I died.

I died on New Year's Eve when everyone was celebrating the coming of a new year.

Just as I was dying, my mother pushed open my door.

"You're still sleeping! All you do is sleep. Look at you, so lifeless. That's bad luck."

"If you want to die in your sleep, get out and die outside."

It was New Year’s Eve.

There was only one day left before the death day the doctor predicted for me.

The good thing was I had a little strength at the time.

I got up from the bed, put on some makeup, and put on my most beautiful dress.

Since I was going to die, I would die in a dignified manner.

Otherwise, my mother would scold me for embarrassing her.

Suddenly, I heard laughter coming from outside.

"Carol looks gorgeous in this dress."

"Just look at that. Mom's even envious."

That was my mother and my sister, Carol Jackson.

I pushed the door open and wanted to say hello to them, only to see annoyance on their faces.

My mother stared at me, her face gradually becoming sullen.

A look of disgust rose in her eyes.

"Take off that dress. You are so short and fat, and you have the nerve to wear the same dress as your sister. Why do you have to copy your sister all the time?"

"And your makeup. You look so ugly with so much blush on. It's gross."

I looked at Carol's clothes. They were actually quite different from mine.

And I had this dress for several years already.

My mother bought it for me herself.

As for my blush...

If I hadn't put too much blush on, my pale face might have made my mother even angrier.

"Mom, I..."

I wanted to explain, but before I could talk, my mother pushed me back into my room.

She glared at me impatiently and said, "Don't. I just feel annoyed when you talk. Go get changed and wipe off that blush."

"It's New Year's Eve. Don't embarrass me."

With a loud "bang", the door was slammed shut.

Carol's soft voice penetrated my ears through the crack in the door.

"Mom, don't get angry during the holiday. It will ruin your fortune for the whole year. Caroline didn't mean to upset you."

My mother sneered, "Don't speak out for her. I know her. Ever since you came back, she has been trying to compete with you in everything and complaining about us for being unfair."

"How could she not know how much we've been through in those years looking for you? She is just an ungrateful bastard who can't bear to see us doing well."

After a few seconds of silence, I clearly felt that my mother's voice had become much lower.

"If we hadn't lost you, we wouldn't have had another child."

"I only realized that she was nothing compared to you when she was born. She's so different from you."

The sound was low, but I still heard it. It hurt so much.

"Mom.

The door isn't soundproof. I can hear it." I thought.

But my feelings didn't matter anymore.

I was a substitute, and my sister came back.

So, I became useless.

In fact, I knew from a young age that I was not the daughter my mother wanted.

When I was little, she always loved to hug me and kiss my cheek.

The look in her eyes was so gentle.

But I always felt that she was looking at another person through me.

She named me Caroline Jackson.

I asked her what my name meant. She took my hand and said it had no meaning.

"No matter where Carol goes in the future, mom will miss you."

I didn't tell her, but my grandmother told me the secret.

I had a missing sister named Carol Jackson.

I was small at that time and thought that as long as I didn’t expose the secret, the Carol my mother missed was me, Caroline.

It would be me.

But when I was ten years old, they found my sister.

Her return broke my dream and forced me to stop lying to myself.

I had to give up my room and move into the garage.

"From now on, you will be called Caroline. Carol is your sister's name."

"Caroline, your sister has suffered a lot in the past. You should be more understanding. Mom will get you another room in the future."

"You can't be so voracious. You've had all kinds of food. Leave the ribs to your sister."

"It's raining heavily. I'll go pick up your sister. You can take a cab and go home yourself."

...

Later, I never moved out of the garage again.

I never had my mother's ribs again.

My mother didn't know that I didn't actually get a cab on that rainy day.

I cried in fright, walking alone in the lightning and thunder, and when I got home, I was soaked.

But my mother only complained about me for bringing the cold air from outside into the house.

"If Carol catches a cold, I'll beat you to death."

I sat on the stool and shook my head, trying to get rid of these memories.

But it was to no avail.

I wiped off the blush and looked at my lifeless face in the mirror.

I got hungry.

I went to the kitchen to find something to eat, but I only saw some leftover food from my mother and Carol.

So, they cooked.

They just didn't cook for me.

I looked at the leftovers, and for some reason, I picked them up and put them to my lips.

I wanted to feel the warmth of my family for the last time.

In that way, I could tell the people in the underworld that I also had a family.

They would visit me and offer me a lot of paper money. So other dead people couldn't bully me.

I heard the door move.

My mother took Carol to a salon and gave her a new hairstyle. They just returned, and my father followed behind them.

My mother and Carol were talking and laughing.

My father looked happy, too.

I seemed to be a spoiler, ruining the beautiful atmosphere they created.

They all stopped smiling when they saw me.

My mother frowned and glared at me in anger.

"Caroline Jackson, you're playing victim here because you know your dad is coming home, right? You even ate the leftovers. How could you be so pretentious?"

"And your face. I told you not to put on such heavy blush, so you put on too much powder, then. Why do you always have to go against me?"

"Let me tell you. We are all women. I know what game you're playing."

I looked at my mother, listening to her heart-wrenching words, and my stomach ached.

My father was stunned for a few seconds and separated me and my mother.

"Carol, take your mother to her room."

He handed me the bag he brought in.

It had a silver necklace in it.

"Don't be mad at your mother. She has a sharp tongue but a soft heart. She asked me to bring you this necklace."

"Your mother is just upset that you didn't listen to her when you chose your college major. She will be fine in a few years."

I took the necklace and couldn't hold back my tears any longer.

"Is that really the reason?"

