"How many men were there before me?

None. Do you know how much shame I carry having you by my side as my girlfriend? Even your own mother is ashamed of you - you said it yourself."

"I never begged for your love, Jun," I snapped back, tears stinging my eyes. "Why date me if you're ashamed of my size?"

"Pity. That was it. I dated you out of pity. And yet, you're still so ungrateful."

---

All Charlotte ever wanted was to become an actress.

But growing up in a family that constantly belittled her and dating a man like Jun, who tore her down because of her size, made that dream feel unreachable.

After a devastating breakup, she flees to the United States, desperate for space to breathe. But she never imagined everything would change before the plane even touched down.

Now, she finds herself entangled with a mysterious billionaire - one who seems dangerously obsessed with her.

Charlotte knows better than to trust too easily.

 But how do you protect your heart when someone seems too good to be true… and refuses to let you go?

PROLOGUE

CHARLOTTE'S POV

You think you can hurt me?

My own mother told me she regretted the day she conceived me. She wished I had died in her womb. She screamed those words at five-year-old me, pinning me to the floor with a dagger pointed at my neck.

Mummy, I’m sorry, my little voice had whispered.

It wasn’t something new to me. I don’t remember the first time, but I’m sure I must have cried—terrified and confused. Yet, at the end of each outburst, she never had the heart to finish me off. I guess she wasn’t a horrible mother… just a broken woman.

That day, she had come home drunk from a failed date. He had rejected her for being a single mother to a Black child. That wasn't the first time. Apparently, my father's race was an issue for them. My unknown father—whom my mother loved dearly and dated against her family’s wishes—left the country when she was seven months pregnant. He never returned. He never called.

So of course, I had to pay for his sins.

My mother was disowned by her family for "bringing disgrace" and "staining" the family name. And in return, she hated me for looking nothing like her but more like my father. I was told how ugly and fat I was since childhood. My own mother made sure I never forgot it. She reminded me every day—not just of my appearance, but of how deeply she hated me.

I can’t say I loved her as a child, because truthfully… I didn’t even know what love was. Not even the kind they call "motherly love."

Months after being rejected by her date, my mother regained her family's blessing and affection when she got engaged to a popular Hollywood filmmaker—a blue-eyed, blonde British charmer.

When I was six, my mother gave birth to my twin half-sisters. People said they were the most beautiful babies they had ever seen.

That was the moment I learned the difference between beauty and ugly. Six-year-old me stood in front of the mirror and accepted that I was the image of "ugly"… and my sisters, "beauty."

I wasn’t even sad. At that age, I didn’t see it as cruel. I saw it as my reality. My fate.

After their birth, my sisters became local celebrities. They were signed to endorsement deals for baby modeling in China. Family and friends adored them. Our grandparents worshipped them.

And that’s when I realized what love actually was. I couldn’t feel it. But I could see it. And honestly? That was enough for me.

It was beautiful to see someone being loved. To see my mother glowing—not drunk, not cursing, not breaking things, not threatening to kill me.

I was happy.

My favorite day was our family photoshoot for the twins’ one-year birthday, with both sets of grandparents. My mother and my new stepfather were seated in the middle. The Chinese and British grandparents stood beside their children. I was told to sit on the floor beside my mother.

When the framed photos arrived and were hung in our living room, I was missing in every single one of them.

Maybe I was too fat to fit in. But I know I could’ve slayed that photoshoot—especially with my wide smile and a missing tooth while gazing up at my little sisters.

As I grew older, the hate turned into bullying—especially from kids in the neighborhood and classmates at school. I remember some encounters.

“N*gga!” one kid shouted. I didn’t even know what that meant.

“Fat ugly girl!” another added.

I understood the latter perfectly, because my own mother called me that often. But I always replied with confidence:

Yeah, I’m fat and ugly—but I’ve got beautiful sisters! You got beautiful sisters? Noooo!

Yeah, I was that proud of them.

I literally raised them, when my mother was too busy with her work. I would bottle-feed them, and at a tender age I learned to change diapers, sing lullabies, and put them to sleep.

I loved them dearly but… unfortunately for me, they grew up and joined my bullies. They told their friends I wasn’t even related to them.

Easy to believe—we looked nothing alike.

