ALYSSA'S POV

“I love her so much… so much I could die for her. I doubt I’d ever survive if she left me.”

I stared at the words, the ink blurring as my vision clouded.

I huddled on the cold floor of our bedroom, the letter I’d found hidden beneath the dust bunnies under our bed clutched in my trembling hands.

If you read that sentence, you’d think it was the most romantic confession in history. You’d think Nick was a man possessed by devotion.

How I wished that were the truth.

My eyes skipped down the page, finding the jagged, cruel reality of his handwriting.

“But I’m having fun with the fact that she’s chasing me. The fact that she’s obsessed and would do anything is what I enjoy. Why would I chase her when she’s already at my feet?”

"I can’t tell her I love her. If I do, she’ll stop. I’m scared I’d fall out of love, or she wouldn't love me anymore.”

A sob had torn from my throat as I’d crumbled to the floor, weeping for the thirteen years I’d wasted playing the fool.

Thirteen years.

I’d loved Nick since I was the class president and he was the school’s golden boy, the basketball star with a perfect and hot body.

I was a top-five beauty, sure, but I didn't have the courage to even look at him until the day he moved in next door.

I had been so overjoyed and I decided then that I would win him.

I played the obsessed girl, the one who threw banners and made public proclamations.

I chased him for two years until he finally agreed to date me on graduation day, claiming he was just trying to move on from his first love, Lily.

It took another two years of me begging—literally going down on one knee to propose—before he finally said “I do.”

I thought I could change him. I thought if I loved him enough, he’d finally see me.

But then Lily came back and for the last four years of our marriage, Nick had treated me like garbage.

He flaunts his affair with her to make me jealous, shaming me publicly, telling me I’d torn him away from his soulmate.

He always finds every opportunity to humiliate me, blame me and push me away.

Nine times.

We have been divorced nine times.

Every time I over-salted the soup, or wore an outfit that outshone Lily, or didn't show her enough respect, he’d drag me to the bureau. And every time, I would crawl back. I would beg on my knees for weeks until he agreed to reinforce the license.

Two weeks ago, my wedding ring had slipped off and rolled under the bed and I'd found the letter tucked underneath the bed like a piece of truth never to be discovered.

Finding that letter was the eye-opener I didn't know I needed and for seven days, I’d worn a mask. I’d been the doting, happy wife while my heart turned to ash.

A man who could manipulate me for over a decade wasn't a man worth craving, wasn't a man worth loving nor waiting for. I was done.

Now, I'm basically counting the countdown for the next spark to light the fire. I'm waiting for another divorce and then I'd leave for good.

The sound of heavy footsteps echoed on the stairs. My head snapped up.

Nick walked into the dining room, his silk shirt half-undone, revealing those abs that used to make my breath hitch. Now, they just looked like a cage I’d been trapped in.

I sat at the table, my grip tightening on my steak knife as I sliced into the meat and took a deliberate bite.

Nick stopped mid-stride, his handsome face contorting into a look of pure disgust.

"Who gave you the right to start eating without me, Alyssa?"

I didn't look up.

I chewed slowly, swallowed, and then met his icy blue gaze.

"I called you three times in the last twenty minutes, Nick. I got tired of waiting and besides the food was getting cold."

I knew exactly what I was doing. I was poking the beast.

"You're getting bold, Alyssa," he hissed, slamming his hand on the table.

"You’ve forgotten your place! Maybe a few weeks in a hotel will remind you who provides for this life. We’re done. Get your coat—we’re going to the bureau.”

I dropped my cutlery. The silver clattered against the porcelain with a sharp ping.

Usually, this was the part where I’d start shaking, where I’d burst into tears and promise to be better. But today, though my heart ached with a dull, phantom pain, I just stared at him.

"Don't even think about pleading," he continued, pacing like a predator. "I won't hear it. You've pushed me too far this time, and Lily…"

"Okay," I said.

He froze.

The silence that followed was deafening. He blinked, his brow furrowing as if he’d misheard me.

"What did you say?"

"I said okay, Nick. I agree. Let’s get divorced." I reached into my pocket, pulled out our marriage certificate—the one we’d just reinstated two weeks ago and I'd always carry with me for the past few days, quietly waiting for him to say those words—and tossed it onto the table. It slid across the wood, stopping right in front of him.

Nick’s face flushed a deep, angry red. The fact that I wasn't cowering at his feet seemed to annoy him.

