“Your memory loss is getting worse, Selah. The doctor said if you don’t get the surgery soon, it could kill you.” Grandpa’s voice cracked on the phone, “Tell me the truth. Is that man really worth your life?”

I sat quietly by the window, staring at the invitation in my hands while the dizziness got worse again.

“I’ll do the surgery, Grandpa,” I whispered.

Grandpa went silent for a second, probably shocked because I’d spent months refusing it.

Then he asked softly, “The doctor said if we do it in time, there’s still a chance you’ll keep your memories of Gideon. Are you sure about this?”

I lowered my eyes to the blood suddenly dripping from my nose and staining the invitation red.

“How long before I forget everything?”

“Around a month,” Grandpa answered carefully. “Maybe less if your condition gets worse.”

A month.

That was enough.

“Schedule the surgery for next month."

After the call ended, I pressed trembling fingers against my nose, but the blood kept falling anyway, spreading across the paper in my lap.

The groom’s name on the invitation was Gideon Salerno; Boss of the Red Bullets Mafia. CEO of Salerno Empire Holdings. My fiancé.

But the bride’s name wasn’t mine.

It was Judith Williams.

And under her name, written in elegant silver letters, was a line that nearly destroyed me.

If only you were the bride.

I stared at the words until my vision blurred.

Funny, isn’t it?

I was the woman wearing his ring, sleeping in his bed, carrying his family name everywhere I went, and somehow I still felt like the outsider in his life.

The blood on the paper looked like flowers blooming over Judith’s name.

My chest hurt so badly I could barely breathe.

Then the memories from earlier finally came crashing back into my head.

Tonight was supposed to be my engagement party with Gideon. Instead, it became my humiliation. The entire mafia circle watched me get abandoned like trash.

I looked down at my finger where the skin was still split open from gripping a broken wine glass too hard earlier. It stung, but honestly, it was nothing compared to what Gideon did to me.

I gave that man everything.

Everything.

And still wasn’t enough.

Grandpa’s question echoed in my mind again.

Was he worth it?

Maybe years ago, I would’ve answered yes without hesitation... Back when we were kids...

Back before loving Gideon Salerno started feeling like slowly dying.

I was nine when I first fell for him. I’d been practicing riding my bicycle outside the estate gates when a pack of wild dogs suddenly started chasing me. I panicked and crashed hard onto the road. I still remember crying while those dogs barked around me.

Then Gideon appeared.

He was just a boy back then, but he grabbed a metal pipe and stood in front of me without even thinking. He fought the dogs off by himself and carried me home while I cried into his shirt.

From that day on, I loved him.

And maybe that was my biggest mistake.

Because Gideon never loved me the same way.

During university, he fell in love with Judith Williams, a woman working at one of Salerno Empire’s luxury hotels. He fought his family for her and nearly tore the entire Salerno household apart over that woman.

If the Salerno family hadn’t fallen into crisis years later, Gideon would never have agreed to marry me.

The marriage alliance saved their empire.

My family helped rebuild their power, their money, their connections. And stupidly, I thought that meant I finally had a chance.

For four years, I stayed by his side and acted like the perfect fiancée while helping him stabilize the Red Bullets from the shadows. I watched him build Salerno Empire Holdings back into something untouchable. Sometimes he’d look at me gently. Sometimes he’d come home early. Sometimes he’d hold me at night like he actually needed me. So I started hoping.

God, I was pathetic!

Then tonight happened.

Right in the middle of our engagement banquet, Gideon got a phone call from Judith. I still remember the look on his face when he heard her voice.

Panic.

“Where are you?” he snapped into the phone while everyone stared. “Judith, answer me! Where the hell are you? I'm coming.”

I grabbed his arm before he could leave. “Gideon… the guests are still here.”

He pulled away from me so fast like my touch disgusted him. “Judith’s in trouble, Selah.”

"And what about me?”

“I’ll come back."

Then he left me there alone in front of everyone.

The future wife of the Salerno boss abandoned at her own engagement party while the entire room whispered behind her back.

I stayed anyway. I smiled. I greeted relatives and mafia associates and business partners while feeling like my body was rotting from the inside out. And when it was finally over, I went back to the penthouse alone.

That was when I found the invitation hidden inside Gideon’s private cabinet.

The invitation he never meant for me to see.

So it was true. Gideon never loved me. Maybe he never even tried to. And no matter how much I bled for him, sacrificed for him, waited for him like some pathetic wife chained to his shadow, I would never replace Judith.

My phone suddenly lit up with an Instagram notification. I stared at it for a second before tapping it open without thinking.

The second the post loaded, it felt like someone slammed a hammer straight into my skull. My vision tilted. I almost lost my balance.