However, I can't blame them for seeing me as more of a maid than a sister. They learned from our mother.

KILL THAT DREAM

PRESENTLY----

"You want me to say it? Fine! You are too fat, you can never be a successful actress,Charlotte. What makes you think you will get a role in the audition? How many female actors of your size do you see in a Chinese drama getting major roles? And worse you are mixed with black. Be realistic".

Those were the words of my boyfriend,Jun, after I told him about my upcoming audition for a movie.

I tried to keep my emotions in check.

"Why do you say it like being mixed with black is a bad thing? Besides there are many plus size female actors in Hollywood"

I replied.

"Oh you want to go to America? You will sure make a good comedy show,look I don't mean to make you feel bad, especially when you are suicidal. But why not stick to the waitress job that I suggested and quit this idea of being an actress".

I looked down sadly.

"I came because I wanted to seek your encouragement. I didn't know you would get this upset."

"Upset?"

Jun said with a humorless laugh.

"You think I'm just upset? That's my problem with you".

I looked up at him with glistening eyes.

"Acting has been my dream,since I was child. Why can't you support me in this?"

"Because It's silly!" he snapped back, his voice rising.

"I'm your boyfriend, Charlotte. You're supposed to respect me. If you cared about me, you wouldn't even be arguing about this. You will stick to the waitress job, like I told you to do.".

"Jun, you know I love and do care about you. I've been loyal to you. Always. Why can't you for once, support me? I am trying, I really am."

"Maybe, if you weren't this average and unnecessarily fat, it could be hopeful".

I was speechless at that statement.

He pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Just look at yourself in the mirror, Charlotte.No one want to see all of you on their screen. You complain that you got bullied as a waitress. Well news flash, you will get more hate as an actress on the screen. Do you want to be bullied online too?"

My throat tightened.

"I was 'unnecessarily fat' when you approached me. Why didn't you say you didn't like plus size and go for slim women?" I asked with a frown. "I loved you with your flaws too, you know that. Don't act like you're perfect."

Jun scoffed, offended.

He rolled his tongue and looked me up and down.

I looked at myself too,I was wearing something close to a maternity gown. According to Jun that's what suits me the most. Suits my body type,the most.

Since he was my boyfriend I had accepted his dressing choice for myself.

"You're lucky I've put up with you for this long. I've been managing you. Be honest, how many men were there before me? None! It's hard to find a man when you look like a middle aged, divorced single mother with kids. You are twenty-nine and unmarried what did that tell you? You think you have options?"

Those words landed like a slap.

"Do you know how cruel those words are, Jun?"

I sobbed as tears rolled down my eyes.

"Don't get all sensitive, Charlotte. I'm just being honest. So if you want this relationship to work, you know what you need to do. I can't put up with the shame all the time. Family, friends, have been on my neck. You have no idea how much shame I have been fighting by having you by my side as my girlfriend?"

I looked down slowly.

"You are.... ashamed of me?"

"Ashamed is an understatement."

He scoffed.

I looked up at him, my tears rolling freely down my cheeks.

"I never forced you to love me, Jun. Why did you even date me if you are embarrassed to be seen with me or anything like that. You made me think you are the one...someone who finally understood me and all of a sudden you are acting like a man with no atom of compassion and love for me".

"Now, I am the bad guy for dating a hopeless fat twenty-nine years old woman in China, do you think someone out there will look at you twice?"

I was about to reply, when a familiar sultry voice called from inside the apartment.

"Jun baby!"

That voice...

"Is that....?"

I paused and looked at him in both doubt and surprise.

Jun closed his eyes in regret and murmured,

"Fuck."

Suddenly, the door opened and a blonde lady appeared, wearing nothing but Jun's oversized shirt, her unclad body on full display.

Her heavy massive titts bouncing as she walked towards us.

Jun rubbed his neck.

"Chloe?"

I whispered in disbelief.

I stood there like a statue, staring at Chloe, my younger sister....half sister.

My lips parted, but no sound came.

"Opps,hey Charlotte".

She said and turned back.

I shifted my gaze to Jun.

"You... You're... cheating on me, with my sister?"

I said, her voice trembling.

He ran his fingers through his hair, then turned to me with a frown and suddenly snapped.

"Half sister".