"You think you can play hard to get with me? You think acting nonchalant is going to make me chase you? Fine. You want to act strong? Let's go."

He snatched the paper, grabbed my arm in a grip so tight I winced, and began dragging me toward the front door.

"Don't you dare start crying halfway there," he growled, shoving me into the passenger seat of his car. "I'm not falling for it." I didn't give a response.

Just complete silence.

The drive to the bureau was silent. When we stepped inside, the clerk behind the counter looked up and let out a weary, audible groan.

"You two again?" she muttered. "This is the tenth time, Mr. and Mrs. Miller. Are you serious?"

"She's a nuisance," Nick snapped, shoving the license across the counter. "I can't take another minute of her. Process it."

I watched the clerk’s fingers fly across the keyboard. My chest felt tight, a final sob threatening to break through, but I swallowed it down.

This was it.

The lady slid a document back to us. "You are now officially divorced. Again."

Nick grabbed his copy, glaring at me with a smirk that didn't reach his eyes.

"Hope you enjoyed your little stunt, Alyssa. This time, I'm not going to make it easy for you to come back. You'll be begging on your hands and knees for a month before I even think about signing a new license."

He turned on his heel and barged out of the office, leaving the heavy glass doors swinging in his wake.

I stood there, the paper trembling in my hand as tears finally spilled over. He was right about the fact I was a fool for him but he was so, so wrong about the rest.

This time I was leaving, I wasn't coming back.

It was our tenth and last divorce.

Slowly, I pulled my phone from my pocket, my fingers trembled as I scrolled past Nick’s name and unto a contact I hadn't touched in years—Ethan Vance.

Nick’s arch-rival.

The man who had everything Nick had, but with a soul. The man who had pursued me relentlessly in college, only for me to reject him a thousand times because I was blinded by Nick.

The phone rang twice before a deep, smooth voice answered.

"Alyssa? To what do I owe the unexpected honor?"

I took a deep breath, watching Nick's car disappear in the distance.

"Ethan," I said, my voice steady and cold. "You once told me if I ever woke up, I should call you." I wiped off the tears as my chest tightened.

“I’m awake…and I’m ready to marry you."

ALYSSA'S POV

“Are you okay, Alyssa?”

The sound of Ethan’s voice was like a low hum of electricity through the receiver. It was steady, grounding, and devoid of the sharp edges Nick always used to cut me down.

Even back in our university days, no matter how many times I had brushed him off or treated his affection like an inconvenience, Ethan Vance had always cared about the state of my soul.

I took a shaky breath, looking at the grey sky through the bureau windows.

“I’m okay. I got divorced today, Ethan…for the tenth time and I’ve decided to finally let go.”

A long, heavy silence stretched between us.

“I’m coming to pick you up,” he said finally. “Stay where you are. I’ll be there shortly.”

“Wait…not today,” I whispered, closing my eyes. I felt hollow, like a house that had been gutted by fire.

“I have some unfinished business to handle. Can you pick me up in three days instead?.”

I could hear his hesitation, the protective instinct warring with his respect for my boundaries. Eventually, I heard a soft sigh.

“Three days. Don’t make me wait a second longer.”

I hung up before my resolve could waver.

Suddenly, the skies thundered and rain started pouring down fast, as if to mock me.

I managed to borrow a spare umbrella from the sympathetic clerk at the desk and hailed a taxi.

Every mile back to the house felt like a countdown to a confrontation I no longer feared, but still dreaded.

When I reached the front door, I rang the bell.

The door swung open, and there stood Lily. She was wearing one of Nick’s oversized shirts, a smug, feline smirk dancing on her lips as she looked me up and down.

“Well, if it isn’t the pathetic doll,” she cooed, leaning against the doorframe.

“Back already? I thought you’d at least have the self-respect to stay away for a few hours. You really are shameless.”

I ignored her, closing the wet umbrella and stepping past her into the house.

“I’m talking to you!” she growled, her voice losing its sweetness. “Nick clearly doesn’t love you, he clearly doesn't want you here. So why can’t you just give us breathing space? He loves me! Only me!”

I almost scoffed.

Looking at her, I felt a strange flicker of pity. She was so delusional, so proud of being the first love, completely unaware that she was just a pawn in Nick’s sick game of psychological cat-and-mouse. She didn't realize he only loved her to keep me running.

