“Ella.”

She stopped walking when she heard the voice of their barangay captain calling her. She wanted to leave immediately, but it seemed like their captain wanted to stop her. She was about to go home, thinking maybe the captain didn’t wait for her and already found someone else.

Wow, so talented, she whispered to herself.

Well, all men are like that. Yes, she was generalizing. Men who don’t know how to keep promises, but keep making promises anyway. Why was it so easy for men to promise things? It sounds like they were just buying candies at the school canteen. The problem is, she keeps believing them. She’s always believing them. You’d think she would’ve learned by now.

How many men had promised her things they never kept? How many times had she believed them? How many times she hopes but nothing gets in return? Kenneth?

No, not just Kenneth. There were others too, names she didn’t even want to say or think about. Memories she didn’t want to remember anymore. Because she knows she is going to hurt.

But why hadn’t she gotten used to it? Why did it still hurt? Men’s mouths were like faucets, they let promises flow out so easily, as if the words meant nothing. As if once the promise was made, there was no reason to go back and keep it.

Maybe men thought it was like ordering something online and never paying for it. Amazing, really. Amazing at lying. Acting as if nobody would get hurt.

After she stopped walking, she counted to three before turning around to their captain. She didn’t want to hear the word sorry. She didn’t want someone apologizing for breaking another promise.

Was it really so hard to keep a promise? Was it that hard to make promises come true? Was it that hard not to hurt someone? Why do they always promise but never try to do what they say?

When she turned, the captain was fixing his glasses and smiling at her. His shirt was wrinkled like it had never met an iron. And he still had the nerve to smile. As if he didn’t break anything today. But for her, no matter how wide the smile, if you don’t keep your word, it’s fake.

“You came. Does this mean you’re saying yes?” he asked with a smile.

Wow. The air really changed. He was acting like he hadn’t just accepted another applicant earlier.

“Yes, Cap.” She held herself back from making a rude comment. Maybe she was just misunderstanding.

He scratched his head before looking back at her.

Here it comes, this must be the part where he says sorry. She braced herself, almost wanting to cover her ears.

“Someone applied earlier, before you came. I thought you weren’t going to show up.” He checked his watch.

So she was right. Why did she even think she might be wrong? It was obvious. Who was she kidding? She’d already been fooled, and now she was fooling herself.

“It was already nine o’clock,” he went on. “I really thought you weren’t coming. But it’s fine with me if there are two of you. That’s even better, so the work won’t be too heavy. After all, you’ll be handling kids. You know how playful kids can be. But just know the salary will be smaller than what I told you yesterday.

“I think the young man I spoke with earlier will agree. He seems like a good one, he’ll understand.” He smiled. “So? Do you agree? I’ll call him right now. He looked really interested in the job.”

Oh, so that’s your hint, Captain? Are you saying I’m the one who’s not interested? she muttered to herself.

Well, maybe that was true.

It shouldn’t be a problem if she had a partner. It shouldn’t matter if that partner was a man. Right?

She swallowed. But for some reason, she felt uneasy. Her skin prickled like something bad was about to happen.

She was about to answer when a man walked past. His scent brushed against her nose, clean, fresh. She watched the smooth way he walked, like he was on a fashion runway. He was on the phone and hurrying out of the hall.

“That’s the man I was talking about,” the captain said, turning back to her. “So? What’s your decision?”

Are you in a rush, Captain? Can’t I at least pretend to hesitate?

But no, this wasn’t the time to play coy. She needed the money. She needed to help her mother. She really needed it.

And more than that, she needed to move on. To forget.

She looked back at the captain. “Alright, Cap. No problem.”

He gave her a smile.

Wait, that smile felt different.

~

“YES, Ma. I got accepted.”

It was the man’s voice she heard as she left the hall. He was still outside, still on the phone.

She shrugged and kept walking.

“Yes. What bread do you want, Ma?”

His voice was so sweet. She thought maybe it was a sign that she should buy bread for her mother too.

But what surprised her was, why was she only seeing this man now? Why hadn’t she known there was a guy this handsome in their barangay? Then again, she was practically a hermit. How would she know who lived there? She barely even knew her own neighbors.

For two years, she almost never left the house. Her mother worried she’d get sick from lack of sunlight. But for Ella, it was safer that way. Safer than seeing things, or people that would hurt her heart all over again. She was scared of running into the man who had once killed her heart.

Her mother always said it was impossible for her to meet Kenneth again. He was in America. She was here, in some corner of the Philippines, far from everything. Impossible, her mother said.

Ella would laugh at that, then cry. Because with Kenneth, nothing was impossible. He had played with her heart before, as if she were just a toy. He had replaced her with her best friend. With a traitor like him, nothing was impossible.

