That afternoon, before I went to hand over the divorce papers, I booked a flight to France for two weeks out.

Five years ago, my parents had moved the company to France. I chose to stay behind for Elijah.

Now there was no reason left to stay.

More than that, I no longer dared to give birth here.

I didn't know whether, at the moment I needed someone most, these two people beside me would abandon me all over again and leave me to fend for myself.

When I came downstairs, I found Elijah and Jeanette sitting at the breakfast table, chatting and laughing over their food.

He was patiently picking the cilantro out of Jeanette's bowl, stalk by stalk, then turned to remind the housekeeper,

"From now on, no cilantro in the cooking. And no mango in the desserts."

The housekeeper looked caught.

"Dessert's fine, but the missus likes cilantro."

"Then leave it in. I don't eat it anyway." Jeanette rolled her eyes at Elijah with a coy little pout.

Elijah said, all indulgence,

"Fine, then I'll pick it out for you from now on, Your Highness."

My nails were sinking into my palms, a fine, needling pain spreading through them, and I felt none of it.

There was a time Elijah knew every one of my likes and dislikes down to the last detail, and never gave a thought to Jeanette's.

I'd told him more than once that Jeanette was allergic to mango, that she didn't like cilantro.

He never remembered.

Now he'd finally memorized hers, and forgotten mine.

Slowly, I unclenched my hand.

Once, I'd believed my husband would shield me and my friend would stand by me, so I'd handed over my whole heart without holding anything back.

From now on, I would have to learn to love myself.

I sat down and heaped cilantro on my little wontons.

Elijah's expression stalled for a beat. Only when he saw I wasn't angry did he speak.

"Sweetheart, Jenny's divorced, she's got nowhere to stay right now. We've always kept a room for her here, haven't we? Let her stay for the time being."

Jeanette took my hand too and let out a soft little sigh.

"Beryl, you know I'd never want to be the third wheel between you two if I had any other choice. I'll move out the moment I find a place."

I watched the two of them trade their lines back and forth, my chest tight enough to ache, and couldn't help the barb.

"I have so many houses in my name. Does it have to be this one?"

Elijah's face darkened, and it came straight out of him.

"Beryl Simmons, when did you get so cold? Jenny's a young woman on her own. Do you know how dangerous it is for her to live somewhere by herself?"

Jeanette tugged at his sleeve at once, frowning in reproach.

"Don't snap at Beryl. She's pregnant, her moods are all over the place as it is, and maybe she's still upset about last night."

She gave Elijah a light punch.

"Can't you coax her a little? If the two of us fall out because of this, I'll never forgive you."

My stomach heaved, the nausea so bad I nearly threw up, and I stood to go.

Elijah caught me, his eyes full of remorse.

"Sweetheart, I didn't skip picking you up last night on purpose. I was just so tired I fell asleep by accident. Don't be angry, all right?"

He changed the subject, clumsily.

"Right, which place did you have your eye on yesterday? Anything else you like? I'll buy all of it for you."

Before I could open my mouth, Jeanette had already looped her arm through mine, elbowing Elijah aside, and said with a sweet, needling smile,

"Beryl already has plenty of houses."

"Elijah, you really have no idea what women like. You're a complete block of wood."

Elijah instantly held up his phone to argue back.

"Who says I don't? That three-million-dollar pink diamond I bought you the other day, weren't you thrilled to death?"

The purchase record on his phone crashed into view before I could brace for it.

I froze where I stood.

Ever since I got pregnant, Elijah had been treating Jeanette better and better.

Before, he wouldn't so much as buy her a bottle of water.

Now, every time he came back from a business trip, he brought the exact same gift for me and for her.

He said it was loving me so much it spilled over onto the people close to me.

I'd thought that was already too much.

But it turned out he'd been giving Jeanette gifts behind my back all along, ones I didn't get.

And that pink diamond.

It was the very one I'd stood at the counter loving.

Back then, Elijah had only said pink diamonds don't hold their value, there was no point buying it.

And then he'd turned around and bought it for Jeanette.

The corner of my mouth twitched. I felt like my old self had been a joke.

Elijah caught the look on my face and quickly locked the screen, his voice thin.

"Sweetheart, I didn't tell you because I didn't want you reading into it."

"Jenny's been in a bad way lately. I was just... coaxing her a little, on your behalf."

I dodged his hand, worn out.

"On my behalf?"

Elijah, you've told so many lies. Have you started believing them yourself?

Jeanette suddenly bowed her head, her eyes going red.

"Beryl, have I upset you somehow? If you really mind, I can go stay at a hotel..."