"She is still my sister! You!...."

I couldn't finish my sentence and looked away, sobbing silently.

"And whose fault is that? You've been ignoring me lately. What did you expect? For me to just wait around while you chase after your stupid dreams? Besides I am a man, I need to have sex. You kept blabbering about keeping it until the wedding night. This is 2025. Who still makes such decisions? You are twenty nine and a virgin...at this point it's a shame. I can't keep waiting for you, Charlotte."

I stared at him, impulsively holding my hand to my chest. I felt a sudden sharp tightness in my chest.

"You made me feel small. Made me question my worth just to cover up the fact that you're a liar and a cheat. Just a few minutes ago, I was willing to give up my dream for you, and this is what I get?"

Uncontrollable hot tears rolled down my face,my heart was hurting sharply, stabbing so much, so much that I started panicking.

"What is happening to me?"

I cried loudly as I gripped my chest.

AUDITION

I gasped loudly and opened my wet, stinky eyelids.

Same dream again.

Ever since I caught my ex-boyfriend in bed with my sister, I've been having recurring dreams like this that won't stop until I wake up with tears streaming down my face.

Being hurt by the people you love the most-that's another level of pain.

I should've known better.

It's just... I thought he would be different.

I thought I had found the one because he was on the bigger side, and he convinced me that he had the same insecurities about his body. He said he could relate to my emotions and struggles.

I thought we were bonding through shared vulnerability.

Turns out, I was just bait-always the bait-for the main prize.

And he had the audacity to do on my birthday.

Now, all I feel is foolish.

I wiped under my eyes, got up from the bed, then walked straight to my weight scale.

Seeing the numbers broke my heart.

"What, I gained more?!"

I snapped sadly as tears welled up in my eyes in frustration.

I looked at the table in the corner of my room, full of weight loss pills, appetite suppressants... and antidepressants.

My table looks like a damn local pharmacy.

"The drugs are not as effective as I was told. I was careful with my diet and workouts preparing for the audition. How on earth did I gain more? Could it be stress?"

I muttered, disappointed.

Suddenly, I felt a pain in my chest. I took deep breaths trying to calm my heart.

I need to step up and prove Jun wrong.

Not just Jun.

My family.....

I have been dealing with this since I was a child. I can't let this heartbreak ruin my dream of becoming an actress.

I sighed and walked into the bathroom.

I turned on the shower and got lost in thought concerning the audition. Passing this audition is going to be a big breakthrough for me.

Jun's voice came back.

"Just look at yourself in the mirror, Charlotte. No one wants to see all that fat on their screen."

I stared at myself in the mirror, my hands trembling as I touched my tummy folds and my underarm fat.

"I do hope they look beyond your appearance, Charlotte and consider your passion and your talent. Please, God, I can't lose this time, I will lose my mind ."

I closed my eyes as tears rolled down freely from them.

A few minutes later, I stepped out of the shower, towel wrapped around my chest, water dripping down my legs.

I dried my body and walked to my closet to pick my outfit.

A high-waisted baggy jeans and a simple top.

Putting on the high-waist jeans was a struggle.

I collapsed onto the edge of my bed and yanked the zipper up with both hands.

I exhaled, tried again.

"Come on, come on."

I bounced slightly, tugging at the waistband, shimmying my way in like I was wrestling a python.

Eventually, the zipper gave in.

I sighed in relief, took my comb and brushed my curls, then put them up in a big bun.

"I guess I am good to go."

I muttered checking myself out on the mirror.

My eyes went to the childhood sketches of myself which I taped on my wall.

I had pictured future me being slim and shapely like my mother, except for the skin complexion.

My glance shifted to another sketch of myself on the television-the brown crayon painted as my skin, and the black crayon used for my curls.

I smiled sadly.

"I hope your dream comes true, Charlotte."

Just then, my alarm rang on my phone, giving me a jump start.

"Shit! I can't get there late!"

I rushed to the kitchen and forced down a bowl of steamed veggies.

Then back to the room and popped two appetite suppressants.

Picked up my bag and rushed outside to get a cab

----------

The building was already packed when I arrived the location.

Girls in skirts, blouses, heels, and full faces of makeup.

I recognized some of them from social media-rising influencers, dancer girls, some theater kids who always booked minor roles in commercials.

