: My Crush Called Me Wife

One night, my crush was standing at my door.

His eyes hazy with drink, he called me his wife.

A tipsy crush is just so adorable! Aaaah!

He was like that fluffy Samoyed from downstairs.

The next day, I came home late at night to find him sitting by my door, chin cupped in his hands, softly calling me his wife.

Who could possibly resist that?

And if he was calling me his wife, then of course I had to take him home.

A straight-shooting girl vs. the reserved guy with an alcohol allergy.

1.

At 9:30 p.m., I had just made some instant noodles and was eating them while watching a workout video.

My body wasn't moving, but my soul was jumping right along.

Suddenly, someone started pounding on my door. I looked and saw it was my crush from across the hall.

We went to the same university and were both recommended for an internship at the same company.

So, by a stroke of luck, we ended up as neighbors, living right across the hall from each other.

The man I'd been drooling over for three years was now just a single door away from me.

"Zane Thorne, what's up?" I asked as I opened the door. He had been hanging his head, but he suddenly looked up, grinned at me, and announced, "I'm hungry."

He rubbed his stomach as he spoke.

Me: "?"

Zane Thorne had always been cold and taciturn. In the three years we were classmates and the three months we'd been neighbors, we had exchanged fewer than ten sentences.

Even when we ran into each other, he wouldn't so much as spare me a glance.

"Are... are you drunk?" I took a sniff. Yep, I could smell alcohol on him.

Zane Thorne slumped against my doorframe, whining pitifully, "Hungry!"

That single, melodramatic word, coming from the face I'd dreamed about for three years...

I mean, who could possibly resist that?

"I only have instant noodles. You'll have to make do," I said, letting him inside. By the time I'd closed the door, he was already sitting at my table, cupping his face in his hands again.

I muttered some Choice Words under my breath, trying to ignore how tempted I felt as I sat down across from him and stared.

"Zane Thorne, are you possessed or something?"

'He doesn't even smell that strongly of alcohol. Could he be allergic?'

"Feed me," he demanded, turning to me and opening his mouth. "Aah..."

Me: "!"

2.

I fed him.

But it wasn't for my own selfish reasons!

He's the one who asked me to feed him!

I can vouch for myself!

"Yummy."

He grinned, his smile sweet.

I was a little speechless. Was one bite of instant noodles really that satisfying?

I glanced at the package. Hmm, Braised Beef Flavor. I'll have to buy a case to keep at home later!

Poor me, I'd been starving for half the day. I finally had a mouthful of something hot, and Zane Thorne ended up eating most of it.

I finished the last remaining mouthful of noodles, took a couple sips of broth, and silently chanted to myself twice: 'You're full, you're full.'

"Why haven't you left yet?"

After washing the dishes, I came out to find Zane Thorne sprawled shamelessly on my couch, watching my TV. He even flashed me a smile.

"You're back!"

His long lashes fluttered, and the starlight in his eyes twinkled.

I took two deep breaths.

'I can't be seduced by his good looks!'

"It's time to go home."

I reminded him for the second time.

His face was full of pleading, his eyes welling up with tears as he gazed at me.

I hadn't even done anything, yet I felt like I'd committed some terrible crime.

Fine. I'd told him twice already. I couldn't just keep trying to kick him out, could I?

The fitness routine video was still playing on the TV, and my other soul began to dance gracefully.

I decided to ignore him. He could do whatever he wanted. My soul needed its workout!

But I couldn't focus—

His dark, glistening eyes were fixed on me, unblinking.

It was such a direct and open gaze that I couldn't ignore it even if I wanted to.

I stiffly turned my head to look at him, forcing a smile. "Zane Thorne, is something wrong? You keep staring at me."

"You're pretty."

Zane Thorne tilted his head, lying down next to me.

A blush spread across his fair face, and the smile at the corners of his mouth was pure and pleasant.

'This... is just too cute!'

A wicked thought popped into my head.

I reached out and gently pinched his cheek.

'So soft, so smooth... it feels so good!'