The photo showed a private fine dining room glowing under golden lights. Judith sat across from Gideon smiling while he cut her steak for her with those cold, dangerous hands that usually terrified grown men.

He was still wearing the black engagement suit from our banquet earlier tonight. The same suit he wore while abandoning me.

Behind them stood armed Red Bullets guards near the doors, silent and watchful like always. Even dinner dates for the mafia king of the city looked like war meetings. And yet Gideon looked relaxed with her. Almost gentle.

The caption underneath nearly made me sick.

“Just one call and you’ll come find me no matter where you are. My favorite restaurant, my favorite person. Feels too good being loved like this.”

I stared at the screen quietly.

No screaming. No crying. No hysterical phone call asking Gideon why he kept humiliating me.

Maybe I was too tired now, or maybe the tumor in my head was already eating away the part of me that loved him.

My fingers calmly opened the airline app instead. I booked a flight for one month later.

One month.

That was all I needed before I disappeared from Gideon’s life forever.

Another wave of dizziness hit me hard and I grabbed the edge of the table to steady myself. My memories felt strange again, blurry around the edges.

I forgot what Gideon’s laugh sounded like for a second. Then I forgot the exact way he used to hold my hand.

The panic should’ve terrified me but instead, it felt relieving.

Was this what dying slowly felt like or was this freedom?

I closed my eyes and let out a shaky breath.

I decided then. I’d endure one more month. I’d let myself completely forget Gideon Salerno before the surgery erased him for good.

I didn’t want to wake up from that operating table still loving a man who treated me like I was disposable.

One month later was supposed to be our wedding.

Funny. For Gideon, it was probably just another business alliance between powerful mafia families. For me, it would become the funeral for everything I ever felt for him.

My phone wouldn’t stop ringing after that.

Mom. Dad. Uncles. Aunts. Even old family friends from the syndicate kept calling after hearing about the scandal at the engagement banquet.

I answered every call calmly.

“I’m okay.”

“Don’t worry about me.”

“It’s not a big deal.”

My voice sounded so steady that they all became even more nervous. Nobody dared push further.

Everyone probably thought I was heartbroken beyond repair after being abandoned publicly by the future boss of the Red Bullets Mafia.

But the truth was worse.

I was forgetting him little by little. And the tumor pressing against my nerves was slowly taking my love and hatred for Gideon with it.

The penthouse became silent again after the calls ended. I took out a notebook and started writing while I could still remember things.

Mom’s favorite flowers. Dad’s birthday. The names of my childhood friends. The restaurants Grandpa liked.

Page after page filled with memories I didn’t want to lose.. But I never wrote Gideon’s name. Not even once.

Then I hung a homemade thirty day calendar on the wall beside our wedding photo.

Every day I’d tear off one page.

Every day I’d love Gideon a little less.

And when the last page disappeared...

So would he.

Another sharp wave of pain exploded through my skull. The picture frame beside the calendar suddenly fell and shattered across the floor.

I dropped to my knees with a gasp, pressing my hand against my pounding head while broken glass sliced into my finger. Blood dripped onto the photo, onto my smiling face.

In that picture, I looked so happy staring at Gideon like he was my whole world.

Gideon looked the same as always.

Cold. Untouchable. Like a king standing beside a woman he never wanted.

Back then, I told myself that was just his personality. Gideon Salerno wasn’t warm with anyone. He was raised in blood and violence and power. Men like him didn’t know how to love softly.

So I endured everything during our four years together.

His indifference. His disappearances. The coldness. The endless nights waiting alone while he handled mafia business for the Red Bullets or built Salerno Empire Holdings into a corporate monster nobody could challenge. I thought patience would eventually make him love me.

But tonight destroyed that fantasy completely.

Because when Judith called him earlier, I saw it clearly.

The panic in his eyes. The fear. The desperation.

Gideon was capable of loving someone deeply.

That someone just wasn’t me.

....

The penthouse lights suddenly turned on. I looked toward the door and saw Gideon finally coming home. His black dress shirt sleeves were rolled up and tattoos disappeared beneath the fabric. A gun rested visibly at his waist like always.

He walked in carrying a takeout bag from the restaurant Judith loved.

Our eyes met but there wasn’t a single trace of guilt on his face, not even regret.

He placed the bag on the table casually.

“Eat something,” he said flatly. “You barely touched food tonight.”

Maybe Gideon just assumed I’d forgive him no matter what he did. Maybe he thought bringing me food was already generous enough.

I slowly opened the bag. Inside was a half eaten steak. Judith’s favorite order.