Everyone looked so put together.

Meanwhile, I was sweating through my top and adjusting my waistband every two seconds.

I signed in, took my number-47-and sat in a corner of the waiting room, praying silently.

A few feet away, two girls were laughing,looking at me making sure I knew they were mocking me.

Then, guessing that I was a foreigner and couldn't understand, they started talking about me in Mandarin.

"She's so fat. And dark."

The first one said to her friend.

"She really thinks she can get a role, looking like that? She look funny."

Her friend replied and they laughed.

I sighed and said nothing, pretending I couldn't understand them.

Then, unexpectedly, someone slid into the empty seat beside me.

I stole a glance at her.

She was so beautiful.

She looked like she was tired of the noise, then she glanced at me and smiled.

"I like your curls," she said in lightly accented English.

I blinked.

"Oh-thanks."

"Don't mind those two," she added, nodding toward the whispering girls. "I apologize on their behalf."

I gave a small smile and tucked a curl behind my ear.

"It's okay. I actually understand them, I choose to ignore."

I replied in Mandarin.

Her eyes widened a bit.

"Oh? You speak Mandarin?"

"I'm half-Chinese," I said with a soft shrug. "My mom's from here. So... yeah."

She smiled and offered a handshake.

"I'm Lily, by the way. Trying out for the bakery girl role. The female lead role."

"Charlotte," I said. "Trying out for the same one, I think."

The two girls burst into laughter again.

"What's so funny! You should be ashamed of yourselves."

Lily yelled at them in Mandarin, then turned to me.

"You wanna exchange contacts? You seem cool."

I blinked, surprised, then nodded.

"Sure."

We scanned each other's WeChat codes.

"Number 47, please," a staff member called.

I stood up-legs shaking, heart racing.

"Good luck."

Lily said with a smile.

"Thanks, Lily."

I closed my eyes, said a short prayer before heading in.

As soon as I walked into the audition room, I felt so anxious that I could feel my legs shaking visibly.

Three judges were sitting behind a white desk. They all had scripts in front of them. One of them was an older man with graying hair. The second, a middle-aged woman and lastly a younger male judge.

Thw elderly man looked up and removed his glasses.

"You've got to be kidding me," he said, in Mandarin.

The woman next to him chuckled, covering her mouth.

"Is she lost?"

The younger man in the middle looked uncomfortable by my presence.

He shifted in his seat but said nothing.

I bowed and greeted them.

"Your name and age, please."

The lady asked.

I cleared my throat, trying to calm my nerves.

"Hi. I'm Charlotte Wang. Twenty-nine. Reading for the role of Cassandra."

They didn't respond. The woman whispered something to the elderly man.

"Whenever you're ready," the younger male judge finally said.

I took a breath and started. Unfortunately, before I could finish my monologue, the older judge raised his hand.

"Okay, that's enough."

I froze, mid-line, a bit confused by the interruption.

Could it be I am not good enough?

My heart raced.

"Your acting is not the problem," he said. "You're good. Surprisingly."

"Thanks....sir."

"But unfortunately, not for this role. This is a romance drama. Our female lead is supposed to be... petite. Soft. You know, desirable."

The female judge added.

She looked me up and down.

"You're... not what we're looking for."

My heart hit my rib cage like a bomb blast.

I nodded slowly, and pressed my lips into a thin line, trying not to cry.

The younger man spoke this time.

"You're talented. But casting you would be a risk to the project. Our audiences expect a certain look and you do not fit in. I'm sorry," he said. "You really are good."

I smiled bitterly.

"Thanks."

I wanted to say I can take any role but my mouth was too heavy to open.

I bowed again and walked out of the room, my feet heavy and my heart stuffed.

Lily stood up immediately and rushed to me.

"Charlotte that was fast!"

I forced a smile.

"How was it?"

I simply nodded.

My mouth will betray me if I open it.

Seeing that I was getting emotional, she decided not to ask questions.

"I will chat you, okay?"

She said softly.

I nodded and walked out of the hall, trying not to break down.

Why?

I worked hard, I practiced, I starved ,I prayed to God.

Why am I always unwanted?

Does God not consider me human too?

Why?

MELT DOWN

I cried the whole way home.