She shook her head. Her thoughts were wandering too far again. Somehow, no matter what she thought about, her pain always found a way back in.

Kenneth didn’t belong in her life anymore. Men who didn’t keep promises didn’t deserve a place in her heart. He never even thought about her anyway. He was probably living his best life now. Maybe he was rich. Maybe he was running for president in America. If liars could vote, he’d win for sure.

He wouldn’t even need to spend money. With so many liars in the world, victory was guaranteed.

She quickened her pace. Her thoughts were going nowhere good.

~

ELLA’S face was blank as she stood in front of the mirror. Two boxes lay on the floor, taken from under her cabinet. She stepped closer to the mirror stuck to their cement wall.

She wasn’t like this before. She used to smile with her eyes. But everything had changed, like a storm had passed through her life. Like one snap of the fingers had turned her whole world upside down.

She wanted the old one back. She wanted her room to feel light again. She wanted joy. She wanted her smile back. She wanted to escape the sadness.

But how?

Was it really that hard? Was it really that hard to open her heart again to happiness? Was it really that hard to laugh again?

She touched the mirror as if touching her own face, from her bright eyes down to her nose.

“I want to move on,” she said firmly, then turned toward the boxes.

They were one of the reasons she was still stuck. Inside the box were Kenneth’s gifts. One box full of photos.

She picked up one and walked outside, holding a matchbox. She was ready to burn the chains tying her to the past.

Maybe after this, she could finally move forward. Maybe after this, she could finally forget. Maybe after this, she could finally face the sunlight.

One by one, she burned the photos. In every picture, she was smiling. She never thought the man beside her in those photos would one day be the reason for her tears.

Two years. Two years was enough. She wanted to move on.

She went back inside and got the other box. This one was filled with stuffed toys. She carried them to the next street and gave them to the kids. Maybe she should’ve done this long ago.

“Thank you, Ate Ella! You’re so kind,” one child said, hugging a Pikachu doll.

Why didn’t I do this before? she whispered, touching the child’s cheek.

“You’re welcome.”

She was brushing her hair in front of the mirror when her mother came in, holding the coffee she asked for. Her mother’s face was bright and warm, the kind of look she always wanted to see every morning. After placing the coffee on the table, her mother smiled.

She woke up early, even before her alarm clock. In fact, she was the one who woke up her alarm clock because she forgot to buy new batteries for it. But when she remembered that it was Kenneth’s gift, she picked it up and threw it straight into the trash.

She had already decided. She would throw away everything that reminded her of Kenneth. It wasn’t easy, but with every item she let go of, she felt lighter. Each breath became easier.

It felt like a heavy thorn was pulled out of her chest. She felt like a TV viewer who finally finished a long drama series relieved, because at least now, she already knew how everything ended.

“You seem happy today,” her mom teased as she came closer, then whispered, “Why? Is your period over?” Her mom laughed and quickly moved away, as if she already knew what her daughter was planning.

That was her mom, always playful. She couldn’t help but laugh too, then gave her mom a sharp look.

Well, it was true. She always felt much better after her period. But whenever it came, she felt like the whole world’s problems were dropped on her shoulders. She would rather solve the hardest math problem than go through her monthly period.

“Be quiet, Mama! The neighbors might hear you and think I’m always grumpy when I have my period.” But her mother just laughed more and left her in the kitchen.

“Mama!” she called, shaking her head before sipping her coffee. She was about to tell her mother that today was her first day at work, but her mom’s thoughts were clearly somewhere else.

What will happen later? she wondered. I hope the kids are nice. She took another sip of her coffee.

“Mama!” she called again, hearing her mom still laughing. “This coffee is missing sugar. Are you mad at me?”

But deep down, she also hoped the man she would work with would be nice too. She didn’t want her mood ruined, not on her first day.

~

“Good morning, children!”

The kids quickly stood up. Some clapped their hands and shouted, “Captain is here!”

That’s the power of being a leader, she thought. People notice you like you’re a celebrity. But she also wondered how leaders could smile at people who didn’t even vote for them.

Maybe that’s just how it is. Once you win, it doesn’t matter anymore who voted or not. You still have the duty to serve everyone.

She shook her head quietly. She didn’t want to think about politics this early in the morning. She had no plans of running for captain anyway.

Another child shouted again that the captain was here. It reminded her of how they used to act when their teacher entered the classroom back in school. The class president would warn everyone, and just one shout of “Teacher’s here!” was enough to bring order to the storm.

She missed being a student.

“Good morning, Captain!” The children greeted in chorus. Their sweet smiles were priceless. She couldn’t believe these were the kids she would be teaching.

