"Are you insane?!" Evan exclaimed, clutching the bleeding hand in his as his eyes blazed with irritation. "How could you do this to yourself? Over someone who doesn't even care?"

Infuriating on so many levels, he had always known Nathan to be rational and composed, so to see the usually so-elegant man drunk and disheveled was shocking enough. All over a man who wasn't good enough to take up his time.

“Jesse… you're back? Where did you go?" Nathan slurred drunkenly, his hand clenching around Evan's in an attempt to hold onto reality. "Really kidnapped, or… or are you just tired of me? That's why you disappeared for almost a week? Why aren't you saying anything?" His voice cracked with desperation as he peered up at Evan, his eyes unfocused.

"Look at me! " Evan yelled, shaking Nathan somewhat in an attempt to snap him out of it. "Nathan, open your eyes and look at who's standing right in front of you! I'm Evan! Evan! Not Jesse! Not the person you keep going crazy over! " His words hit like a sledgehammer.

He continued, “While you are here drowning yourself in alcohol and acting like a fool, he is out there having a time of his life with someone else.

He does not give a damn about your deplorable state, so wake up already!”

Nathan froze, his eyes blinking as if he were coming out of some sort of fog. "What… What do you mean? Where is Jesse?" His voice quivered, and his grip on Evan's hand tightened. "Don't tell me… don't tell me it's what I've been afraid of all along.

The tightness in Nathan's chest constricted even further; the vise in his chest twisted. His assistant had said something about having seen Jesse at the airport with his manager, a little too cozy to be explained by just work. He had refused to believe him at the time, there had to have been a different explanation. Now, with Evan's expression and his words, cold dread settled over him.

Evan looked down at his own hand, Nathan's tight grip beginning to hurt. "Let go of me, you're hurting my hand," he snapped, yanking his hand free.

"I'm. I'm so sorry," Nathan stammered, the haze of alcohol and confusion still thick in his voice. "I just…Please, tell me what's going on. Where is Jesse?

Instead of answering straight away, Evan pulled out his phone. Mixed anger and pity started from his eyes. He tapped on the screen, and on came a recording. The sweet, honeyed, and warm voice of Jesse filled the air.

"Dave~ I called you, but you didn't pick up. That busy? Jesse's voice was playful as it teased. "I miss you so much… When are we going to move forward with the plan? I can't wait to be with you every day."

Nathan's face whitened, his breath caught as if the floor had disappeared from under his feet. He couldn't bear to listen to one more word of Jesse sweet-talking someone else. It was like someone was twisting a knife in his chest.

"How could he…" Nathan's voice broke as he stepped backward. "I gave him everything. Why wouldn't he just tell me if he didn't want to be with me anymore?" He passed a trembling hand through his hair. "No, this can't be right. There has to be some other explanation. Jesse wouldn't just… betray me like that. It's not like him!

"It's precisely what he did," Evan said in a hushed tone. "You were blinded by it because you were so in love."

"Leave," Nathan muttered, staring at the floor as though it would swallow him whole. "Thank you for telling me the truth, but I need to be alone.”

"No," Evan said, folding his arms across his chest. "I'm not going anywhere."

Nathan's head snapped up. "What do you mean you're not leaving? Had another falling out with the family?"

He knew all about how messed up the family dynamics were for Evan, but he was really in no mood to play therapist tonight.

"Yeah, we argued, and they threw me out," Evan said matter-of-factly. "But that's not why I'm staying. I'm not leaving until I've treated your wounds." He glanced at Nathan's hand, at the dried blood still starkly there to remind him how recklessly he'd behaved. "Besides, if I go now, you'll probably only go and hurt yourself some more."

“I'm fine," Nathan insisted, his voice shaking, betraying him. "The cut will heal on its own." He turned and started stumbling towards the hallway, his movements clumsy and unsteady.

Evan watched him, his eyes narrowed. "And so you are going to keep punishing yourself for someone who never deserved you in the first place?" His tone was quiet but held an edge. "Tell me, Nathan, is he really worth all this?"

Nathan stammers, shoulders slumping. "H-He's. He's worth it to me." The words were barely spoken. "I know it sounds pathetic, but even after everything… I just can't bring myself to hate him." The defeated tone in his voice was as good as an acknowledgment that loving Jesse meant getting hurt. "You don't understand. He saved me once. When I was at my lowest, he was there… and I just want to hold onto that feeling, even if it's just a lie."

