With Liam's request with regards of drinking those Chinese herbs in hopes that I could get pregnant, I did it against my will. If I let my stubbornness prevail again, I'm only bringing myself closer to danger. I'm human too... I still feel pain by Liam's hand and leg blows every time he loses his temper.

"Your Mama Imelda will come later, Kris," said Mother Minda from the kitchen while I was in the living room watching TV. From here, her voice reached its peak, adding that the two of us were the only ones at home since Sarah went to school and Liam went to the hospital early. "Didn't you promise her that the next time she comes here you will cook her kare-kare?"

"Well, until now I still haven't gotten the mixture right. I often put too much peanut butter. She might criticize my cooking again just in case," I answered indifferently while still focusing on what I was watching.

That happened last year. It was my birthday and when I promised my mother-in-law that I would cook her a delicious Paella, I agreed... she only criticized it because it tasted too salty. I wonder what kind of wife I am if just cooking simple food is very difficult for me to do. Such embarrassing insult I’ve received from her that night and I promised myself that I would never do it again.

Well, I don't really have any talent in cooking. I'll just waste my energy studying, besides I'm the one who hates oil, spoons and pans.

"You and Liam have been married for over a decade, dear," replied Mother Minda who looked like she was done washing the dishes. She went to the living room and sat on a single-seater sofa where she could clearly see my face. "It's not bad if you make efforts to reconcile with your mother-in-law."

"I won't expect her heart to soften towards me anymore." My attention shifted to Mother Minda and as much as I could, I tried to make the smile on my lips better. "From the day I forced them to adopt Sarah as their own grandchild, I know I hurt her too much. Despite my deep reason as to why I wanted to adopt Sarah is because I want to make our family whole and happy, I might say she doesn’t care about where I’m coming from. And from that moment, I knew she started her hate towards me.”

That's why mom can't accept Sarah as a granddaughter. She has always been against my plan to adopt a child from an orphanage. Fortunately, I forced Liam to agree... so because of Sarah, Liam and I's dream family became complete, and in fact he even wanted us to form a basketball team. However, that might be impossible because my womb don’t cooperate.

"You can't blame Madam Imelda if she feels bad for you. If you had just continued taking the herbs you are taking now, or agreed to surrogacy, maybe your relationship with your mother-in-law would have been better ."

"I can endure drinking herbs," I muttered in between laughs, "but surrogacy? A baby is not food to be placed on any woman's ovary. That is something I cannot do in the name of having our own child."

I took the remote from under my butt because I didn't realize that I was sitting on it. And then I turned off the TV before getting up from my relaxing seat.

"Don't even mention to Liam that I'm leaving today," I begged. "I just have to make sure that Liam has no signs of having a mental disorder."

Her face showed disapproval. "Why are you insisting that Liam has a mental problem? Didn't I already tell you--"

"You can't blame me for suspecting him of having a mental disorder. You're not the one he's hurting, that's why you couldn't notice how his behavior changed from time to time."

"Mother Minda…" I came closer to her to touch her already rough palms. A forced smile curved my lips as I continued speaking, "I'm doing this to save our family and… our relationship. I'm his wife… and I'm responsible for taking care of his health. For now that his condition isn't that bad, if anything, then we can treat him.”

"Believe me or not… I really don't want to devastate our relationship… and our family. I love them both. I love Liam despite the way he hurt me. I have loved him as much as I loved him in the old days."

"My love for him remained despite him breaking his promises to me on the day I said 'yes' to his proposal... and on the day I said 'I do' to him on our wedding day."

"So, please… don't let Liam know that I left the house today. I just have to do this for his own sake. Please?"

And the good old woman did nothing but let me out. I have trust in her that she will not say anything to my husband about this. That's why I left the house early to meet my psychiatrist friend. I did not inform Mother Minda that the friend I was about to meet is a guy. For sure, she’ll never allow me to go out because she knows once Liam finds out I’m meeting a guy, whether he’s just my friend, I know my husband well. He can kill without mercy.

First of all, most of my friends are boys. So, Liam strictly forbids me to meet them. He makes even my friends jealous... and he's so suffocating. Even my contact details to them, Liam got rid of those. Phone numbers, and even my social media accounts. That was all deleted. Even creating a social media accounts, I don't have freedom.

That's how jealousy turned my husband to be the man I'm not expecting him to be.

*****

"Carrying so much anger, it's like you're losing yourself. Is that so?"

I nodded. "And after he realizes he has abused me, he will suddenly asked Mother Minda to imprison him in his study room. As if he's stopping himself from harassing me."

"Uhm, Kris," Logan's terrified voice was all I heard. "This is the only thing I could advise you as of now..."