She almost thought of skipping lessons and just playing a Barbie movie marathon. The girls would love it, for sure. The boys? Maybe not.

“Good morning, visitor,” the kids added, smiling at her.

So they thought she was a visitor. She smiled back and turned to face the Captain.

Back in her training days, she always tried hard to be nice. Even when she was tired or annoyed, she just smiled. She wanted the kids to have a good impression of her. After all, her grades depended on them too.

She remembered how nervous she was during her grand demo. She thought it would be the end of her teaching dream. But luckily, the kids behaved that day, answered well, and made her look good in front of her evaluators. She felt so blessed.

Her thoughts ended when the Captain introduced her. She smiled warmly and waved when her name was called.

“Good morning, Teacher Ella!” the kids greeted.

Her heart melted. Teaching always gave her this kind of joy. She knew she was made for this.

“Good morning, class! You can just call me Teacher Ell, okay?” she said with another smile.

This was her path. This was her beginning.

“Teacher!” a little girl called as she walked up to the table, holding her paper.

She had just given the kids their first activity. Most of them were happy, it was a drawing task.

“Oh, what is it?” she asked gently, pushing back her chair as the girl came closer.

The girl suddenly sat on her lap and showed her drawing. It already had two stick figures with some colors filled in. She took a deep breath and whispered shyly, “Teacher Ell… can I add my Papa to my drawing?”

Ella frowned slightly. Why would the girl need permission for that?

“Why do you ask, dear? Is there a problem if you add him?”

The girl looked down and held her paper tighter. Ella didn’t know what she was going through. She stroked the girl’s hair, then peeked at her school ID.

“Chanel. What a pretty name.” She hugged the child gently. “Draw whatever makes you happy, baby.”

“Thank you, Teacher.”

The girl smiled a little, then quickly went back to her seat and continued drawing. Ella watched her, wondering what story the child was hiding in her heart.

She realized something important: every child had feelings, struggles, and stories. She needed to be careful with her words. Here, inside the classroom, she was like their second mother. Everything she said could affect them.

She stood up and started checking the drawings.

“Angela, apples are not orange. Why are you so stubborn?”

That was Angela’s nanny scolding her. But the child didn’t mind. She was busy coloring her apple with an orange crayon.

Ella walked closer, curious. She smiled secretly, her student was a little artist.

“Angela?” she called softly. The girl looked up right away.

“Teacher!” Angela said happily, showing her paper. “See my drawing?”

Ella nodded and gently held the child’s hand. “Do you know what color an apple really is?”

Angela nodded, grinning. “Yes, Teacher. It’s red.”

“Then why are you using oranges?”

The girl whispered, “It’s my Mommy’s favorite. Can I use it instead of red?”

Ella smiled. “You can. But you know, you can also draw an orange instead of an apple.”

Angela shook her head. “Apple is my Mommy’s favorite fruit.”

Ella chuckled softly. “As you wish. Good luck.”

She turned to the nanny and whispered, “Let her do it. What matters is that she knows apples are red.”

“There are green apples too, Teacher,” Angela added quickly, making Ella smile even more.

“How was work?”

She took off her heels and went inside the house. Her feet hurt after walking around the classroom all day. She even had to handle two classes because her handsome partner didn’t show up. The Captain said they would share the salary, but the man didn’t even appear on the first day. That was unfair.

She sighed with relief after removing her heels. Tomorrow, she would just wear doll shoes, even if it made her look shorter and less like a teacher. Who cares? As long as her salary wouldn’t be cut. She already had to share it with someone.

Her mother greeted her with a smile and took her bag.

“It went well, Ma. The kids were cute,” she said as she sat on the sofa.

But things would have been better if that man had shown up. Maybe her feet wouldn’t hurt so much. It was all his fault her day turned out this bad.

Calm down, Ella. Calm down. Maybe he had something important to do, that’s why he didn’t come.

Her eyes wandered to the TV. Of course, her mother was watching another Korean drama. If there was one thing her mom couldn’t live without, it was K-dramas. It was like she had become a teenager again.

Still, she was glad. At least her mom had adjusted to life without her dad.

It had been a long time already. But moving on was never easy. Healing a broken heart wasn’t the same as healing a simple wound. If only there were band-aids for the heart, she would have bought one.

Suddenly, she smelled something strange. She tried to ignore it, but the scent grew stronger. She looked at her mom, who was still focused on the TV.

“Ma?” she asked. “Do you smell that?”

“Yes. It’s your feet. They stink a little.”

She pouted. Her poor swollen feet were being blamed. “No, Ma. It’s a different smell. Are you cooking something?”

