2: 2

The table was covered in food when I got home.

A measured low-sodium meal, blanched greens, half a bowl of porridge.

All of it things Elisa could eat.

Clara sat beside her, carefully blowing on a spoonful of soup.

"Ellie, drink a little more."

"The doctor says you can't let yourself go hungry right now."

Only when she was taking care of Elisa did she look like a real mother.

And I'd called her Mom for over a decade, and all I'd learned was how to give way.

Joseph sat on Elisa's other side, cutting an apple into tiny pieces for her.

I stood in the entryway, my training bag still on my shoulder.

Blood drawn on an empty stomach that morning, then dragged all afternoon through talk of the donation process.

My stomach ached, hollow.

No one asked if I'd eaten.

I turned and went into the kitchen.

Half a bowl of cold porridge was all that was left in the pot.

The moment my hand touched the rim, Clara followed me in.

"That's Ellie's for tonight."

"You train. You can handle skipping one meal."

I looked at her.

In that moment it hit me, clear and cold: it wasn't that she couldn't be a mother.

She just chose to be Elisa's mother only.

My father pushed an old bank card across the table toward me.

"That bonus the state team paid out last month. Transfer it to your mom first."

I looked down at the card.

It was the training-allowance card I'd set up before, linked the whole time to Clara's phone.

"That's my reserve fund for training camp."

He frowned.

"You can't see what shape this family's in?"

"Ellie needs a private room, she needs dialysis, she's waiting for surgery."

Clara's eyes reddened too.

"You'll get more bonuses once you make the national team."

"Ellie can't afford to wait."

I kept my voice low. "Didn't you already run a fundraiser?"

The living room went quiet for a beat.

Elisa dropped her head at once.

"Chrissy, I'm the one who embarrassed everyone."

"Maybe I just shouldn't get treatment."

Clara rushed over and threw her arms around her.

"Don't talk nonsense!"

Joseph held the cut apple up to Elisa's lips.

"Eat something first. Don't worry about any of this."

A link popped up on my phone.

A relative had sent it to me privately.

"Christine, you really are a good girl. I already shared the link for you."

I tapped in.

At the top of the fundraising page was a photo of Elisa lying in a hospital bed.

The second photo was me from behind, in my state-team uniform, crossing the finish line.

The caption read:

"Her older sister, Christine Swanson, is a state-team athlete and has already decided to donate a kidney to save her sister, no strings attached."

"Sisters this close. Please, everyone, help this family."

I stared at that photo, my fingers tightening bit by bit.

That was from the national youth championship last year.

I'd crossed the line and gone down on the track, my knee bleeding all over the ground.

My parents hadn't come.

Joseph had.

He'd said it was an honor worth keeping.

I held the phone up in front of Joseph.

"You gave it to them?"

His face stiffened.

"Your mom said the fundraiser needed proof of the family's situation."

"Christine, deal with the emergency first. We can take the photo down later."

Elisa spoke up softly.

"Chrissy, are you upset that I used your photo?"

"I was just afraid no one would help me otherwise."

Every line of it sounded like an apology.

And every line pushed me out in front of everyone to be judged.

I put the bank card back in my bag.

"I'm not transferring the money."

My father's face went dark.

"Christine Swanson, you're really going to force my hand?"

I didn't argue anymore.

As I turned to go upstairs, a debit alert flashed on my phone.

The money in that old allowance card had been pulled out.

Joseph caught up to me at the foot of the stairs, his voice dropping.

"Christine, I know this feels unfair to you."

"But Ellie really has no other way."

I stopped.

"Did the doctor say that himself?"

He was silent for a moment.

"Your aunt and uncle wouldn't lie to you."

I gave a quiet laugh.

So he'd never asked the doctor either.

He just believed I was the one who should be sacrificed.

3: 3

The next day, the state team held a send-off for the athletes who'd been selected.

Coach Lyons had set aside seats in the front row for family.

Three chairs.

My father, Clara, Joseph.

