3: 3

3

That Wednesday, Thomas left before dawn.

Marina's project had landed a new round of funding, and there was a celebration party that night.

Before he went, he warmed a glass of milk for me and reminded me,

"Don't forget your prenatal vitamins."

"Once you've done the checkup today, send me the results."

"Marina just got back. She'll probably drink too much tonight, so I need to look after her."

I watched his back as he reached the door, and answered softly.

"Okay."

At the hospital, halfway through the scan, the doctor suddenly stopped.

"The fetus's brain tissue hasn't developed properly."

"There's no treatment for this. The baby wouldn't survive after birth."

I stared blankly at the shape on the screen, the outline already there.

It was as though everything around me had gone silent.

Ten minutes earlier, I'd still been guessing whether it was a boy or a girl.

Ten minutes later, the doctor was telling me this child would never have a chance to enter the world.

And right then, a sharp pain tore through my lower belly.

Blood soaked through the hem of my dress in moments.

The doctor's face changed. She had a nurse wheel over a chair at once.

"You're already bleeding. We can't wait any longer."

"We have to terminate the pregnancy as soon as possible, or your life could be in danger too."

It all happened too fast.

Before I could even truly accept that this baby couldn't be saved, the consent form for terminating the pregnancy was already in front of me.

Before I signed, I made only one request.

"Can I call the baby's father first?"

The phone rang a long time before it connected.

The other end was full of the noise of a celebration party being set up.

Thomas asked impatiently, "Checkup done?"

I gripped the phone hard.

"Thomas, something's wrong with the checkup."

"The doctor says the baby has no skull. He has to be terminated right away—"

"Carrie, I don't have time for your dramatics right now."

He cut me off.

"Marina's launch is about to start. Everyone's waiting on me."

"It's not about the numbers. The baby, he can't—"

Before I could finish, the line went dead.

The nurse looked at me with pity.

"Family can't make it here?"

I stared at the darkened screen, and after a long while, I shook my head.

Something went wrong during the surgery.

I lay on the operating table and heard the doctor urgently telling the nurse to prepare a transfusion.

When I opened my eyes again, I was already in the recovery room.

The nurse saw me wake and let out a breath.

"You hemorrhaged during the operation. Thank goodness we caught it in time."

"You can't leave on your own now. Someone from your family has to come."

She held the phone out to me.

I stared at Thomas's number for a long time, then dialed it anyway.

The phone rang for over ten seconds before it connected.

Thomas's voice was even more impatient than before.

"Now what?"

I looked at the blood bag by the bed, still not empty, my voice so weak it was almost inaudible.

"The surgery's over."

"I hemorrhaged, and the baby's gone. Can you please come?"

The other end went quiet for a moment.

Then came his cold laugh.

"Carrie, an hour ago you only said something was wrong with the checkup."

"Now it's a miscarriage and a hemorrhage?"

"You'd make up a lie like that just to drag me away from Marina's party?"

I forced out an explanation.

"I'm not lying to you. The doctor can—"

The nurse couldn't stand to listen anymore and took the phone.

"Sir, Ms. Pruitt just had surgery to terminate her pregnancy. She hemorrhaged during the operation. She needs someone with her."

But Thomas said coldly,

"I don't know who you are."

"This is between me and my wife. Please don't help her put on an act."

Marina's voice came through from the other end.

"Thomas, come cut the cake. Everyone's waiting for you."

Thomas's tone softened at once.

"Coming."

Before he hung up, all he left me with was this:

"Carrie, using a baby to fight for attention is vicious. Using a baby's life to lie is even worse."

"When did you turn into this?"

Only the busy signal was left in the receiver.

The nurse was pale with anger.

"That's the baby's father?"

I watched the sky darken bit by bit outside the window, and shook my head gently.

"Not for much longer."

At midnight, I was still on the IV.

A three-way video call suddenly popped up on my phone.

I thought Thomas had finally remembered to ask whether the surgery was real.

But when it connected, the face in the frame was Marina's.

She must have had too much to drink and hit the group call by accident.

The phone had been set down on the liquor cabinet, the lens pointed right at the couch not far off.

Marina looked up at Thomas and suddenly smiled.

"Thomas, I regret it."

"All these years, I've been so many places."

"Snowy mountains, deserts, Antarctica. I thought that was the life I wanted."

"But today, seeing the things you bought for the baby, I suddenly wanted a home too."

"I don't want to keep drifting alone."

Thomas looked at her, and a kind of pain I'd never seen before came over his face.

It was a long time before he asked hoarsely,

"Why are you only saying this now?"

Marina's eyes reddened.

"What if I hadn't left the year I graduated college?"

"If I'd told you back then that I was willing to stay, would you have married me?"

Thomas didn't answer right away.

But his silence had already told me the answer.

Marina asked again,

"Would you?"

"Yes."

One word, and it tore the seven years between him and me to shreds.

I gasped in great painful breaths, barely able to breathe.

When the nurse came to change my dressing, she knocked the phone down by accident.

The video call cut off.

I didn't call back.

I just lay quietly in the hospital bed, watching the fluid from the blood bag flow into my body drop by drop.

The child he'd wanted to be like Marina was gone now.

And I would finally be free of ever tangling my life with theirs again.

4: 4

4

After I checked out of the hospital and got home, Thomas still hadn't come back.

I packed my own things into a suitcase and left the signed divorce papers on the dining table.

Then I bought a plane ticket to Norway to see the northern lights.

It was a wish I'd had since I was twenty.

In seven years, Thomas and I had booked tickets three times.

The first time, Marina hurt herself skiing, and he rushed off through the night to take care of her.

The second time, Marina's project made the shortlist for an international award, and he canceled the tickets to go abroad with her for the ceremony.

The third time, right before we were set to leave, Marina got drunk over a breakup, and he stayed by her side the whole night.

Every time, Thomas said he'd make it up to me later.

But I waited seven years, and that so-called later never came.

When I reached the airport, there was still an hour before boarding.

I had just finished checking my luggage when I saw Thomas and Marina.

Marina was wearing a white down jacket, and Thomas was bent over, fixing her scarf.

Marina held up two tickets, her eyes curving with a smile.

“Back in college we said we'd go to Iceland together to see the aurora. I never thought it'd take this many years.”

Thomas ruffled her hair.

“This time I won't break the promise.”

My phone rang at exactly that moment.

A message from Thomas:

【The company set up a last-minute business trip. I'll be gone a few days.】

【Stay home and think things over. We'll talk when I get back.】

I looked at him across the crowd and gave a small, bitter laugh.

The airport announcement began calling for boarding.

I put my phone away and wheeled my suitcase toward my gate.

From today on, they could go see their aurora.

And I would go live a life without them in it.

Just as I was about to step into the boarding tunnel, a hurried shout came from behind me.

“Carrie!”