In the back of the taxi, with my forehead pressed against the window, I let the tears fall freely. The driver didn’t say a word. Good. Because if he asked me if I was okay, I would've screamed at him.

By the time I got home, my head was pounding and my chest felt like it had been carved open.

I barely got my shoes off before I stormed into my room and slammed the door shut behind me.

Then I snapped.

I threw my handbag across the room. The bottle of appetite suppressants followed next—tiny white pills flying out as the cap burst open.

I knocked over the stupid stack of “slimming teas” on my vanity.

Then the tight shapewear was next.

I pulled them out of my closet and flung them onto the floor, took my scissors and started cutting them to shreds.

And then, I saw myself in the mirror.

Standing there, barefoot, eyes red and puffed, hair frizzed.

I looked like a psychopath.

“I hate you,” I whispered, barely recognizing my voice. “I hate you.”

I stepped closer to the mirror, pointing at it.

“You’re embarrassing. You think you can be an actress? Look at you! Do you think anyone wants to see you on screen? You want to play a romance role. To feel that love even if it's scripted. Joker.”

My fingers trembled as I wiped tears from my cheeks.

“Even your own mother doesn’t want you. She hates you. How were you even conceived?! Eating pills for breakfast, sucking in your stomach to please people who’ll never accept you. You’re a damn joke.”

I glared at the sketch I made as a child and tore it off the wall.

“You LIED to me!” I screamed, my voice hoarse and cracking. “You told me I’d be beautiful! That… I… that… I can achieve my dream, that I… deserved love. That appearance doesn't matter but one's heart and character.”

I pressed my trembling lips, then turned angrily

to my reflection in the mirror again.

“You will never be as beautiful as your mother and sisters! And guess what, honey? You will never be a successful actress!”

I collapsed onto the bed, grabbed a pillow, and punched it with all the force I had.

“I hate this life!”

Another punch.

“I hate this body!”

I screamed into the pillow until my throat burned.

Tears poured down again. I couldn’t tell if I was crying from anger, grief, or just plain exhaustion.

I went silent after a few minutes. I took my phone and ordered food. A lot of it.

Spicy wings. Pork dumplings. Fried rice. Cheesecake. Pizza. Burgers.

What's the need to diet anymore?

I should just accept myself.

The delivery arrived faster than I expected.

I didn’t even wait for the delivery guy to be fully down the hallway before I ripped open the bags and shoved the food into my mouth.

One bite after another, I didn’t care if I was full or sick. I just wanted to feel something other than this ache in my chest.

I kept eating.

Even when my stomach begged me to stop.

Even when my throat burned and my hands shook. I just kept shoving bite after bite into my mouth—like I could drown the pain in food.

My room was a warzone. Torn shapewear, food wrappers, pills, clothes scattered everywhere.

I barely noticed the time until I heard laughter from downstairs, the front door opened, high heels were clicking on the hardwood floor.

The twins are back… my younger sisters.

I know what’s next that will follow. I didn't make dinner.

So I expected them to be at my door in a few minutes, to check on me.

Well, not because they care to know why, but why I didn't make anything for them to eat.

“No food?!”

I heard one snap.

I glanced at my door. It was unlocked. I wanted to go and lock it to avoid their drama, but my body feels so heavy.

I decided to sit back and continue eating anyway.

Just then the door creaked open. For a first-timer,

you would think you just witnessed two identical Barbie dolls come to life.

My half-sisters are that beautiful. Their natural blonde hair and blue eyes—something—and their Asian features made them stand out.

“Oh my God…”

Chloe snapped.

“What the hell happened here?”

Zoey added.

They stepped inside, their faces frozen with shock.

“Charlotte, have you lost it?”

“Just… leave me alone,” I said, stuffing my mouth with food.

“What is this?” Zoey snapped, stepping over a pair of torn waist trainers. “Are you okay? Seriously, this is insane.”

“I said get out.”

“I knew you were never really dieting. Look at that junk food. You are already big, you want to blow?”

“I SAID GET OUT!” I roared and forced myself up.

I walked to them and started shoving them toward the door angrily.

They gasped, stumbled, and looked at me like I was unhinged.

“You’re so damn rude! This is unlike you! Take Zoloft or something. We were just worried!”