She handed me the program and patted my shoulder, smiling.

"Don't be so tense today. This is a good thing."

I nodded.

But once the ceremony started, those three chairs stayed empty.

My teammates went up one by one.

One girl's mother held a bouquet; another's father held up a camera.

When it was my turn, the only person who stood up to clap was Coach Lyons.

She pushed a bunch of sunflowers into my arms.

"Christine Swanson, run forward."

"On that track, nobody can run it for you."

My nose stung, and I nearly cried.

After the group photo, my phone buzzed a few times.

Clara had posted a picture in the family group chat.

Elisa was sitting up in her hospital bed, wearing my Team USA competition jacket.

Joseph was crouched beside the bed, zipping it up to her chin for her.

My father stood next to them, holding a cup of hot water.

Clara's caption read: "Ellie said she wanted to soak up some of her sister's good luck. We'll all get her through this."

She and I shared half the same blood.

But to them, that thread of blood wasn't family. It was a claim ticket for taking from me.

The relatives replied one after another.

"Ellie looks so lovely in it."

"The two sisters are so close, Ellie's sure to pull through."

I looked down at the plain team jacket I was wearing.

That competition jacket had been issued last night.

It had my nameplate on the back.

Christine Swanson.

I'd ironed it specially and laid it right on top in my suitcase.

Now it was on Elisa's body.

Joseph texted me.

"Ellie just wants to wear it a little. It's only a jacket. Don't make a thing of it."

I stared at the words don't make a thing of it for a long time.

When I was little, I had a pair of spikes I'd worn in my first state meet.

Elisa said she wanted to try them on.

She ran around the courtyard garden in them, snapped off the spikes, and caked the soles in mud.

My father said kids were just curious.

Joseph talked me down too. We could buy new ones if they broke.

Later my father took my championship medal to the hospital room to prop under Elisa's pillow.

He said it gave Ellie courage to look at.

Every single time, it came down to don't make a thing of it.

As if the moment I said anything, I was the bad one.

Coach Lyons came over, saw the photo, and her face darkened.

"Your family took it?"

I locked my screen.

"It's nothing."

She didn't push it, just handed me my check-in materials.

"Six-thirty tomorrow morning. The team van takes you to the airport."

"Don't forget your ID and your medical records."

My chest dropped hard.

My ID was still with Joseph.

The check-in letter had been in my suitcase last night.

I took a cab home.

The living room was blazing with light.

My father, Clara, Joseph, Elisa were all there.

The competition jacket lay across Elisa's lap, the nameplate from the back set on the coffee table.

I walked over and picked the jacket up.

Elisa's eyes went red at once.

"Sis, I didn't mean anything by it."

"I just wanted a little confidence."

Clara pressed a hand to her shoulder.

"Christine, it's only a jacket."

"Ellie's having such a hard time, and you still want to fight her over it?"

I fastened the nameplate back on.

"This is mine."

Joseph frowned.

"You can't even let Ellie have one little comfort now?"

I lifted my eyes to him.

"Since when did my things become her comfort?"

For a moment he had nothing to say.

My father set a sheet of paper on the table.

"You're not going to the airport tomorrow."

"The hospital's set up an ethics consultation."

I looked at Joseph.

"You knew too?"

He avoided my eyes.

"It's just a talk."

Clara took over.

"It's not surgery right away."

"Just give Ellie some hope first."

I went upstairs and opened my suitcase.

The document pouch was empty.

My ID, bank card, check-in letter, all gone.

Behind me, Clara's voice was very soft.

"Mom's just holding your things for you."

"You'll get them back once the talk is done."

I gripped the rim of the suitcase, my fingers slowly going white.

So they didn't just want me to give way.

They'd already started closing the doors for me.

4: 4

Four in the morning. Movement downstairs.

Dad was on the phone.

"Yes, I'll definitely bring her over today."

"She's just throwing a fit. Don't let it hold up the donor evaluation."