"What?"

"Dissociative Identity Disorder is very rare." I just remained silent, waiting for him to explain that disorder further. "And I think your husband seemed to be diagnosed with having this disorder. These people have many personalities... and maybe the abusive one is the other side of Liam."

"So, the best thing I could advise you is to live with Liam separately. You will not be safe if you are always with your husband, Kris. He should've been brought to a healthcare facility, so we can help him treat his disorder."

I clenched my trembling fist. Logan's suggestion was actually the one I should've done now. For Sarah and I's safety, the only thing that comes with my mind is to escape.

"Based on what I heard from you, one of the symptoms of DID is that he suddenly becomes a different person in front of you without any specific reason. It's because a person diagnosed with this kind of disorder tends to have over 100 alters in their personalities." Logan got his pen pointing to his temple, as if he's thinking something. "I need to see your husband by myself, Kris. It's not enough for me to know from you what he does or what happens to him day after day."

"I can see his symptoms, yes. But as a professional, I shouldn't diagnose a person having this kind of illness without checking him by myself."

"Looks like I'm going to have trouble with that part, Logan," I mumbled with honesty. "Even Mother Minda doesn't want to believe that my husband might have a mental disorder. And if I try to convince Liam to get checked up, I would just bait myself to get beaten by him again."

Liam's a health worker. And by attempting to tell him about my suspicions about his behavior I have noticed in him lately, he will surely be offended. After all, no one could ever accept the idea of ​​them... having mental disorder---if ever my husband really has.

"You must find a way, Kirsten. The welfare of your husband, yourself and your child depends on this. I have to check him up by myself just to make sure the symptoms really are related to DID. Because if that's the case... you need to keep yourself and your child away from him. That's the best thing you can do," he added.

"But I'm his wife," I protested, not even bothering to wipe the tears that escaped from my eyes. "I promised him in church that in sickness and in health, I will always be by his side. Through thickness and thinness, I will remain his wife."

"I'm fvcking tired of getting beaten by him, actually. There's no place for the wound anymore on my body because he's filled all the space. And there isn't a night that he doesn't succeed in making me cry before bed. Over a decade of marriage, or over the ten years I have shared with him my life on one roof, he has never made me feel loved, treasured and protected."

"What he felt and gave me was pure pain, sorrow, resentment and crying. His beautiful promises he had pledged to the Lord on the day of our wedding turned out to be the opposite of those." I was smiling the whole time while speaking bitterly. "Despite that, I still don't have enough reason to leave him. It's still not enough for me to abandon the promises I made to him in front of God. Promises are made to be fulfilled, not just for people to say something and to increase the promises that were broken."

"I am still Liam's wife. Sometimes I think of running away from the house or breaking up with him, but at the end of the day... I also suddenly realize that running away is not the answer to our current problem. Especially now that I know my husband needs me if ever his mental state is not okay. Instead of beating my hasty retreat from him, I should've stayed."

I closed my mouth to breathe a little while. "I will do my best to bring Liam to you. Even if it costs my life to suffer the hell out of him again, I will do just to bring him with you."

And I was about to leave his office when he spoke, "You deserve someone better, Kris. You can keep your promise to him. But, staying with a man who couldn't even love you from ten years of marriage is too much to sacrifice."

"Don't settle to be with a man who couldn't even treat you better, Kris."

I completely turned away from him but my legs stayed in place. "And my promise to him is to love him eternally. I promised to love him as long as my heart keeps beating, and as long as I'm still breathing. To the mountains and back, I shall love no one other than the man standing as my groom on our wedding day."

"It literally hurts to love him, but I will always be willing to endure the pain," my last words before leaving his office.

*****

Here I am again, having problems waiting for the taxi going home. It's still early, Liam is definitely not at home yet. As for weekdays, he always comes home late at night, so I don't have to worry. And I didn't bother to bring a car with me since Mother Minda just helped me run away from home earlier. The bodyguards don't know that I left the house... and I'm still hoping I won't get caught.

"Kris!"

I turned around when I heard Logan's voice. He ran up to me and handed me the handkerchief that I had left in his office.

"You forgot--"

"Why is my wife outside the house?" Logan didn't finish what he had to say when I saw my husband walking behind him, looking at Logan badly.

"Care to explain why you forbid me, wife?"

I was afraid to look away from Liam. Even though I couldn't see it, I knew that at this time, he was staring at me as well as Logan.

"I'm her friend--"

"I'm not talking to you." Liam walked towards me as he held my wrist harshly. "You owe me an explanation."

Logan's eyes showed a lot of concern for me but I just signaled him not to interfere. Even against my will, I let Liam pulled me inside his car.

