A message from Connor lit up the screen:

"Babe, I'm all washed up and waiting for you. Tonight we do it however you like best."

Cicely closed her eyes, as if she'd finally made up her mind.

Gently, she pried my fingers loose.

"Be good. There really is an emergency at the office. The second it's handled, I'll come home to you."

I watched my own hand slip, inch by inch, out of her palm.

The ache in my chest spread until it went numb.

But Cicely, as if afraid I'd be hurt, soothed me in a low voice:

"Tomorrow I'll come back and make it up to you properly."

"Haven't you always wanted to go to the amusement park?"

"I'll rent out the whole place tomorrow and spend the entire day with you."

I stared at her, dazed.

Three years ago, I really had said I wanted to go to an amusement park.

Connor had spent three days at Disney, and posted a full grid of nine photos.

In one of them, a woman's arm showed only halfway, holding up Mickey and Minnie balloons for him.

His caption read: "Someone spoils me like I'm a little kid."

Back then I'd looked at those photos and couldn't help asking Cicely:

"When you're not so busy, let's go to an amusement park too, okay?"

Cicely had stroked my hair, her voice tender.

"Okay."

"Once you've recovered, I'll rent the whole place and take you."

After that I waited, one year and then another.

Until my body really had healed, until spring had passed, and summer too.

Until that amusement park had been renovated three times over.

And Cicely still never took me.

Every time I brought it up, she'd kiss my forehead.

"Next time, once I'm not so busy."

"Be good, Gilbert. It's so crowded there. I don't want you wearing yourself out."

So it wasn't the crowds she was worried about.

And it wasn't me wearing myself out.

She'd simply already seen the castle and the fireworks with another man.

So my one wish became a "next time" she could put off forever.

And now, she'd finally remembered it.

On the very night she was about to run to Connor.

The thought of it, oddly, left me calm.

All that bitterness, that nausea, that pain, sank to the bottom of the water in a single instant.

I looked at Cicely.

I looked at the woman I'd once believed I could entrust my whole life to.

Then, gently, I let go.

"Go."

After Cicely left, I dragged the cardboard box downstairs.

One thing at a time, into the trash bin.

When I reached the string of prayer beads, I stood there a long while.

It was the first thing Cicely had brought back from the snowy mountains after I woke from the car accident.

Back then her palms were split from the cold, her forehead scraped raw, and she'd knelt at my hospital bed, her voice wrecked beyond recognition.

"Gilbert, I prayed you back."

"From now on I'll never let you suffer the smallest bit of pain."

I'd held her and cried, truly believing someone had snatched me back from the hands of the gods.

I'd worn it against my skin for five years.

Now, looking back, it was almost funny.

If the gods were real, they'd have known that when she knelt, I wasn't the only one in her heart.

The next morning Cicely came back, still carrying Connor's cologne on her.

She saw the half-emptied cabinet, and her steps faltered.

"Gilbert, where are your things?"

I looked at her and was about to speak.

Her phone rang, and Connor's name flashed across the screen.

Cicely cut it off on reflex.

She seemed to finally notice how pale I looked, and reached out to feel my forehead.

"Are you feeling sick again?"

But before her fingertips could touch me, her phone rang once more.

This time it was a video call.

Cicely hesitated two seconds, then still turned away from me and answered.

The door just hadn't latched all the way, and through the gap I saw.

Connor stood before a mirror in a white suit, his eyes rimmed red.

"Cicely, do I not look good?"

"It feels a little tight around the waist."

Her gaze went soft in an instant.

"You look wonderful. Don't change a thing."

"You look good in anything."

"Tonight, wear this and wait for me in bed."

When the video call ended, I held out the separation agreement.

"Cicely, there's something I need to—"

She finally seemed to remember I was still standing there.

She reached up and touched my face.

"Gilbert, once I get through this busy stretch, we'll go to the amusement park."

I looked at her and smiled, faintly. "There's no need."

She didn't understand.

She had no time to understand.

Because another voice message came in from Connor.

This time it was the child's small, milky voice.

"Mommy, when are you coming?"

"Daddy says we're taking a family photo today."

Cicely froze for a heartbeat.

She looked up at me, a flicker of panic in her eyes.

But she smothered it almost at once.

"Gilbert, I have to step out for a bit."

I watched her snatch up her coat.

Watched her leave without so much as glancing down at the agreement on the table.

The moment the door closed, I slipped it back into my bag.

There was no point anymore.

At nine the next morning, I arrived at the hospital right on time.

Just before I signed the destruction paperwork, my phone buzzed.

A message from Connor.

"Gilbert, my wife was all over me last night like she'd lost her mind."

"In the heat of it she dug up some safety knot from somewhere and tied it on me, kissing me until her eyes went red."

A photo followed.

A hotel suite, underthings scattered across the floor.

The safety knot tossed carelessly by the bed.

The red cord crumpled out of shape, smeared with the evidence of what they'd done.

I had woven it for Cicely with my own hands.

Through all my months of convalescing, I'd unpicked it and woven it again.

I stared at that photo, and the tears finally slid from the corners of my eyes.

So my love, my prayers, the peace I had begged for in the snowy mountains.

In their eyes, it was nothing but a toy to liven up their bed.

I signed my name on the destruction confirmation.

Those frozen samples would be disposed of soon.

Just like the place inside me that Cicely had once filled.

At three that afternoon, I boarded a flight overseas.

I'd left in such a rush that the folder of medical records and test results stayed behind at the hospital.

The nurse couldn't reach me, so she called the emergency contact on the chart.

When the call connected, it was loud on the other end.

The nurse hesitated, then spoke anyway.

"Hello, is this Ms. Sanchez?"

"Mr. Winfield just signed the paperwork to terminate the fertility plan and destroy the samples."

"He left some belongings at the hospital. Could you come collect them when you have a moment?"