I could even see lipstick marks on the wine glass packed beside it. Something twisted painfully in my chest. So this was what I’d become to him? A woman eating another woman’s leftovers while waiting alone at home like some obedient dog?

Gideon loosened his cufflinks and glanced at the broken glass on the floor.

“You’re bleeding,” he said coldly.

I looked down at my hand. “Oh,” I whispered quietly. “I didn’t notice.”

And strangely enough... I really hadn’t.

Gideon frowned the second he saw the shattered picture frame on the floor.

His sharp eyes moved to me kneeling beside the broken glass, then to the countdown calendar hanging on the wall.

“You’re the future heir of the Laureen family,” he said coldly while loosening the black gloves on his hands. “You should learn how to control your emotions better than this. Throwing a tantrum over our photos is childish.” Then he glanced at the calendar again and clicked his tongue softly.

“It’s just a wedding, Selah. Not some life changing event.” His voice turned colder. “You know I hate unnecessary formalities.”

He thought I made the calendar because I was excited to marry him.

If only he knew.

Every page hanging there was counting down to my disappearance. To the day I’d finally forget him completely. I lowered my head and quietly hummed in agreement.

“I know.”

That was all I said before continuing to clean the broken glass from the floor. Gideon stood there silently for a while.

I could feel his eyes on me.

Normally I would’ve asked him where he went. Why did he abandon me? Why did he look happier with Judith than he’d ever looked with me? But I am too tired now.

Too numb.

And maybe because my memories were already disappearing, even my heartbreak didn’t feel as sharp anymore. That seemed to unsettle him more than anger would’ve.

I noticed the slight tension in his jaw. The way his fingers flexed beside him.

For the first time in years, Gideon looked like he couldn’t read me anymore.

And somehow that made him uneasy.

After a long silence, his expression softened slightly.

Maybe he remembered everything I’d done for him over the years. The blood I cleaned for him. The sleepless nights waiting for him after mafia meetings. The way I stood beside him while he built Salerno Empire Holdings into an empire feared by everyone.

Without another word, he grabbed the first aid kit from the cabinet and crouched in front of me.

“Hold still,” he muttered.

His fingers wrapped around my hand carefully while bandaging the cut on my finger.

“Next time, be more careful. Don’t act impulsively just because you’re upset. It's pathetic.”

I stared at him blankly.

Funny.

The same man who could order executions without blinking was being gentle with my injured hand.

For a second, my chest hurt again.

I almost whispered thank you. But before I could speak, Gideon’s phone suddenly lit up.

The moment he saw the screen, his expression changed instantly. He stood up immediately and answered the call while walking toward the bathroom.

I didn’t mean to listen.

The penthouse was just too quiet.

And Gideon’s tenderness toward Judith cut through the silence like a knife slowly carving me open.

“How did you fall again?” his voice was full of concern. “Didn’t I tell you not to walk around alone?”

“Stay there. Don’t move.” I could almost picture the look on his face. “I’m coming right now.”

I lowered my eyes slowly.

When I got hurt, Gideon called me emotional and immature. When Judith stumbled somewhere, he treated her like something fragile that needed protection immediately.

The bathroom door opened moments later. Gideon was already putting his gun holster back on beneath his coat, preparing to leave.

“I need to handle some company business,” he said flatly. “I’ll be out for a while.”

Company business.

Right.

The mafia boss of the Red Bullets was apparently very busy at midnight comforting another woman.

He walked toward the door without even looking back at me. Like staying here another second would waste his time.

“Gideon.”

I called his name softly.

He stopped immediately, but when he turned around, his face was full of impatience.

“Fucking what now?” he snapped.

The look in his eyes hurt more than I expected.

My chest tightened painfully, but I still forced myself to point at the table quietly.

“Your keys.”

Gideon froze.

For the first time that night, embarrassment flickered across his face. He grabbed the car keys from the table and looked away first.

“Don’t think too much,” he said stiffly. “Since I agreed to marry you, I won’t go back on my word.”

Then he left.

The penthouse door slammed shut behind him.

I sat there quietly for a long time after that, finishing the bandage around my own hand while replaying the disgust in his eyes over and over again.

So that was how worthless I looked to him now. Strangely enough, the thought didn’t destroy me like before.

Maybe because every time Gideon hurt me, another piece of my love disappeared with it.

Maybe soon, there’d be nothing left at all.

I slowly stood up and picked the photo out of the broken frame then I threw it into the trash.

After that, I started throwing everything else away too; Couple mugs. Matching slippers. His spare ties beside my dresses. Photos. Gifts.

Every trace of Gideon inside the bridal suite disappeared one by one.

If I was going to forget him anyway, then I didn’t need reminders haunting me everywhere I looked.

