As if I were the one throwing an unreasonable fit.

Something wet and cold sat wadded up in my chest.

I gripped the medical bill, and a bitter laugh nearly rose in me.

Worried about me?

If he'd really been worried about me, would he have gone all that time without a single phone call?

Whether it was worry for me or aching over Corinne, who'd been so frightened on my behalf, only Jayden himself knew best.

"Didn't you say you'd come get me?"

My eyes stung, and in the end I couldn't hold back the question.

Seeing me cry, Jayden frowned.

"So I didn't pick you up. What's there to cry about?"

Hearing that, my tears fell harder, coming in a rush.

"But I clearly remember telling you my asthma had flared up, and that I'd forgotten to bring my medicine."

Jayden's face went cold in an instant, plainly impatient.

"Jeanette, how much longer are you going to keep this up?

"You're a grown woman. How can you still act like a child, getting jealous of someone who's sick?"

"Corinne has low blood sugar. She could go into shock anytime, anywhere. You're different. You just get a little wheezy. Tough it out and it passes."

"See? You're perfectly fine right now, aren't you? Nothing wrong with you at all."

4: 4

4

I looked up and stared at Jayden, unable to believe what I'd heard.

Corinne just had a little dizziness from low blood sugar, and he'd panicked like the sky was falling.

But my asthma attack, a matter of life and death, was in his eyes just a little wheezing?

In that instant, something in me let go.

The last thread of feeling I had for Jayden drifted away like smoke.

"You're right!"

My voice was soft.

Soft as a wisp of smoke, scattering on the wind.

Seeing the tears on my face, Jayden softened his tone.

"All right, that's my girl, no more fussing, okay? Go rest for a bit, and I'll make you your favorite beef noodles."

"Mm."

I gave a small nod.

Only then did Jayden turn and leave, satisfied.

I didn't lie down to rest. I opened the closet instead.

I took my clothes down, folded them one by one, and put them in the suitcase I'd already gotten ready.

Then the skincare on the bathroom counter, the books I'd bought off the shelf, even the potted pothos on the coffee table.

Last, I picked up the photo frame on the nightstand.

It was a picture of me and Jayden.

In it, Jayden was grinning wide.

And I was leaning on his shoulder, smiling like a fool.

I stared at that photo for a long moment, then tossed it into the trash can beside me.

I didn't own much.

Everything I had didn't even fill one suitcase.

I wheeled the suitcase to the door, and just then Jayden's beef noodles were done too.

"Nettie, come eat."

Corinne pushed the chopsticks into my hand the way she always did, warm and familiar.

As if nothing at all had just happened.

Jayden came out of the kitchen carrying two bowls.

One he set in front of me.

One he set in front of Corinne.

"Eat up. I made it myself."

Jayden's beef noodles really were good.

The broth was rich and red, the noodles chewy. Only the cilantro sprinkled on top was a sharp, jarring green.

Seeing me stare at the bowl without picking up my chopsticks,

Jayden frowned, his eyes puzzled.

"Why aren't you eating? Aren't beef noodles your favorite?"

Hearing that, Corinne looked at me too.

When her gaze landed on the cilantro in my bowl, she swatted Jayden's arm in mock reproach.

"What did you do? Did you forget Nettie's allergic to cilantro? I'm the one who likes it."

Jayden's throat worked, and he found himself explaining to me.

"I... just put it in without thinking..."

The air went awkward.

Corinne stepped in with a grin to smooth it over.

"Oh, come on, Jayden didn't do it on purpose, and our Nettie isn't that petty."

"It's fine, it's fine, I'll pick the cilantro out for Nettie right now."

I stopped her.

"Don't bother."

I turned to Jayden instead, my eyes more serious than they'd ever been.

"Jayden, let's break up."

Not loud, but every word was clear.

Saying it wasn't as hard as I'd imagined, nor as painful.

If anything, I felt a lightness I'd never known before.

Only then did Jayden and Corinne notice the suitcase by my hand.

"What's gotten into you?"

"Just because I forgot you don't eat cilantro?"

Jayden stared at me in disbelief, his eyes going cold in an instant.

Corinne tried to talk me down too.

"Nettie, don't be rash!"

I shook my head.

"I'm not being rash, and it's not about the cilantro."

Jayden gave a cold laugh.

"So it's because I didn't come pick you up?"

I shook my head again.

"It's not the cilantro, and it's not that you didn't pick me up."

Jayden's brow drew tight, his patience nearly gone.

"Not this, not that. Then tell me, what exactly is it because of?"

I looked at him calmly.

"What it's because of doesn't matter anymore."

I set the apartment key gently on the shoe cabinet by the door.

Then I turned and walked out.

"Crash!"

Behind the door came the sound of a chair toppling over.

"What are you standing there for? Go after her!"

Corinne's voice was urgent.

Jayden let out a cold snort.

"Why should I chase her? She's the one who wanted to leave."

"Making a huge deal over some little thing. I'm the one who spoiled her all these years."

"Just watch. It won't be two days before she comes back on her own."

Hearing Jayden's cold words, my heart stayed calm, without a single ripple.

I walked into the elevator, my face blank.

Jayden didn't know.

This time, I was really gone.

I would never come back.