"Mommy, what happened to your face?" My attention was caught by Sarah noticing the wound on my cheek that my lush hair could barely hide.

"It's just a mosquito bite, Sarah. Don't pay attention to it." I signaled her to return to eating and just don't bother herself worrying about my face.

At her young age, she also cannot understand what I am going through at the hands of her daddy. I’d rather choose to make this a secret from Sarah. I think it’s better that way. I'm afraid of tearing down our family that I have almost died to save.

"Get up now, Sarah. You're going to be late for school," there was authority in the tone of Liam's voice that drove my daughter quickly to stand up from her seat. He then looked at me. "I'll tell you, Kris. Never leave the house. Understood?" And as if I have another option other than nodding my head as a sign of agreement.

I have been released from my imprisonment in a dark room... yet, still I'm a prisoner of my own house. Liam's job is at a hospital and working as the head doctor is good and smooth. He earns more than enough so he doesn't let me work anymore.

To act as his wife, I must stay in our house all day long... to be imprisoned here in my entire life... without even experiencing traveling outside.

"Should I be happy that I'm not locked in the room anymore?" I asked Mother Minda, who acted as my mother in the huge mansion where I lived. "Or, I must be sad because I just got out of that room, but can't get out of this house?"

She stopped putting away the plates, and on the vacant seat which she's able to face me, she sat. "If you are no longer happy with Liam, you can end your marriage with him. Options are always available for you, you might just have to consider picking them when you think you really need it. If you are tired of him keeping you locked up here at home, why would you choose to stay with him when there are other men out there who can treat you right that your husband couldn’t give you."

I bowed with sadness. "I can't leave Sarah here. I'm sure Sarah won't be doing well here when I decided to be separated with Liam. That's why even though it hurts and I'm struggling, I didn't file for divorce."

"Even though Sarah is not my real daughter, I love her very much, Mother Minda. Even though she didn't come from my womb, I still loved her like my own flesh and blood. And the moment I leave this house without bringing her with me, I will put my daughter in danger."

"You can't blame Liam if his treatment of Sarah changes. We know he’s just being good to Sarah because you're here. But if you decide to leave, what other reason does Liam have to treat Sarah like a decent child when she’s not even his daughter, is it?"

She held my hand firmly, wearing her worrying eyes. "Make a decision that will be good for you and your daughter. Run away from him, Kris."

I wiggled my head constantly. "I couldn't do that. I didn't have any capacity to escape this house with her."

"It's like you don't know that pet of yours, mom. I think there are a hundred bodyguards watching me just to ensure that I don't leave the house. How do you think I could escape from those fvcking guards?" I just laugh as I keep wiggling my head.

Escaping this hell will never be possible. I have long accepted since my soul was tied to Liam that I will die right here in this place. A few cuts and bruises, maybe tomorrow I'll be able to sleep overnight… and then die.

"If only I had the power, dear… I would have helped you." She brushed my hair which made my body calm for a moment. "With just a flick of my finger, your skin is back to being smooth."

And that makes me sad even more. How I wish to turn back time…. and how I wish myself to become those famous runaway brides on the day of their wedding. If I were to be, I wouldn't be in this sad life now.

"It's funny when he says he won't ever make me feel regretful for accepting his proposal, and this happens..." Droplets of tears just got started streaming down my cheeks. "I once became the happiest woman in the world when the man I love kneeled down in front of me, asking me to be his bride. And with how fast the night changes... I'm probably the saddest woman in the whole world, regretting that I accepted him as my husband."

He promised to give me a good and happy life. Is this what he says is a good and happy life? This is hell. He literally brought me to hell!

"The only thing I can do for you is to pray that one day your life will be in order."

"But remember that only you have the ability to draw your own destiny, Kris. If you want to get out of the hellish life that Liam has given you, you must act."

Mother Minda gave me a small smile before she continued to put away the dishes on the sink. And I was like... Oh? This is the choice I make. It's only natural that I have to face the consequences even though I didn't expect it to be as bad as the consequences I did when I said yes to Liam.

*****

"Why did I see all the Chinese herbs I just bought in the trash?"

I was busy reading a book in our room when the door opened, and Liam's blank face appeared to me with the lab coat he was just undressing on his arm. His face that used to always smile whenever I was with him and the excitement on his face when we're traveling together, since we became a couple, I haven't seen that again.

"Those are expired, honey-"

I gasped as he tossed his lab coat on the bed. "Are you trying to single me out, Kris? I just bought those, how can they expire so soon? I'm not stupid enough to buy herbal meds that are bad for your condition to take!"

And at this time, my heart started pounding very hard upon hearing his voice becoming loud and strong.

"I'm sorry-"

My appropriate apology hung in the air again when he rudely snapped my face using the back of his palm. Another bruise was awarded to my face because of the bravery I did.

I deserve it.

"How hard is this thing I’m asking you to do, huh?!" He strangled me and presented my innocent face to his demonic eyes. "Just drink that to get pregnant, Kris! What's so hard to do there?!"

