Forgetting My Husband Set Me Free

In the fifth year of our marriage, Simon Walker started forgetting things. A lot of things.

At first it was small. For my birthday he gave me a pair of stud earrings, then stood there holding them up to my ears, turning them this way and that, as if puzzled. My ears aren't pierced.

Later he forgot I was allergic to shellfish. The first time he ever cooked for me, he emptied most of a jar of seafood paste into the dish. I nearly went into shock. I spent a month in the hospital.

Later still, he forgot I was in the car and locked it. I was trapped inside for a full day and night, and it happened to be the day I went into labor. Through violent contractions, I delivered the baby myself. The labor went wrong, and the baby died.

It wasn't until that day that the doctor looked at me, quiet, his voice almost weightless:

"You're slowly losing your memory. It's a psychological condition. We call it dissociation."

"The pieces you lose, the time you lose, it's impossible to say how much. Maybe five days. Maybe five years..."

My fingers tightened around the test results in my hand.

This time, it seemed, I was the one doing the forgetting.

——

Dr. Perry let out a sigh.

"You should go to Simon. He's one of the country's leading figures in ACT. He has far more experience with this kind of treatment than I do."

"His schedule is full."

"You're his wife. You can use his priority slot."

My fingers curled, rubbing the hem of my shirt over and over.

"There's only one priority slot."

I'd gotten up before dawn that morning and sat in the hospital lobby the whole morning, and finally Simon arrived. I'd barely opened my mouth.

"Simon, you promised you'd give me your priority access today, so I could be seen."

He paused, and right then I knew he'd forgotten again.

"I forgot. I'm sorry, Delilah Cox."

His tone was as flat as if he were remarking on what a bright, pleasant day it was.

"The slot already went to Karen Swanson. She's in a really bad place emotionally."

He glanced at me again.

"You're with me every day, and you seem perfectly fine. There's no real need for you to see anyone."

Beside him stood Karen. My best friend.

She was tucked behind Simon, and she stuck her tongue out at me, playful.

"Delilah, I'm just borrowing your husband for the day."

With that, she went skipping after Simon into the therapy room.

Maybe out of some guilt, Simon turned his head to look at me as he stepped through the door.

"Wait for me at the hospital entrance after your appointment. I'll drive you home."

Dr. Perry heard what he said, and the look he gave me was full of things he didn't say.

After my appointment, I went obediently to the hospital entrance to wait for Simon.

He doesn't like being interrupted while he works.

Last year, when I was pregnant, I was waiting in line at the hospital for an ultrasound and wanted to step into his office just to rest my feet for a moment.

He snapped at me on the spot: "Get out!"

His voice was loud enough that the other patients waiting jumped.

Under the blazing sun, the sweat ran off me pale and thin as broth.

Karen came out of the hospital cafeteria with lunch and looked at me, surprised.

"Why don't you wait inside?"

I shook my head.

She gave me a baffled glance, then carried the two trays and shouldered past the long line of patients into his office.

She'd finished her own appointment long ago.

I stood there quietly watching that tightly shut door.

One second, one minute, one hour...

Karen never came out.

It was a long time before I finally looked away.

I waited from daylight into darkness, until the last light in the hospital went out.

Dr. Perry came out and saw me, and it startled him.

He called Simon.

It took half an hour for Simon to come.

His brow was knotted tight.

"I told you to wait, so you just wait."

"Can't you think for yourself? You couldn't have just taken an Uber home?"

But in the half day I'd spent waiting for him at the hospital, I had forgotten the way home.