Clara stood in my doorway holding a glass of milk.

"Chrissy, drink this and get a little more sleep."

"When you wake up, we'll go to the hospital."

I looked at her hands, tight around the glass, and didn't take it.

"Sleep right through check-in, you mean?"

Her eyes went red at once.

"I don't have a choice either, sweetheart."

"Ellie's in so much pain from dialysis every single day. Can't you feel for her, just once?"

I answered quietly.

"When my knee hurt so bad I couldn't sleep half the night, did you ever feel for me?"

She froze.

Like the question had never once crossed her mind.

Soon Dad came charging up the stairs.

"Christine Swanson, you are going to that hospital today."

"Ellie is my daughter too. She's your own sister."

"The same blood runs in both of you. You can't be this heartless."

I looked at him.

"She's your daughter. So am I."

"But from start to finish, you only ever saw me as the one who could save her."

Joseph stood behind him, the ethics-consultation acknowledgment form in his hand.

The corner of the paper was crushed from his grip.

"Chrissy, just sign this first."

"It's not the surgical consent. It's only confirming the consultation."

"You're going to hold me down and make me sign too?"

His eyes were shot through with red.

"I'm not trying to force you."

"I just can't stand watching Ellie wait to die."

I took a step forward.

"And if I donate and can never run again?"

His voice cracked.

"I'll go through rehab with you."

"If rehab doesn't work, I'll take care of you."

I looked at him, and suddenly I laughed.

"Joseph, what I want is the track."

"Not you finding me a bed to lie in for the rest of my life."

The color drained from his face in an instant.

Dad lunged for my training bag.

"Still thinking about leaving?"

"You walk out that door today, and I no longer have a daughter."

I grabbed the strap.

"You stopped having a daughter the moment you put my name on that fundraising page."

Dad raised his hand.

Joseph blocked him at once.

"Sir, don't hit her."

I looked at Joseph's hand.

He knew to block a slap.

But not the knife.

I turned back into my room and pulled an old tin box out from under the bed slats.

Inside sat the first gold medal I ever won at a city meet.

Under the medal: a screenshot of the temporary travel authorization I'd applied for in advance, a backup bank card, the check-in letter the team had reissued.

And the medical risk assessment form Coach Lyons had a teammate bring over.

I'd stopped daring to leave my last way out in their hands a long time ago.

Clara went white.

"When did you set all this up?"

I stuffed the competition jacket into my training bag.

"Back when the two of you agreed to donate my kidney for me."

Joseph took a step closer.

"Chrissy, don't go."

I untied the red cord from my wrist.

He'd fastened it there outside the training ground on my eighteenth birthday.

He said he hoped I'd be safe in every race I ran.

I set the red cord in his palm.

"Joseph, you protect her."

"I'll protect myself."

His fingers clamped shut around it.

I picked up my training bag and went down the stairs.

Clara chased after me, crying.

Behind me Dad roared my name.

Elisa stood at the top of the stairs in her nightgown, and softly called me sister.

I didn't stop.

The early morning wind cut across my face, cold as a blade.

Outside the complex, Coach Lyons sat in the passenger seat of the team car.

When she saw me, she asked nothing. She just pushed the door open.

By the time I reached the airport, the boarding call was already going out.

I handed over my boarding pass, and my phone buzzed again.

It was Coach Lyons.

Her voice was pitched very low.

"Chrissy, don't panic yet."

"The team just received materials your family filed under their real names."

"They're saying you're tied up in a kidney surgery evaluation, and the team doctor is asking to hold your check-in registration."

"It's not disqualification, but you have to explain the situation and finish the review within twenty-four hours."

Right after that, a voice message from Joseph popped up.

"Chrissy, I only wanted you to come back and talk it through, once."

"Just come back first. We'll figure something out about your eligibility."

The gate scanner beeped and the light went green.

I gripped the boarding pass and walked through.

I had to get to the team first and hold onto my eligibility. Then I'd have the strength to settle every account, slowly.