"Don't be silly."

Elijah cut her off at once.

"You're Beryl's best friend. How could she possibly mind you staying here?"

His eyes were full of tenderness, his voice impossibly gentle.

The corner of my mouth twitched again. I turned and walked away.

Stay if she wants to.

I was leaving soon anyway.

Who lived in this house had nothing to do with me anymore.

Elijah hurried after me.

"Sweetheart, where do you think you're going with that belly? Isn't your OB-GYN checkup today? I'll come with you."

Then he turned back to remind Jeanette,

"You drank so much last night. Remember to have plenty of soup."

For the first time, I stood on the outside and watched Elijah care for another woman like this.

Attentive. Patient. Gentle.

All the things that had once belonged to me alone, it turned out, could be handed to someone else without any effort at all.

Jeanette gave a few soft coughs.

"My head hurts a bit, I think I'm coming down with something. Since you're both going to the hospital anyway, take me along too."

Elijah's brows knit at once as he ushered her toward the door.

"A grown woman, and still can't look after yourself."

And so, without my agreeing to it, Elijah's car filled up with three people again.

It used to be me who started the conversations, who smoothed things over between them.

Now I didn't want to say a single word.

If anything, it was the two of them who kept half-starting to speak and stopping, not daring to show what they were thinking.

At the hospital, Jeanette went off for her own examination.

Elijah stayed by my side, but he was restless, distracted.

Seeing me stay silent, he spoke first.

"Sweetheart, did you bring the real-estate contract? We can go sort it out on the way afterward. I'll take a look, make sure there aren't any traps in it."

I hesitated for a while, then took the document out after all.

I really wanted to know how Elijah would react when he discovered what he was signing was divorce papers.

But the moment his hand touched the document,

a nurse came running over.

"Is Jeanette Gomez's family here? She's fainted! She said her family was in OB-GYN!"

With a soft slap, the document dropped to the floor.

Elijah spun around without a second thought and rushed off in Jeanette's direction.

Under the nurse's pitying gaze, eight months pregnant, I lowered myself down inch by inch, struggling, and picked the divorce papers back up.

So close, Elijah.

You were about to find out I wanted to divorce you.

I did the checkup alone, and I left alone.

I took a cab straight to the law firm and handed the papers to my lawyer.

The lawyer asked,

"Ms. Simmons, are you sure you want to raise the child on your own?"

I rested my hand lightly on my belly and looked out the window.

The sun was bright, the birdsong crisp and clear.

I wanted my child surrounded by sunlight, not by the filth of parents who'd stopped loving each other.

I nodded, sure of it.

Back home, maybe because I'd been through too much, my belly went tight, cramping so hard I broke into a cold sweat, and all I could do was lie down and rest.

Elijah called on video. Half-conscious, I hit answer by accident.

The instant the screen lit up,

I saw him with a towel in his hand, gently wiping down Jeanette's body.

Only when he noticed the call had connected did he look up and explain,

"Honey, Jenny's running a fever, a hundred and two. I'm looking after her for you for now. Don't worry."

I lay there in the empty room, my leg seizing up so painfully the tears kept welling.

And the two people who once treated me best were leaning into each other in a hospital.

I wanted to hang up, but then I heard Jeanette, feverish and dazed, suddenly throw her arms around Elijah's waist, her voice thick with tears,

"Elijah… why are you so good to me? Don't be this good to me. I'll get greedy."

The phone got knocked over, the camera aimed at the ceiling.

But I still heard Elijah, clear as anything, coaxing her softly.

"Silly, why are you crying? I'm good to you and you're not even happy about it?"

Jeanette hiccupped through her sobs.

"But I'm not as pretty as Beryl, and I'm not as accomplished as her… I don't deserve it."

My heart clenched. I never thought she'd see it that way.

After a brief silence, I heard Elijah answer softly.

"You do deserve it. You deserve it more than anyone."

I pressed end.

And there it was again, the day we graduated senior year, Elijah saying to me, so serious and solemn,

"Beryl, you deserve the very best of everything in this world."

"I'll be good to you my whole life."

Vows are like dust. One gust of wind and they no longer count.

Now, in Elijah's heart, someone more deserving than me had already appeared.

I buried my face in the pillow.

The whole room was quiet.

Only the choking sob I couldn't hold down gave away how wronged I felt.

When I drifted awake, I noticed someone gently massaging my swollen calves.

Elijah was sitting on the edge of the bed, his touch practiced and patient, his profile as gentle as ever.

He had always been like this.

