Under the nurse's pitying gaze, eight months pregnant, I lowered myself down inch by inch, struggling, and picked the divorce papers back up.

So close, Elijah.

You were about to find out I wanted to divorce you.

I did the checkup alone, and I left alone.

I took a cab straight to the law firm and handed the papers to my lawyer.

The lawyer asked,

"Ms. Simmons, are you sure you want to raise the child on your own?"

I rested my hand lightly on my belly and looked out the window.

The sun was bright, the birdsong crisp and clear.

I wanted my child surrounded by sunlight, not by the filth of parents who'd stopped loving each other.

I nodded, sure of it.

Back home, maybe because I'd been through too much, my belly went tight, cramping so hard I broke into a cold sweat, and all I could do was lie down and rest.

Elijah called on video. Half-conscious, I hit answer by accident.

The instant the screen lit up,

I saw him with a towel in his hand, gently wiping down Jeanette's body.

Only when he noticed the call had connected did he look up and explain,

"Honey, Jenny's running a fever, a hundred and two. I'm looking after her for you for now. Don't worry."

I lay there in the empty room, my leg seizing up so painfully the tears kept welling.

And the two people who once treated me best were leaning into each other in a hospital.

I wanted to hang up, but then I heard Jeanette, feverish and dazed, suddenly throw her arms around Elijah's waist, her voice thick with tears,

"Elijah… why are you so good to me? Don't be this good to me. I'll get greedy."

The phone got knocked over, the camera aimed at the ceiling.

But I still heard Elijah, clear as anything, coaxing her softly.

"Silly, why are you crying? I'm good to you and you're not even happy about it?"

Jeanette hiccupped through her sobs.

"But I'm not as pretty as Beryl, and I'm not as accomplished as her… I don't deserve it."

My heart clenched. I never thought she'd see it that way.

After a brief silence, I heard Elijah answer softly.

"You do deserve it. You deserve it more than anyone."

I pressed end.

And there it was again, the day we graduated senior year, Elijah saying to me, so serious and solemn,

"Beryl, you deserve the very best of everything in this world."

"I'll be good to you my whole life."

Vows are like dust. One gust of wind and they no longer count.

Now, in Elijah's heart, someone more deserving than me had already appeared.

I buried my face in the pillow.

The whole room was quiet.

Only the choking sob I couldn't hold down gave away how wronged I felt.

When I drifted awake, I noticed someone gently massaging my swollen calves.

Elijah was sitting on the edge of the bed, his touch practiced and patient, his profile as gentle as ever.

He had always been like this.

Ever since I got pregnant, he'd taken care of me down to the smallest detail, massaging me, soaking my feet, researching recipes for pregnant women, like a perfect husband and a perfect father.

If it weren't for the way he'd changed toward Jeanette, I'd have found no proof at all that his heart had turned.

I felt dazed, and I couldn't help wondering whether everything these past few days had been nothing but a dream of mine.

But the moment Elijah spoke, he shattered every lie I'd been telling myself.

"Honey, you're finally awake."

"Why did you leave yesterday without telling me? Jenny's got a high fever. She's stubborn, refuses point-blank to be admitted, and now she won't even take her medicine. Will you go talk her into it?"

It felt like a blunt knife sawing at my chest, over and over.

He'd waited by my bed for me to wake up, and the first thing out of his mouth was asking me to go coax another woman into taking her medicine.

He hadn't noticed my nightgown was already soaked through with cold sweat. Hadn't noticed how pale my face was.

I drew my leg back, my voice tired and hoarse,

"I'm not her mother. I can't coax her into taking her medicine."

Elijah faltered for a moment, catching that something was off with me. He frowned and reached out to take my hand.

"Honey, have you been in a bad mood lately? Is the baby giving you a hard time?"

"If something hurts, or something's bothering you, you have to tell me. You keep it all bottled up, and I really can't guess what you're thinking."

"If you mind Jenny staying at the house, then maybe… I could give her the key to that little apartment of yours?"