Zoey shouted back.

“Yeah, well don’t be,” I snapped, slamming the door in their faces.

I locked it, slid down against it, and hugged my knees, crying.

Furious knocks came on the door.

“You are being so rude and childish, Charlotte!”

“What about our food? Charlotte!”

LEAVING

A WEEK LATER

I made up my mind-I need a vacation. I need to get the hell out of house and forget about all of this.

The heartbreak, the betrayal and continuous failed auditions.

After I was dressed and ready, I looked around my room, then stared down at my passport and luggage, packed on the bed.

This will be the first time I'll be leaving China.

That's where my family has lived since Mom remarried and had my twin sisters.

My stepfather, a Hollywood filmmaker, works in the United States.

I was eighteen when Mother joined the film industry and the two relocated to the U.S.

They visit occasionally, while I was left behind with the twins.

I turned to my childhood sketch of me.

I had glued the torn pieces together, and taped it back to the wall.

"I am sorry I was mean to you, Charlotte. You are beautiful, kind, hardworking and talented. I lost it and said cruel words to you. Forgive me".

I smiled sadly.

"Charlotte, do you see my gold bracelet? The one my boyfriend Tony gifted me?"

Chloe's voice yelled from the living room.

"You dropped it on the couch. And you're really old enough to stop relying on me every time, Chloe. You're twenty-two!"

I yelled back and sighed.

I took one last look around my room.

"I guess this is it," I said quietly, forcing a sad smile.

Just as I picked up my luggage and was about to leave, Chloe barged into my room-wearing nothing but pink lace panties and a matching bra.

Her body was the perfect hourglass shape you can imagine. The kind that turned heads. That kind of small waist that made other girls suck in their tummies.

Curves in all the right places.

She looked like she belonged on a Barbie magazine cover.

"Wait a minute, Charlotte-you're leaving? Is this because my boyfriend Jun dumped you to date me?"

I froze.

"Excuse me? Your boyfriend?"

I asked, turning slowly to face her, stunned.

She blinked, then shrugged like she was clueless about why I reacted that way.

"Well, yeah. I accepted his love proposal."

"What? Are you kidding me? Chloe, I thought you were dating Tony!"

"Well, now I'm dating Jun. Are you mad? I didn't know you'd be offended. Wow. Now I feel bad. Do you still love him? Maybe I should call him and tell him it's over. I just didn't think you were the insecure type. I thought you'd understand-he wants me, not you."

I was speechless.

Like... no words would come out.

My mouth opened slightly, but I had nothing.

I took a deep breath, forcing calm into my voice.

"First of all, Chloe, I'm not insecure or angry because my ex-boyfriend went for you."

Just then, her twin sister Zoey walked in, yawning and rubbing her eyes.

Her hair was wild, and she had on her pajamas with a cartoon doughnut printed across her heavy bosom.

"What are you two arguing about?" she mumbled, scratching her head. "It's early morning. Charlotte, can you just make breakfast already? I'm starving. Had my period last night. I need something made of chocolate."

I shook my head.

"Sorry, ma'am," I said, grabbing my passport and dragging my luggage behind me,

"I can't miss my flight. I gotta go."

Zoey's eyes widened as she blinked away the sleep.

"Wait a minute, where are you going?!"

"Outside China," I answered.

"To look for your dad who impregnated Mom and ran away?" Zoey asked.

I paused, pressed my lips together, and pushed the anger back.

Then I turned around and gave her a sarcastic smile.

"No... and thank you for the reminder."

"Hey, wait! Is Mom aware that you're leaving?"

Chloe asked, following me to the hallway with a slight frown on her face.

Zoey joined her.

"Noooo! But I sent Mom a text message!" I yelled back without stopping.

"Who's going to cook then?! We can't cook you know that!"

Zoey shouted dramatically.

I rolled my eyes and turned at the door, my hand already on the handle.

"Get a maid, sweetie!"

Zoey gasped.

"A maid?! Do you know how much they cost, Charlotte?!"

I played deaf and walked out of the house.

The cab driver stepped out and opened the car boot for me.

"Thanks,"

I murmured as I handed him my luggage.

Settling inside the car, I felt a tear slide down my cheek-

but I quickly wiped it away.