Ever since I got pregnant, he'd taken care of me down to the smallest detail, massaging me, soaking my feet, researching recipes for pregnant women, like a perfect husband and a perfect father.

If it weren't for the way he'd changed toward Jeanette, I'd have found no proof at all that his heart had turned.

I felt dazed, and I couldn't help wondering whether everything these past few days had been nothing but a dream of mine.

But the moment Elijah spoke, he shattered every lie I'd been telling myself.

"Honey, you're finally awake."

"Why did you leave yesterday without telling me? Jenny's got a high fever. She's stubborn, refuses point-blank to be admitted, and now she won't even take her medicine. Will you go talk her into it?"

It felt like a blunt knife sawing at my chest, over and over.

He'd waited by my bed for me to wake up, and the first thing out of his mouth was asking me to go coax another woman into taking her medicine.

He hadn't noticed my nightgown was already soaked through with cold sweat. Hadn't noticed how pale my face was.

I drew my leg back, my voice tired and hoarse,

"I'm not her mother. I can't coax her into taking her medicine."

Elijah faltered for a moment, catching that something was off with me. He frowned and reached out to take my hand.

"Honey, have you been in a bad mood lately? Is the baby giving you a hard time?"

"If something hurts, or something's bothering you, you have to tell me. You keep it all bottled up, and I really can't guess what you're thinking."

"If you mind Jenny staying at the house, then maybe… I could give her the key to that little apartment of yours?"

There it was again…

Every time I showed the slightest bit of negative feeling, Elijah would be gentle like this, understanding, patiently reasoning with me.

As if he'd done nothing wrong, and it was only that I'd become too prone to overthinking since getting pregnant.

Before, his gentleness always shook me. I'd even end up blaming myself, wondering if I was making too big a deal out of nothing.

But now, all I felt was anger.

Did he want to pin all of this on my pregnancy hormones?

I lifted my head and looked into his eyes too, and smiled.

"Sure. Go ahead and send her over there."

The calculating look on Elijah's face visibly stiffened.

As if he'd never imagined I would actually agree to send Jeanette away.

He spoke, a little awkwardly,

"…We'll have to wait until she's better."

I said nothing, just looked at him.

Elijah must have realized he'd said the wrong thing. A flicker of guilt crossed his eyes, and he changed the subject.

"Right, the senior-year alumni reunion is in a couple of days. Don't forget. I'll come pick you up after work."

With that, he barely lingered, turning and walking out of the room.

I raised a hand and pressed lightly against the dull ache in my chest, and realized that somewhere along the way I'd gotten used to being disappointed.

It was as though every time I let myself hope, what came back was only a more humiliating result.

But it was fine. In a little over two weeks, I'd be gone.

And I could use this time to wean myself, bit by bit, off my dependence on Elijah, off these twenty years of love.

After all, he'd occupied my life for so very long. To truly let go, I had to give myself a little time.

Over the next two days, Elijah came back to the room late every night.

He always thought his movements were quiet enough not to wake me.

But I was never asleep.

I could hear it clearly, the laughter and talking that drifted now and then from the room next door.

I even heard a few faint, ambiguous gasps.

Each time I heard it, my heart grew a degree colder.

I recorded those sounds, in case the divorce came down to a courtroom fight later.

At night Elijah slipped quietly back into bed and reached out to pull me, pretending to sleep, into his arms.

"Honey, I love you."

I lay there with my eyes open, staring into nothing, tears sliding down without my meaning them to.

At last I believed what people online said, that a confession blurted out late at night is the guilt of someone who's been cheating.

I was still planning to go to the reunion.

Back in high school I'd always gotten along well with my classmates, and this was probably the last time I'd see them before I left. I wanted to say goodbye.

But I waited at home for two full hours, and Elijah never came to pick me up.

In the end I took a cab to the hotel alone.

I'd barely reached the corridor outside the private room when I saw Elijah standing by the window with a few of his old buddies, smoking.

One of his friends couldn't seem to help himself.

"Elijah, is it true Jeanette really kissed you that day?"

Elijah kept his head down, the red glow at his fingertips flickering across a face I couldn't read.

"I know you all think I'm a bastard, but in that moment my heart really did race."

He exhaled a slow stream of smoke, his voice carrying a confusion even he couldn't quite explain.

"I always used to think that in this life, apart from Beryl, I'd never feel anything for another woman."

"But when she kissed me that day, I realized... turns out that's not true either."

"When Jeanette kissed me, my whole scalp went tingling. It was a rush Beryl never gave me."

His friend frowned.