There it was again…

Every time I showed the slightest bit of negative feeling, Elijah would be gentle like this, understanding, patiently reasoning with me.

As if he'd done nothing wrong, and it was only that I'd become too prone to overthinking since getting pregnant.

Before, his gentleness always shook me. I'd even end up blaming myself, wondering if I was making too big a deal out of nothing.

But now, all I felt was anger.

Did he want to pin all of this on my pregnancy hormones?

I lifted my head and looked into his eyes too, and smiled.

"Sure. Go ahead and send her over there."

The calculating look on Elijah's face visibly stiffened.

As if he'd never imagined I would actually agree to send Jeanette away.

He spoke, a little awkwardly,

"…We'll have to wait until she's better."

I said nothing, just looked at him.

Elijah must have realized he'd said the wrong thing. A flicker of guilt crossed his eyes, and he changed the subject.

"Right, the senior-year alumni reunion is in a couple of days. Don't forget. I'll come pick you up after work."

With that, he barely lingered, turning and walking out of the room.

I raised a hand and pressed lightly against the dull ache in my chest, and realized that somewhere along the way I'd gotten used to being disappointed.

It was as though every time I let myself hope, what came back was only a more humiliating result.

But it was fine. In a little over two weeks, I'd be gone.

And I could use this time to wean myself, bit by bit, off my dependence on Elijah, off these twenty years of love.

After all, he'd occupied my life for so very long. To truly let go, I had to give myself a little time.

Over the next two days, Elijah came back to the room late every night.

He always thought his movements were quiet enough not to wake me.

But I was never asleep.

I could hear it clearly, the laughter and talking that drifted now and then from the room next door.

I even heard a few faint, ambiguous gasps.

Each time I heard it, my heart grew a degree colder.

I recorded those sounds, in case the divorce came down to a courtroom fight later.

At night Elijah slipped quietly back into bed and reached out to pull me, pretending to sleep, into his arms.

"Honey, I love you."

I lay there with my eyes open, staring into nothing, tears sliding down without my meaning them to.

At last I believed what people online said, that a confession blurted out late at night is the guilt of someone who's been cheating.

I was still planning to go to the reunion.

Back in high school I'd always gotten along well with my classmates, and this was probably the last time I'd see them before I left. I wanted to say goodbye.

But I waited at home for two full hours, and Elijah never came to pick me up.

In the end I took a cab to the hotel alone.

I'd barely reached the corridor outside the private room when I saw Elijah standing by the window with a few of his old buddies, smoking.

One of his friends couldn't seem to help himself.

"Elijah, is it true Jeanette really kissed you that day?"

Elijah kept his head down, the red glow at his fingertips flickering across a face I couldn't read.

"I know you all think I'm a bastard, but in that moment my heart really did race."

He exhaled a slow stream of smoke, his voice carrying a confusion even he couldn't quite explain.

"I always used to think that in this life, apart from Beryl, I'd never feel anything for another woman."

"But when she kissed me that day, I realized... turns out that's not true either."

"When Jeanette kissed me, my whole scalp went tingling. It was a rush Beryl never gave me."

His friend frowned.

"But she's Beryl's best friend. What are you going to do?"

Elijah gave a bitter smile and stubbed out his cigarette.

"I never meant to actually do something to wrong Beryl."

"Once Beryl has the baby, I'll keep my distance from Jenny and go back to how things were."

He closed his eyes for a moment.

"Beryl's like the meals I eat every day. She's been part of my life for so long. I can't be without her."

Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting!!

Every word out of Elijah's mouth was like a rotting maggot burrowing into my brain.

I couldn't listen anymore. I stumbled into the restroom, gripped the counter, and heaved dryly.

The Elijah of eighteen wasn't like this.

He used to say that except for me, having any other girl come close left him uncomfortable in his own skin.

And now he was admitting out loud that another woman gave him a bigger rush.

The hypocrite. His heart had already turned, and still he wouldn't let me go.

I wiped the tears from the corners of my eyes, grateful I'd tricked him into signing the divorce papers ahead of time.