"I-I don't want to." My shaking hands grabbed his hand that was strangling my neck, and using my remaining strength I tried to remove his hand from strangling me.

"You're just giving me more reason to hurt you!" He pushed me hard and just as my back hit the side table, the flower vase fell on my head. "I'm looking for a way, Kris, to get you pregnant. I'm doing everything so that at least one child from the two of us can be born. All I’m asking for you is just to cooperate! Is that too much to ask?!”

I felt blood dripping from my head where the vase broke. Even though it hurt with a little pain, I didn't mind it for this time. I think I need to explain my side to Liam.

"If you are not tired of hoping that we will have a child, I hope you will think of me as well. I don't want to hope for that to happen anymore because I have accepted for a long time that the only thing I can take care of is the child that did not come from my womb."

And maybe because I talked back to him, he immediately came to me and pulled me upright... and then using the back of his hand, he slapped me... falling back to the floor.

"Could you stop talking like that, Kris?! This doesn't make any sense! If you're so weak-minded to give up immediately that we could make a child, definitely not the same as me!" I could see his feet starting to walk towards me, and my whole body starting to shiver.

"Honey…" He sat in front of me and brushed my messy hair from my face. Even though I was shaking, I tried to get away from his sinful hand, but he still can reach me through his hands. "Don't force me to hurt you anymore. I love you so much-"

"You don't love me," I whispered. "A person who knows how to love doesn't know how to hurt. If what you are doing to me is still called love..." My eyes met his eyes with tears. "Why are you hurting me? You're choking me."

"I'm going to beg you, Liam. Stop insisting me to get pregnant. Sarah is enough-"

"No." What I thought was his gentle face turned into a scary one. "My dad will never accept that child, Kris! He will never accept the child we just picked up from the orphanage as a grandchild! So, whether you like it or not, you have to get pregnant!" He took my hand and forcibly took me to the kitchen.

He poured the contents of the new Chinese herbs he took from the fridge into the glass and forced me to drink it, but I insisted not to open my mouth despite his insistence.

"You won't drink?" He squeezed my cheek hard and forced my mouth to open. "Drink it--"

"Liam! What are you doing with Kris?!" Mother Minda suddenly came to the kitchen, so what Liam was planning to do with me was interrupted. "Dear! Do you still see what you are doing to your wife?!"

And Liam just stared at me the whole time processing his mind about what he has done to me. He was just stunned as he gradually moved away from me, and as if he's not aware that at this moment, he's starting to shed tears.

"Lock me in my study room, please."

Liam seemed to be out of his mind when Mother Minda led him to his study room. There, he sat on the long, black sofa as if he still wasn't coming back to his senses. And Mother Minda left the room, locking the door before she got back to me.

"Are you okay?" she asked me worriedly, but I seem to have adapted to my husband becoming stupor. "Wait a minute, I'll treat your wound."

"Mother Minda," I called her so she couldn't continue to leave. "Haven't he taken some treatments?"

"My kid doesn't have a mental illness, Kris. He doesn't need to take any medicine or undergo any treatments. He's fine," she answered with a smile before turning her back on me.

But, I'm not convinced. I've been married to him for almost a decade, and he's always like that. I guess it has become their routine that whenever Liam hurts me because he can't even control himself hurting me, Mother Minda will come to stop him. And then the next thing happened... she locked him in his study room just to make sure he couldn't get close to me and hurt me.

And then now... Nay Minda wanted me to believe that there's nothing wrong with my husband? That he is normal? No! He really needs to be treated. I need to know what his illness is... and this is the least I can do for him as his wife.

Because I'm tired of him hurting me almost every day every time he comes home from work. That whenever I did even a little mistake in his eyes, he would make it a big deal.

"Kris, don't think about anything else..." When Mother Minda returned with the first aid kit, she immediately sat in front of me to begin the treatment. "Don't think that your husband is not normal. You can't blame him if because he wants you to have a child, he suddenly becomes a different person in your eyes."

"And if you are thinking of leaving and breaking up with him just because you think he has a mental problem, you should always remember that God bound you to him with your love for each other."

I just laugh at the back of my mind. Earlier, she sounds like she's encouraging me to leave this house. And then... a sudden change of mind had happened. What kind of life did I really enter?

"The study room was locked again?" Sarah asked with a frown when she entered the house. She's back from school.

"It's not really a big matter, baby--"

"Daddy is locked inside again, isn't he?" she asked innocently, that even if I wanted to explain the events to her, she really wouldn't understand how serious the matters are. "Daddy's not a bad guy! Let him out, mommy! He promised to help me with my homework today," she said with a sneer.

"I'll do it then." I showed her my fake smile before I brought my daughter inside her room. In that way, her attention will be diverted to the study room where her daddy is imprisoned.

I hope he'll never come out there. My life could've been peaceful if he's not around, anyway. My life would have been better if I refused his proposal to me back when his love for me was still visible in his eyes.