I started toward the stairs, my wet shoes clicking on the marble, when a hand suddenly clamped onto my arm. I was flung aside with such force that I stumbled into the wall.

“Didn’t you hear her?” Nick’s voice boomed.

He was standing there, his face a mask of fury. He stepped closer to Lily, wrapping a protective arm around her waist as if I were some monster threatening his peace.

“Lily was talking to you, Alyssa. Since when did you become so arrogant that you don't even acknowledge her?”

I stared at him, my heart feeling like a lead weight in my chest.

What am I supposed to say?

Thank you, Lily, for reminding me how much of a fool I was for loving a ghost?

“Apologize to her,” Nick yelled. “This instant!”

“For what?” I asked, my voice barely a whisper. “For walking into my own home?”

“For being a disrespectful bitch!” Nick snarled.

I looked at Lily, who was now pouting, playing the victim with ease.

This was my life.

I was the obedient dog, and she was the prize.

I almost let out a scoff, I just wanted to get to my room and pack. If saying sorry would end the noise, I’d say it.

“I’m sorry, Lily,” I said tonelessly.

“I can’t hear her, Nick,” Lily whined, clutching his arm tighter. “And she’s glaring at me. She looks like she wants to kill me just because you love me.”

Nick’s eyes turned a shade of black as hate radiated off him in waves.

“Lower your gaze, Alyssa!”

"I want you to get down on your knees and kowtow to her and show some real sincerity.”

My chest constricted, a sob threatening to burst through my throat, but I bit my lip until I tasted copper as I looked him dead in the eye.

Normally, I'd be on my knees begging for forgiveness like a puppy.

“No,” I said sternly.

Nick looked stunned for a heartbeat and then his rage doubled.

“You’ve got guts lately. Do you think because we signed those papers this morning, the rules have changed?"

“It hasn’t even been five hours and you crawled back here because you have nowhere else to go. You’re pathetic.”

Tears stung my eyes. He knew the law—the divorce decree required a cool-off period of a few days in the same residence to see if things could be mended. He knew I had to be here, yet he used my presence to bruise me.

“Nick, stop,” Lily said, her voice dripping with fake concern. “She probably hates me because she knows she can never have your heart. It's fine, I can handle her jealousy.”

Nick’s fist tightened. “You dare hate her? After everything she’s been through because of you? I’m going to teach you how to behave.”

Before I could move, he lunged. He grabbed my arm, his fingers digging into my skin like talons, and dragged me toward the front door.

He threw it open, the sound of the rain roaring into the house. With one violent shove, he sent me sprawling out onto the porch.

“Stay out there,” he hissed, pointing a finger at me. “Stay in the rain until you learn how to respect Lily.”

The door slammed shut.

I crumbled onto the cold, wet ground.

The rain was freezing, soaking through my clothes in seconds, making my body shake uncontrollably.

The street was silent except for the rhythmic drumming of the storm.

I crawled toward a corner of the porch, huddling into a ball as my vision began to swim.

He said he loved me in that letter. He said he’d die for me.

If this was his love, it was a slow execution.

My body felt numb, my mind slipping into a dark, foggy void.

Even as my consciousness began to fade, my heart—that traitorous, stubborn muscle—kept beating for him, even through the agony.

My head hit the stone floor, and the sound of the rain was the last thing I heard before everything went black.

ALYSSA'S POV

The steady, rhythmic beep... beep... beep... was the first thing that pulled me back from the darkness.

My eyes fluttered open, squinting against the harsh glow of the fluorescent lights overhead. My head felt like it had been cracked open, a dull throb pulsating behind my temples.

As I shifted, trying to push myself up from the thin mattress, a nurse appeared at my side. Her hands were gentle as she adjusted my pillows to help me sit.

"Easy now," she whispered, checking the IV line in my arm. "You had quite a fall, and your body temperature was dangerously low." She paused, her expression softening into a small, professional smile.

"But you’re lucky. Congratulations, ma'am. You’re pregnant."

“You need to be very careful not to stress yourself out right now."

My breath hitched.

The air in the room suddenly felt too thin to breathe.

Pregnant?

For eight years, I had prayed for this. I had spent countless nights crying into my pillow, thinking that if I could just give Nick a child, he would finally see me.

I thought a baby would be the anchor that kept him from drifting toward Lily. And now, at the very moment I had decided to walk away, the universe had handed me the one thing I used to want most.

