“Chill, bro. I know she’ll come back to you. Oh, come on, a lot of girls like you. I’m sure she’ll be the one to come back and ask to be with you again.”

Rey Jhon patted Carlo’s shoulder, even though he wasn’t sure if what he said was true. Every time his hand touched his friend’s shoulder, it felt like a knife was being pushed deeper into his own chest. That knife searched for his wounded heart and pressed even harder. He wished he could move that knife to the chest of the girl who made his friend cry.

That stupid girl!

“You don’t know Gabriella. Boys chase her too,” Carlo said, crying even harder like the salt was thrown on his wounds.

“I know her. She’s a playgirl.”

Carlo yelled and he realized he said the wrong thing. He scratched his head awkwardly. But it was true, Gabriella was a playgirl. Everyone knows that. He couldn’t understand why his friend even fell for her. If she wasn’t rich, no one would think she was pretty.

He didn’t know what to say to stop Carlo from crying. He didn’t know how to make his words sweet enough to calm him. He didn’t even know what heartbreak really felt like, so all he could do was pat his friend’s shoulder.

But a question stayed in his mind: did Carlo really love Gabriella this much that she was worth his tears?

He wanted to roll his eyes, but he stopped himself. What if Carlo saw it and the tiny hope he was holding on to would vanish? He only had a little hope. Hope that one day he might see the love he was ready to give him. Yes, he had a crush on Carlo.

“That’s how girls play,” Rey Jhon said and patted his shoulder again. That’s why you should just be with me. I promise, I won’t hurt you.

“No, bro.” Carlo shook his head, still crying. “Gabriella’s different. She’s not like that.”

Different? She hurt you, idiot!

“Fine, she’s different.” Rey Jhon fixed his seat and lit a cigarette, but Carlo snatched it away. “But look at what she did to you. She hurt you, left you, and even emptied your GCash. Who’s the loser here?”

Carlo threw away the cigarette. Rey Jhon couldn’t help but smile, even though his friend was crying beside him. If only he knew Gabriella personally, he would’ve pulled her hair or shaved her head. She had no right to hurt his friend.

“Damn it, Rey Jhon!” Carlo shouted, washing his face with his hands. “Can’t you show me a little support? Are you really my friend?”

He forced a laugh, though that knife in his chest dug deeper again. He wanted so badly to shout that he wasn’t just a friend.

It had been four years since he realized he was part of the LGBTQ because of this crazy guy beside him. Ever since Carlo came into his life, the air felt different. Pink became his favorite color. He even wished he could change their school uniform to pink, if only he had a connection with the admin.

But he couldn’t come out. He had dreams he still wanted to reach. He was afraid Carlo might stay away if he knew the truth. From what he’d seen, Carlo didn’t really like gay people.

Could he really blame himself if his heart only beat for Carlo?

“Of course I’m your friend, idiot!” he said loudly, even though he wanted to use his soft voice, the one he used when flirting with guys over the phone at night.

He bit his lip and cleared his throat, hoping the knife would disappear. “But stop expecting things. Damn it, Carlo! That GCash money, did you forget? That was my salary! How will you pay it back?”

He worked as an erotic writer on an online platform. It was his side job when school wasn’t too busy. Since he didn’t have a valid ID, he used Carlo’s account. But the idiot spent the money on some girl.

He wanted to slap Carlo, but every time he saw his tears, his anger melted.

If I didn’t love you, I’d hate you so much right now.

“I’ll pay you back. I’ll ask for money from Dad.”

“You better. My dad’s barbershop is not doing well, and I need to pay tuition next week.”

Carlo wiped his tears, patted Rey Jhon’s shoulder, then stood up.

“Anyway, come to my birthday tomorrow. It’s at my house.”

He just nodded and watched him walk away. Alone by the university pool, he sighed. When would he ever have the courage to tell Carlo how he really felt?

He was about to stand when he noticed a guy about to swim. The man wore only boxers, his six-pack abs shining under the light. He secretly took out his phone and opened the camera.

Looks like I’ve got dinner tonight.

~

“WANT to dance?”

A woman asked, holding a wine glass. Rey Jhon lifted his own glass, drank it all, and didn’t even look at her. Instead, he turned to talk to Carlo.

He was already at Carlo’s party. His friend had begged him until he dressed up and came. He wanted to complain that Carlo didn’t need a party that they could’ve just gone to a motel and saved money.

The same woman tapped him again, now sitting beside him and even winking. Are you that desperate, girl? If only you were a guy, I’d ask Carlo’s permission already.

He straightened his tie and looked at her. People always said gays were flirty, but what about girls like her? What should he call them? Desperate? Too pushy?

“You okay?” she asked with a smile.