Can't imagine my 'I do. I want you to be my husband' turns out to be 'I don't want this fvcking life anymore!'

With Liam's request with regards of drinking those Chinese herbs in hopes that I could get pregnant, I did it against my will. If I let my stubbornness prevail again, I'm only bringing myself closer to danger. I'm human too... I still feel pain by Liam's hand and leg blows every time he loses his temper.

"Your Mama Imelda will come later, Kris," said Mother Minda from the kitchen while I was in the living room watching TV. From here, her voice reached its peak, adding that the two of us were the only ones at home since Sarah went to school and Liam went to the hospital early. "Didn't you promise her that the next time she comes here you will cook her kare-kare?"

"Well, until now I still haven't gotten the mixture right. I often put too much peanut butter. She might criticize my cooking again just in case," I answered indifferently while still focusing on what I was watching.

That happened last year. It was my birthday and when I promised my mother-in-law that I would cook her a delicious Paella, I agreed... she only criticized it because it tasted too salty. I wonder what kind of wife I am if just cooking simple food is very difficult for me to do. Such embarrassing insult I’ve received from her that night and I promised myself that I would never do it again.

Well, I don't really have any talent in cooking. I'll just waste my energy studying, besides I'm the one who hates oil, spoons and pans.

"You and Liam have been married for over a decade, dear," replied Mother Minda who looked like she was done washing the dishes. She went to the living room and sat on a single-seater sofa where she could clearly see my face. "It's not bad if you make efforts to reconcile with your mother-in-law."

"I won't expect her heart to soften towards me anymore." My attention shifted to Mother Minda and as much as I could, I tried to make the smile on my lips better. "From the day I forced them to adopt Sarah as their own grandchild, I know I hurt her too much. Despite my deep reason as to why I wanted to adopt Sarah is because I want to make our family whole and happy, I might say she doesn’t care about where I’m coming from. And from that moment, I knew she started her hate towards me.”

That's why mom can't accept Sarah as a granddaughter. She has always been against my plan to adopt a child from an orphanage. Fortunately, I forced Liam to agree... so because of Sarah, Liam and I's dream family became complete, and in fact he even wanted us to form a basketball team. However, that might be impossible because my womb don’t cooperate.

"You can't blame Madam Imelda if she feels bad for you. If you had just continued taking the herbs you are taking now, or agreed to surrogacy, maybe your relationship with your mother-in-law would have been better ."

"I can endure drinking herbs," I muttered in between laughs, "but surrogacy? A baby is not food to be placed on any woman's ovary. That is something I cannot do in the name of having our own child."

I took the remote from under my butt because I didn't realize that I was sitting on it. And then I turned off the TV before getting up from my relaxing seat.

"Don't even mention to Liam that I'm leaving today," I begged. "I just have to make sure that Liam has no signs of having a mental disorder."

Her face showed disapproval. "Why are you insisting that Liam has a mental problem? Didn't I already tell you--"

"You can't blame me for suspecting him of having a mental disorder. You're not the one he's hurting, that's why you couldn't notice how his behavior changed from time to time."

"Mother Minda…" I came closer to her to touch her already rough palms. A forced smile curved my lips as I continued speaking, "I'm doing this to save our family and… our relationship. I'm his wife… and I'm responsible for taking care of his health. For now that his condition isn't that bad, if anything, then we can treat him.”

"Believe me or not… I really don't want to devastate our relationship… and our family. I love them both. I love Liam despite the way he hurt me. I have loved him as much as I loved him in the old days."

"My love for him remained despite him breaking his promises to me on the day I said 'yes' to his proposal... and on the day I said 'I do' to him on our wedding day."

"So, please… don't let Liam know that I left the house today. I just have to do this for his own sake. Please?"

And the good old woman did nothing but let me out. I have trust in her that she will not say anything to my husband about this. That's why I left the house early to meet my psychiatrist friend. I did not inform Mother Minda that the friend I was about to meet is a guy. For sure, she’ll never allow me to go out because she knows once Liam finds out I’m meeting a guy, whether he’s just my friend, I know my husband well. He can kill without mercy.

First of all, most of my friends are boys. So, Liam strictly forbids me to meet them. He makes even my friends jealous... and he's so suffocating. Even my contact details to them, Liam got rid of those. Phone numbers, and even my social media accounts. That was all deleted. Even creating a social media accounts, I don't have freedom.

That's how jealousy turned my husband to be the man I'm not expecting him to be.

*****

"Carrying so much anger, it's like you're losing yourself. Is that so?"

I nodded. "And after he realizes he has abused me, he will suddenly asked Mother Minda to imprison him in his study room. As if he's stopping himself from harassing me."

"Uhm, Kris," Logan's terrified voice was all I heard. "This is the only thing I could advise you as of now..."

"What?"

"Dissociative Identity Disorder is very rare." I just remained silent, waiting for him to explain that disorder further. "And I think your husband seemed to be diagnosed with having this disorder. These people have many personalities... and maybe the abusive one is the other side of Liam."