"But she's Beryl's best friend. What are you going to do?"

Elijah gave a bitter smile and stubbed out his cigarette.

"I never meant to actually do something to wrong Beryl."

"Once Beryl has the baby, I'll keep my distance from Jenny and go back to how things were."

He closed his eyes for a moment.

"Beryl's like the meals I eat every day. She's been part of my life for so long. I can't be without her."

Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting!!

Every word out of Elijah's mouth was like a rotting maggot burrowing into my brain.

I couldn't listen anymore. I stumbled into the restroom, gripped the counter, and heaved dryly.

The Elijah of eighteen wasn't like this.

He used to say that except for me, having any other girl come close left him uncomfortable in his own skin.

And now he was admitting out loud that another woman gave him a bigger rush.

The hypocrite. His heart had already turned, and still he wouldn't let me go.

I wiped the tears from the corners of my eyes, grateful I'd tricked him into signing the divorce papers ahead of time.

"Beryl?"

The familiar voice came from behind me.

At some point Jeanette had come to stand in the restroom doorway, and now she pulled out a tissue as if to wipe my mouth for me.

I turned away on instinct.

Her hand froze, and her face slowly went cold.

"What's the act for? Beryl, you find out your husband likes someone else and you don't dare ask a single question, but you've got the nerve to make faces at me?"

I went cold all over, my eyes red as I looked at this friend of ten years and felt like I was staring at a stranger.

Countless demands stuck in my throat. In the end all I managed was a trembling word.

"Why?"

Jeanette laughed, mocking.

"Because I hate you. Why should it be that we went to the same schools, lived through the same things, and yet you get to marry your childhood sweetheart, have a happy marriage, have everyone envy you?"

"And me? With a good man like Elijah for comparison, no one ever measured up. I married whoever, and in the end I got divorced."

She stepped closer, one pace at a time, the envy in her eyes almost solid enough to touch.

"Beryl, see? Your marriage isn't as unbreakable as you thought."

"All I did was be a little gentle with Elijah, lean on him a little, and he started to feel something for me."

"You really think I only kissed him that day because I was drunk?"

"No."

"I did it on purpose."

"I wanted you to see with your own eyes that the husband you love most could feel desire for your best friend!"

Slap!

I couldn't hold back anymore. I struck her hard across the face.

My palm stung, but it was nothing next to the pain of being betrayed by the person I trusted.

Jeanette tilted her head, her gaze drifting slowly to my swollen belly, her voice light enough to chill.

"Beryl, you're so proud. There's no way you'd keep a man whose heart has turned."

"So hand Elijah over to me."

The words had barely left her when she shoved me hard, then used the force to throw herself against the sharp edge of the faucet beside her.

"Aah!!"

The scream rang out.

I dropped to the floor before I could catch myself, a splitting pain tearing through my belly, my vision going black.

The restroom door burst open.

"Sweetheart—"

Elijah rushed in, but the instant he took a step toward me,

Jeanette clutched her bleeding forehead and called out to him, choking on her sobs.

"Elijah, I'm sorry. I won't come near you again."

Her eyes were rimmed red, tears sliding down through the blood.

"Beryl told me everything. She knew I kissed you that day, that's why she hates me so much."

"I admit it, I fell for you, I couldn't help wanting to be near you..."

"But I never once thought of taking you from her. From now on... let's just leave it like this."

When she finished, she turned unsteadily to go.

Elijah barely hesitated. He caught her and pulled her tight against him.

His hands fumbled to wipe the blood from her forehead, his voice shaking.

"Don't say any more. I'll take you to the hospital."

"Elijah!"

I couldn't help calling out to him, one hand pressed to my searing belly, tears falling beyond my control.

His child was still in me.

And he ignored me and held someone else.

When Elijah looked back at me, his eyes were full of disappointment.

"Beryl, Jenny was bullied before. You know full well she's still scarred by it, and you still turned violence on her."

"She only fell for me, and she's held herself back the whole time. She never once thought about breaking us up."

"Why can't you just let her be? Ever since you got pregnant you've gotten more and more extreme. In a couple of days maybe we need to find you a therapist."

With that, he held Jeanette and turned away, abandoning me again.

I sat crumpled on the cold, damp tiles, the pain in my belly growing worse.

Watching that retreating back, I thought of our wedding day, when Elijah held me with red eyes and said, over and over,

"Sweetheart, as long as you need me, through fire and flood, I'll be at your side the moment you call."

But he didn't do it.

In the second before I lost consciousness, I couldn't help thinking: if only I'd never met Elijah the year I was five.