And from his hold, I could sense another war was about to happen. The fire inside him began to burn... and a minute from now, I will, again, metamorphose into ashes.

"Tell me why?" Liam's deep and terrifying voice enveloped my body as my body shivered so hard while sitting at the edge of the bed. "What's your reason for leaving the house without my consent? I didn't fail to remind you, didn't I? I told you not to go outside, Kris! Is that too much to ask?"

I want to answer him yes. I want to voice out my feelings and I want to show him that he is exaggerating by locking me up here inside the hell he used to call a palace before. But I ended up saying, "I'm sorry."

Even though I don't see any reason for me to apologize, to cut this conversation short, I apologized.

"I'm sorry for breaking your rules, Liam."

"It's okay." Even though I was looking at the floor, I could clearly see from the floor the fall of the lab coat he had just taken off. "But, please..." And I don't really like what's about to happen tonight.

Liam pushed my shoulder lightly just to lay my body down on the bed. "I don't want the same thing to happen again, hmm? You know what I don't like is when you’re breaking my rules. I hate seeing you with another man, you know that. I don't care if that bastard was your college friend. I still cannot afford seeing you with that guy. I’m jealous.”

He's now on my top, slowly unbuttoning his shirt. "I could sense that guy likes you. It's obvious in his eyes that you're his type, Kris. That’s what I hate the most, you know me. What’s my property should stay mine. I don’t share you with anybody…”

"Because you're mine, Kris."

Now that he finished unbuttoning the polo shirt he was wearing up to his chin, he took it off completely to reveal his broad and built masculine body to me. I couldn't erase the fact that Liam made his body more beautiful because of his routine every weekend that he goes to the gym.

"I only have you and your body." He finally owned my lips after saying those words.

And I was like... answering his kiss emotionless. A few months passed when we last had sex because Liam was also very busy at work. I won't deny that I also missed us doing something that a couple does. But in the past years and with my experience of marriage with him, I'm no longer enjoying having sex with Liam.

His lips slowly traveled to my neck. His kiss was so irresistible and at the same time, it felt warm. And when he was lifting my blouse up, it was my hands that stopped him. I immediately lifted my top and took it off. Showing my body to him while wearing only my brassiere, the shape of his grin increased and he suddenly buried his face in my chest. Ugh! That was too fast.

I bite my lips, unbuttoning the piece of clothes left in my upper part. When I felt his tongue in my nipple, I couldn't breathe and my eyes were left closed.

"You're so good at doing that," I moaned.

It's tickling that what he's doing is making my vagina also wet, without realizing it, one of my hands hastily took off my underwear to finger myself while Liam is just busy doing his business with my breasts. And it was damn satisfying.

"You're too fast, wife--"

"Hold on."

I moved away from his face that was buried in my chest so that my eyes traveled to his pants. Shit. I've always wanted to feel that inside me. I'm getting impatient with how long Liam licks my nipple. I couldn't wait any longer!

"Enter me," I spoke as my eyes focused on his belt that I wanted to remove.

And his hands are now unraveling his sword. It's so slow that because I'm so bored, I help him take off his pants and undies, and I hold his dick. His dick that entered mine over several times.

"Coming in." At the same time, it finally entered my core.

Liam and I have done this many times... and I could say... he never gets tired of it. My vagina never gets tired of his bananas.

"Hmm..."

"Come on, don't be shy!"

I was just kidding him but Liam agreed. Ouch! My livid, livid body couldn't do anything but roll its eyes because of how satisfying I felt. It hurts but it's okay. He was riding me faster and faster until the pain I felt earlier when he hit me... was replaced by pleasure.

And he's fucking me with his hands still playing with my nipple. He licked my breast so deliciously that it shook one after the other because of the strength of his grind.

"The idea that I won't enjoy sharing temptations with you turned out to be just a piece of fiction," I whispered amidst my burning desire slowly eating my sanity.

"Kris..."

"Faster... Liam..."

"I'm about to explode..."

"No--"

"I mean it." And in just a snap, his juice exploded inside me. It was hot and sticky, so he made sure to take the pet out. "Are you okay--"

"Tired." I just lay on the bed and closed my eyes.

I didn't enjoy what we did, actually. Besides the fact that I was hooked... the idea that I made him fuck me because of me... longing for sex. I also have needs as a woman... and just now that was given to me again.

"I hope we can create something by this time," I heard him whisper.

I really hope so. Maybe Liam will come back to his senses when we have our own child.

Crazy as it may sound, I'm still hoping his condition will get better once a baby comes into our life. Maybe there is still a chance that he will be a good husband to me if that happens. Because Liam started to be a monster in my eyes right after we found out that I... have no capacity to carry a child.