Two more pages disappeared from the calendar.

But Gideon still didn’t come home.

And honestly...

I felt relieved.

My memories kept fading little by little.

Some things were already becoming blurry.

The pain from the engagement banquet. The sound of Gideon’s voice. The way he used to look at me sometimes when he was tired.

Only one memory stayed painfully clear.

Being nine years old and terrified while wild dogs chased my bicycle down the road.

Gideon running toward me without hesitation.

Funny how the cruelest people always start as someone who once saved you.

...

I spent the next few days quietly cleaning the penthouse alone. Folding clothes. Washing blood stains from the carpet. Throwing away old memories.

And waiting.

Just waiting for the month to end.

I didn’t want anything from Gideon anymore.

I just wanted to leave this city quietly before my memories disappeared completely...

Gideon wasn’t always this cold to me.

Back then, even if he didn’t smile much, there was still warmth hidden somewhere in his eyes when he looked at me.

When I got badly sick at fifteen and burned with fever for days, Gideon stayed beside my bed the whole time. I still remember waking up in the middle of the night and seeing him sitting there in black clothes with a gun tucked behind his back because he’d just come from Red Bullets business.

He touched my forehead and muttered quietly, “Hurry up and get better already. You promised we’d go watch the sunrise together.”

Another time, some boys from another mafia family cornered me outside school because they hated the Laureen family. Gideon showed up and smashed a bottle against the wall beside one of their heads.

“Touch her again,” he said coldly, “and I’ll bury every single one of you.”

Nobody dared come near me after that.

When I turned eighteen, he took me to the rooftop of Salerno Empire Holdings after midnight. The city lights looked beautiful from up there. He sat beside me quietly smoking while I leaned against his shoulder.

“You’ll stay beside me forever, right?” I asked him back then like an idiot.

He flicked ash from his cigarette and rubbed my head once. “Yeah.”

Just one word. But I believed him anyway.

We went to the same university after that. Spent almost every day together. Everyone thought we’d eventually get married.

Honestly, I thought so too. I’d already imagined becoming Gideon Salerno’s wife long before he ever asked.

Then Judith appeared.

Everything changed after that.

On Valentine’s Day during university, I went to the men’s dorm carrying homemade dessert like some stupid girl in love planning a confession.

Before I could even knock, I saw Gideon making out with Judith against the wall.

I froze right there.

And for the first time in my life, I saw Gideon look at someone with real love in his eyes.

That was the moment I understood something.

I could spend my whole life beside him and still never become the woman he truly wanted.

After that, I disappeared from his life completely. I left the country, stopped calling, stopped asking about him and stopped hoping.

Then four years ago, the Salerno family started collapsing from internal betrayal and mafia pressure. Their enemies were circling like wolves waiting to tear them apart. That was when our families forced the marriage alliance.

I came back home and saw Gideon again after years apart.

The first thing he said to me still plays in my head sometimes.

“Judith and I were never going to work out, Selah,” he said calmly while pouring himself whiskey in his office. “But I’ll try to treat you well if we get married.”

And somehow I still accepted it.

God.

Was I really that desperate for him?

I helped the Salerno family clean up their messes after that. I handled business deals, family connections, political pressure, even negotiations between mafia factions for Gideon. I stood beside him while he rebuilt the Red Bullets into something terrifying again.

And little by little, I convinced myself he was changing.

Until that phone call at the engagement banquet destroyed every fantasy I had left.

The strange thing was, the more memories I lost because of the tumor, the less it hurt.

Some parts of Gideon were already becoming blurry in my head.

And honestly... I welcomed it.

The cancer pain was horrible. Some nights it felt like something was drilling into my skull while my whole body shook from nausea.

But forgetting Gideon?

That part almost felt merciful.

I started writing in my diary every single day after that.

Mom’s laugh. Dad teaching me how to shoot. Grandpa yelling during chess games. The names of people I loved.

I wrote and wrote because I was terrified I’d wake up after surgery and not remember any of them.

There wasn’t enough time. There were too many memories slipping away too fast.

...

I was writing quietly at the dining table one night when suddenly an arm wrapped around my shoulder from behind.

I flinched so hard I shoved the person away immediately. The notebook almost fell from my hands.

When I looked up and saw Gideon standing there, his expression darkened slightly in surprise. I slowly closed my notebook and looked at him calmly. Gideon stared at me strangely like my reaction bothered him. I saw something flicker across his face. His eyes dropped to the notebook in my hands.

“I already told you before,” he said while taking off his coat, “I hate unnecessary formalities. A wedding is just a ceremony. You don’t need to write me love letters or prepare dramatic surprises and wedding vows. It will only disgust the shit out of me.”