My hand instinctively moved to my still-flat stomach. Tears stung my eyes, but they weren't tears of joy. They were tears of mourning for a dream that had arrived far too late.

"Who brought me here?" I asked, my voice raspy.

"The gentleman didn't want us to mention his name," the nurse replied.

"He just said to tell you he’d be back to get you in a few hours. He made sure your bill was settled before he stepped out."

I leaned my head back against the pillow and closed my eyes.

Ethan.

He was always like that. The silent guardian, the one who stepped into the gaps Nick left behind.

While my husband was throwing me into the rain, the man I had rejected was paying my hospital bills.

A hollow ache settled in my chest.

Even now, a small, pathetic part of me had hoped the nurse would say it was Nick.

I wanted to believe that he had found me in the mud, realized his cruelty, and carried me to safety. But I was just writing fairytales again.

Nick didn't want me; he only wanted the broken version of me that lived to serve his ego.

"Be careful with your baby," the nurse reminded me as she checked my vitals."Your body is fragile after the exposure."

"When can I leave?" I asked.

"The doctor has cleared you. You can be discharged whenever you feel ready." I nodded. I wasn't going to overstay my welcome.

With her help, I signed the papers.

By the time I reached the house, the sun had long since set.

The heavy oak door felt like lead as I pushed it open and…my heart gave out a loud thud.

Nick was sitting on the edge of the sofa, a bowl of steaming soup in his hand. He was leaning over Lily, blowing gently on a spoonful before hovering it near her lips. The tenderness in his eyes was a look I hadn’t seen directed at me in years.

I stumbled slightly toward the stairs, the movement catching his attention. He froze, the spoon still inches from Lily’s mouth.

"You’re finally back," he said, his voice dropping several degrees into an icy chill. "Where have you been?"

"I’ve been at the hospital," I replied blandly. My voice sounded hollow, even to my own ears.

Nick’s brow furrowed, and he set the soup bowl down on the coffee table. For a fleeting second, his gaze softened. "What’s wrong?"

A bitter, hysterical laugh bubbled in my throat, but I choked it back.

What was wrong? He had literally tossed me out into a torrential downpour and locked the door.

"I had hypothermia. But I’m fine now."

He gave a sharp nod, not even caring to ask how I got to the hospital…how I was.

Few years ago, he would have at least asked but now…Just a nod.

"You really shouldn't have pushed my hand, Alyssa. If you hadn't forced me to lock you out, none of that would have happened."

The air left my lungs.

My fist clenched at my sides. He was doing it again—he was carefully shifting the blame onto me until I was the one gasping under the pressure.

"Come sit," he sighed, gesturing to the armchair opposite them.

I obeyed, my body moving on autopilot. Lily watched me, her eyes glinting with a triumphant smirk, but I refused to look at her. I kept my hand pressed flat against my own stomach as I plumped down in the chair.

"I’ve got good news to share," Nick started. He reached out, patting Lily’s hair with a possessive gentleness. She beamed at him, leaning into his touch. "The doctor came by to check on Lily’s health today. And guess what? Lily is pregnant."

Thud.

Thud.

Thud.

Everything blurred. That high-pitched whine clouded my ears as I tried to place the words.

I stared at Lily’s belly, watching as she began to caress it with a sickening pride.

How ironic.

The universe had played a cruel joke on me.

Why?

Why was it that at the exact moment I finally carried the child I thought would save us, he had given that same gift to the woman tearing us apart.

"You aren't happy, Alyssa?" Nick’s voice pierced through the fog.

I looked at him, a single tear finally escaping and rolling down my cold cheek.

The indifference in his eyes was absolute. He truly expected me to celebrate his betrayal.

"Congratulations," I whispered, the word tasting like ash. I wiped the tear, sniffing hard. "Anything else? I’d like to rest."

"Actually, yes. I want you to vacate the master bedroom. Lily is pregnant now, and she deserves the larger space."

“The bed is softer, and there's more room for her to be comfortable." Nick said, his tone casual, as if he were asking for a glass of water.

I swallowed hard against the lump in my throat.

The audacity of him to ask me to hand over my matrimonial bed. That was the same bed we both slept on. The same bed he promised to always respect. He knew how much our matrimonial bed…our matrimonial home meant to me! Now, he wanted me out just so his mistress could feel comfortable?