Her mom froze, turned her head, and her eyes grew wide. Her mouth opened but no words came out. She swallowed hard. “My rice! It’s probably burning!”

Ella just shook her head. So her mom was cooking after all, yet she still blamed her poor feet.

K-dramas, she thought with a laugh. Always stealing Mama’s attention.

The next morning, she woke up early again. This time, she cooked breakfast because no matter how many times she tried to wake her mother, she was still snoring. She cooked rice and prepared food before deciding to take a bath.

She checked her mom’s room once more, but her mother was still asleep. She tried to wake her again, but nothing. Maybe her mom stayed up late finishing her drama series.

Well, if only everyone were worth losing sleep for.

Back in college, she also liked watching series, but she never stayed up too late for them. She shook her head. If only she had wasted sleepless nights on Korean actors, that would’ve been better. At least they were worth it. But no, she lost sleep over the wrong person. She had been so, so wrong.

She grabbed her towel and went to the bathroom.

Sometimes, you only realize mistakes after they’ve been done. Sometimes, you need to go through pain before you know if something or someone is really meant for you. Maybe it’s better that way. Better to experience it than regret never trying.

“Mama!” she shouted from the bathroom. “Can I borrow shampoo? I forgot mine!”

“I heard your co-teacher is handsome,” her mother teased with a wink.

She stopped eating and looked at her mom, who was smiling mischievously. She wasn’t sure if her mom meant the same male teacher who ruined her day yesterday.

“Yes, Ma,” she answered cheerfully, returning her mom’s smile. But before she spoke further, she placed a spoonful of food into her mouth. “Kuya Marlon is really handsome. My classroom is sparkling clean because of him.”

Her mother’s smile disappeared. Good. She had beaten her mom at her own game. Kuya Marlon was the janitor at the Barangay Hall. The hall had two floors, offices upstairs, and two daycare classrooms downstairs.

Her mom facepalmed. “I didn’t mean Marlon.”

“Then who, Ma? Kuya Marlon is the only handsome guy there. You can even check if you want. I’m not lying.” She winked.

She wanted to laugh at her mom’s reaction but kept eating instead, stabbing a slightly burnt hotdog with her fork. She decided to eat it herself, it was her cooking anyway.

This was why she never took up a course in cooking. She and the kitchen tools never got along. Maybe she was only meant to eat, not cook.

“Captain dropped by yesterday,” her mom continued. “He said your co-teacher is very handsome.”

Ah, she thought. So that’s who.

“Oh, the teacher? I didn’t really see his face,” she answered quickly, hoping her mom would drop the subject.

But her mom kept staring at her, waiting.

“Is he handsome, anak?”

“I told you, I didn’t see his face.”

“How can you not see his face? Did you close your eyes? What’s his name? Maybe I know him.”

There she goes again.

She hurriedly finished her food, wanting to escape. But her mom didn’t look away, clearly waiting for an answer.

“I didn’t see him because he didn’t show up yesterday,” she said with a sigh, standing up with her empty plate. “There. Happy now?”

“What’s his name?” her mom pressed again.

She didn’t bother replying and left her mom at the table. The truth was, she didn’t even know the guy’s name.

~

“Good morning, Teacher Ell!”

Three children were sweeping the classroom when she arrived. If only it were always like this, she thought, she would never get mad at them.

She remembered her own days in school. In public schools, there were no janitors. Students had to clean their rooms in the morning, after lunch, and before going home. If they failed to do so, they would face an angry teacher.

“Good morning, girls,” she greeted, placing her bag on the desk. “You’re early today.”

“Yes, Teacher. I came with my mom,” one said, still sweeping.

“Me too, Teacher.”

“Same here,” added the third.

Her students were from rich families. Yet here they were in the barangay daycare. Back in her day, she thought rich kids only went to private schools. But she guessed it all depended on the parents.

“How about you, Teacher? Why are you so early?” one of the girls asked when they were done cleaning.

She smiled, thinking. Why was she early? “Do I need a reason?”

The three girls laughed. “We’re just asking,” they said together.

More students arrived, and soon it was almost time for class.

She decided to step out and check if the other teacher had arrived. He skipped yesterday, and if he skipped again today, she would just have to take his students.

When she stepped outside, she saw a man walking unsteadily toward her. He looked drunk. She froze, staring at him.

He really came to work drunk.

She heard Kuya Marlon call out, “Oh no! That’s Sir Rafael!”

Marlon rushed to the man’s side and guided him away. What was he thinking, coming to school like that?

Ella shook her head and turned toward his classroom. It looked like she would be handling his students again.

“Why not just let me do it?” Rafael shouted, even as Marlon dragged him away.