The words hit Evan like a slap. Jesse wasn't the only one who had saved Nathan before, he himself had pulled him out of the darkness more than once, but it seemed Nathan would never see him that way. Evan was trapped in a one-sided love that hurt more than anything else.

Evans turned away, realizing he had nothing more to say. If that's what Nathan wanted, just to keep chasing after a dream..then he couldn't be stopped. Evan quietly began cleaning up the mess. He swept the floor of broken glass, wiped away the spilled alcohol, and generally made the place decent again. Once everything was back in place, he quietly left the house, not wanting to see Nathan's sad figure any longer.

Outside, the night had fallen, casting the streets in dim light from streetlights. Evan checked the time on his timepiece, he was past curfew to make it back to his university dorm. He let out a sigh and flagged a taxi to his best friend Megan's place. She had always been his safe space whenever things fell apart, and he knew she wouldn't mind him showing up unannounced.

When he knocked on the door, Megan answered almost immediately, in a loose tank top and shorts that left little to the imagination. Evan immediately turned his back, his face heating up. "Seriously, Meg? Couldn't you put on something decent?"

"Why? Did I just turn you straight?" she teased with a laugh. "Or do you need a reminder that you're not into girls?”

Evan rolled his eyes, already feeling some of the weight on his shoulders lift. "You're impossible." He shook his head as she stepped aside to let him in. The comfort of her place enveloped him like a warm, familiar hug.

“Tsk! You know I'd never be attracted to you, even if I were straight, let alone now that I'm gay. Cover up and save that act for your boyfriend, the only one who'd actually fall for it," Evans said to Megan Jones as he moved her from in front of the door and into her apartment. He then headed for the closet to get some slippers, not noticing the bitter look on her face.

Behind him, Megan stood with her fists clenched, staring at his back. She had never understood how Evan could never seem to notice her body as other men did. She knew that she was beautiful, and she had often seen guys change their taste for her. But not Evans. He was always so impassive, like nothing fazed him.

With the weight of his exhaustion finally setting in, Evan collapsed onto the sofa. "You won't believe the kind of night I just had."

“You know me,” Megan said, tossing him a bottle of water. “I'm always here to help someone out when they need a friend. Now, tell me what's going on.”

"So, where have you been? You look exhausted. Did your family give you trouble again?" she asked, knowing just how his family could be.

"Who cares about them? They are all worked up, calling people and searching for their 'precious baby,' who isn't missing but ran off with some other guy," Evan replied, irritation strong in his voice.

She sat on the couch, crossing her legs in a manner that revealed much more skin. "So, where are you coming from? It isn't like you to simply drop by for a pajama party.

"I went to see him. I wanted to know how he's doing," Evan said forthrightly. And because Evan had never kept anything from Megan and treated her more like family than a blood relation, she knew almost everything there was to know about him.

“Him? You mean Nathan Collins? How's he doing?" Megan asked, her hands secretly tightening into fists. She had to fight to keep her tone calm, though she was used to hearing about Nathan.

"That moron got himself utterly trashed. I found him drunk and injured, bleeding from his hands, and he wouldn't let me help him. He even mistook me for Jesse," Evan fumed, pacing across the room. "I had to show him a recording to snap him out of it. I just can't stand watching him lose himself over someone who isn't worth it. It's pathetic."

His eyes caught Megan's pained expression, and in a split second, he felt a surge of worry. "What is it, Megan? Did something happen?" he asked as he approached her.

"Oh, it is nothing, you were saying something about Nathan?" Megan composed herself all of a sudden and gestured for him to carry on.

“He was so shocked when he heard the recording, and I thought that finally he would snap out of it. But then he said that Jesse was worth it. Can you believe that? He blamed himself for getting cheated on, like it was his fault, and then he said that I wouldn't understand what it was like to be 'brought back from the dead.”

Megan sat up in bed, her eyes wide. "Brought back from the dead? And he was talking about Jesse and not you?"

"Yeah, would you believe it? It just so happened that Jesse and I had saved his life at one time or another, but he chose Jesse. Not me," Evan related, his voice cracking as he pressed a hand on his chest. "It hurts, Megan. It hurts so much.”

Megan's heart also ached as she listened to Evan cry. It was almost laughable. Here she was pining for a guy in love with someone else, and that someone else was in love with yet another person. But she could not be able to stop loving Evan, even though he didn't and couldn't love her back. What type of person did that make her?

“So, what's your plan? As he's clearly not leaving your brother anytime soon, what's next?" Megan asked, her voice came out colder than she had meant.