"Beryl?"

The familiar voice came from behind me.

At some point Jeanette had come to stand in the restroom doorway, and now she pulled out a tissue as if to wipe my mouth for me.

I turned away on instinct.

Her hand froze, and her face slowly went cold.

"What's the act for? Beryl, you find out your husband likes someone else and you don't dare ask a single question, but you've got the nerve to make faces at me?"

I went cold all over, my eyes red as I looked at this friend of ten years and felt like I was staring at a stranger.

Countless demands stuck in my throat. In the end all I managed was a trembling word.

"Why?"

Jeanette laughed, mocking.

"Because I hate you. Why should it be that we went to the same schools, lived through the same things, and yet you get to marry your childhood sweetheart, have a happy marriage, have everyone envy you?"

"And me? With a good man like Elijah for comparison, no one ever measured up. I married whoever, and in the end I got divorced."

She stepped closer, one pace at a time, the envy in her eyes almost solid enough to touch.

"Beryl, see? Your marriage isn't as unbreakable as you thought."

"All I did was be a little gentle with Elijah, lean on him a little, and he started to feel something for me."

"You really think I only kissed him that day because I was drunk?"

"No."

"I did it on purpose."

"I wanted you to see with your own eyes that the husband you love most could feel desire for your best friend!"

Slap!

I couldn't hold back anymore. I struck her hard across the face.

My palm stung, but it was nothing next to the pain of being betrayed by the person I trusted.

Jeanette tilted her head, her gaze drifting slowly to my swollen belly, her voice light enough to chill.

"Beryl, you're so proud. There's no way you'd keep a man whose heart has turned."

"So hand Elijah over to me."

The words had barely left her when she shoved me hard, then used the force to throw herself against the sharp edge of the faucet beside her.

"Aah!!"

The scream rang out.

I dropped to the floor before I could catch myself, a splitting pain tearing through my belly, my vision going black.

The restroom door burst open.

"Sweetheart—"

Elijah rushed in, but the instant he took a step toward me,

Jeanette clutched her bleeding forehead and called out to him, choking on her sobs.

"Elijah, I'm sorry. I won't come near you again."

Her eyes were rimmed red, tears sliding down through the blood.

"Beryl told me everything. She knew I kissed you that day, that's why she hates me so much."

"I admit it, I fell for you, I couldn't help wanting to be near you..."

"But I never once thought of taking you from her. From now on... let's just leave it like this."

When she finished, she turned unsteadily to go.

Elijah barely hesitated. He caught her and pulled her tight against him.

His hands fumbled to wipe the blood from her forehead, his voice shaking.

"Don't say any more. I'll take you to the hospital."

"Elijah!"

I couldn't help calling out to him, one hand pressed to my searing belly, tears falling beyond my control.

His child was still in me.

And he ignored me and held someone else.

When Elijah looked back at me, his eyes were full of disappointment.

"Beryl, Jenny was bullied before. You know full well she's still scarred by it, and you still turned violence on her."

"She only fell for me, and she's held herself back the whole time. She never once thought about breaking us up."

"Why can't you just let her be? Ever since you got pregnant you've gotten more and more extreme. In a couple of days maybe we need to find you a therapist."

With that, he held Jeanette and turned away, abandoning me again.

I sat crumpled on the cold, damp tiles, the pain in my belly growing worse.

Watching that retreating back, I thought of our wedding day, when Elijah held me with red eyes and said, over and over,

"Sweetheart, as long as you need me, through fire and flood, I'll be at your side the moment you call."

But he didn't do it.

In the second before I lost consciousness, I couldn't help thinking: if only I'd never met Elijah the year I was five.

The lights in the emergency room came on, then went out.

When I woke again, Elijah was sitting by the bed, his eyes rimmed red.

The moment I opened mine, he was overjoyed.

"Sweetheart, you're finally awake."

"I'm sorry. I really never thought you'd fall so badly. Does anything else hurt? Is your stomach still in pain?"

My throat was painfully dry. Without thinking, I lifted a hand to my belly.