“Sorry, darling. I’m too tired to dance. Find someone else,” he said.

Go feed your hunger somewhere else, girl!

Before he could even look at Carlo, his friend suddenly laughed and leaned close to his ear. His chest filled with wild horses running. Carlo’s laugh was music to him. If only the DJ would turn off the music so he could just listen to Carlo’s voice.

“That’s why you don’t have a girlfriend, you won’t even dance,” Carlo teased, laughing again.

Was it his fault he didn’t want “bread”? Was it his fault his heart didn’t belong to girls because it only wanted men? Was it his fault he had a woman’s heart?

“Sorry, bro,” Rey Jhon forced a laugh. “This is just who I am.”

“Damn, you’re handsome though!”

Carlo suddenly went quiet. He looked at him, waiting for more, but his friend’s attention was already on someone else.

“There she is,” Carlo said, staring at a girl drinking wine.

He looked too, but he didn’t see anything special. She was just fair-skinned. He shook his head, Carlo had bad taste in girls.

“The same girl who emptied your GCash?”

“I paid you back already!” Carlo punched his arm. “Move on.”

“Have you moved on?”

Carlo laughed, shook his head, and walked away. When he couldn’t see him anymore, he looked again at the girl. He rubbed his chin. Aside from being fair and young-looking, he didn’t get why Carlo was crazy about her. He was also fair and still looked young for his age. Why didn’t Carlo fall for his charm?

Because you’re carrying the wrong thing, idiot!

“Are you alone?”

He snapped out of his thoughts when a girl sat beside him. Her perfume hit his nose hard. He frowned and looked at her.

What perfume is that? Smells like Downy. Did she bathe in it?

“No, maybe Alone is in another section,” he answered, not really looking at her.

Why were girls sticking to him tonight? Maybe he looked too handsome in his polo and black pants. Even with Carlo around, many women still approached him.

“What?”

“You said you’re looking for Alone, right? That’s not me.”

The girl rolled her eyes, grabbed her phone, stood up, and left her glass.

~

Later that night, Rey Jhon left the party after saying goodbye to Carlo. It was already past one in the morning, and he wanted to get home since he had class early.

Holding his phone, he opened the camera to snap a photo but stopped when he saw Gabriella stumbling toward the mansion’s parking lot.

Carlo was really rich. Just by looking at his house and all the expensive things inside, even the kitchenware, you’d know. He still couldn’t believe why someone rich like Carlo even became friends with him.

He put his phone back in his pocket and followed Gabriella. She could barely walk straight, but she still managed to open her car and get inside.

Is she crazy? Don’t tell me she’s driving? Stupid girl!

He rushed toward her car and knocked on the window. Gabriella lowered it and even smiled.

“What do you want?” she asked, opening the door.

She’s the one who drank everything!

“I’ll drive you home unless you want to die tonight.”

He didn’t know why he said that. The thought just came to him. Maybe he’d figure it out later why he even cared.

He went around to the driver’s side and got in, only to be smacked in the face with a thick book.

“What the hell are you doing in my car? Are you going to rape—”

“Girl, relax. I belong to your group. Don’t worry, I don’t like bread. I’m just taking you home before something happens to you. Stop being dramatic!”

Rey Jhon shook Gabriella’s shoulder many times and continued trying to wake her up. He wanted to pour cold water on her face to wake her up but how could he do that when they were inside the car?

He still couldn’t understand why he was in this kind of situation. He kept asking himself but he got no answer. At this hour, he should be sleeping peacefully, but instead he had become a driver for a drunk teenage girl.

He tried again to wake her up, but she only groaned and didn’t even bother to open her eyes. Her snore was even louder than his father. It was like her soul was still lost in dreamland, maybe dreaming about a prince charming. He couldn’t help but smirk. If this shameless girl wasn’t asleep, he would have already pulled her hair and poured liquor directly on her face.

After giving him her address earlier, she suddenly passed out. Her sharp words were replaced by tiny snores. She thought he was planning to do something bad to her. What the heck? With his face? She thought he was a rapist?

What a pretty rapist I would be! He mumbled.

Here he was helping, and yet she was angry at him. She even hit him with a thick book. But what surprised him more was, why on earth was she carrying a book? He couldn’t believe she actually studied. And when he read the title of the book, he even smirked more. It was an erotic book. What a shame!

As he drove her car, he scolded himself in silence. Why was he even helping her? He couldn’t figure it out. He was looking for a reason yet he couldn't find one.

Here I am again, creating another mess, he whispered.

He almost forgot, this girl he saved and promised to take home safely was the same girl who had drained his friend Carlo’s GCash account. That was money he worked so hard for! The money he needed to pay his own tuition. If there was only a bottle inside the car, he might have hit her with it already.