"What choice do I have? I cannot forget him, and I'm not falling for anyone else. I'm obsessed," Evan admitted, covering his face with his hands.

"Same here," she whispered to herself, her eyes welling up with tears. "I'm obsessed, too. I'd do anything to get you, even if that means destroying the person who's hurt you."

*************

The following morning, Evan sat in class, his eyes fixed on some far-off point outside the window. His mind was a thousand miles away from where his physical form rested, and he didn't listen to a single word spoken in the lecture. It was all Nathan.

Was he okay? Had he tended his wounds? Had he eaten? His mind was so preoccupied that he didn't even realize when the lecture ended and the room began to empty.

“Evan! What are you thinking about?" a voice startled him back to reality.

He looked around and found the classroom empty and turned to see his friend Leo standing by the door. Evans rubbed his forehead and let out a sigh. "Nothing, Leo. I'm fine," he said as he began gathering up his things.

“You don't look fine. You've been out of it for days, man. Today you didn't even notice when the lecture ended.” Leo stopped then looked at Evans in suspicion.

“Really, are you sure you're okay? If you want, you can talk to me,” Leo added.

He knew Leo was only trying to be helpful, but they weren't close enough to share personal troubles. "I'm fine, thanks for asking. I just got a lot on my mind," Evan replied as he patted Leo on his shoulder.

“Okay, man, if you ever need to talk, I'm here," Leo said. "Are you going to the clinic today? I need to pick up some herbs for my stomach problems, and I could use your help. You know your way around there better than I do.".

"Not today, Leo. I have to go somewhere. But don't worry, the clinic is only selling the real deal, and you're gonna be alright. See you around," Evan said, hurrying out of the classroom.

He hailed a taxi to Nathan's apartment and stared out the window the whole time. He had woken that morning at Megan's place, they'd both fallen asleep on the couch. Cleaning up, making a simple breakfast, he'd felt an overwhelming need to check on Nathan again.

When he arrived at the apartment, he let himself inside with the spare key. All was as he had left it the previous day—still and silent. Sullenly quiet, to be precise. Anxiety nibbled at his skin as he made his way through the lounge and up the stairs. He rapped on Nathan's bedroom door, but heard nothing. Trying the handle, he discovered it unlocked.

Evan entered the room and stood stock still. Nathan was lying on the floor, a sea of empty bottles surrounding him. A wave of fury washed over Evan as he marched across the room and kicked Nathan's leg. "You're a mess. This is what you've become? Pathetic," he sneered, bending down to drag him to his feet.

"Leave me…alone," Nathan slurred in a weak voice.

Evan ignored him, dragging Nathan onto the bed. But before he could take a step back, Nathan suddenly reached out and pulled him into his lips. Evan's mind went blank. For a second, he didn't know whether to push him away or take it. Before he knew what he was doing, he found himself responding to the kiss, holding on to Nathan's neck as if that were the most natural thing in the world.

Nathan's kisses grew deeper and desperate, trailing down Evan's neck. Evan felt a shiver at the touch as his hands tangled in Nathan's hair. The moment seemed so unreal, like it was happening to someone else altogether.

Then, Nathan's voice cut through the haze of desire. It sounds husky in Evan's ear. "I want you," he said, and without waiting for an answer, started to pull the clothes off Evan.

Evan's heart pounded as he lay back, body trembling with anticipation. He knew it was wrong, deep inside, Nathan wasn't truly seeing him at this moment, just a stand-in for another. But for tonight, Evan didn't care. For tonight, he would allow himself to pretend.

What would come of it? Would it bring them closer together, or would this only succeed in driving them further apart? He didn't know, and just for this instant, he chose not to think about it. All he wanted was for this night to remain in his mind.

Evan gulped as Nathan looked at him deeply, then traced his face before leaning down to kiss him. He felt his heart beating so fast but he had chosen this part and there was no going back.

Evan knew this part he had chosen was deadly but— He felt if he doesn't take this chance, then he will really lose it forever, so even if everything turns crazy the next day, at least this man had been his for one day.

“Right?” Evan asked himself but Nathan didn't allow him to say anything as he slammed his lips on his.

Nathan kissed his lips like his life depended on it, he sucked his breath away and then impatiently traced his jaw down to his neck with hot, wet kisses.

“Hmm~” Evan let out a low seductive moan with his eyes closed, but then he suddenly snapped his eyes open when Nathan turned his body and tore his shirt.

