At the company's celebration party, my boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend were playing the game of passing paper through mouth

Everyone looked at me, who was standing at the door.

They all thought that I was going to make a scene again, but I smiled and said, "Why don't you just take away the piece of paper and kiss again?"

Roy looked at me at the door, his eyes full of confusion and guilt.

Abby stood up in a panic and said nervously, "Vivian, don't be angry. It's just a game."

She was wearing a custom-made pearl necklace around her neck.

This was the birthday gift that Roy gave her for her birthday last month. That night, Roy had specially accompanied her on a trip to Chicago just to chase after the fluorescent sea.

When I found out, I lost my temper and angrily questioned Roy why he had given her the necklace I customized and why he had gone out alone with her.

However, Roy blamed me for being stingy and said, "How many times have I told you? Abby is my childhood friend. We don't have the complicated relationship you imagine. As for the necklace, since you don't have many occasions to wear it, why not give it to someone more suitable? How much is it? I'll compensate you."

After that, a long cold war began between us.

We were always like that.

I questioned him hysterically. In the end, he said coldly, "If you think so, there's nothing I can do about it."

Every time, I would take the initiative to make peace with him. I would send him all kinds of interesting pictures, interesting jokes, frantically seeking ways to save face for him, pretending that nothing had happened.

Only in this way would Roy bring me the cake that I liked when he came back and buy a bag or jewelry that I liked for a long time. Then, I would continue to love him passionately.

For the eight years that we had been together, I had been trying my best to chase after him.

He was my senior in the same department, the president of the student union, the most handsome guy in the department, and the ultimate crush voted by countless girls during their late-night dormitory chats. The moment he agreed to be with me, I felt like I had hit the jackpot.

But I was anxious and scared. I was afraid that one day I would find out that this was a dream. Once I woke up, he would have left me.

When he was willing to pay attention to me and talk to me, I would reciprocate with all my heart. However, when he treated me coldly and refused to communicate with me, I would feel uncertain and anxious.

My emotions was like a flickering candle flame, and his words and deeds were like a gust of wind, easily swaying me and sometimes even extinguishing my light.

In this unfair relationship, it was my love that was too humble.

He sent me a message today, asking me to attend his project celebration.

In the past, he rarely took the initiative to bring me to see his colleagues. I knew that he was giving me a way out to make peace.

If it were back then, his thought of wanting to take me with him, announce my existence to everyone around him, and let them call me "sister-in-law" would have filled me with such a profound sense of security and happiness.

But now, I didn't have this kind of expectation and joy in my heart.

I replied, "I'm working overtime at the company. I'll be there later."

In the past, as long as he called me, no matter where I was busy, I would immediately put down everything and rush over. I was really like a simp with no bottom line.

This time, I decided to put myself first.

When I arrived at nine o'clock, I sent a message to Roy and called him twice.

He didn't reply to me.

After asking the receptionist, I found the place.

I pushed the door open and happened to see him kissing Abby. Ah, yes, it was a game.

Every time Roy ignored me, Abby would be by his side, acting intimately with him.

But it was strange that I was so calm when I saw this scene. I couldn't find any trace of my usual anger, grievance, sadness, and pain.

"Vivian?" Roy seemed to have sensed that something was wrong with me. He frowned and said, "You can go back first."

"OK. Have a good time." I smiled decently, calm yet indifferent.

He didn't seem to think this was something that needed to be explained.

Roy came back in the early morning.

I was in a daze and didn't want to open my eyes.

He sat by the bed and looked at me quietly for a while. Suddenly, he whispered, "Vivian, I'm drunk."

What does it have to do with me? It's late at night. Do you expect me to get up and make you hangover soup?

I had no intention of arguing with him. I didn't want to question him hysterically, and I didn't even bother to open my eyes to see what he was like now.

Now that I thought about it, when I went crazy in the middle of the night and shouted at him with disheveled hair, I was indeed like a shrew.

No wonder Roy was so bored.

After sitting there for a while and still not receiving a response from me, Roy got up and went to the guest room.

When we had a cold war, we slept in separate rooms. Fortunately, the smell of alcohol all over his body made my nose uncomfortable.

I fell asleep again and had good dreams.

The next morning, when Roy woke up, I was about to change my clothes and go out.

He glanced at the empty dining table. There was no breakfast on it. He had a stomachache, so I got up early every day to cook millet porridge for him. Even when we had a cold war, I would not forget it.

"Morning." I nodded and greeted him.

"Yesterday, Abby and I were just playing a game. Everyone was egging her on. She's just a girl. I can't embarrass her. She suffers from depressive disorder. I can't let her be stimulated."

"I understand. It's a game." I smiled. "You said it before. It's getting late. I'll be leaving first."

Roy grabbed my arm and said, "Let me drive you..."

I withdrew my hand and declined his offer. "No need. It's the morning rush hour."

I suddenly remembered that when I first started working, I always hoped that Roy could drive me to work. It was not only a way to be clingy for a while, but also a way to declare sovereignty.

However, Roy had only driven me twice, but later on, he refused with the excuse of "not being on the way during the morning rush hour".

Later, even if I couldn't get a taxi on a rainy day, he wouldn't drive me. "If you can't get a taxi, you can take the subway," he said.

It was clear that he didn't care if I was going to be late, if I got wet, or perhaps, he simply didn't care about me at all.