Dios mio, Marimar! he thought. I should’ve just let you crash. Why would I even care if you die?

He tapped her face. No doubt, she was rich. Her skin was flawless like porcelain. Maybe she was raised on milk baths.

Envy crept in his heart. He didn’t want to feel it, but he actually did. Sure, he was beautiful too.

But not as beautiful as her.

He had money, at least a little.

But not as rich as her.

He was smart.

Yes, that was the only thing he could be proud of.

“Excuse me, Ma’am Gab?”

He snapped back from his thoughts when a voice came from the car window. Someone had noticed their arrival. Of course, she was a Señorita, the daughter of Don Franco, the owner of the biggest sugar plantation in town. Again, envy stirred inside him.

Why was life so unfair? Why were some so rich, and others so poor? Why couldn’t everyone be equal?

“Ma’am Gab? Don Franco has been looking for you.”

Rey Jhon rolled down the window and was greeted by a uniformed security guard. His smile faded quickly when he realized it wasn’t Gabriella inside.

Surprised, huh? Rey Jhon thought.

“Who are you?” the guard asked.

Instead of answering, Rey Jhon stared at the mansion in front of him. Even if you multiplied his house ten times, it would never match this one.

So rich, yet she still stole from Carlo’s GCash. Ugh!

“Where’s Ma’am Gab?” the guard asked him again.

Rey Jhon forced a smile. He still remembered how to act, after all. Back in school, he was always the lead in plays.

“She’s inside the car. Didn’t you see?”

The guard ignored him and went straight to open the car door for Gabriella, who was dead drunk. Why even drink when you clearly couldn’t handle it?

Minutes passed, he followed them out of the car, already sick from the smell of her vomit. Gabriella threw up, and he almost did too.

“Who are you?”

A cold voice froze his whole body. He didn’t need to turn around to know who it was. His heart pounded hard.

“Are you my daughter’s boyfriend?”

Boyfriend? With my beauty? I am more gorgeous than your daughter, he thought.

Quickly, he shook his head and faced Don Franco. Just by looking at him, you’d know this man was powerful and rich. His clothes alone screamed money.

Life is so unfair.

“She’s not your girlfriend? Then why are you the one bringing her home?”

Why am I here again? he thought. I only wanted to help.

“Your daughter was very drunk, Don Franco,” he said, bowing his head. “I didn’t want her to drive—”

“What’s your name?”

“Rey Jhon Zialcita.”

The Don handed him a check. Rey Jhon froze. Was he paying him for helping his daughter?

“No need, sir,” he said, shaking his head quickly. “I only wanted to make sure she got home safe. I don’t need money for that.”

“I’m not giving this to you as payment.”

Rey Jhon’s face burned with shame. Why did I even assume that?

The Don’s next words stunned him.

“This will be your salary for the month. From now on, your job is to watch over my daughter.”

~

The loud alarm from his phone cut off his dream. It had been the best dream of his life, he was rich, married to Carlo, and loved by him. But his mother’s shouting, louder than the alarm, forced him out of bed.

Dios mio, Marimar! I was about to eat a hotdog in my dream, and it turned into stone!

Opening the door, he was greeted by more of his mother’s yelling, followed by banging sounds.

Papa didn’t come home again, he thought, rubbing his eyes.

He wanted to go back to sleep, but his mother’s nagging wouldn’t let him.

“What’s the problem now? Did Papa not come home again?” he asked with his eyes still closed.

But when he opened them, his father was right in front of him, glaring like a dragon ready to breathe fire. Before he could speak, a plate went flying, straight onto his father’s bald head. Now they were minus one plate at home.

“Where’s the money, Donald? Where’s yesterday’s earnings from the barbershop?” his mother yelled.

No rice again, Rey Jhon thought, scratching his head. He went back to his room.

He had spent Carlo’s payment on school fees and supplies. If he had known they’d run out of rice, he would have saved some.

“Kuya, do you have money? There’s no rice,” his sister Y’da Mae asked as she entered his room.

Of course, he had none. Every time this happened, his family turned to him. He sighed, wondering which store he would borrow from this time.

When he sat on the bed, he felt his wallet. Empty, as expected. Still, he opened it, just in case a miracle had happened.

And there it was, a piece of paper he didn’t remember picking up. He unfolded it and saw the name of Don Franco written on it, along with an amount: twenty thousand pesos.

It slipped from his hands as realization struck.

“A check,” he whispered.

“A check. So, it wasn’t a dream after all!”

Rey Jhon covered his mouth with his hand every time a tricycle passed by. The dust flew around like snow and landed on his school uniform creating an abstract design. He thought, maybe tomorrow or the next day, new pimples would appear on his face. Two pairs were not enough, his pimples wanted to have a whole barangay. Complete and nonstop.