“You—?!” Evan snapped but he was silenced by Nathan who sucked on his lips and bit his tongue.

He sucked on Evan’s lips and then moved to his neck and sucked on his neck. He bite the side and sucked on the bitten place earning a growl from Evan.

Meanwhile, Nathan’s brain was filled with the words, “Take him! Take him!” and all he wanted to do at this moment was take this man and bury himself inside him and he did just that.

Nathan paused as he looked at the bare chested Evan and narrowed his red eyes, but somehow this look scared Evans who felt like Nathan was different, it was like he was looking at a dangerous man instead of the gentle person he knew.

He shivered and suddenly sat and moved back with eyes staring at the man on top of him with horror, but as he was moving back, his legs got caught by Nathan and he was dragged back and then suddenly turned with his butt up.

“Are you running away?! Why run away from me?!” Nathan asked with anger then suddenly bent down and bit Evans's back then his hand moved to his trouser and he suddenly pulled it down with Evans's boxers exposing his butt.

“Nathan…?” Evans's trembling voice sounded but it was like the man on top of him didn't hear him as he suddenly became rough.

Nathan spread Evans's buttocks apart, exposing his tender and small hole. He swallowed hard looking at the hole then gently traced the folds around the entrance before inserting his fingers inside.

Evans's hole sucked in his fingers and his fingers were enveloped by the hot, moist soft flesh, he couldn't help but start moving his fingers in and out of the hole.

Nathan explored the slippery hole and then gradually increased the fingers. When the fingers became three, he removed his fingers and then stabbed them into Evans's mouth without giving him any time to relax.

“Hmmph~ Mhmm..”

“Lick it! Suck on it as it might be painful later! Yeah…” Though Drunk, Nathan still had that awareness of the process of having sex.

Nathan’s fingers continued to stir around in Evans's mouth, grabbing his tongue and going deep into his throat which choked Evans into coughing hard but that seemed to turn Nathan on as he felt his Lower body swell and throb.

After having fun with his mouth, Nathan's fingers explored Evans's hole forcefully then started moving again when suddenly, Evans stiffened…

“Ah! Mhmm…Urggh!”

As if he already got the result he had been waiting for, Nathan narrowed his eyes in satisfaction then without waiting for Evans to calm down or be prepared, he suddenly used a hand to pull down his trousers to his leg then held his dick and caressed it. He pumped his erected dick using his long fingers and using the cum he had secreted to make it easier, he pumped faster and faster.

Nathan's eyes were on Evan's naked body. His eyes were red and dazed but you could see the lust raging in them. It was like he was about to ravage the body in front of him and that is what he did! He slipped his fingers into Evans's hole again without giving him any time to relax.

“Ah…” Evan couldn't stop the pain even when he had relaxed, and Nathan was not helping things as he was being rough and anxious.

After some minutes he added another finger and continued to finger him faster making Evan moan loudly as he held the man tightly but his mouth was swallowed by the man’s rough kiss. As he was getting used to the fingers and was already feeling pleasured he was suddenly pushed down on the bed which shocked him. He felt a slap on his buttock and knew what was coming. He swallowed hard in anticipation and also fear as this was his first time but too bad, the man on top of him didn't care—

“Haah! Painful! Please… stop! Be gentle!” Evan’s painful groan was heard in the room but it was like Nathan was deaf as he didn't listen.

“Urgh! Fuck! So tight!” Nathan's loud hoarse groan rang out then after he had adjusted he began moving without caring for Evan who he was fucking.

Evans felt like he was burning, his breathing became heavy and loud as he moaned and groaned but not sweetly but with pain.

He clenched the sheet under him and bit his hand to muffle his cries. All he felt was pain.

“Arggh! Please. Nathan!” He yelled out as tears poured out of his eyes from the pain when Nathan pressed his head on the bed roughly.

“Fuck! I can't… It's so tight.., Urggh…”

Evans Lips curled up amidst his pain when he heard Nathan groans of enjoyment. He felt satisfied.

“Hah! Mhmm~ Urggh.. Arggh..”

“Fuck! Yes!”

The sounds of groans and painful moans filled the room and the sounds of skin hitting each other produced lustful and intense sounds in the room.

Then Nathan stiffened, “ Arrggh! Fuck, Jesse! I miss you…”

Evans's eyes widened when he heard the name Nathan called after cumming. His eyes became moist and he covered his mouth tightly so as not to let out cries.

“Jesse, Jesse, Jesse! Then what about me?!”