Only once I felt the baby was still there did the fear finally let go of me.

Elijah held me tight and lowered his voice.

"Sweetheart, if you're not seriously hurt, maybe... you could go apologize to Jenny."

"Ever since she found out she kissed me that day, she's been blaming herself. She won't accept treatment, won't eat. The doctor says her mood is very bad, she might be heading toward depression."

"She's your best friend. Just go apologize, tell her you don't hold it against her. Okay?"

For a second I honestly wondered if I'd misheard.

How could he...

How could he leave me on the floor where I'd fallen, offer not one word of explanation, not one trace of guilt, and instead ask me to apologize to the woman he'd been carrying on with?

I pushed him away with everything I had. A faint taste of blood spread through my mouth. My voice came out cold.

"She stopped being my best friend a while ago. Whether she lives or dies has nothing to do with me."

"Beryl!"

Elijah stared at me, unable to believe it.

"How did you get so cold?"

"I know you mind that she likes me, but feelings aren't something she can control."

"I promise you, once she's better, I'll keep my distance. I won't give her any hope. I'll make her let go of me for good."

"For now, just humor her, give in a little. Is that so much to ask?"

I lifted my eyes and looked at him without moving.

I tried to lay this man over the teenage boy in my memory.

No matter how I tried, the two wouldn't line up.

Those eyes that had once been so full of me had gone empty somewhere along the way, and I didn't know when.

Just then a nurse came hurrying over.

"Mr. Delgado, Miss Gomez in the next room still won't take her medicine!"

Elijah's face changed at once. He barely hesitated. He grabbed my wrist and dragged me straight off the bed, hauling me into the next room.

A hard thud.

My body was too weak, my legs buckled, and I dropped heavily to my knees on the cold floor.

On the bed, Jeanette watched me quietly from under the gauze wrapped around her forehead.

I tried to get up, humiliated, but there was no strength left in me.

Elijah was already at Jeanette's side, coaxing her softly.

"Jenny, be good. Take your medicine."

"Beryl already knows she was wrong. She doesn't hold that day against you. Stop torturing yourself."

I didn't have the energy to argue. There was only exhaustion left, not even the will to fight it.

In ten more days I'd be gone anyway.

A flash of triumph crossed Jeanette's eyes, then she dropped her gaze, her voice soft and frail.

"Beryl, as long as you're not angry with me, that's all that matters."

Then she looked at Elijah, half-scolding.

"And you, really. Beryl's hurt this badly and you're still making her stand? If anything happens to my dear friend, I'll never forgive you."

At that, Elijah turned at once and helped me up, a doting edge to his mouth.

"All right, all right, my little tyrant, whatever you say. Now will you take your medicine like a good girl?"

The moment he had me steady, he let go and turned back to sit at Jeanette's bedside.

He picked up the bowl of medicine, blew on it patiently, and spooned it to her lips one mouthful at a time.

Jeanette refused to cooperate on purpose.

Elijah showed not a trace of impatience, only coaxed her over and over in a low voice.

My body swayed a little.

I didn't like taking medicine either.

Every time I got sick, Elijah used to keep watch by my bed just like this, feeding me patiently.

Back then he'd always tease me with a grin.

"Sweetheart, if you don't take your medicine, I'll drink it myself and feed it to you mouth to mouth."

Every time, I'd flush red and drink it all down.

But now he narrowed his eyes and threatened Jeanette, indulgent.

"What, you won't take it unless I feed it to you myself?"

I couldn't stay another moment. I turned and walked, step by step, back toward my room.

I was going to get well.

I was going to bring my baby safely into the world.

As for whatever was between the two of them, I didn't want any part of it anymore.

The moment I got back to my room, the nurse asked me carefully.

"Ms. Simmons, that man next door... is he your husband?"

I answered softly, before I could think.

"Not for much longer."

"Sweetheart, what do you mean?"

Elijah had followed at some point, and his steps stopped dead in the doorway.

He stared at me, blank, a flicker of panic and shock rising in his eyes.