It was already past nine in the morning when he reached their university. His money was not enough, so he just walked several kilometers to get there. What a pity!

He felt like he had been robbed when he left their house. His siblings took all the money he had left. Even the coin that slipped from his pocket, they grabbed it. He just kept quiet because at least the money would go to their breakfast.

The only thing left with him now was the check. He still didn’t know what to do with it. Should he return it to Don Franco or will he use it? Just the thought of always being around that young lady made his pink blood boil. His blood burned and bubbled continuously. He couldn’t erase from memory everything that girl had done to him.

She was rich already, yet she still took his hard-earned money.

“Hey, Jhon!”

He saw his classmate crossing the street and waving at him with a big smile.

“Did you bring what I asked you to do? I need to pass it now, or my grade will be cut big time,” his classmate said when he got closer.

He was talking about the narrative report. Yesterday, his classmate had asked him to write it because he missed the deadline. Rey Jhon agreed to do it, not just because of the payment but also because he liked looking at his classmate’s abs.

His classmates often ran to him whenever they were in a rush. It was like he had unlimited time to do their schoolwork. But when it came to money, he never knew how to say no.

His classmate put an arm around his shoulder, and once again, Rey Jhon felt weak inside. The perfume from his classmate’s body made him dizzy.

“Of course, I didn’t forget. You know I’m payment first,” he laughed, pulling out a flash drive. “Your file is saved there, Harold. Same filename.”

“Very good!” Harold gave him a thumbs up before leaving.

That was his life, people got what they wanted from him and then left. He stared at Harold’s back until the crowd of students swallowed him from his sight.

He was about to walk forward when his phone rang. It was just a number, no name. But he still answered it anyway.

“Hello? Good morning.”

“Good morning, Rey Jhon. It’s me, Don Franco. When will you start?”

~

Rey Jhon watched Gabriella as she walked out the big doors of the mansion. Every step looked like a model walking on the runway, showing off new clothes. Her skin was so white like Snow White. She looked even more radiant when she stood in the brown doorway.

She didn’t even smile when the maid handed her bag, which made Rey Jhon raise his eyebrow. No doubt about it she acted like a true rich girl.

Spoiled brat, he thought, forcing himself not to smirk.

How was he supposed to deal with her? This was the same girl who used to be the girlfriend of his crush. He wasn’t even sure if they had really broken up. She had even attended his crush’s birthday party. Maybe the two were still together. He can’t erase the jealousy in his heart.

When Gabriella walked past him, he instinctively bowed his head. He didn’t know why. This wasn’t Korea, after all. She didn’t seem to notice him at first, but then she stopped, turned around, and looked back.

Her raised eyebrow asked the question for her. What was he doing here? Even himself didn’t know why he was here.

Maybe he just really needed the money.

That’s all. That’s the reason.

“Who are you? Are you my new driver?” she asked, scanning him from head to toe before looking back at his face.

Wow. Me? A driver?

His hands itched to pull her rebonded hair. If only this weren’t her territory, he would have done it already. His own hair was probably even nicer than hers, natural and unbothered.

He caught her rolling her eyes before she went inside the car. But she glanced back at him again.

“I don’t like you,” she said coldly, tossing a folded paper at him. “You may leave now. I’ll just tell Daddy. This will be your first and last day. Thank you for your service.”

His jaw dropped. She said it like it was nothing, it feels like dismissing someone was part of her daily routine. After all, he was right that this girl in front of him had a nasty attitude. No wonder why they broke up. His crush deserved better.

He bent down and picked up the paper. It was money. She had thrown money at him. What a bitch! He didn’t bother counting. His steps grew heavy as he followed the car toward the gate.

“Hey!” he shouted, hitting the car window where the witch sat. “I don’t need your money!”

The window slowly rolled down, and Gabriella glared at him. His jaw clenched harder seeing her calm face, as if nothing had happened.

“Did I give you too little?” she smirked. “How much do you really need? I don’t have time for this.”

“I told you! I don’t need your money!”

She just stared at him without emotion. No reaction at all. She should be the one ashamed! She was the one looking down on him and mistaking him for a driver.

“I guess,” she said, finally looking away. “Daddy must have given you a bigger amount. Do whatever you want with it.”

He stood frozen, mouth open, as the window closed again. Her words felt like sharp needles. For her, money was nothing, something to throw away.

That’s what happens when you have too much.

He stepped back as the car drove past him. When the sound faded, he looked down at the money in his hand.

Should he be thankful she mistook him for a driver? Or should he feel insulted because that’s all she thought he was?