"What else could it be? Don't overthink it. No matter how harsh she may sound, she is still your mother. It has been tough for her these years. So, bear with her and don't make trouble during the holiday. People may laugh at us."

"Go wash your face. We will go out to have dinner tonight."

Then, I heard him calling Carol again.

"Carol, I bought you the Cartier bracelet you liked. Come and try it on."

At that moment, the necklace in my hand became so heavy that I couldn't bear to hold it.

"Look.

A biased person doesn't even realize that he is biased.

Even my father, who is kind and indulgent to me in my mother's eyes, is biased." I thought to myself.

I suddenly lost my strength, as if all the life in my body had been sucked out.

Before I fell, I exerted almost all the energy available in my body and dragged myself back to my room.

I lay on the small bed and curled up in the quilt.

"It's time to leave this world.

Mom. Dad. I can't have the New Year's Eve dinner with you." I thought.

The night came. I saw fireworks exploding in the air outside the window.

I felt sorry for them as they would disappear into darkness like me on this bustling night.

I heard the sound of my exhalation.

I heard the sound of wind, water, cicadas...

Things grow, age, die, and are reborn at an astonishing speed.

Then, I heard a shrill whistle.

That was my dad's car.

But I couldn’t get up anymore. My phone rang several times, but I was too weak to pick it up.

My mother rushed into my room.

"Are you dead? I called you several times, but you didn't answer. Hurry up and let's go have the New Year's Eve dinner."

"You're still sleeping! All you do is sleep. Look at you, so lifeless. That's bad luck."

"Look at how lovely your sister is, and you... I can't believe I have a daughter like you."

Not getting any response from me, my mother became even angrier.

She shouted louder.

"Are you mad at me? Fine. I dare you not to eat with us again in your life."

My mother left and slammed the door hard.

I could hear them drive off.

My vision started to become blurry.

Then, I sank into the complete darkness.

I didn’t know how long it had passed, but my vision gradually became clear.

I thought I didn't die.

But I found that my hand could penetrate my phone, the table, and the wall.

"Oh, my God.

Did I do something unforgivable?

I can't believe I'm still in this world as a soul.

And I have to stay beside my body." I thought.

The clock struck twelve.

The whole city was celebrating.

More beautiful fireworks exploded before my eyes,

lighting up my little room.

I peeked through the window.

I saw a little girl who was lifted by her father to watch the fireworks.

I saw a little boy who was covered in dust, and his mother pinched his face and told him to slow down.

I also saw my parents and Carol. They just returned.

"Carol. I notice that you ate half a fish today. If you like fish, mom will learn how to cook it and make it for you every day."

"No, mom. Didn't you see that my dad spent the whole night picking fish bones and cracking crabs for me? He didn't even have time to eat. I don't want my dad to miss out on what he wants to eat because of me. His health matters more."

My dad stood between my mother and Carol. He was obviously happy.

"That's okay. You're the most important person here. As long as you like fish, dad is willing to pick fish bones for you for the rest of my life."

They must have had a great New Year’s Eve dinner without me.

I didn't know that my parents’ love could last so long.

They were back.

I wanted to escape, refusing to spy on their happiness.

But I still couldn't leave the house.

I could only watch them sitting on the sofa together, watching TV, staying up together, and laughing.

My mother said that she would give Carol a gift that was better than ever tomorrow to celebrate her having a boyfriend.

"What about me?

If they found out I was dead at home tomorrow, would they be a little sad?

Or would they scold me for bringing bad luck to them during the holiday?

If they scold me, I'll have to apologize. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it." I thought.

My father was the most promising one among our relatives.

On every New Year's Day, our relatives would visit us in the morning.

That year was no exception.

I heard the sound of my relatives talking loudly early in the morning.

They praised my father for being able to lead his company so well, and then they praised my mother for looking so good.

They also talked about how they envied my parents for having Carol and me as their daughters.

My mother was also proud. "Carol has been a good girl since she was a child, and I never had to worry about her."

She didn't even mention me during the whole process.

One of my aunts spoke of me,

"Where's Caroline? Why don't we see her? I even prepared a gift for her."

"Don't get me started. She's mad at us. She didn't even have the New Year's Eve dinner with us. She's still sleeping now."

"We've spoiled her too much since she was little, which is why she has become selfish and rebellious. I asked her to study art in college, but she went against me and studied veterinary. So, she has to deal with cats and dogs all day, cleaning up their poop and wiping their piss. That's just indecent."

I stood at the door and listened to their conversations.

My mother couldn't stop talking about me. She seemed to want to tell people everything she was unhappy about me.

In that way, she could prove she made a mistake having me.

I didn't hear my aunt's reply.

All I heard was my mother praising Carol again.

There was nothing new in her words. I had heard all of them since I was a child.

She told people how much Carol had suffered before she was found and how well-behaved Carol was after she returned.

But I just wanted them to discover my body sooner and bury it.

I couldn't stay in that house any longer.

I didn't want to watch them being happy even after I died.

Fortunately, my aunt finally opened my door.

"Caroline, stop sleeping. Today is the New Year's Day. Get up and join us."

Seeing that I didn't move, my aunt approached my bed.

I waved at her as hard as I could, "Aunt, come closer."

If she got any closer, she would realize that I wasn't breathing.

She was about to pull my quilt, but her hand was stopped in mid-air.

It was my mother.

She looked impatient. "Caroline Jackson, where are your manners? How could you still sleep when your aunt is talking to you?"

Seeing that I didn't move, my aunt looked concerned.

"Caroline could be sick. How can anyone sleep for so long? Perhaps I should feel her forehead to see if she has a fever."

As my aunt spoke, she reached out her hand to my forehead.