Just as I was worrying he might snap out of it and curse me out for being a pervert, something I never would have dreamed of happened.

First, he had a look of pure enjoyment on his face, then he immediately took my hand and placed it on his head.

"Pat my head."

Me: !!!

To be honest, I'd had this idea for a while—I'm no Sir Galahad, able to resist temptation. When such a handsome man serves himself up on a platter, how could I not take advantage?

I just didn't expect him to provide the excuse for me.

'You're the one who said it!'

My conscience clear, I ruffled his hair. Watching him squint like a little wolf cub, rubbing his head insistently against my hand... I let go of my worries and "ravaged" him to my heart's content.

He seemed to think just getting his head patted wasn't enough, so he leaned directly on my shoulder, bit his lip, and murmured, "Pat me."

I now have definite and reasonable grounds to suspect that Zane Thorne has been swapped out by aliens!

In the middle of the night, once he was fast asleep, I finally got the key from his bag and sent this little ancestor home.

: Allergic to Alcohol

3.

The next day, I opened my door with huge, dark circles under my eyes, and Zane Thorne, from across the hall, came out at the same time.

He glanced at me, his face expressionless.

'No doubt about it, this is the real Zane Thorne.'

I glanced back at him. The icy look on his face was the same as ever.

The thought of what happened last night made me wonder if it was even real.

We walked into the elevator together.

"Last night..."

I wanted to ask him what exactly had happened.

But before I could finish, he stared at me with that same indifferent gaze as always. "What about last night?"

My face was a picture of disbelief. 'You came to my place last night and offered yourself to me!'

'Don't you remember?!'

But how could I possibly say something like that out loud?

I watched him for a long time. As the elevator descended from the eighteenth floor to the first, I couldn't find any crack in his facade. It was as if... he'd really forgotten about last night?

'Fine.'

If he'd forgotten, it wasn't my place to bring it up.

The last thing I wanted was for him to know I'd taken advantage of him while he was drunk.

The elevator doors opened, and we walked out one after the other.

He slowly turned back, looking down at me. "What about last night?"

I coughed lightly, quickly hiding the blush on my face. "It's nothing. I just remembered last night that I have a bottle of red wine I brought back from Meridia. I don't really drink, so I was wondering if you wanted it?"

If I wasn't mistaken, his answer would definitely be: no.

"No."

He wouldn't accept anything from me. In fact, he wouldn't accept anything from anyone.

He was always cold and aloof; other people's kindness meant nothing to him.

I hadn't actually planned on giving him the wine.

"Why not?" I asked.

He left me with one sentence and walked away.

"I'm allergic to alcohol."

'Allergic to alcohol?'

'No wonder.'

'If he weren't allergic, how could a tiny bit of alcohol make him get so drunk he'd offer himself up to someone?'

I made a complete mess of my work today.

I either forgot to make coffee for my boss or forgot to sign off on reports.

Before the end of the day, a colleague asked me, "Joelle, why have you been so out of it all day?"

"I'm fine," I said calmly.

'Could I really tell people I've been thinking about a guy all day?'

'Drunk Zane Thorne is just too cute!'

'If there's a next time, I'm definitely recording it!'

The "next time" came very soon.

I had just bought groceries, plus a whole case of instant noodles, and when I got to my front door, yesterday's scene replayed itself.

Zane Thorne lifted his flushed face, sitting there obediently. Hearing me approach, he looked up, his eyes filled with surprised delight.

"You're back!"

From his tone... I felt like a husband coming home after a long, hard day of work to his doting little wife.

But I wasn't.

"Zane Thorne, have you been drinking again?"

As I got closer, I could again smell the faint scent of alcohol on him.

'I mean, seriously, even if you're drunk, you shouldn't keep showing up at other people's doors to act all tipsy, right?'

'Isn't this a nuisance?!'

'Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to control myself?!'

"I'm hungry."

Zane Thorne's eyes were wide as he stood up and leaned against my shoulder. "Hungry. I want to eat something."

'Fine.'

I opened the door and settled him in the living room.