Roy's face darkened when he heard that. "Abby has invited a group of friends who grew up together to dinner today."

I nodded. "Okay, have fun then."

"Don't you have anything else to say?" Roy frowned and said in a slightly angry voice.

I looked at him in confusion. I had become the obedient person he desired. Why was he still angry?

As soon as I got home in the evening, I received a photo from Roy.

In the photo, besides him and Abby, there was also a large group of friends. I was a little surprised. He had never done such a thing in the past. Every time I found some clues and asked him hysterically, forcing him to give me an answer, he said impatiently, "I didn't say it because I was afraid that you would think too much!"

It seemed that it was all my fault.

I hummed a song and prepared dinner for myself.

Roy was picky. For the sake of his health, I always racked my brains and cooked for him in different ways.

This meal was all up to me. I could add whatever seasoning I want, and I could change the way I eat. I didn't have to sit upright. I could watch the TV series and laugh heartily while eating.

It turned out that not having to cater to Roy's moods was such a liberating experience.

It seemed that my life in the past was just an accessory to Roy. The only focus of my life was him.

Every day in the past, I thought about whether he had read the jokes I sent him, and If they had brought him even a moment of joy. I wondered what delicious food I should make for him in the evening, whether to include a dessert, and if I should iron his suits and shirts. I constantly checked if I had ordered any stomach-nourishing snacks...

Oh my god, what kind of love brain did I have in the past to be so selfless?

I almost lived as Roy's nanny, and everything was based on his preferences. I even thought that when we got married, I would be a full-time housewife and take care of him wholeheartedly.

The worth of one's efforts and sacrifices lied in receiving an equal measure of reciprocation from the other person.

He always said that Abby had depression and he wanted to accompany her. However, I also had anxiety. I couldn't sleep all night to wait for him to come back.

Now that I thought about it, if Roy was really willing, we would have gotten married a long time ago, instead of torturing each other in an ambiguous relationship like we were now.

I realized that I didn't seem to love him that much anymore.

I could find something for myself to do.

Everyone in the company's group chat was talking about a design award in the industry.

Last year, my boss had encouraged me to participate in this award. He said that I had a strong sense of design, and my work was infectious, so I was very likely to win the award. But I refused at that time. It would take a lot of time and energy to participate in the competition. I was afraid that it would affect my ability to take good care of Roy.

I think it was time to change.

I sent a message to my boss, asking him to sign me up for the contest.

I didn't care about Roy anymore. I wanted to care about myself.

That night, Roy did not come back.

The next day, he sent me a message to explain, "We drank too late last night. I was afraid of disturbing you when I came back, so I found a hotel nearby to stay in."

I replied, "Got it."

I thought it was over, but I didn't expect that he would call me.

I answered the call, but there was a long silence on the other end.

I waited for two minutes and ran out of patience. Just as I was about to hang up the phone, Roy's hoarse voice came from the other end of the line. "Vivian, why aren't you angry?"

Yes, if it was in the past, when I found that he didn't come home at night, I would have bombarded his phone with messages and asked his friends about his whereabouts. I would keep browsing his Facebook page like crazy to see if I could get any information about him.

At that time, I was like a trapped beast, locked in a cage called Love. I always wanted to dig out my heart and show it to the person I liked.

I was so paranoid.

I smiled and said, "I'm not angry. Didn't you already explain it? You used to say that I liked to let my imagination run wild. I believe you now."

After hanging up the phone, I received a message from Abby.

Roy leaned on her shoulder and slept soundly.

Their postures were intimate. The only conservative possibility was that they were still wearing clothes.

I didn't reply. I went to work.

Along the way, I tried to sort out my emotions, but I found that I didn't feel anything.

I was calm, as still as stagnant water.

To my surprise, when I got off work, Roy called me and said, "I'll pick you up after work."

"No need. I'm working overtime." I wasn't lying. I had to prepare for the design competition.

"What time do you work overtime?" He asked.

"Nine o'clock."

"Then I'll pick you up at nine o'clock." He hung up the phone without giving me a chance to refuse.

I hurried downstairs at nine o'clock. In the front passenger seat of Roy's car, I saw Abby smiling happily.

"Vivian, I just had a meal with Roy. He's driving me back now. You don't mind, do you?"

I smiled. "I don't mind. It's so late. It's not safe for a girl to go back alone."

I opened the back door and got in.

With Abby around, the front passenger seat had never been mine.

Roy said that it was easy for Abby to get carsick, so he asked her to sit in the front passenger seat as a way to take care of her.

Had we quarreled? Of course we had. In the end, it was just Roy who said unhappily, "Why do you have to take such a small matter to heart?"

I tried my best to comfort myself, but every time I saw her sitting in the front passenger seat, I felt depressed.

But now, I felt that Roy was right.

It was just a seat. There was no need to care about it.

I closed my eyes and rested. I could hear the two of them chatting.

"Today's crabs are really delicious. Thank you for peeling the shells for me, I was lucky enough to eat so much."

"You had your nails done, so it's only natural for me to help."

"Next time when we go eat again, I'll remove my nails in advance and peel for you."

"There's no need. Just sit back and enjoy your food."

Abby suddenly turned around and asked, "Vivian, do you like crabs?"

I looked up at the rearview mirror and saw that Roy was looking at me.