"Don't be selfish, Alyssa," he added, noticing my silence. "She's only going to use it for eight months, and then you’ll have it back."

"It’s okay, Nick," Lily pouted, her voice dripping with false sweetness. "If she doesn't want to give it up, I'll just stay in the guest room. The baby and I will get used to it."

It was pathetic looking at the two doddles while I hadn't said a thing to agree and disagree.

"No," Nick snapped, his temper flaring. He turned back to me, his voice rising. "She’s only sharing the bed! You’d still be my wife, isn't that enough for you?"

"Okay," I muttered, cutting him off.

He froze. He probably hadn't expected me to accept that easily. I flashed him a smile and I turned to leave, my legs feeling like they belonged to someone else.

“I love her so much… so much I could die for her. I doubt I’d ever survive if she left me.” those words resounded in my head and I almost scoffed.

He loved me so much he'd die for me? Yet he got another girl pregnant and he didn't just flaunt it in my face but wants me to be over the moon and happily hand over my matrimonial room.

Another tear slid down my cheek. My chest was constricting so bad, I could hear constant thudding. I brush the tear off, pushing our room door open.

I pushed my feet toward the desk picking up a photo frame that laid lazily on the table; it was a picture of our wedding picture. A lazy smile grazed my lips as I caressed his lips, the damn finally breaking through.

I didn't know how long I sat crumbling on the floor, how long I had the photo pressed to my frame but finally I found the strength to remain strong, to wipe the tears off my face.

Gently, I set the photo down and got on my feet. Almost immediately, the door was pushed open and Nick stepped in and surprisingly, alone.

I ignored him and made for the wardrobe. I pushed the wardrobe open, pulled out my suitcase and began stuffing my dress in.

“Are you okay, Alyssa?” His voice rang out, stopping me right in place.

My gaze shifted to his, he had a sore look on but it almost felt like he was rubbing salt on my wound.

I almost scoffed, for the past four years he never asked nor cared and now he just remembered I've got feelings too.

I gave a curt nod not trusting my voice, not trusting I wouldn't explode.

“I…” The shrill ringing of my phone cut him off. I pulled down the blouse I was folding and headed in his direction.

I brushed past him and bent to pick up my phone from the table. Staring at the caller ID, I froze. It read; Ethan Vance.

I quickly snatched the phone off the stand and wiped the red button and all I could do was pray Nick didn't notice the caller ID.

"Why's Ethan Vance calling you?” my heart constricted.

Before I could find an excuse, he grabbed me by the arm harshly, his gaze radiating fury. "Are you having an affair?”

My blood ran cold. The fear in my blood instantly replaced with that terrifying force of anger.

I snapped his hand off me and before I could stop myself, my hand connected with his cheek.

"Don't you dare question my commitment, Nick," I hissed, my vision blurred by fresh tears. "Not everyone is like you."

Nick stumbled back, his hand flying to his reddened cheek. I stared at my hand regretting instantly.

I swallowed hard expecting him to lash out, to result in domestic violence, instead his gaze softened; a flicker of guilt or perhaps shock crossing his features.

"I would never cheat on you," I whispered, more to myself than him. "No matter what you do, I won't."

“I'm…I'm sorry" his stuttered.

Sorry?

I couldn't remember the last time he said those words. I didn't know what he was sorry for— toying with me, making me a laughing stock, humiliating me, degrading me, or getting some else pregnant?

No matter what he was sorry for, it really didn't matter anymore.

I gave another curt nod. It was the truth, I'd never cheat on him, instead I'd obey his actions, I’d set him free.

I walked past him, heading back for my suitcase.

"You don't need to move out today, you can tomorrow. You seem wounded,” He muttered. I stopped right at my track and turned to him. His fist kept balling and unballing as if he was trying to hold himself back and finally, he let out a sigh.

He walked toward me, past me and then for the suitcase. He pulled out the blouse I'd folded earlier, placed it back into the hanger and hung it back in the wardrobe. He stuffed the suitcase back in and shut the wardrobe.

I didn't stop him; there was no use anyways. Instead, I turned and made for the bed, pulling the sheets over me.

I shut my eyes blocking out all thought and forcing myself to sleep.

I heard him sleep into the other side of the bed and I instinctively shifted further apart from him.

As much as I didn't want to say a thing anymore, he deserved to know that I'm pregnant but does he need such news when he's going to become a father anyways? Even if it's not with me.